It had been a year since I had lost the love of my life (again). I lost my best friend. I also lost my little brother. My children were growing so much. Sawyer was in love with Maxell, he was a hunter and they were adorable together. Abigail was 7 she was almost finished with kindergarten, she had made some new friends and she did very well. Little Bobby John was growing like a weed; he was going to be tall just like Dean was. He was as smart as a whip just like Abigail.
I had taken up the challenge of taking pictures and writing down what happened in Dean's Journal so that I could catch him up when I got him back. I was going through all the pictures and memories from the past year.
It's been a long day without you, my friend
And I'll tell you all about it when I see you again
We've come a long way from where we began
Oh I'll tell you all about it when I see you again
When I see you again
I put a picture of the whole family on the last day of summer. We had a BBQ and all of us were sitting in the backyard smiling. Max and holding BJ who was sticking his tongue out at Jody who was taking the picture. Sawyer was sitting next to him smiling happily. Abigail had her arms wrapped around my neck and kissing my cheek. I was sitting on the last step smiling and laughing. That moment was frozen in my mind. We were all so happy and filled with Joy.
Dean, we miss you so much. We are doing well. Sawyer is dating… I am barely handling that. His name is Max. He is a good man. He treats her well and they really love each other. They remind me of us when we were young.
Abby is about to start Kindergarten… kindergarten… she is 6. Wow, time has flown by. I can't believe it. She is so much like you, babe. She is brave and strong and she tells BJ every night that she will protect him no matter what. She tells me that it's her job to keep us all safe. I cried the first time she told me.
BJ is all boy. He loves to play and sing and get hurt. We spent his 2nd birthday in the emergency room. He broke his arm falling off his bunk bed. I was so scared, Dean, but he was so brave! He loved his cast it became his very own club. We had to teach him to not use it as a weapon.
I'm doing okay… to be honest, I feel like my life is falling apart, but I am staying strong for my babies… Dean, I am going to get you back. I swear to whoever is listening that I will. I just haven't figured it out… I miss you so much, Winchester.
In other news, Sam left and I can't find him either… if Bobby were here he could have found him… I'm sorry, Dean. Our family is separated and lost, but I am convinced that I will bring us back together someway somehow.
Damn, who knew all the planes we flew
Good things we've been through
That I'll be standing right here
Talking to you about another path I
Know we loved to hit the road and laugh
But something told me that it wouldn't last
Had to switch up look at things different see the bigger picture
Those were the days hard work forever pays now I see you in a better place
The next picture was of all of us on Halloween. We all dressed up like the Scooby gang. Abby was Daphni, Max was Fred, Sawyer was Velma, I was Shaggy, and BJ was Scooby Doo. We were at Abby's school's safe Halloween. We had won the best family costume contest.
Halloween was a blast, Dean. You would be so proud of your kids. They wanted to be Scooby and the gang for Halloween just for you. Abby told me that if daddy were here he would want to be Scooby and the gang with us.
It was a blast. Everyone loved our costumes and thought we looked spot on. Then we won for best family costumes! Your daughter was so excited. Then that night we went trick or treating and the kids got so much candy… I couldn't believe two kids could get so much. Then I remembered when we were kids. We ruled the neighborhood near Bobby's house getting pillowcases full of candy.
Life was so simple when we were kids, Dean. I miss those times. Now having two kids reminds me of that simple time. I want to give them a childhood where they feel safe and know that they are loved. I hope I am doing a good job. We all miss you, babe. I going to get you back… I promise.
How could we not talk about family when family's all that we got?
Everything I went through you were standing there by my side
And now you gonna be with me for the last ride
The next picture is of us at Christmas. There were about 25 people all on the porch smiling. There was fresh snow on the ground, Christmas lights were strung on the house. It had been an adventure opening my home to be a home base for hunters. Jody helped me set it up and it felt safe and like I had a purpose having all those hunters staying at the house.
Dean, it has been crazy. I might be a little crazy. I opened the house to hunters. It was a team effort. Garth, Jody, Sawyer, Maxwell, and I agreed that we should have a safe place for hunters and their kids to stay and rest. It has been amazing. I have been hearing stories from hunters about dad.
Jody is hunting a little and she is also helping me keep everyone safe and comfortable here at home. I tried to call Sam again, but he must have dumped his phones… I feel guilty that he isn't with us anymore… I did tell him to leave… I miss my Winchesters so much!
You would be so proud of Abby she is doing well in school. She stands up for all the little guys who can't protect themselves. She is also helping around the house. I am so proud of her. BJ is getting so big, Dean his hair is so red like mine. I hope it stays that red. He told me that he wants to keep it short like yours. I showed him a picture of you and me when we were little and he said he wants to be just like you. He is such a handful, but he is so good.
Sawyer and Max are getting serious and they have only been together for a year. They are so perfect together. They balance each other out and support one another so well. I can't wait to see where their love story goes.
As the year comes to a close, Dean I am still never giving up on finding a way to get you home to us. These kiddos need their daddy… and I need you. I miss having my partner in crime… I am going to get you back.
It's been a long day without you, my friend
And I'll tell you all about it when I see you again
We've come a long way from where we began
Oh I'll tell you all about it when I see you again
When I see you again
In the next picture Abby is wearing a crown and is surrounded by kids they are all smiling and there is a little boy holding her hand and smiling. He had chocolate all over his mouth and he was missing his two front teeth.
6… she is 6, Dean… our baby girl is 6… I am shocked at how old she is… It feels like just yesterday that she was born into this world. I told her to stop growing and she said she had to grow so that she could become a hunter just like us… I cried almost the whole morning before her party because she said that.
She had so much fun, Dean. She wanted to be a princess so she got the crown and she also wanted a bounce house so Jody and I got one of those as well. The little boy who is holding her hand his Wyatt. They are best friends and they are in the same class at school.
He told me at the party that he wanted to ask Abby to be his girlfriend… I told him they had to wait until they were older. He said that they were going to get married when they got older, so they needed to be boyfriend and girlfriend now. I just shook my head and laughed. We are going to have our hands full with that little girl.
She also is helping me get you and Cas out of Purgatory… at least that is where we think you are… every night she is in the office with a new book or is on the computer looking for information… (after her homework, of course). We are getting closer we think.
First you both go out your way
And the vibe is feeling strong and what's
Small turn to a friendship, a friendship
Turn into a bond and that bond will never
Be broken and the love will never get lost
And when brotherhood come first then the line
Will never be crossed established it on our own
When that line had to be drawn and that line is what
We reach so remember me when I'm gone
The next page is a picture of Abby and BJ sitting by the lake fishing. Abby has a toothy grin on her face holding three massive fish and BJ is crying holding a fish that is about two inches long.
I took the kids fishing this past weekend… it was so fun, Dean. It reminded me of Bobby taking us hunting and fishing… they had so much fun playing and fishing but this picture was perfect and showed just how much those kids are just like us. Abby is so good at being patient and BJ is the opposite; he can't wait. He needs everything at that moment. He struggled fishing.
We wish you were with us. Abby said that when we get you back we are all going back and going fishing so that she can show you how good she is at it.
Dean, I am trying everything to get you back and once I get you back I will never let you go, never ever. I need you, our family needs you. It's so hard waking up every day without you.
How could we not talk about family when family's all that we got?
Everything I went through you were standing there by my side
And now you gonna be with me for the last ride
The next picture was after a very exciting day. Max had proposed to Sawyer and she said yes. It was a party in the backyard. I was holding BJ Abby was in Max's arms Sawyer was hugging me and we were all smiling and excited.
Engaged… I swear I couldn't be more proud of our girl, Dean she is amazing. She is so good at hunting and she is crazy amazing with the kids. Max asked me for my blessing about a month and a half ago and I was so excited for them. I told him that he was going to make a perfect match for this family.
They are going to wait to get married but they are ready for this adventure. They are so happy, Dean. I remember when we were that happy. I know we will be happy again. I am so close to finding a way to get you back… I can feel it.
Dean, we have missed you like crazy! I have tried everything… (even thought about selling my soul). I am not proud of that, but I did come close. We need our Dean back.
So let the light guide your way hold every memory
As you go and every road you take will always lead you home
The last picture was of me and my babies it was in the living room the kids were holding onto me tightly and we were all making faces.
We are such dorks, aren't we… I love are crazy kids, Dean. These new Winchesters take after their father. I swear they do everything just like you do. I can't get Abby to stop eating and BJ is extremely stubborn… he might get that from me… but, Dean you are stubborn as well. We are fighting every day to do our best because we know you would do the same for us…
It has been a year to the Day you have been gone… one year… another year without my love… I will see you soon. I can feel it… I will get to you one way or another and when I do I am going to tell you everything that has happened.
It's been a long day without you, my friend
And I'll tell you all about it when I see you again
We've come a long way from where we began
Oh I'll tell you all about it when I see you again
When I see you again
See You Again
Wiz Khalifa featuring Charlie Puth
