Warnings and disclaimers see chapter 1
Many thanks to rascalflattsgurl43 for the speedy and accurate beta on this story
Chapter fifty three Too much at once
Dean sat with his head in his hands for some time waiting for the pain to abate. He felt drops fall sluggishly from his nose and saw by the street lights it was blood. He pulled the sling from his jacket pocket and swiped it away. His brain was having no luck sorting out the images that flashed across his brain. They were clearly parts of his life but what, how, when and why? It was all moving way too quick for him to get anything but pain. Dean suddenly wished for the beer he had last time he was here, anything to numb his brain a little. He fumbled in his pocket and came out with his pain pills. He dry swallowed three with a painful shrug of his shoulders. It was above the recommended amount but he needed release from the pain as quick as possible.
Dean noticed he was shaking and knew it was left over adrenaline from the panic attack that had gradually dissipated as he sat and gripped the wooden bench till he felt small splinters crumble to the ground. He sat and held his head until the headache backed off slightly. When he got to the point where it was back to a dull throb and the images were no longer front and center of his attention, he rose and started to walk in the direction of the apartment.
Sam searched the apartment block, including looking in the car, before going back upstairs and eating the food Dean had prepared for him. He was hoping Dean had just gone for a walk to clear his head. The phone was smashed beyond recognition so he couldn't get any data off it as yet. He could always call the phone company and find out the last number if he had to.
Sam waited an hour after dinner then drove the Impala around for a while looking for Dean. He checked all the places he thought Dean would go, even swinging past Angela's house and office just in case. Jenny was surprised to see him again as she was locking up but informed Sam she had not seen him at all that day. Sam tried not to worry as he returned back to the apartment and found it empty. He wanted to drive around looking for his brother but didn't want to leave incase he came back. He ended up laying on the couch waiting for him until he drifted off to sleep.
Dean got back to the apartment block but couldn't bring himself to go up and see Sam. They had been getting on well but he had a bad feeling and a bad headache and didn't feel like Sam fussing over him. Dean found the Impala was still ticking as it cooled down. Sam must have been out for a drive. Dean hoped Sam wasn't worried about him. He was feeling too sore and too messed up to go up and let Sam know he was okay.
Instead he slipped into the back seat and locked the door behind him. Dean lay down on the back seat and took three more tablets as the headache reaffirmed itself between his eyebrows and his nose trickled more blood. Dean was hit with flashes of his life as he lay still to let the pills work. His dad yelling, Sam yelling, his dad yelling at Sam, Sam yelling at dad, himself yelling at both of them. It hurt Dean's heart that their life had been as bad as Sam had hinted at.
'I should have known Sam would never lie.'
That didn't stop him hating the fact Sam had left out so much.
The next morning, Sam woke very late on the couch. He frowned at the sun coming in the window and that he had not been disturbed all night meaning Dean had not come back. Sam had a quick shower and changed hoping to catch Dean at his therapy appointment this morning.
'If he goes there.'
Sam drove fast and arrived forty minutes after Dean's appointment time only to find Dean had been and gone. Sam drove around to all the places that he thought Dean might be, but his brother eluded him all day. Sam had the day off work due to the amount of hours he had done in the last couple of weeks but he found himself hanging around the apartment or driving around looking for him. He almost missed his meals he was so worried. He hoped Dean was eating properly. Sam found himself on the couch again that night waiting for Dean to show up. Unlike the night before, he couldn't settle but instead restlessly watched TV, read books, wandered from room to room and looked through Dean's bag hoping for a clue where his brother was.
Dean spent the day wandering the streets between Sam's apartment and the liquor store. He had gone to his therapy appointment purely because he had an appointment and he hated pissing people off when he didn't show. He had rushed through the exercises so he could be gone incase Sam showed up and because he really didn't feel like it.
His headache was bad again and the pills were no longer doing the job. Dean wanted to raid the first aid kit in the Impala for different pills but would have to wait until Sam was asleep again that night. Once his appointment was over, he wandered the streets again stopping at a coffee shop for coffee then when that failed to do the job, a small liquor store for a six pack of beer. He didn't care what he bought just grabbed the first ones from the fridge. The store was making him freak out slightly even though it wasn't the one he had been shot in. He found himself back at the park bench across from that fated liquor store drinking his beer.
Dean had no clue what he was going to do with himself but knew he would have to decide soon. His therapist had given him the all clear to drive short distances and see how he went. He knew Sam would be worried about him but for the life of him he didn't want to see him while his head was so jumbled up. Dean walked back to Sam's apartment when it was late and slipped into the back seat of the car after grabbing the first aid kit out of the trunk. Dean pulled out all the painkillers he could find happy to find some stuff even stronger than the doctor had prescribed. Dean took two with his last can of beer thinking as he started to drift off that he had forgotten to eat for over a day.
'Sam would have a cow if he found out.'
TBC
