Half Love

"City of Blinding Lights"

The more you see the less you know
The less you find out as you go
I knew much more then, than I do now
Neon heart, day-glow eyes
The city lit by fireflies
They're advertising in the skies
And people like us
And I miss you when you're not around
I'm getting ready to leave the ground. –
"City of Blinding Lights"
By U2.

July 26th, 2006

5:00 A.M.

(8:00 A.M. in New York)

Ellie slammed her head down on the desk. What a week. Jim had failed to mention that Jason was actually on vacation, so Ellie was going to be the Head of Neurosurgery until Jason got back on the 27th. She'd been running crazy all week. Now all she wanted to do was talk to Addison, but she hadn't heard from her all week, and wasn't sure if Addison even wanted to talk to her. Ellie had closed her eyes when her pager went off. She groaned, but then thanked God when all it said was Line One.

"Hello?"

"Ellie…"

Ellie let out a sigh of relief. "Addie. Oh thank God."

"Are you alright?"

"I'm so tired." Ellie groaned. "Jim didn't tell me before I got out here that Jason was going to be on vacation. So I'm here by myself. I don't think I'd be able to handle this position myself."

Addison laughed. "I bet you could if you were prepared. But Jim probably didn't tell you because he knew you'd tell him no."

Ellie sighed. "I guess you're right." Ellie took a deep breath. "Look, Addison, I…"

"It's okay. I overreacted. I wish you had just told me, but I…well, I sort of understand."

"I really am sorry I didn't tell you." Ellie sighed, leaning against her hand. "I just…I don't want you to think that this is about leaving you behind, because it's not."

"I know. Derek told me what you said. I want you here in Seattle, but I know you'll be happy in New York."

Ellie froze. "Wait. This isn't you talking, its Mark talking."

"No, Ellie…"

"What did he say?"

"El…"

"What did he tell you to say?"

Addison sighed. "He didn't tell me to say anything. He, Derek and I talked about it, and I…well…look, Ellie, you're my best friend, and I love you, and I want you to be happy. And since New York makes you happy…"

"I wish I could hug you right now."

Addison laughed. "Me too. So…when are you guys moving back?"

Ellie sighed. "Well, actually, Mark is coming back at the beginning of September. He can't leave his practice alone for that long. But I'm not moving back until after Christmas."

"So you're going to spend 4 months without Mark?"

Ellie groaned. "Yes." She put her head on the desk. "I don't know how I'm going to do it."

"You'll be fine." Addison said. "I have to go. But I'll talk to you later."

"Okay. Bye." Ellie hung up the phone and heaved a deep sigh. She felt a little better now that Addison was on board, but the move was still going to be difficult. She was leaving her two best friends on the other side of the country. Almost immediately her cell phone rang. "Hello?"

"Hi beautiful."

"Mark…" She breathed. "Hi."

"How's it going?"

"I'm so tired."

Mark laughed softly. "I'll bet."

"That's not funny. Why is that funny?"

"I'm sorry, you're right. That's not funny."

"You are such a brat."

Mark laughed. "Well, I try, you know?" Ellie laughed. "Have you talked to Addison?"

Ellie sighed. "Yeah. Thank you."

"For what?"

"Mark…"

"Alright, so I talked to her. But, I want you to be sure about this. I want what you want, and if you don't want New York…"

"I want New York, Mark."

"Good." His voice echoed, which Ellie thought was a little odd, so she turned around. "Surprise."

"Oh my God!" Ellie dropped her cell phone on the desk and raced in to his arms, jumping in to a hug. He held her tight, shutting the door. "What are you doing here?"

"I couldn't last any longer without you." He said. "So I flew out after the surgery last night."

"What are we going to do?" Ellie asked, sliding out of his grip and leaning against the door.

"What are you talking about?"

"When you move back. I'm still contracted to be in Seattle. I have to stay. And you need to be here. For 4 months. We can barely last 6 days."

"I'm going to have a more flexible schedule than you; I'll just have to fly out." Ellie nodded and leaned up to kiss him, wrapping her arms around his neck. Mark lifted her in to his arms, pressing her against the door. He had worked his hands up underneath her scrub top and was massaging her tongue with his when her beeper went off.

"No…" She groaned, wriggling out of his arms. "Hold that thought." Ellie picked her beeper up off the desk. "Shit. It's a 911. I have to go." Ellie kissed him briefly and raced out the door and down the hall. Mark sat down in the couch on the other side of the room and sighed. He'd just wanted to hold her.


7:00 A.M.

(10:00 A.M. in New York)

Ellie stepped in to her office and smiled. Mark was sitting on the couch, asleep, his head tilted back, mouth slightly open. Ellie shut and locked the door to her office and moved slowly over to the couch. She sat down on his legs, straddling him, and touched her mouth to his. One hand massaged him through his jeans, and Ellie could feel him harden in her hand. Mark woke slowly, moaning in to her mouth as her tongue touched his.

"I love when you wake me up." He said, sighing. Ellie grinned and kissed him again, this time unzipping his jeans and slipping her hand inside his boxers. "Oh god…" He whispered. "Is the door locked?"

"Mmmhmmm…" Ellie said, running her fingers up and down his shaft.

"Baby, don't do that." Ellie cocked one eyebrow and Mark grinned, flipping her on to her back on the couch. He slid his hands around her waist, untying the draw string on her scrubs and sliding them down her legs. He planted kisses on her legs, working his way up to her most sensitive spot. Ellie slid his jeans and boxers off with her legs and he used two fingers to move the crotch of her panties to the side before thrusting in to her. Ellie moaned in to his lips as they began to rock together, moving in a hasty motion, as if they hadn't touched each other in months. Ellie's orgasm came full-tilt, and Mark came with her, moaning her name in to her chest as she buried her head in his neck. Mark collapsed on top of Ellie, still inside her, taking deep breaths.

"Whoa." Ellie breathed. Mark nodded in agreement, pulling out of her and pulling his boxers and jeans back up to his hips. Ellie wriggled back in to her scrubs and leaned back in to the couch.

"Are you alright?" Mark asked, lacing their fingers together.

"I don't know that I'm going to be able to last four months without you." Ellie said, sighing.

"We'll be okay, El." Mark said, squeezing her hand. "It's just that neither of us will get very much sleep."

"Mark, we're surgeons. That's not an okay thing."

"What are you saying?" He asked, a little worried. "What can we do?"

Ellie sighed. "Maybe I should see if Richard will let me end my contract early." Mark stared. "Maybe I should just move here when you do."


Back in Seattle, Addison was just arriving home from a long night at the hospital. As she pulled in to driveway, Derek came out on to the front porch, a grin on his face.

"Hi." Addison said, stepping out of the car.

"How did the surgery go?"

Addison sighed, making her way up the steps. "Fine." Addison leaned in to Derek, letting him wrap his arms around her. "It's a good thing I have today off. Because I'm tired."

"Addie, when you get tired, you need to lie down. You're pregnant, baby…"

"I know." Addison said, sighing in to his chest. "Can we go inside?" Derek nodded and took her bag from her before leading her in to the house. Addison shrugged her coat off and hung it on the coat rack before making the trek up the stairs to their bedroom. Derek was close behind, having left her bag downstairs and grabbed a cup of hot tea from the kitchen.

Derek sat down on the edge of the bed as Addison placed her head on the pillow. "You want tea?"

"No thanks." Addison said, curling up in the fetal position. "I'm okay."

"You're not okay." Derek said. He set the tea down on the bedside table and kneeled down in front of her. "Baby…"

"I'm not okay with this."

"With what?"

"With Ellie moving."

Derek sighed. "Oh, Addie…"

"And I lied. I told her I was. I told her that she's my best friend, and I love her and I want her to be happy, and since New York makes her happy…and it was all a lie." Derek raised an eyebrow. "Okay, so it wasn't all a lie. I do love her, she is my best friend, and I do want her to be happy, but not in New York." Addison finally looked at him, the tears breaking on her face. "I don't want her to go."

"I know, honey." Derek sat down on the bed, pulling Addison in to a sitting position. "Why didn't you tell her that?"

"Because I do want her to be happy, and I know that Mark and New York make her happy, but…" Addison began to cry softly. "I can't lose her again."

"Addie…"

"She's my best friend. She's all I've got if I lose you, and I can't lose her."

Derek wiped the tears from her face. "First of all, you're never going to lose me, and second, her moving does not mean that you're losing her."

Addison nodded, the tears still streaming down her face. "Yes it does."

"Addison…"

"It does. Because she's going to be busy. And one day, she'll decide that she actually wants to marry Mark, and I won't be there. And they'll have kids, and I won't be able to deliver them." Addison took a deep shaky breath. "And they're going to move in to a bigger place, and we won't be able to help them move, and…and…"

"Addie, slow down. You're going to make yourself sick." Derek rubbed small circles on her back, hugging her to him. "Addie, if she decides to actually marry Mark, you'll be the first to know. And you'll be her Maid of Honor, you know that. As for the kids, I don't know, Addie. And we'll help them move." Derek sighed. "Addie, you'll be there. You'll be there for whatever she needs you for." Addison took a shaky breath, sobbing in to Derek's chest. "Take a deep breath, baby. Calm down." Addison mumbled something inaudible in to his chest. "What? Addie, what do you need?"

Addison looked up at him, her face stained with tears. "I need Ellie."

Derek's heart broke.


11:00 A.M.

(2:00 P.M. in New York)

Ellie came running down the hall, throwing her hair in to a ponytail. Her tennis shoes squeaked on the floor as she screeched to a halt in front of the nurses' station.

"Someone said…urgent…Seattle?" Ellie asked, taking deep breaths. She'd been on the other end of the surgical ward, briefing a patient, and when one of the interns whispered to her that the nurses had urgent something from Seattle, Ellie went bolting from the room.

"It's just a call, Dr. Grey."

"Why didn't you page me?"

"I was told to wait. You were with a patient."

Ellie sighed. "What line?"

"Three."

Ellie picked up the phone. "Hello?"

"Hi."

"What's wrong? Is everything okay?"

Derek sighed. "No, everything is not okay. She's having panic attacks. She can't be having panic attacks, Ellie, she's 18 weeks pregnant."

"What am I supposed to do?"

"Well, you can either get your ass back here, or you can call her and tell her that you've changed your mind and you're not moving to New York."

Ellie sighed. "But Derek, I am moving to New York."

"Then get back here."

"I can't."

Derek sighed. "You know, I tried to convince her that you wouldn't be too busy for her, but maybe I was wrong."

"Hey! That's not fair."

"She jumped when you were all the way in New York and you needed her. And now she needs you and you're not going to move…" Derek scoffed. "Some best friend."

"You're being unfair."

"I am not." Derek snapped. "She's your best friend, Ellie."

"I know that." Ellie stretched the cord and ducked in to the supply closet right next to the nurses' station. "This is hard for me too, Derek."

"You don't have any idea what this is like for her."

"She left me here in New York."

Derek sighed. "Ellie, this is different. You have a choice."

"So did she."

"Is that what this is about? You're still upset that she chased after me, so you're going to leave her like she left you?"

"No!" Ellie kicked the wall. "Why am I the bad guy here? Why is it so wrong that I want to be in New York?"

"It's not wrong." Derek said, sighing. "What's wrong is the way you handled it. You didn't even mention it to her until the decision was made."

"I shouldn't have to talk to her about everything. This is a decision Mark and I made together. Addison doesn't have any say."

"You're best friend doesn't get to voice her opinion?"

"Not on something like this."

"Why not?"

"Because!" Ellie slammed against the wall. "Addie is not moving in with Mark and I. What difference does it make?"

"Who are you?" Derek snapped. "Two years ago Addison's opinion would have meant everything to you. No matter what."

"So I've changed? So what?"

"Quite honestly, I don't like it. And I don't think Addison does either." Derek sighed. "See you, El."

"Derek…" Ellie slammed her fist in to the wall as he hung up the phone. She leaned against the door for a few minutes before taking the phone back in to the hallway and hanging it up. She made her way down the hall, and hadn't even made it to the corner when she burst in to tears. Derek was right. The change she had made wasn't good. Ellie slid down the wall and took a deep breath, trying to control the tears. She was taking slow breaths when she felt a hand on her leg. Ellie looked up and saw Jim Mitchell crouching down in front of her, Mark standing behind him.

"Are you alright?" Jim asked, worry on his face. Ellie shook her head. "What happened?"

Ellie shook her head again. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Are you sure?" Ellie nodded. Jim sighed. "Let me guess. You need to go to Seattle?"

Ellie took a deep breath and nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, I do."


9:30 P.M.

Derek was pacing the kitchen, trying to calm himself down. Addison had sobbed herself to sleep, and now Derek couldn't sleep. He was so angry with Ellie. What didn't she understand…? Derek's thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the door. He made the trek to the door slowly, sighing as he opened the door. And then his jaw dropped. "What…?"

Ellie sighed. "You said she needed me." She gave him a small smile. "What kind of best friend would I be if I wasn't here when she needed me?"

Derek stepped aside, opening the door wider. "She's upstairs." Ellie came in to the house and raced up the steps, and Mark stepped in behind her. "Was this you?"

Mark shook his head. "No, it was all her." Derek shut the door, leaning against it. "Whatever you said really got to her, Derek."

"Is she still moving to New York?"

Mark shrugged. "I don't know. Before we left Bellevue, she asked Jim to wait to file her contract. That generally means she's still deciding."

Derek nodded. "Look, Mark, I didn't mean to rain on your parade, but…"

Mark shook his head. "It's okay, Derek. Sometimes Daddy's gotta do what Daddy's gotta do."


Ellie felt the tears well up in her eyes as she crouched down next to the bed. Addisons face was tear stained, and she was curled in the fetal position, her hands protecting her pregnant belly. Ellie almost didn't want to wake her up.

"Addie…" Ellie placed one hand on her best friend's hands. "Add…" Addison's eyes fluttered open. "Hi…"

"Ellie…" Addison's voice came out almost as a croak. Ellie wrapped her arms around Addison, pulling her in to a hug. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't let you know about New York before I made the decision, and I'm sorry I didn't value your opinion about it. And I'm sorry I wasn't here." Ellie smiled softly. "I heard you needed me." Addison rubbed her eyes. "What kind of best friend would I be if I wasn't here when you needed me?" Addison cracked a soft smile and Ellie climbed on to the bed, placing herself on the other side of Addison.

"I don't want you to go." Addison said softly, laying her head on Ellie's lap. "I want you to stay here." Ellie nodded, running her fingers through Addison's hair. Addison fell quickly in to a deep sleep, the comfort of her best friend making it easier.

Ellie didn't sleep.


Alrighty tighty. Let me know what you think!

Review please! – Mel.