Animal Crossing: The Series

Episode 26: Snow Job

"Good afternoon," said Bob, "This is Bob the Cat. In today's top stories, a huge winter storm is approaching Hell from the northeast that is said to bring more than 30 centimetres of snow and freeze over much of the Western County. This storm has already devastated the eastern coast and is said to be the biggest storm to hit our sleepy town in over fifty years. We will continue updating you on the story throughout the day!"


It was a cold February day in Hell, and the townspeople were running about, gathering supplies for the coming storm. Normally, Animalia's location in the Pacific left it snow-free for most of the year, but this year was a huge exception.

CJ and Curt, who had not yet heard about the storm, were busy fixing the broken weather vane on CJ's house.

"Damnit, Curt," warned CJ, "Hold the ladder steady!"

"My hands are going numb," said Curt, grasping the ladder CJ stood on, "The steel's fucking cold!"

"Why the hell aren't you wearing gloves? You knew it was cold out!"

"Man, fuck this! I moved here to get away from this kinda weather! It's February, man. By now, I should already be able to wear my tank top!"

"Don't exaggerate, Curt. Now, hold the damn thing steady, will you?"

At that moment, Sakura and Lindsay approached the guys.

"Hey girls," said Curt, "What's up?"

"Not much," replied Sakura, "Why's CJ on the roof?"

"Wind blew off my damn weather vane," replied CJ, "It's been terrible lately."

"It's probably because of that big storm they just announced," said Lindsay, "We're supposed to get buried tomorrow!"

"What?" snapped Curt, "No fucking way! A little cold I can handle, but a snow storm?"

"You can't handle shit," said CJ, as he climbed down the ladder, "All you did this morning was complain!"

"I don't blame him," said Sakura, "Lindsay's the only one of us who's really prepared for this kind of weather."

"For the last time," began Lindsay, "Just because I'm from Canada, doesn't mean I lived in an igloo and rode a snowmobile everywhere!"

"Maybe," said Sakura, "But your winters are cold."

"And our summers are hot," argued Lindsay, "I'm dreading this storm like everybody else."

"I'm just saying: Try growing up in Hawaii like I did and then we'll see who's dreading what."

"Whatever," said CJ, "Curt and I have to go to Nook's and get some supplies in case we lose power."

"And your weather vane?" asked Sakura.

"No point," replied CJ, "Wind'll probably blow it away tonight, anyways. Come on, Curt!"

"Maybe," said Curt, "I can finally put my old potbelly stove to use."

"Not if you want your house burning down."

"Fuck you!"


By the time CJ and Curt arrived at Nookington's, the place was packed with people.

"Welcome, welcome," sang Nook, "Take your time, look around! We have everything to suit your snowstorm needs!"

"You're in a good mood," said Curt.

"My dear boy," began Nook, "I'm ecstatic! Snow storms mean big sales! And since we rarely get snow in this town, these people do not know what to do with themselves. They are in a panic, yes? So they all come to me for supplies."

"Yeah, yeah," began CJ, "We get it. Our misery means your happiness. Now where are the industrial flashlights?"

"And matches," added Curt, "I'll need…"

"For the last damn time," began CJ, "You're not turning on that stove!"

"Then why even fucking have one?" mumbled Curt.

"Right this way, my friends," said Nook, "While you're here, be sure to try on my Snuggies. Only 200 bells a pop."

"Those things would look ridiculous on me!" said CJ.

"But they will keep you warm, hm?"

"He's got me sold," said Curt,

CJ shook his head as he and Curt headed for the second floor to look for supplies.


Later, by the post office, the gang discussed. Curt was wearing a Snuggy over his jacket.

"It's fucking freezing," said Sakura, shivering, "And the snow's already starting to come down! How the hell are you not cold, Curt?"

"This," said Curt, pointing at his Snuggy, "You should buy one, it really works!"

"Dude," said CJ, "Take that shit off! You look like a cultist!"

"Fuck you," said Curt, "You're just jealous 'cause I'm all warm and you're not!"

"What else did you get from Nook's?" asked Lindsay.

"Beef jerky," replied Curt, as he pulled a piece from within his Snuggy, "I bought a whole jar. When the apocalypse hits, it's good to have dried up food that will last!"

Curt took a bite.

"Apocalypse?" said CJ, "It's just a storm!"

"Might as well be an apocalypse," said Curt, taking another bite, "We are getting snowed in, no?"

"We won't be snowed in," assured CJ.

"I got an idea," began Sakura, "Let's ride out the storm together. We can chill together while this shit goes down!"

"Now, that I like," said CJ, "Wanna do it at your place?"

"Nah," said Sakura, "Anyone's is fine."

"As long as it's not at my place," said Curt, "Mine's, ya know, messy…"

"Fine," said CJ, "We'll do it at mine. Just gather your stuff and bring it over."

"Awesome," said Lindsay, "This should be fun!"

"Yeah Curt," began CJ, "Just don't finish all the jerky now! You're supposed to save it."

Curt shrugged and took another bite.


That evening, the gang, including Poncho, Snake and Alfonso, all headed for CJ's house to begin preparing for the winter storm that was about to batter Hell. The sun set and dark clouds blanketed what was left of the light. The howling winds grew stronger and large snowflakes began to fall and coat every house in town. Signs, mailboxes and weather vanes blew off of people's properties and rolled around like tumbleweeds.

All across Hell, the townspeople prepared to spend the night their own way:

At Cookie and Limberg's place:

"Check it out, my love," said Cookie, as she entered the living room wearing a bathrobe, "I got some 'supplies' to make this night a little more pleasant!"

"Oh, boy!" said Limberg.

"Let's see," began Cookie, "Candles, music, and of course…Our favourite chocolate!"

Cookie handed Limberg a heart-shaped box of chocolates.

"Wow," said Limberg, "You really thought of everything!"

"Of course, Limby," chuckled Cookie, "To make up for our lackluster Valentine's Day dinner. Now, let me freshen up a bit and I'll be right back."

Cookie headed for the bathroom. In a few minutes, she returned to the living room wearing a light red bustier.

"Are you ready, Limberg?" she asked, "What the…?"

Limberg, who had just pulled his face out of the heart-shaped box, licked his lips and belched loudly.

"Awww, Limberg!" snapped Cookie.

"They're really good," said Limberg, "I saved you the coconut ones!"

Cookie shook her head.


At the docs:

"Aaargh," said Kapp'n, as he poured himself and Gulliver a drink, "And now, we wait for the sun ta rise. Fortunately, this ain't the worst storm I ever been in, no sir! I seen the worst places this fine Earth has ta offer."

"Like?" asked Gulliver.

"This one time," began Kapp'n, "Me crew and I were sailin' through the Antarctic in a fishin' vessel when we got stuck in an ice sheet. Fifteen days, we waited for help, trapped in that frozen wasteland!"

"How did you not lose your mind?"

"Aye, we kept busy! Played cards, told tall tales, pranked each other…"

"You guys played pranks on each other?"

"Aye, we did it all, from hidin' each other's belongings, to putting each other's hands in warm water while we slept. This one night, when the weather was forty below, we pulled one of those on ol' Twisty…Doesn't the water freeze overnight? Had to wrestle that damn bowl offa him! By then, the poor bastard had gotten serious frostbite and I had to hack off two of his fingers with me shavin' blade! Otherwise, good times…"

Kapp'n looked over at Gulliver and saw that he had fainted.

"Aaargh," said Kapp'n, "Poor guy's already sleepin'! Hmmm…I wonder where me bowl is?"


And lastly, CJ's house:

"Great minds really do think alike," said Curt, as he admired Snake's matching Snuggy.

"You said it," said Snake, "I can't believe we both got the same colour and everything!"

"Would you guys get over yourselves and those damn blankets?" snapped CJ, as he played cards on the floor with Poncho, "You got any four's?"

"Go fish," said Poncho, "What do you think is gonna happen tomorrow? There's no way our town is equipped to deal with the aftermath of a storm like this."

"I don't even wanna think about that," said Alfonso, as he watched the storm anxiously from the window, "All this howling is getting me on edge…"

"Relax, 'Fons," said Sakura, "It's not like there's a monster out there!"

"I know," said Alfonso, "I'm perfectly aware that the howling is created by high-speeds winds vibrating at a particular frequency…But that doesn't make it any less creepy."

Alfonso shivered.

"How about you step away from the window and join us?" asked Poncho, "That might calm…"

Suddenly, all of the lights in the house went off.

"Uh-oh," said Poncho.

"Oh dear," moaned Alfonso, "Oh dear…"

Alfonso pulled out his inhaler and took a deep breath.

"Great," said CJ, pulling out a flashlight, "Gotta light up the candles."

"I think we should all thank CJ for letting us stay the night," said Lindsay, "I for one appreciate the time we spent together as friends."

"I'd thank him," began Curt, "But I spend the night here so often it's lost all meaning."

"Yup," said CJ, lighting a candle, "You sure do get drunk a lot…"

Everyone laughed.

"But seriously," began Curt, "Thanks man!"

"What do you say I take out the old bottle," asked CJ, "I'm sure we can all use a drink!"

The gang cheered as CJ fetched his old vodka bottle and began pouring everyone a glass. The storm continued on late into the night, well after everyone had gone to sleep.


The following morning, the storm had finally subsided, though not without leaving huge piles of the white stuff everywhere. CJ struggled to open his front door, which was partially blocked by a small mountain of snow. Once he got it open, he took a few steps outside, only to find himself knee-deep.

"Just great," muttered CJ.

"It's still fucking cold," said Sakura, "But at least it stopped snowing."

"We're gonna have to shovel this shit," said CJ, "It's the only way we can even step off the property."

"I'll go grab the shovels," said Lindsay, "We'll all help any way we can."

"Ha," chuckled Curt, "Good luck getting home you guys!"

"Maybe this was a mistake," said Poncho.

"Naw," said Snake, "I had a good time!"

"Not me," added Alfonso, "I barely slept due to all the creaking. CJ, I highly recommend you get your roof checked. It might…"

"Yeah, yeah," said CJ, "I'll look into it. For now, let's just shovel!"


Meanwhile, Nook, who had risen at the crack of dawn, finally made his way to his store, which was completely covered. Nook wore a thick bubble jacket and hunter's cap and was carrying a large plow-shaped shovel.

"Good thing I brought my trusty shovel," said Nook, "I am not going to let winter get in the way of profit! Think of all those townspeople who'll need supplies: Shovels, blankets, firewood…Oh my!"

Nook dug his way to the door and unlocked it. After shaking off all of the snow, he made his way to the cash and took off his coat.

"Now," he began, "I hope my employees show up soon!"


"Not so fast," warned Alfonso, "Every year, over a thousand people die from exhaustion due to excessive shoveling. I for one do not want to be buried in a snow-covered grave."

"You're not gonna die," groaned CJ, as he rubbed his face, "Just take a breath and you'll be fine."

"Oh, don't worry," assured Alfonso, "I've been monitoring my breathing using this app on my phone. It lets me know when I'm over-exerting. You should download it, CJ!"

"I'm fine," said CJ.

Just then, Pete the mailman showed up.

"Pete," said CJ, "'Sup? Now there's one guy who's undeterred by the snow!"

"What are you talking about?" asked Pete, "I can't fly too far because the cold weather might freeze up my wings. I'm just as screwed as everyone else."

"What's going on?" asked Lindsay, "Are you really delivering mail in this weather?"

"Nope," replied Pete, "Came to inform you of an urgent Town Hall meeting. We sent out memos and announcements, but with the power down, I have to let as many people as possible know personally!"

"Well thanks, then," said Lindsay, "Come on, guys. We should try to go. Maybe Tortimer will announce a solution to this mess!"

"We can only hope so," said CJ.


After several minutes of driving through the thick snow, the gang finally made it to Town Hall. Snake, Poncho and Alfonso followed close behind in Snake's car. There were several cars irregularly parked around the building, as well as the footprints of dozens of people.

"All right," announced Tortimer, as everyone took their seats, "I called you all in here for a very important announcement: As you know, this is our worst snowstorm in fifty years! Yes, I remember the last one like it was yesterday…Back then, we used to make Baked Alaska's from the snow that fell. Each house had buckets set up outside and we would…"

Just then, one of Tortimer's bodyguards whispered something into Tortimer's ear.

"But I digress," continued Tortimer, "There isn't much we can do. We're but a small, humble village which until last night had been snow-free for half a century! We don't have plows or any fancies doo-das to clean up this mess!"

Lindsay raised her hand.

"May I suggest holding a fundraiser to raise money for a plow?" asked Lindsay, "We can organize something fun and…"

"That's the thing," said Poncho, "Who here actually wants to do anything when the weather is this bad? I mean, I'm already exhausted from all the shoveling I did at CJ's house this morning!"

The crowd nodded in agreement.

"So then what do you propose?" asked Tortimer.

"Simple," said Sakura, standing up, "I say, 'fuck it'. Let's call it a snow day. No school, no work. We go back when the snow starts to melt!"

The crowd began nodding in excitement.

"A snow day, eh?" asked Tortimer, "I like the sound of that. There isn't much we can get done anyways, and I could use a good rest…Good for my blood pressure. All those in favour?"

"Aye," said most of the crowd.

"All those who oppose?"

The crowd was silent.

"Then it's settled," said Tortimer, "For the next 24 hours, all businesses except the town clinic and police station will be closed!"

Just then, the doors burst open and Nook came charging in.

"I demand to know what is going on," said Nook, "I opened my shop on time, despite the bad weather, and none of my employees show up and no customers whatsoever! What is everyone doing here?"

"I'm guessing you missed the memo?" said Tortimer.

"What memo?" asked Nook.

"Got-dangit, Nook," said Tortimer, "There was a town meeting and you missed it! The town ruled in favour of a snow day! That means your store is closed, ya hear?"

"What? How dare you! You can't order me to close my own store!"

"I 'm not ordering anyone! You can keep your store open, you just can't sell anything…And you can't fire any employees that don't show up!"

"But I will lose profit, yes? How can you just allow everyone to take a day off? What kind of a society are we?"

"Man," said Sakura, "Chill the fuck out! You're not gonna go broke in one day!"

"I didn't ask you, Ms. Manaki," said Nook through his teeth.

"Well too bad," said Sakura, "Besides, it's not like anyone's gonna go to your store anyways. We all wanna take advantage of our day off, right guys?"

Everyone began cheering.

"Grrr," growled Nook, "I will make this right, just you watch! No one tells me when and when not to sell!"

With that, Nook stormed off.

"Meeting adjourned," said Tortimer, "Now go out there and have some fun!"

From outside town hall, Nook listened in as everyone cheered.

"So they don't want to shop, do they?" he asked, "I'll have to resolve this matter myself, it seems!"

To be continued...