Government: It Works
"Open elections for Student Government are being held in the gym starting today," Jodie beamed at Daria and Jane, handing them fliers. They were strangely simple, reading "Elections" at the top and a simple time and place at the center of the page. "I hope I'll see you there. Especially you, Daria."
Jodie flashed her would-be rival a strangely saucy grin and moved on to the next row of cafeteria tables.
The duo watched her go, then exchanged a glance over the sheets of paper in their hands.
"She doesn't really expect us to show up," Jane scoffed. "Does she?"
"I don't know," Daria mused, helping herself to another spoonful of unidentifiable slop from her tray. "I am low on my snark quota for the month."
They were words that would live in infamy.
The bleachers were full when Daria and Jane walked into the gym. People were stomping and banging, roaring in excitement and what seemed to be rage. A single spotlight illuminated the center of the floor, and Upchuck stood at the top of the right bleachers with a microphone in his hand.
"WELCOME!" he called, grinning in his inexplicable green tux. "TO THE LAWNDALE HIGH STUDENT GOVERNMENT OPEN ELECTIONS!"
Jodie approached from the far entrance, shedding shoes, skirt and shirt as she walked. She stepped into the ring of light and raised her hands above her head. The crowd screamed.
"TWO BRAINS ENTER," Upchuck intoned, pointing at Daria with indecent glee. "ONE BRAIN LEAVES."
"Daria!" Jodie called, grinning as she stretched and flexed her lean Tennis muscles. "I'm so glad you could make it."
Daria and Jane stood dumbstruck as the students on the bleachers stood and started chanting Daria's name.
"THE BATTLE FOR VICE PRESIDENT," Upchuck announced, eyes alight with malicious humor. "BEGINS!"
Hands settled on Daria's back and shoved her into the ring.
There was a roar. The combatants met.
All was chaos.
o.0.o
Daria and Brittany shared a booth at the Pizza King after school had concluded. They both bore several cuts and bruises, and in their exhaustion neither noticed they were eating the wrong half of the pizza they had ordered.
"I can't believe you're President," Daria muttered around a bite of cheese-less bell pepper pizza, "For the third year in a row."
"Booya," Brittany muttered back. A piece of pepperoni stick to her swollen bottom lip. Her expression was unusually blank. "But you're Vice President now. That's really cool, Daria!"
Daria gazed into her Ultra Cola and wished it were possible to drown herself in the small cup.
A few moments passed silence, then Brittany looked up. Her un-blackened eye drew wide
"Hey, whatever happened to Ja-"
The door to the pizza place banged open.
"WHOO!" Jane crowed, shirt ripped and teeth bloody. "I'M THE FUCKIN' TREASURER!"
And Lawndale was never the same again.
