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…
Sirena snuggled deeper into her bed, wishing she could just go back to sleep. She didn't want to think about any of this. Her maids had sent a note saying she was feeling ill, which wasn't exactly a lie. Her head throbbed from too much to drink last night, during the party and once she had returned to her room. Her eyes felt swollen from crying and she felt miserable. Another crash and burn low. She was confused. She wanted things to be clear. And she had no idea what she was doing here.
The door burst open, and Nat bounced into her room. Sirena winced at the noise.
"Just coming to visit my favorite hokey player! Sophia's got it in her head that that garden party plot to sabotage Ebony deserves more party planning lessons that you get to miss, since you're playing hokey." Nat threw open the curtains, letting in the bright sunlight. Sirena moaned, and burrowed under the pillows.
"So are you really sick or just hungover?" Nat asked, and Sirena felt the bed compress as her friend sat down on the edge.
"Depressed." Sirena mumbled, her voice muffled by the blankets. Nat pulled them off, and Sirena let her.
"What's wrong?" The enthusiasm had left Nat's voice, replaced by concern. Sirena took one look at the compassion in her friends face, and burst into tears. Nat wrapped her arms around her and let her cry—again.
"I don't know what I'm doing." Sirena sobbed. "I decided I should want this, but I don't know if I do. I want to love Ethan but I don't. I want him to be in love with me but he's not." Sirena wiped her nose miserably.
"You're in love with the idea of being in love."
"I think it might make me happy." Sirena shrugged, utterly spent. "Because I'm not."
"Listen, girl. No one is going to make you happy but yourself. And no guy is going to do it for you."
"Then why haven't I made myself happy in these last nineteen years?" Sirena pulled away from her friend, and lay on her side. "I've always used something—parties, guys, volleyball, controlling what I ate until I didn't eat anything…I can't do it by myself!"
"Yes, you can! Sit up." Nat commanded. Reluctantly, Sirena did. "Look, its okay to be sad. But ultimately, some guy you don't even love being in love with you isn't going to make you happy! Deciding that you should love him isn't real, either, and it won't make you happy. You need to ask yourself what will. Whether that be your friends, having fun, or whatever!"
Sirena took a deep breath, and let it out. She knew Nat was right. "It's just that I want someone to love me for me. And I maybe thought it could be Ethan. But it's not. He doesn't love me, he loves Katherine. Because he's perfect. And she's perfect. All the others are. But I'm not. I'm imperfect."
"You're seriously deluded if you think I'm perfect." Nat jested. "And I'm pretty sure the same goes for at least Mackenzie. I can think of plenty of flaws in Ethan too." Nat hooked her arm around Sirena's shoulders. "Nobody's perfect."
"I think…I think I'm scared." Sirena said after a moment. "I'm scared of not being good enough."
"At what?"
"Everything."
"Then don't." Nat jumped off Sirena's bed, and held out her hand. "Just trust that you are."
Reluctantly, Sirena reached for her friend's hand and climbed out of bed. Nat smiled.
"C'mon. Sophia has a big announcement to make. Let's get you presentable."
Sirena had sent her maids away and didn't bother calling them. She took a shower and brushed her teeth and Nat helped her with her hair and makeup.
"You shouldn't be ashamed of how you look. You're easily one of the prettiest here." Nat said as she hairsprayed Sirena's curly ponytail.
"It's because of my hair. Everyone thinks redheads are prettier." Sirena carefully applied mascara, each makeup application feeling a bit more like a shield. Nat had found a navy peplum dress for her, with silver pumps.
"Don't forget the war paint." Nat handed her a tube of bright red lipstick, her signature look. Sirena managed a smile and took the lipstick and applied a heavy coat.
As long as she had friends, she would make it.
…
Adele was heading back to her room after breakfast, hoping to have some time to herself before they had lessons, when she suddenly found herself yanked into one of the vacated guest rooms, a hand over her mouth.
"Hey!" She squawked, when the hand was removed. "Oh. It's you." She smiled at Colin, finding herself in their usual make out spot. She ran a hand over his arm, but then yanked it away. "Never mind. I'm still mad at you." She remembered, crossing her arms and turning away.
"I know. I came to apologize. It was uncalled for to yell at you."
"And turn a sprinkler on me?" Adele shot back.
"It was also uncalled for you to flirt so shamelessly with that guy."
"Well, I was trying to make you jealous, so…" She muttered.
"Oh really?" Colin looped his arm around her waist in pulled her close. Adele scowled, and looked away. "Well, I'm sorry for yelling at you the other day. It's just been pretty full on since moving here."
"What do you mean?" Adele decided to forgive him, but not to let him quite know.
"If I thought Trentworth was bad, this city is awful. Poverty everywhere. I guess it just got to me."
Adele kissed him on the lips. "It's forgiven. I guess I should apologize too. I'm just confused, is all. And maybe a little scared. And not good at making commitments."
Colin smiled, and they sat down, his arm draped lazily over her shoulder. "I'd be scared, too. Going from here to a Seven wouldn't be easy. Things are getting bad. I've been going to some meetings…people are trying to change things…"
"Rebels?"
"Not in the sense you think. Those rebels want to end the monarchy and they're willing to kill. We just want to change things. Help out the poor."
"Isn't that a little dangerous, going to meetings? You work for the palace, and they might start thinking you're a rebel."
"I'm being careful." He rubbed his thumb over her collarbone, and then kissed her forehead. "Don't worry about me. You've got enough to worry about…gowns, competitor's princes, and makeup-"
"Oh, stop." Adele playfully swatted at him, and then leaned against his chest, wishing time would slow down for just a little while and they could just be and not have to worry. "So tell me about it. What are you trying to do?"
Colin ran his hand over the back of her head, and sighed heavily. "We want things to go back to the way they were. You know, people used to have…rights. They weren't stuck in their castes. They could be whatever they wanted, as long as they worked hard at it. They had a say in the government, they elected their representatives, and there was no supreme monarchy. And even back then, the United States was pretty large, but all this territory in the south and the north…it's too big. The king can't possibly control everything. There are too many people and not enough jobs, and the programs they have to help people in poverty sound like a good idea, but we keep paying taxes and nothing ever changes. And the king doesn't care. We have no freedom, we have no say. It was better the way it was."
"But isn't that why they invaded? Why we had to go to a monarchy?"
"The country was invaded because of irresponsible choices. And maybe for a time, the monarchy was the solution. And maybe it still is, I don't know. But if the country keeps going like this…all I know is that something needs to change."
"What about us? Do we need to change?" Adele asked after a moment.
Colin chuckled. "Okay, two days ago, you freaked out when I said the word 'us'. And now you want a change? So what's that about?"
"I don't know. Yeah, sure you're probably the most irritating and annoying person I've ever met," Adele nudged him playfully in the ribs.
"And most of the time, I don't even want to be around you…but then there's other times when you're the only person." Adele trailed off, not quite ready to open her heart. She took a deep breath.
"I guess….I guess I realized when you took me into town that being a One or a Two doesn't necessarily make you happy. Sure, it makes life a whole lot easier, but if you don't get to be with who you love, then what's the point? And then I get these glimpses where my life is just one big act, and I don't want it to be."
Colin was quiet, taking in her words. "What do you want it to be?" He slipped his hand around hers.
"Can't you see it in my eyes?" Adele joked, leaning closer. Colin kissed her softly, his lips lingering.
"So what does that make us?" He asked, pulling away.
"I don't know. I still don't know what I should do. Can we just call it 'in love'?"
"'In love' it is. Now, shouldn't they be expecting you back in the Woman's Room soon?"
"Shoot!" Adele jumped up. "Yeah, I forgot. You have a tendency to make me do that." She kissed him once quickly, and then hurried back downstairs.
…
Apparently, Ethan had no loyalty. Ebony had been on a date.
Gracie listened unhappily as Mackenzie hounded her for the details, pacing back and forth as they waited for the rest of the girls and Sophia for lessons. Michaela, Katherine, Lissa and Elvira were all there too.
"Archery? Care to be a little more specific?"
"It's private." Ebony snapped, smoothing her midnight blue day dress.
"Well, we kinda have this thing…" Gracie began. She loved Ethan, and she would willingly marry him if he asked now, and one more girl to distract him was no helping.
"We tell each other what happens on our dates and stuff." Michaela offered. "We don't keep secrets."
"So I don't get to part of your little club if I don't. Darn." Ebony flipped her hair, and opened a magazine. "It's so boring around here. Don't you guys do anything besides gossip and be jealous?"
"We do things." Nicole said, coming in, Adele right behind her. "You haven't been here long enough."
"I hope I don't have to stick around." Ebony muttered.
"I have quite an announcement for you ladies, and then we will begin today's lessons!" Sophia sang out as she entered the Woman's Room.
"What's it today? Flower arrangements?" Ebony scoffed. Mackenzie sighed loudly, and Gracie sneered a smile at her. Sophia obviously hadn't heard the remark, too busy glaring at Sirena and Nat as they entered.
"Glad to be graced with your presence, Lady Sirena." She sniffed. "Our staff at the Report has approached the royal family with an idea, and the king and queen have endorsed the idea in an attempt to appease the public."
"It's about time." Ebony grumbled. This time, all the girls added their glares to her.
"Some latest press information has reported that the public wants to see you girls in some sort of competition. So on this week's Report, all but the first fifteen minutes will be devoted to that competition, which will be filmed and take place tomorrow, and then will be edited into forty five minutes for Friday."
"What's the competition?"
"Well, we figured that any sort of political debates or something of that nature would only make people unhappy. So you girls will be put on four teams, along with the princesses and princes, and you will compete in a bake-off. Now the rules-"
"Are you crazy?" Ebony leapt to her feet, obviously not paying attention to the twenty times a day when Sophia reminded them not to shout or speak out of turn. "A bake-off? We're making pastries when people are starving, dying, and getting shot, by the rebels for being out after dark? This won't appease the public? This is ludicrous!"
"It's also mandatory, Lady Ebony." Sophia said sternly. "And now please sit down. Due to your recent displays of hosting, we will doing additional work on garden parties. And may I remind you, ladies, that a princess never raises her voice or speaks out of turn or argues with the king and queen."
…
-Shades
