Chapter 54:

Judith's fuel

That night, we all skipped dinner – by this point in the apocalypse, we were used to it, so not eating wasn't that big a deal, but by the next morning food felt rather necessary for all of us, especially Beth and Tara.

Tara had just suffered major blood loss not a day ago, and even knowing it, she still insisted that she was fine; that she didn't need any bloody food. I love her to bits, but I worry that sometimes my habit of confusing strength with stupidity has rubbed off on her.

But at least Beth was smart. She was still in that double-portion meals phase, and refused to go hungry in fear of her baby going hungry.

It was her insistence, as well as Daryl's insistence of Beth's insistence that we all went outside into the courtyard. We remained close together, huddled, trying not to make it so obvious that our hands were hovering over our weapons. Of course, we weren't doing a very good job – the Termites were eyeing us to begin with but their glances always moved to our weapons. My hand was hovering over my knives but I left my bow and arrows back in the hospital wing, thinking it might be inappropriate.

I didn't wanna provoke Maggie or Glenn.

When I left the weapon underneath the mattress of my hospital bed, Daryl noticed and he eyed me suspiciously. I shrugged and said some sarcastic quip to avert his interest. I knew I couldn't tell him the truth; that I actually respected Maggie and Glenn, unlike him. And Dad. And Carl.

I felt Daryl's crossbow bump against my shoulder for the fifth time as we walked through the courtyard looking for a spare table. There were two long park benches pressed together which was unfortunately in the center of the yard, surrounded by everyone, but I saw the look in Dad's eyes: he was a Grimes – Grimes' don't do backing down.

With him in front and me by his side we walked proudly over to the grills where we all got plates full of carrots, beans and chicken then went to the tables and sat down, knowing that everyone was eyeing us like we were the enemy, which was a subjective term.

I sat between Dad and Daryl across from Carl; the three men in my life whose opinions mattered most to me. Now I don't know if that was some sort of metaphorical thing, but it sure as hell made me feel uneasy. I mean... Even more uneasy when you include the fact that I was surrounded by people who hated me, one of which intended to kill me.

Jesus, it's like a scene from what I imagined high school TV shows to be like.

I found myself glancing from one Grimes man to another, then occasionally to Daryl whose eyes were fixed on the crowd. He had the same look in his eye that he got when he was hunting. Had he not had his hand protectively and tightly entwined with Beth's under the table, I would have found him creepy. I hoped that one day I would find someone like Daryl.

The group didn't say anything, they just ate. Beth crunched cutely on a carrot, sort of reminding me of a rabbit or something equally as adorable. She coddled little miss Jane Doe in her arms who seemed rather quiet. Was I the only one who made the kid cry?

Carl didn't seem numb anymore as he viciously stabbed his fork at the chicken breast on his plate. Daryl seemed too distracted to eat so I elbowed him gently as a command to make him eat which he seemed to do so grudgingly. Dad on the other hand, seemed to be shovelling food into his mouth, his eyes focused casually on his plate. At first I frowned at his regular demeanor, but then my eyes wandered to his other hand resting on the table, clenched so tightly his knuckles were going white.

I smirked.

Oh, he's good... He's very good, my father. I remember him doing this once or twice in Washington whenever we came across new people that threatened us. He would act like he was fine to prove to whoever that they weren't getting to him, even though they were. Dad was obviously on the verge of strangling someone and that concerned me.

It sure as hell worried me more than the—to use Tara's term—termites did.

I grimaced at the thought of Tara suffering because of me and because of some douche with terrible night vision. Glancing at Tara, I noticed that she was the only normal seeming one next to Beth. She now had a ridiculous black leather eyepatch over the bandaging that she made me carve out from a disgusting shoe from the warehouse. The laces kept slipping down her forehead and she kept having to readjust it, grimacing whenever her fingers came to contact with her eye. It came to the point where Abe held her hand down against the table to stop.

My eyes lingered back to Daryl sitting next to me again. He was never any good at hiding his emotions, especially when it came to anger. And the anger he felt right then and there was clearly more than he could stomach.

I frowned again then glanced from Carl glaring ahead at random Termites while stabbing his chicken like a Norman Bates wannabe, to Daryl whose eyes were flicking from one suspiciously close Termite to the next, to Dad whose fist was so tight I could tell blood was being drawn.

And then there was me.

Completely fine – indifferent, almost. For a moment, I just stared down at my plate of half-eaten food, trying to feel some anger. Anger was good when used right; it can fuel you, and that always worked for me. Most of my walker kills were fuelled from my fights with Dad. There's that brink where you can become so angry, you become stupid instead, but that was worth it for me.

I squinted down at my plate, thinking about anything that would make me angry – I was a Grimes girl, after all. I thought about Tara's lack of an eye, and the anger I felt when I chased the person responsible out of the warehouse. All I could see was red. Then I thought about Michonne,; her still body, her emotionless eyes, the red flowing from her onto the pavement.

Nope. Nothing. Not a damn thing. This feeling of indifference was torture. God, I hate forgiveness and reason. Those two things really suck, and those were the only things I was feeling in that moment. I looked at all the people glaring at me, and I felt nothing.

Okay, actually their glares focused on me was a tad irksome, but not for the reasons it should have been. I should hate them, but I don't. All I see is a community protecting their own, doing whatever it takes to survive, led by the people Dad once thought of as family.

How could I hate them?

They're just like us.

"Hey, look who it is." Her voice was sharp and full of hatred and arrogance. We all looked up to see that girl Mandy smirking down at us, leaning against the table right above Tara's head. Despite her bravest self, I saw Tara shrivel away and I couldn't say I blamed her.

Then a pit of anger started to form. It was impossible not to feel anger towards Mandy. Finally—a Termite I can hate along with the rest of my family, and I'm sure they'll see why for the first time in a moment.

Mandy bore her bottom lip to show off her slightly crooked teeth and narrowed her eyes on me, then to Daryl. But then to Tara. "You know, if we really wanted you to see our courtyard, we would have let you keep your eye."

From the corner of my good eye, I saw Daryl rise to his feet and I instinctively held him by the shoulder, keeping him down. "Daryl," I said warningly and it felt strange coming from me.

"Ooh," Mandy said with a cruel little grin. "I wouldn't mind having him hold me down. (Daryl snorted in disgust.) But I can see you're taken," she sighed with a jerk of her head towards Daryl and Beth's entwined hands. She winked at him. "If you ever wanna ditch the fatty, you know where to find me."

Daryl jumped to his feet again and this time I couldn't stop him. The breathing was heavy through his nose and I jumped up in front of him, stopping him but his anger fueled him while my leg forced me back a step. I felt my cheeks grow hot when I realised that my family's eyes were focused on us anxiously and aggressively.

Ignoring the throbbing in my thigh, I pressed a hand against Daryl's chest. "Daryl, don't." He pulled his squinting blue eyes away from Mandy and looked to me. I guess there was something about my eyes that calmed him down and he gave me a small bob of his head.

I turned around and looked at Mandy with indifference, but this time I did feel a little bit of anger rising in me. But it went away as quickly as it came. She muffled a snigger with one long-fingered hand and then grinned. "Wow," she said through a smirk then jerked her head towards Daryl again, but kept her eyes on me. "And I thought you were the pussy in this little inbred white-trash family."

By this point, Daryl and I weren't the only ones on our feet. Actually no one remained seated, not even Beth who glared at Mandy from over her baby's head.

I smirked which made Mandy flinch just a little bit. The reason for my smirk wasn't because of my family standing with me so much as it was for the fact that when I looked into Mandy's eyes, I could still see her wiping potatoes from them.

I waved a hand towards Mandy. "Inbreds, this is Mandy."

She smiled in a way that could only be described as bitchy and wriggled her fingers. "Hi." She frowned. "Did you just call yourself inbreds?"

I shrugged. "Sure, how else d'you think we got these unnaturally blue eyes?" Man, I could just feel Dad's disapproving eyes on me. I would have seen had I not been so focused on Mandy who was now glaring at me.

"It would also explain Daryl's clichely atrocious grammar."

"'Ey."

"Sorry."

Abraham's loud and manly grunt demanded everyone's attention and we all looked to him who stood by Tara's side. I now realised Tara was the only one who wasn't standing, but remained seated staring up at Abe. "I think it's time for you t'go, now," he told her with a stern and dominating expression on his aging face.

Mandy cocked a brow. "Says who?" She laughed, stepping closer to Abe. "Listen, Yosemite Sam,"

I leaned in close to Carl for a moment and muttered through the corner of my mouth, "Told you he looked like Yosemite Sam." Carl snorted quietly.

Mandy placed her hands on her hips and her arrogant grin didn't leave her bony face. "This is my home. My people. I'm not going anywhere."

Up until now I felt confident with my family by my side, but then Termites from other tables near by started to rise to their feet slowly, some with guns.

Abe copied her stance, placing his hands on his hips, poking his big belly out. His brow furrowed and his moustache twitched. "Perhaps y'didn't hear me, girl. Leave. Now." He lowered his head closer to her, shorted by about a head. "B'fore I beat your ass to the ground."

Mandy was quiet for a moment and she twitched but tried to cover up her fear with a forced laugh.

For a moment, I thought she would back down and that we would leave and that everyone would be okay, or at least with their bones still intact. See, that's what I thought until Max skidded along to Mandy's side.

"Shit." I pressed my lips together tightly in hopes that no one overheard that.

Max halted next to Mandy and gave them all an innocent grin. "Heeyy, what's goin' on over here?"

Daryl shoved his way past me, doing that thing where he poked his chest out. "You serious, boy?" He sneered at Max who automatically took a step back. "Thought I told y' to stay the hell away!" His nose was purple, red and swollen with white strips going across it. The bruises snuck over to his eyes which were shifting from Daryl to Dad to Carl.

An evil smirk formed on my dear brother's lips.

Max raised his hands defensively. "Look, I just thought I'd pay you a kindness and do the courtesy of informing you of the fact that you are not only outnumbered, but also without guns." Max looked my father narrowly in the eye, like with a plead for him to listen. My Dad often had that same look, but he didn't have it now.

Mandy groaned and rolled her eyes. "Ugh, don't ruin my fun."

"Shut up, Mandy," Max snapped, his eyes fixed on my father.

Mandy turned and faced him, her brown curls whipping Abe in the face as she did. She glared at Max who was pretty much ignoring her. "What, just because your parents run this place, you think that makes you in charge of me?" Mandy gave a cruel laugh. "Oh, sweetie-baby." Her patronising tone made me hate her even more.

Max didn't even glance her way. "Look, Mr Grimes, do the smart thing and leave with your people still intact."

I grimaced for what was to come after that idiotic and naive statement.

"Intact?" Dad repeated, his tone even but I could see beads of sweat start to drip from his nose. He took a threatening step towards Max, beginning to tower over him. He pointedly looked to Tara who remained quiet and seated with Abe right by her side. He had an arm over her shoulder.

"Tara's missing an eye after what your people did to her!" Dad hissed and I could see his hands were shaking in clenched fists by his sides. "Michonne is dead at the hands of you Termites, and you think we could just walk away?" I felt my stomach drop, remembering Michonne's death again – her still, lifeless eyes; the blood seeping across the floor; the person who pulled the trigger.

Then Mandy started to laugh.

We all looked to her, my hands balled into fists of anger.

Mandy looked at al of us with absolute pleasure. Her lips curled into a vicious smile, and her eyes were menacing. "Actually, that was me."

I saw Carl go still and numb, like he was before when he lost his own best friend.

Mandy giggled a sweet and cruel little laugh making my blood run cold. "But don't worry—I'm sure she did something to deserve it," she said with a grin.

And then all hell broke loose.


Author's Notes: OH MAN! OH MAN! The season 5 trailer's out! And it's awesome... Of course, that means my backstory of Terminus is completely off base, but still... So yeah, review, my beloved tossers!