Holography 3

As a Reminder and a Promise

By

Pat Foley

Chapter 55

Amanda had to steel herself before walking through the doors of Mark's office. Admitting to failure was never pleasant. And she had something to confess she had been holding back.

"How have you been doing?

"Mark, there is something I didn't tell you before. Something very wrong with me."

He was silent, encouraging.

"I've been …I don't know what. Either imagining things, or zoning out or something."

"What do you mean?"

"Things…disappearing and reappearing. Computers working and not working."

"Maybe that's been some sort of malfunction?"

She gave him a look. "Come on, Mark. Vulcan computers?"

"Sarek did recently change some of that programming."

"Sarek doesn't make those sorts of mistakes."

"Amanda," he hesitated, "Consider this…"

"What?"

"You just said Sarek doesn't make those kind of mistakes. I agree. Is it possible, these aren't mistakes? That he's having trouble letting go?"

Amanda stared at him, shocked. "Are you suggesting he's doing this to me? No. Never. I would never believe it."

"It's a reasonable question. It's either you or him. He was the one with the serious problem. And you'd like to believe he's over it, but-"

"He is. Mark, he is. And that doesn't explain why things that should be there, aren't there and then are."

"What sort of things?"

"Things…related to my status, my former status, as chattel. And it couldn't be him doing those, because there's been times when it's happened and there was no opportunity for him to have been involved."

"Who else could be involved?"

She looked at him, haunted. "No one I can think of. So I guess it has to be…me. Not just dreams or panic attacks. I don't have any other logical explanation. I started to keep a diary, and then lost it right away. Mark, I really don't know what to do, or think about this."

"Do you think you lost the diary because you really didn't want to keep it?"

"Oh, I don't know. Sarek says there was no opportunity for me to lose it. But it's gone."

"What do you mean?"

"We both saw it before we left for work. When I came home, it was gone. Neither of us could have taken it."

"Could someone else have?"

"I asked T'Jar if she'd shelved it, but she said no. I can't think of anyone else who might have mistakenly tried to tidy it away."

"Don't panic," Abrams cautioned. "Whatever it is, we can get to the bottom of it, deal with it. You're going to be all right, Amanda."

"But what if – what if, I really am losing my mind?"

Mark shook his head. "We don't have words like that anymore. People don't lose their minds."

"Some people do."

"Not many. And not you. Amanda, you've been through a rough time. Cut yourself a little slack, okay? One foot slipped doesn't mean a life threatening event."

"For me it feels that way."

"At least you're remembering and admitting to fear – that's a step in the right direction. Amanda, you live with logical Vulcans – logical most of the time. So naturally a moment's …break…seems even more devastating – more out of control - than it really is. But you're human. It is all right to be upset from time to time. It's even alright to lose control. This isn't Pon Far. You aren't going to die from a momentary slip. Now start at the beginning and tell me about these missing things."

And she slowly, gravely did.

When she was done, Mark was grave in turn. "If I didn't know better, I say it was Sarek. It's the logical explanation."

"I don't believe that. Sarek's motives are never disingenuous."

Mark frowned. "Are you sure of that?"

To be continued…