((Based on something I've actually run across when searching for Tomb Raider in the kindle store. Names changed to protect the not-so-innocent))

"Sweetie, you have got to see this." Sam's voice is that sort of sweet tone that means she's found something hilarious that I'll probably think is a lot less funny than she does. But she won't let it go, so I might as well come over and see.

"What have you found this time?"

"Well, I was looking up some stuff to show the kids, you know? Adventure archaeology, like Indiana Jones and stuff. And I found this."

She turns her laptop screen so I can see. It's a book with the cover of a woman. The woman is wearing a tank top and uncomfortable short shorts. Incredulously, I read the title out loud. "Iris versus the Mummy, an erotic… really Sam?!"

Sam throws her head back and laughs. "You should read the warning!" She adopts what I can only assume is her attempt at a smokey, sexy voice. "Warning, this story contains an explicit encounter with an ancient Egyptian pharaoh and the steamiest blo-."

"That's disgusting!"

"I wasn't done!"

"There are children present!"

"On another floor!"

I rub my temple. "We are not letting Dolma or Alicia read that. Reyes would murder us in our sleep."

"I wasn't suggesting that." Sam clicks another link. "Oh here we go! I think it's a sequel. This one includes so much rough pirate sex it'll leave you bow-legged! Oh hey they've got a collected edition. Where Iris encounters that mummy, a high priestess of sex, and a crew of horny pirates."

"That's quite enough of that." I close the lid of Sam's computer, then peer down at her. I can't help but tease, "Is married life that boring to you?"

"What? No!"

"Do we need to spice up our love life?" I shift my voice into the pitch I know gets her attention, and run one calloused finger along her jaw. I'm rewarded with a blush. That alone is a victory to savour. It's not often I get Sam to blush.

"Just what are you thinking about?" Sam leans forward, turning her head and catching my finger in her mouth and just like that she's almost managed to reverse our roles. I pull her to her feet then back her into the desk. She grabs onto it and bites her lip. "Yes. Whatever you're thinking, yes. Especially if it involves one of us dressing up as a pirate."

"...really?"

"Mmm. You in a swashbuckler's shirt, with the buttons opened, and a red sash around your waist…" Sam gets a distant look in her eyes as she imagines this.

"From the sound of that story, it's the adventurer that's supposed to be ravished by pirates."

"We can take creative license."

"Okay. But next time.." I lean in close and murmur in her ear. "I'm wrapping you up like a mummy."

"Okay…" Sam replies, dazed. I pull away, and she snaps out of it.

"Wait, what?!"