DISCLAIMER:: do not own. just borrowing for purpose of creative expression. no profit obtained.
A/N:: we're getting close to emma's birthday. is anyone else biting their nails?
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-Chapter 49: I Don't Know If I'm Ever Going Back-
It was near midnight when Regina finally fell asleep. They'd talked for hours, a seemingly endless rush of questions and answers, only stopping the flow of conversation to go to the bathroom or to check on Henry. Their son had finally passed out after his eight o'clock dose of pain killers, but Regina still insisted on checking on him at least once an hour, a testament to how much that morning she'd found Henry injured had truly shaken her.
After ten, Regina had slid into bed for the final time. She had apologized repeatedly for kissing Graham all evening. Emma didn't want to think about it. She forgave Regina, their time was too short not to, but it still hurt to think that Regina could kiss him without a second thought but was still struggling with the same intimacy with her. But she had to forgive her; it wasn't as if Emma herself hadn't made her fair share of mistakes when she got overwhelmed. People did stupid shit when they got scared; how could she expect Regina Mills to be the exception?
But if she still had any lingering doubts about forgiving her, they were banished instantly the moment right before the brunette had fallen asleep, when she had turned to face Emma from her side of the bed, looked up at the blonde with sleepy eyes, and said "I understand it now, why you didn't want to go to sleep last Saturday night when you were sick…. I don't want to go to sleep knowing that when I wake up you won't be here."
Emma had kissed her forehead in response. "You can close your eyes baby. I'll still be here in the morning."
Regina had not responded verbally, just managed a sleepy half-smile before drifting off.
The brunette's fear that she'd blown things, that despite Emma's constant assurances, she still expected the blonde to bolt, told Emma that she cared more than she would admit.
Emma looked at the clock. 11:56. She was surprised she hadn't nodded off already. Queen Regina would be waiting for her in the realm of the Elves.
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The panic started to set in at about 2:33. Why wasn't she asleep? She'd never stayed up this late before; she'd never been able to. Something was wrong. Something was very wrong. Why wasn't she going back? Had the magic truly failed? Had they been followed and attacked, her unconscious body left defenceless? Was she stuck here in Storybrooke indefinitely? Was she never to see Regina and Savya again? All these questions and more plagued her mind as she tried desperately to will herself to fall asleep. But it was no use; she was wide awake.
She occupied the next two and a half hours with watching Regina sleep. It was a luxury she wasn't really allowed due to her condition; she might as well take advantage of the rare opportunity to do so. In the safety of sleep all the brunette's walls seemed to come down. Her face was a direct link to the mood of her dreams. At some moments a smile would cross her face and she'd sigh happily in her slumber. At others, her brow would wrinkle in a frown and she'd whimper like a scared child. At these moments, Emma would hold her until the effect had passed. Regina was an open book in sleep. Emma only wished she would be that way when she was awake too.
At five, she slipped from bed and dressed in sweats and a t-shirt. There was maybe an hour until dawn. That meant an hour until the mayor's internal alarm clock would wake her to get ready for work. She had promised to be here for that moment and she didn't plan on breaking that promise. But there was enough time to walk the dog and clear her head.
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The air had a bitter bite to it as she and Daniela stepped out from the small door on the side of the garage and onto the driveway. She locked the door with the mayor's keys that she had borrowed. She got a good grip on the leash and set off past the black Mercedes and out onto the sidewalk. She decided to set off in the opposite direction from town, deeper into the residential area of Storybrooke, not really interested in risking a run in with anyone. Not many people would be up this early, but she had no doubt that anyone who was would stop to ask about Henry or work. She wanted to clear her head, to evaluate and try to accept the fact that Queen Emma of the Enchanted Forest might truly be dead. Like Pinocchio, she might only exist in this world now, just another tragedy to bind them together as friends.
On one hand, if her other half perished, didn't that make the pressure on her in this world just a little less extreme? What if it wasn't just her? What if the entire world had perished? Maybe she'd just imagined those voices before she'd come here yesterday. What if she had nothing left to go back to? What if Regina, Savya, Snow White, and the Huntsman were gone? What if there was just Storybrooke now? What if, what if, what if… She could speculate until she went crazy, but she knew it wouldn't help.
Now the only question that mattered was what to do now. Should she still try and persuade this Regina to break before her birthday? She only had today, tomorrow, and then then her birthday to convince Regina to love her back. Or maybe, she should go. Maybe she should run and leave this place. She'd never been the type to stick around anyway. She could leave Regina to whatever she'd been looking for when she'd cast the curse and brought everyone to this world. She had ended up outside Storybrooke in this life, maybe that was where she belonged. She'd have to set up some sort of visitation schedule with Henry. Henry… her son; he'd never understand this. Not in a million years. Neither would Regina. She'd hate her, of that, Emma was certain. The brunette would name her enemy once again and all the progress they'd made would be gone.
Or she could stay, for once. She could try and live in this lie the mayor had created. She could spend everyday knowing a truth that she could never share with people she cared about, people who deserved to know the truth. Could she really handle living that way?
A horn blared, causing her to jump back to avoid getting hit by a car as it rounded the corner fast and sped down the street.
"Learn to drive, moron." She shook her fist and yelled at the retreating car as if the driver could hear or even cared about what she had to say.
"You should watch where you're going Deputy; you might get hurt."
Emma whirled around to glare at the man standing on the sidewalk, his hands folded on top of his cane. Daniela's hair stood on end as she froze and growled low in her throat at the pawn shop owner. Great, just what she needed right now. She did a half-sigh, half-groan. "What are you doing here Gold?"
Mr. Gold raised an eyebrow. "Why… I live here." He indicated the house behind him with a slight tilt of his head.
Emma looked up at the large Victorian house behind him. There was a low stone fence around the property. The yard was covered in leaves from the various trees in it. The house itself, while beautiful in design, was orange and green. Wow… it was kind of ugly. But she wasn't about to tell him that.
"How are things between yourself and the mayor coming along dearie?"
Emma narrowed her eyes. "That's none of your business. You've fucked with our lives enough." She stepped up onto the sidewalk so they'd be on level ground, raising her chin proudly. "I do however take comfort in knowing you fuck up those you love too. Tell me, how is dear Belle? I haven't seen her around this world. Did she finally get fed up with you and leave?" Her words were meant to incite anger or pain and she was rewarded with a mixture of both.
"How do you know that name!?" Seeming to find his own answer, a sneer crossed his face. "Regina."
Emma didn't feel like dealing with this man right now. She'd rather let him stew in his thoughts. "Good day Gold." She tugged on Daniela's leash and turned back the way she came. It was time to go back to Regina. Everything always seemed clearer when the brunette was around.
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The house was quiet. She snuck in through the back door after she had locked Daniela back up in the garage. She took off her boots, carrying them in her hand as she padded through the ground floor to the staircase and then up, to avoid making any noise. She stopped briefly to peek in on their son as he continued to sleep, before moving down the hall and into the master suite. The sun had just cleared the horizon line as she'd arrived home. Regina would be up any minute.
Emma stripped down to her underwear, removing even her bra. The last thing Regina would approve of is Emma wearing sweaty clothes in her bed. She slipped under the duvet and turned on her side to watch Regina in her last few moments of peace before the brunette's internal alarm clock would force her eyes open and bring her back to reality. She closed her own eyes, resting them as she thought over the past month and the uphill battle she'd been fighting for this Regina's heart. Regina Mills had not made this easy on her; she'd resisted every step of the way. Was true love supposed to be this hard? The best things in life are worth fighting for, the voice in the back of her head put in its two cents. If that was true, then Regina was undoubtedly the best thing in her life, because she'd been fighting her hardest.
She heard the breathing pattern of the woman next to her alter subtly. Regina was awake. Fingers traced her face, running over her features as if trying to memorise them. Emma enjoyed the contact for a moment before slowly opening her eyes.
Regina smiled softly, not stopping her caressing for even a moment. "Good morning Miss Swan."
"Hey." Emma's hand found the brunette's hip under the duvet and rested there.
Regina's own hand, which had been playing with a wayward strand of blonde hair, moved down over neck, bare shoulder, and arm to wrap around Emma's waist and pull her closer. When she felt no clothing on the blonde's torso she smirked and her hand abandoned the grab for her waist in favour of sliding slowly up to her bare breasts. Her hand found the soft flesh easily and she squeezed, not unpleasantly.
Emma's eyes fluttered closed. "Regina."
Regina slid closer, pressing her body against the blonde's. "Shh. I've been so distracted with Henry's accident that I haven't had time to properly…" Her mouth latched onto Emma's neck, sucking and nipping at the flesh and effectively cutting off the end of her sentence. She pushed the blonde onto her back and crawled over her. She looked down into green eyes, bringing a hand up to the woman's cheek. "I've missed this; I've missed you."
Emma's lips tingled. If the brunette kept looking at her like this, she wasn't sure she could hold back just leaning up and capturing her lips. "Regina…"
The brunette's hand slipped from her face and down her body to cup her through her underwear, the material now soaked with her arousal.
Emma rocked against her hand. "God, I've missed your touch."
Regina smiled before slipping her fingers past the cloth barrier protecting the blonde's sex and into the abundant wetness of Emma's core. And then she was in her. There was no hesitation, no resistance; Emma's walls pulled her fingers in, embracing them. She began to thrust slowly.
Emma groaned her pleasure as she met Regina's thrusts. Her hands slid over the brunette's neck and shoulders before falling limply to the bed, her fists balling in the duvet. She rolled her hips into the contact as best she could with her body pinned down by the one above it. She truly had missed the physical aspect of their relationship, this much needed release of their sexual tension. It wasn't long before she felt the telltale pressure blooming between her legs that signified she was close. She met Regina's fingers with more vigour, her body needing its release.
Regina, sensing how close she was, used her thumb to rub circles around her clit, grazing the sensitive skin every few rotations. Her gaze hadn't faltered from the green eyes below her even once the whole time she'd been inside the blonde.
"Regina!" Emma came hard. Her head slammed back into the pillow.
Regina pulled out slowly. She licked her fingers clean with no shame before collapsing on the body beneath hers, her head resting firmly on a chest that was still heaving from exertion.
Neither of them said anything as Emma came back down from her high. She stroked her fingers through dark locks, her eyes closed as she chewed on her lip. She didn't open them until she felt Regina shift.
Regina looked up into her eyes. "You look truly beautiful when you're coming around my fingers. In that one moment it's like… I know all your secrets; you're laid open before me."
Emma stared deep into brown eyes. Regina had been trying so hard, and the blonde just realized the woman was doing it all for her, to be what she needed. Was she doing the right thing? Hadn't Regina being forced into a life she never wanted been what had started all this in the first place? Regina's life, prior to her turn to her dark side, had been decided for her, just as Emma's own had in the Enchanted Forest. It suddenly occurred to her what must be done.
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"I was thinking I'd come home for lunch." Regina paused in the foyer, looking at Emma with an eyebrow raised.
"Are you sure? You won't be too busy?"
Regina chuckled. "Probably, but remember dear, I'm the mayor; I make the rules."
Emma smirked. "Well then, I shall see you at lunch Madam Mayor."
Regina returned the smirk and was out the door a moment later.
The blonde listened quietly until she heard the car back from the driveway. The second she heard it drive off, she looked to the second floor. "Showtime kid!"
Henry appeared on the second floor landing. He came down, a huge grin on his face. "Ready?"
Emma nodded, clapping her hands together. "Let's do this."
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Regina watched the clock tick down through the last minute until lunch, a sixty second countdown that seemed to last forever. She'd been swamped with work all morning, barely having a moment to breathe much less check in at home. But she had to go home for lunch. Not only did she want to check in with how Henry was feeling, but she wanted to get Emma alone for a little bit of fun. This morning's activities had left her even more hungry for the blonde's body. And it is past time for me to eat. She smirked at the double entendre as it popped into her head before pushing her chair back from her desk and standing. She tossed her phone into her purse and scooped up her keys. She came around the desk and moved for the door. Before she could reach it, it opened on its own. Mary Margaret Blanchard peeked meekly around the door, her eyes searching the room for the older woman, finally locking on her.
"Good afternoon Mayor Mills." The schoolteacher stepped fully into the office and closed the door behind her.
Regina had to fight to keep from curling her lip. "Miss Blanchard."
The younger woman shifted uncomfortably, alternating between spurts of determination where she'd meet Regina's gaze, then falling back to her natural timidity as her eyes downcast to her hands, but she offered up no explanation for her presence.
Regina tapped her heel impatiently for several long moments before her impatience got the better of her and she sighed. "As enlightening as this silence has been, I have somewhere to be."
Mary Margaret lifted a hand as if to stop her.
The older woman's eyes widened at even the prospect of being touched by her truest nemesis.
Mary Margaret's hand dropped limply back to her side. "I need your help."
Regina raised an eyebrow. "Come back during business hours Miss Blanchard. My time is precious and right now it belongs to my son and Miss Swan."
"It's Emma I'm here about."
Regina regarded the woman; her eyes flashed up to the clock. "You have five minutes Miss Blanchard, make them count."
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"That was your mom on the phone; there's been a bit of a hold up at the office and she won't be coming home for lunch." Emma came back into the great room, biting her lip as she tapped the portable phone receiver against it absentmindedly. Regina had sounded… distracted on the phone. When Emma had asked her about it, she had dodged the question, brushing it easily aside to inquire how Henry was getting on. Emma had heard muffled sounds in the background but she was trying not to overreact. Regina was at work, there were going to be other people there. She was the mayor after all. Still, Emma had found herself placing a quick call to the station, after she'd hung up with Regina, just to 'check in'. Check up was a bit more accurate to describe her motives but Graham had been right where he was supposed to be, at work and far away from the brunette mayor. She took a deep breath and told herself it was just paranoia run away with her.
Henry grinned. "That gives us an extra hour."
Emma sighed. He was way too excited about all this.
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Regina didn't show her exhaustion in public where anyone else could see, but she had no such reservations behind the closed doors of her home. She visibly slumped as she shut the door and moved to the coat closet, opening it and removing her coat to hang up. Just as she was shutting the closet door, strong arms slid around her waist. While her back was still to the blonde, Regina allowed herself a moment to feel without the fear, granting herself just a brief respite from the blackness of her pain to welcome a small look of pure bliss to her face. Her arms slipped over the ones wrapped around her, holding them there as she leaned back against the solid body behind her. Cautiously, Regina allowed this moment of feeling, testing waters she hadn't navigated in so many years.
"You look tired baby." Emma nuzzled the soft skin of her neck, tilting her head up to place a gentle kiss to the spot below her ear.
Almost reluctantly, Regina pulled back from the light, sinking back into the dark she knew, something familiar. "I am tired; it's been a long day." She pulled away from the embrace and turned. "I'm sorry I missed lunch."
An apologetic look crossed Emma's face and it was only then Regina realized her jacket was on and the keys to her bug were hanging halfway out of her pocket. "And I'm going to miss dinner."
Regina frowned. "Where are you going?"
Emma weighed her answer carefully. Regina could easily overreact. In fact, it was almost a guarantee. "To see Mr. Gold."
Well that was the last thing Regina expected. "Why? What business could you possibly have with him?"
Emma shook her head. "It's complicated."
"This is about your curse, isn't it? Don't think I didn't realise you didn't sleep last night. That's never happened before, has it?"
Emma couldn't deny it. "No, it never has."
A dark look of anger crossed Regina's features, but Emma knew her well enough to know by now that it was just to mask the pain. "You tell me you love me… you want for me to return your affections, but yet you keep so much of yourself from me."
The blonde shook her head. "Don't pull away from me now. I will tell you everything; I promise."
"When Miss Swan?!"
"On Sunday." The day after her birthday. When the dust settled, no matter if the other world remained or not; she'd tell Regina the truth.
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The bell over the top of the door jingled merrily, a contrast to her sour mood at being in this place. She could honestly say this was a last resort, but he was the only person she believed may still have access to magic in this world, if magic could even exist and work in this world. But she had to know for sure; it had been eating her up all day.
"Deputy Swan. What can I do for you?" Mr. Gold stood behind the counter by the till, polishing an assortment of jewelry
Emma took a deep breath. "Can magic exist in this world? And if it can, do you have access to any?"
"I don't do love spells, dearie. Besides, they won't work in this case."
"This isn't about her."
That caught his interest. "Do tell."
"I need to see into the other world. I don't need a portal jumper; I'll be back on my own soon enough. What I need is to see what I'm returning to." Emma didn't want to provide him with any details that might prove advantageous if and when they returned to the Enchanted Forest.
"Perhaps…" Mr. Gold held up a finger in point, for a moment the image of his other half. "I may have something that could assist you. For a price."
"Name it."
"If you break the curse and the souls of everyone here merge with those of the Enchanted Forest, you, and Mayor Mills, will leave me and my own to ourselves."
Emma considered this for a moment before deciding on a counteroffer. "I will agree to your terms on the condition that you give us the same courtesy. If you attack us, or if you in any way provide aide to any others who may attack us, the contract becomes null and void. Do we have a deal?"
Mr. Gold agreed with an incline of his head. "Very well." He disappeared into the back room.
Emma heard nothing from the back, no rustling or shuffling of items. After several minutes she began to wonder if maybe he'd slipped out on her, but she dismissed the idea almost immediately after she had it; why agree just to run out on her when he could have just said no? Sure enough, he emerged a few moments later, holding something wrapped in a cloth.
He set the item gingerly on the table, with extreme delicacy and care. The cloth the item was wrapped in was old and yellowed around the edges with age. He slowly unfolded it. It opened to an exquisite ivory hand mirror. It was carved from ivory marble, an intricate rose stem twisting up the handle, around and around to the bud on the mirror's back. It was beautiful.
"Where'd you get it?"
He ran his fingers gently over the handle. "It once belonged to a dear friend." He pulled his hand away suddenly. "But that was another world ago."
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She stared into the handheld mirror, scared to do what she knew she must. She had to know if the Enchanted Forest was still there, if she was still there. But she just couldn't bring herself to call forth the image, too afraid of her worst fears becoming reality. She'd been sitting here, in the parlour for over and hour. Regina had been upstairs taking a shower when she'd gotten back to the mayoral mansion, which Emma had to admit, relieved her. Her relief had only grown when the mayor had disappeared into her upstairs office to get some late work done. She didn't want to explain this right now.
But she knew eventually Regina would seek her out, when the brunette's curiosity became too great. She had to do this now.
Emma winced as she pricked her finger, a bead of blood forming on its tip. She turned the mirror over and squeezed the drop onto the carved rose bud. For a moment nothing happened, but then the rose slowly began to bloom. She turned the mirror back around and stared into the reflection. "Show me the Evil Queen." The glass shimmered as if reflecting back rays of sunlight and then the effect dissipated, revealing a scene of a beautiful and airy bed chamber. On the bed in the room Emma saw her own body, unconscious. She didn't look damaged or dead; she just appeared to be sleeping. Resting back against the pillows, curled up beside her, was Regina. She was wearing the traditional ensemble worn by the elves of Bridalveil.
Emma released a breath she hadn't even realised she'd been holding. They had made it. They were alive and they'd made it. Relief flooded her heart and as her fears were cast off, she found herself now unable to tear her eyes away from the two women on the bed. Regina stroked Queen Emma's hair lovingly. Emma watched the brunette's lips move, unable to hear her words, but she could easily tell the woman was singing to her unconscious other half. She knew enough about the other woman to see the barely disguised fear in her eyes. She was worried Emma wouldn't wake up.
She didn't know how long she watched what was happening in the other world, but finally she saw fingers tracing the image in the glass and it took her a long moment to realise they weren't her own. She started so badly, she nearly dropped the mirror. But her grip tightened at the last second, holding the glass to her protectively. She glanced over her shoulder to see the mayor leaning over the back of the couch.
Regina's face held an emotion Emma couldn't name, somewhere between melancholy, elation, and shock. The closest description Emma's head could come up with was that it was a look of wonder. "May I see?"
The desperation in the request alone was enough for Emma to nod her approval.
Regina walked around the couch and sat beside her. She took the mirror from Emma's hands and stared at the picture on its surface. "Is this what you went to get from him? You bargained for this?"
Emma nodded. "I needed to see her, just to answer something I was worried about."
Once again, Regina's fingers caressed the glass. "I never believed it. You told me, but my heart was so black… how could it be true? But… look at me, look at the… love."
Emma watched the play of emotions across the woman's face. She believed this to be their past, not the present that it very much was. She could practically see Regina's head trying to wrap around the possibility that her heart could still love. Maybe her seeing their other halves was beneficial after all.
"I saw this, saw you like this. That day in the bed and breakfast. It was just a brief moment; it came up like a memory. Obviously it was a memory. I saw you, like this, your old self. It's why I left so abruptly that day." She turned to meet the green eyes beside hers. "I didn't know what to make of it. I still don't."
Emma saw the honesty and the struggle in her eyes. It awakened in her a new need to have them both, to finish what she started. "The curse. I need to find out how to stop this from happening." She grabbed the mirror and with one word, ended the flow of magic. The rose turned back into a bud and the image faded to glass.
"Isn't that what you're here for Miss Swan? To break the curse as well as to turn my life upside down?"
Emma frowned. "It was; it is. If I don't… I risk losing…" She shook her head.
"Losing what?"
Emma met her eyes sadly. "You." She put the mirror down on the table. "I have to go to bed." She stood abruptly and left them room.
"Miss Swan?" Regina followed her out of the parlour. "Miss Swan! Stop! Please, explain yourself."
Emma shook her head. "I can't lose you… I mean her. I mean you are her. I mean… I don't know what I mean."
"Miss Swan, are you…alright?"
"I'll be fine Regina."
"Are you sure?"
"Yea. I just need to… sleep it off."
