The ride was a jumble of images and blackness. I would look out the window and take in the city signs, but then the car would hit a bump and I'd be jostled and wince and my brain would just... shut off. Then I'd find myself staring at pine trees with no memory of how long I'd been looking.

Officer Standish tried to make conversation with me, but I couldn't follow the threads, so chose to remain quiet. What did I need to say to him, anyway? I'd told him what had happened and he didn't believe me.

The police cruiser turned down a residential street, and stopped in front of an older colonial style house. Officer Standish got out of the car first, before opening the door for me and holding out a hand. I flinched as it came close to me, but then ignored it, dragging myself across the seat until I could get out. As I stood up, my stomach roiled with nausea, threatening me yet again. I forced it back, concentrating instead on walking.

Walking was more than painful; it was a cannonball into memory and I stopped completely. I couldn't move forward, my entire body shook and trembled.

"...blood test," I heard a woman's voice say and when I looked around, I saw I was seated in a warm and cozily decorated office.

"I'm not qualified to do that," another voice said, "but when the house matron gets back, she'll run all the regular tests and do all the routine exams."

My vision cleared and I saw a small, nervous looking woman sitting at a desk, writing frantically while sneaking glances at me.

"Hello," she said, when my eyes landed on her, "I'm Jasmine. I'm the substitute house mother here at Sheltering Arms. We're a group home for girls, and we're happy to have you."

"I'm not staying," I told her seriously, ignoring everything else she said while looking around the office.

She cleared her throat, "Well," she said uncomfortable, but trying to be kind, "even if it's for a short time, we're happy to have you. I need to go over some rules with you, and then I'll get you settled in your room."

"I want to go to a hospital," I told her, "I was raped, and despite what Officer Standish and Ms. Craft may have told you, I am not making it up."

Jasmine looked at Officer Standish and Ms. Craft nervously, "Um, we usually do a physical exam, but because I'm just the substitute matron, I'm really not comfortable with that. Maybe you should bring her to the hospital," she finished.

I saw Ms. Craft rub her forehead and Officer Standish frowned at me, "You're wasting a lot of people's time, Lyric," she said, "and you'll be in even worse trouble if you're taking up the time of busy doctors."

I blinked and moved my gaze to Officer Standish, "This is on you," I told him, "your job is to help people, and you are..." my voice broke, "you are fucking me over right now. So go. Leave. I hope you can live with yourself."

An angry look passed over his face and he stood up, "I don't have time for an entitled delinquent," he said, "I have actual real victims to help."

"You couldn't tell a victim from a criminal if it was stamped on their forehead," I retorted meanly.

He turned around without another glance and left the office.

I heard Ms. Craft sigh, and then she was lightly touching my arm. I jerked it away, not wanting anyone to touch me. If I never felt another hand on my body that would be fine.

"We really do want to help you," she said.

"You just made things infinitely worse," I told her, "go. Please. I can't stand to look at any of you."

She bit the inside of her cheek and turned to Jasmine, "You've got the paperwork. I'll be back to visit next month. Good luck," she said and left.

I crossed my arms across my chest, trying to hold in the bone-deep weariness and waves of nausea that were overtaking my body. I stared at Jasmine for a moment, waiting for her to speak.

"Okay, Lyric," she said, standing up, "let's get you settled."

"Can I have my bag?" I asked, nodding at my backpack.

She nodded, "Yes," she said, "but I'm sorry. I need to go through it first. And you're not allowed your cell phone yet. You can earn it back, but it's going to take a while."

I'd assumed as much.

She stood up and began leading me through the house. Two girls were coming down the stairs and she stopped, "Lyric," she said, "this is Hero and Leandra. They're your roommates and mentors. They'll show you the rest of the way and fill you in on the details you need. Dinner is at six. We all eat in the dining room together," and with that, she turned away and left me with two incredibly tough looking girls.

"I'm Hero," the first girl said, sticking out her hand.

I eyeballed her hand, the thought of her skin touching mine was too much, and I shook my head, "I can't," I whispered, "I'm sorry."

She looked over at Leandra, "Don't worry pumpkin pie," the other girl said, "it's all good."

Both girls turned and began walking back up the stairs. I stared after them. I didn't think I would be able to make it up.

"You comin'?" Leandra asked.

I reached out a shaking hand for the bannister, my sweater riding up above my wrist as I did.

"Holy shit," Leandra whispered, looking over at Hero.

"Fuck me in the goat ass," Hero said.

Both took steps backwards, "I'm going to put my arms around your waist," she told me, "Leandra's gonna help you on the other side. Just grit your teeth and focus on the steps."

"Fuckin' bullshit, Hero," Leandra said, as she gripped me.

I weaved and her arm tightened, making me see spots: her arm around my waist, his hand pressing against my hip.

"I'm gonna be sick," I told them.

"Go." Hero directed, and the two actually lifted me and pulled me up the stairs and into a bathroom. I only made it to the sink before the dry heaves began.

I saw my face and closed my eyes. I was white as a sheet and sweaty. No wonder everyone thought I was on drugs.

You are, my mind said, you just didn't know you were taking them.

I choked on a cry and covered my mouth quickly.

"Come on, Pumpkin," Leandra said, helping me to the toilet to sit down.

I winced as I sat and Hero's face appeared in front of me.

Her hair was a mass of gorgeous spiral curls. She was round all over, round face, round eyes, round body. She had tattoos along her neck, and I could see writing along her collar bones. She looked like she could kick-ass and take names, but her eyes were kind as they searched my face.

"What happened?" she asked, "why aren't you at the hospital?"

"I told them," I said, the words spilling from my mouth, "I told them what happened but they didn't believe me. They won't take me. Jasmine..." I shook my head.

"Jasmine won't," Hero said, "she's nice, but she's a goddamn doormat. If someone in authority tells her what to do, she'll do it. No questions."

I heard a shower start up, and then Leandra's voice, "Let us help you."

I shook my head, "No," I said, "no. I can do it myself."

"Kiddo," Hero argued, "you're gonna fall down. And you're still fucked up... what the fuck did you take?"

"I didn't take anything!" I cried, "I didn't know I was taking anything! He..."

I stopped, my mind conjuring the remembered flavor of the mint hot chocolate and I clapped a hand over my mouth again.

Hands cupped my elbows and brought me back to the sink where I threw up again and again, until I could barely stand.

"Lyric," Leandra kneeled next to me, her face serious and true, "I promise you. We won't hurt you. We don't do that here. We look out for each other. Please. Let us help you."

"I can't stand it," I whispered, "if you touch me. I can't stand it."

She nodded, her short blonde hair falling over her forehead, so she had to twitch it out of her eyes, "Look," she said, "we'll do this fast. We'll get off the boots and clothes, and you can go in in your underwear. You can sit right down on the floor, and we'll stay out here until you're ready to get out."

I stared at her, waiting to see an ulterior motive or some sort of dishonesty cross her face, but her eyes stayed fixed on mine. All I saw was a desire to help.

"Okay," I finally whispered.

"Good girl," she replied, smiling and showing me a chipped front tooth.

The two of them helped me back to the toilet, pulling off my boots and gently peeling the leggings off of my body.

In the bright light of the bathroom, I could see every cut and bruise on my body.

And the blood.

There was more blood than I remembered.

"Holy fucking shit," Hero said.

Black spots appeared in front of my eyes and I closed them tightly.

"Stay with us, Pumpkin," Leandra said to me, "open your eyes and look at me. Just me. Nothing else."

I did as she asked, staring into her blue and black speckled irises.

I felt the sleeve of one arm be pulled away gently, but Leandra didn't look away, "Just at me," she reminded.

I nodded, and the sweater was quickly pulled over my head and dropped so I could stare at Leandra again.

"We're gonna help you in," Hero said, "and we're gonna stay right here. You take as long as you need, but you stay with us, you hear? We've been there too. We got you."

"Okay," I said, taking a deep breath and leaning on them heavily to stand. I took one step and nearly collapsed. I couldn't let my legs brush together and had to walk bow-legged to the tub. I lifted one foot and then the next, and the girls helped lower me to the floor so I could sit down with my back against the tub.

"We're right here," Leandra reminded me, before pulling the curtain closed.

I let the water pound on my head, and I let the tears flow down my face. I leaned over until I could curl up on my side and let the water pound against my ribs.

Never be okay again, I thought.