FF_992224_10/4/2009
Disclaimer: I don't own CSI.
Remember My Name
Nick moved his eyes back to the Judge. "What do you want?" his tone had hardened from what he'd used with Billy and Brass. His impatience peeked through. "Why are you here?"
The Judge met his look and their eyes locked. "I came to tell you two things and to ask you for somethin'," he replied, no emotion visible in his voice or expression.
The rumble of discontent at the Judge's words was swiftly silenced by Nick's quick glance around the room. Meeting the Judge's eyes again, he said, "I'm listenin'," and waited.
"Warrick Brown," the Judge said, softly. The tension in the room spiked up immediately. "His death was not my idea. Nor did I, in any way, condone it." He kept his eyes steady on Nick's. "McKeen was an idiot who panicked. Doin' what he was doin' and expectin' to get away with it with your people around every day was lunacy. He got away with it for far longer than I expected."
Nick considered his words, his eyes never leaving the Judge's. He knew how well the other man could lie. Finally, he said, "ok." There was no give in his voice, just a reasoned acceptance of the other's words.
The Judge nodded and continued, "The building collapse." Again, the tension increased in the room. "I wasn't involved in that, either."
Nick was surprised at how composed Brass was when he asked, "You mean you weren't involved apart from letting Craig Miller out of jail?"
Judge Stokes looked down at his hands. His voice was defensive when he retorted, "I just let him out when he legally should have been released anyway. I had no way of knowing he would go after Nick."
"You were there in that courtroom when Craig Miller threatened him," Denny Dennison shot back. "You were threatened enough to deny his appeals all those years. Now you say you couldn't know he'd go after Nick?" He snorted in disbelief.
"Do you know how many threats I've heard in the courtroom?" the Judge asked, meeting Denny's eyes. "Ninety-five percent of the time, they're never followed up on." Everyone in the room knew that to be true. And yet, they'd all heard the tape of Miller's threats. The silence was plainly filled with a rigid censure.
Bob Casey spoke next after several long minutes of silence. "And how do you explain all the calls between Jeff McKeen and yourself?"
"I never spoke with him," the Judge replied. "All his calls went to voice mail and he never left a message. Once he was in jail, I wanted nothing to do with him. He was only useful to me when he was in his position as Under-Sheriff."
"And we all know how you abandon those who are no longer useful to you," Billy's voice was bitter.
Nick saw the anger in the Judge's posture. Then he turned and met Nick's eyes. These were the kind of situations when the Judge would take his anger and frustration out on Nick. And they both knew it. The Judge glared at Nick. Nick, for his part, didn't flinch. He supposed he should be more intimidated, especially after recovering his most recent memory. But what Nick felt most was bitter satisfaction. There was no way the Judge could hurt Nick now. The slight smile on his face seemed to infuriate the Judge even more. The silence stretched as their eyes stayed locked.
It was the Judge who broke first. He looked down to where his hands were clenched tightly enough to draw blood. Nick saw him take a deep breath and a hint of shame flickered across the Judge's face. He looked back at Nick. "I'm sorry," he said softly.
Nick was shocked. Not even in his wildest dreams had he ever expected to hear those words from the Judge. And there was more.
"I didn't know," the Judge paused, searching for the right words. "I honestly had no idea what Jack Webster was doin'." This time the shame was a little more pronounced. "I knew he was hurtin' you, but I was so blinded by my hatred, I didn't think to wonder or ask how." He held his eyes steady on Nick's. "I don't think I would have condoned that."
Nick's lips twisted before he spoke. "I never thought I'd hear y'all admit it," he said quietly.
The Judge looked puzzled. "Admit what?" he asked.
"That y'all hated me," Nick kept his gaze on the Judge.
There was silence while the Judge thought about how to respond to that. Finally he said, "It wasn't personal."
Before he could go on, Billy burst out, "It wasn't personal? How can hatin' someone not be personal?"
Both Nick and the Judge ignored his outburst. The Judge continued. "I hated you from the moment I knew you existed – before you were even born."
"Why?" Nick didn't know who asked the softly spoken question, but it didn't matter. It was what he wanted to know as well.
The Judge let out a sharp bark of laughter, although there was no amusement in his eyes. "Look around," he suggested. "What do you see?" He gestured around the room.
"I don't understand," Nick said, puzzled.
"Just in this room, there are eight people ready to defend you against me. Five more just left. That doesn't include Pat Tucker or anyone else not here. And I have how many people with me? None." The Judge's tone was bitter.
"So I have good friends…" Nick began.
"It's been like this since the day you were born," the Judge interrupted, still bitter. "You could charm the birds out of the trees. Everyone flocked to you. No one asked me about my day. No, it was 'Look at what the baby did.' No one cared about me once you were around; especially Jillian. You were Jillian's miracle baby. Ever since she spoke to Linda Nadal, she loved you more than she loved me." The Judge winced and stopped speaking. Nick could tell he would call those words back if he could. He hadn't meant to admit that. The Judge stared at his hands, refusing now to meet Nick's eyes.
But Nick saw the pain there. So he did something so uniquely Nick. "I'm sorry," he said softly.
A/N: Please let me know what you think.
