A/N: Hi, HG/SS fans. I can't believe we've reached Chapter 50! I have a few more sections written (and there's still a lot of editing to do), but we are slowly drawing to a close. I'm not sure if we will make it to 60 chapters or not, as that has been my rough estimate for some time, but I thought I'd make you aware of where we're at in the story at this point.
I hope this chapter moves you as much, if not more, than the previous ones. The latter half was difficult to write (even more than Chapter 48). I think you'll understand why... I will continue to leave notes at the end of chapters if there's additional information worth sharing. :)
Thank you so much for all your feedback! It means so much. Many thanks to my wonderful beta reader, Brittny.
DISCLAIMER: Harry Potter is copyrighted to and belongs to JK Rowling. I own none of her associated characters. New characters belong to me.
Chapter 50: A Father-Daughter Pledge
"You sure you're up for this, dear? I really think you should give yourself another day or two. It's a long way..."
"I'm not so incompetent that I cannot walk anymore, Hermione. And I'm not staying here another minute." Severus ran his elongated fingers through his hair, exacerbated by her fussiness.
"Oh, very well." Hermione finished fastening the last of Severus's buttons on his coat—something he had tried unsuccessfully to prevent her from doing—stood up, and crossed her arms. "But if you get winded or too tired, we're turning around and coming straight back here."
"So be it," he snarled and glared up at her with his beady eyes.
Hermione willed herself to ignore his bad temper and picked up his cloak, which was neatly pressed and folded on the bedside. She took the liberty of handling Severus's clothes herself as usual rather than letting the Hogwarts elves manage them, a feat she never would have allowed anyway. She had been looking forward to seeing him wear them again. She deeply missed her 'wizard in black,' as he was affectionately known to her. It had felt like ages since she had enjoyed the sight of those dramatic robes, the form fitting jacket, the series of buttons...
Severus gradually got to his feet but grimaced as he did so, trying to subdue the pains that continued to fight every small step of recovery. The adjusted tonics from Augustus Pye, nearly six weeks of bed rest, and a much-needed break from his everyday grinding routine had admittedly done the professor some good, but he was anxious to return to some level of normalcy for as long as it would last. His hearing was finally rescheduled for the end of the week, and Severus wanted time to prepare himself accordingly. He also just wanted to get the hell out of the Infirmary, even if it were only for a mere hour or two.
Hermione added the last of Severus's attire, wrapping the cloak around his shoulders and swiping away the few crinkles that settled near his neck. He watched her attentive eyes scan the stark material that smelled of something reminiscent of Muggle fabric softener, a horrid scent that was very unlike his own. The stench made him cringe but when Hermione peered up into his face, that ill-feeling was gone. Her breathtaking regard left him speechless. All he could manage was a small smirk; a subtle return gesture of appreciation for everything she had done.
"You ready for this?" she asked him with a sly smile.
Severus rolled his eyes and mumbled something under his breath. He nodded decidedly and took a moment to adjust the buttons on his wrists.
Hermione said nothing more but eased him out of the Infirmary and down the marble staircase, her arm swaddled around his waist for support should he stumble. His balance was hardly stable enough to walk on his own yet, despite his continued protests that he did not need any assistance.
Severus leaned into her half way down the stairs, unable to support his own weight. By the time they reached the bottom, he had to pause to rest before they could progress any further towards their destination.
"This is ridiculous!" he wheezed noisily, sounding quite strained.
"Severus." Hermione gave him a stern look, although she felt horrible for him. "Easy. Just take your time. We're in no hurry."
"I'm never going to be able to do anything myself!" he exclaimed with such aggravation that he heaved forward and coughed from the excitement.
Hermione knew his outburst was not directed at her, but his harsh words still made her flinch. She detested seeing him so miserable, so frail and exhausted by the havoc wrecked on his body, but there was nothing she could do. It left her feeling utterly helpless, and more so with each passing day. Weeks of Severus's relentlessly sour attitude were additionally testing any resolve she still had that he might recover.
"Yes, you will, love. You just need more time—"
"I don't have much left of that now, do I?"
"Don't start, Severus!" Hermione berated him, staring at him as if he had smacked her. "I don't want to hear it!"
"Why?"
"Because I don't need a constant reminder, thank you!"
"Would you prefer that I live in a fantasy world like you and the girls?"
"You are so insulting when you're crabby, you know that? I'm trying to help you stay positive!"
"Positive!" Severus croaked, sneering obnoxiously. "Yes, you'd like that, wouldn't you?"
"What are you on about now?"
"That you would have me pretend! I'm sick of the charades, and I'm tired of seeing them from you! It's idiotic and beneath you, Hermione!"
Hermione drew back, quite cross and put out. "Is that so? Well, I'll have you know that I've just about had it with your morbid attitude! Your grumpiness is starting to affect the girls, you know. It's not fair to make them feel as miserable as you all the time! Stop griping and get your head out of your arse, Severus Snape!"
"What?" he growled, gazing at her with the greatest offense.
"Would you like me to leave you here?" Hermione challenged, lacing her arms over her chest. "I can, you know!"
Severus's eyebrows narrowed, and his eyes gleamed unnaturally. It almost heartened Hermione to see such an emotional reaction returning to her husband's face. Almost.
"You wouldn't dare..." he whispered.
"Watch me!"
"Erm, is this a bad time to say good afternoon?" came an amused voice nearby that made them both startle. "I hate to interrupt your, erm, colorful conversation..."
"Oh! Um, hi, Harry, Ginny," Hermione stammered, her cheeks turning bright red.
Severus turned away with his lips sealed shut, a most unpleasant scowl etched around his mouth. Harry and Ginny chanced an apprehensive sidelong glance at one another before shifting their attention back to their friends.
"We were just on our way to see you," said Ginny nervously. "We thought you would still be resting, Severus?"
Severus did not answer but stared at the redhead with an empty expression. His breathing was still relatively strenuous from earlier, so Hermione put her arm back around him, their argument now the furthest thing from her mind. The simple act made Severus blink and turn to acknowledge her, surprised.
"Severus wanted to try a change of scenery for the afternoon," Hermione replied in a much calmer tone. "We were going to have lunch in the Great Hall and possibly walk the grounds for a bit; get his legs some exercise."
"Hermione!" Severus hissed, embarrassment seeping into his cheeks, though no one seemed to catch it but her.
"Oh! Well, do you mind if we join you?" Harry asked. "We have some good news for you."
"Oh? Sure, of course." Hermione turned to her husband, egging him to speak with her stern eyes.
"Very well," Severus sighed and started to progress forward on his own.
Harry and Ginny eventually strode on ahead, sensing the professor's mortification at being much slower than the rest of them. Hermione did not dissuade her friends but lingered at Severus's side, her arm latched around his to keep him steady.
Many students either stopped and greeted Severus or whispered to one another under their breaths as he passed by. It had been quite a while since any of the students had caught a glimpse of the Slytherin Head of House, and gossip was swarming about the Snape family's kidnapping, the rumors in The Daily Prophet, and just what the fate of their Potions professor—now sacked instructor—might be in the coming days.
"This was a mistake," Severus grumbled when the Great Hall came into view.
He stopped again to catch his breath and sought refuge in a darkened corner against the wall. Hermione wrapped her arms around him and pulled him towards her. Her eyes were exceedingly gentle compared to before.
"What, love? Coming here?"
"Yes."
"Oh, Severus," Hermione shook her head with a light chuckle and whipped a few hairs out of his eyes, "since when have you ever cared what anyone else thinks of you?"
"It's not me that I'm concerned about."
"Oh... Well, you needn't worry."
"No?" Severus raised a suspicious eyebrow. "Haven't I put them through enough already?"
"You didn't do this to us, Severus," Hermione reminded him, bringing him into a more secure embrace against her chest. "Stop with that nonsense, I'm warning you."
Severus's raven eyes stared off into the distance, their depths losing their focus. "What the Wizengamot will ask of them... Force them to rehash and the unnecessary pain they will put them through... All on my account..."
"Severus, enough, please!" Hermione nuzzled her nose against his to try to get his attention again. "This is your first outing from the Hospital Wing. You should be enjoying this."
"I don't take pleasure in being gawked at for the next hour or so while I attempt to eat a proper meal, Hermione. It's quite unappealing and the thought is putting me off my lunch."
"Oh, Severus, c'mon. It could be fun, you know." She offered him a playful wink before reaching up to whisper in his ear, "Besides, your choice in garments has never made you inconspicuous, has it?" When his sullen mood did not improve and he only stared back at her in a tired haze, Hermione reached onto her tip toes and pecked his cheek. "We're having lunch with friends, sweetheart. Don't worry about it. Hopefully, we'll have some good news for a change."
"Perhaps."
"Now come," she encouraged, tugging his arm to draw him away from the shadows. "One step at a time."
As they entered the Great Hall, hundreds of fresh, young faces greeted them, just as Severus predicted. The buzzing that ensued was enough to make his upper lip curl with utter revulsion. Hermione simply ignored the awkward stares and unnecessary chatter as they progressed down the center of the room, a place she had once known so well. She caught sight of her daughters, each of whom reacted to all the fuss and commotion in her own way, but there was a general unpleasantness amongst each of them that lessened Hermione's spirits a bit.
"It's good to see you, Professor!" Neville offered in a far less tense manner than usual.
He respectfully raised his glass to his former teacher, now colleague, as he sat next to Harry and Ginny at the head table. Most of the teachers had left to prepare for their afternoon lectures, making the normally occupied table deserted.
"Thank you, Longbottom," Severus responded irritably, hoping the man was not going to linger and ruin his lunch. He had no tolerance for stuttering conversation. "But I am no longer a professor here, so I don't answer to that title. I have a name. You may use it as long as you don't wear it out."
Ginny, Harry, and Neville's smiles disappeared. Harry shook his head slightly and looked at Neville, who seemed relatively put out by the response he received. Ginny, however, motioned to Severus's usual seat which happened to be right next to her.
"Sit down, you two. Harry's been eager to share the news all morning."
Severus motioned for Hermione to take a seat in his spot, which surprised her and Ginny. The redhead giggled and gave her former instructor a wry smile.
"Are you afraid to sit next to me, Severus?"
Her question made Severus blush. "Not at all!" he snipped.
Without another word, he glided into the chair, though with some difficulty. Hermione tried not to fuss over him, knowing the haughty response she would receive for trying to assist in front of so many people. She sat down in an empty chair at his side and reached for his hand underneath the table, hoping he would not object and breathed a sigh of relief when he did not pull away.
Ginny reached over and surprised Severus with a quick kiss on the cheek. He blinked and drew back from her, ruffled by the public contact but also unfailingly suspicious, as was his nature.
"Harry and I are so glad to see you on the mend, sir."
"I... Erm..."
"Thank you, Ginny," Hermione spoke up, showcasing her warm grin. "So, what's this news? Tell us!"
Harry took a swig of his coffee and leaned in. Neville followed suit, anxious to hear whatever information his friend had to relay to the group.
"Well, you can expect it to make the front page of The Daily Prophet tomorrow, that's for sure. Your girls will be thrilled to see it as well, I'm sure."
"What is it?" Hermione breathed excitedly.
"We caught a few more Death Eaters; the remaining young ones," Harry started with a broad, handsome grin. "We caught up with them this morning, hiding out in a beaten down flat in London, not far from The Leaky Cauldron. Not sure yet what they were up to, but they put up a fight when we arrived. We were tipped off by a squib living just down the road."
"They've been arrested?" Hermione tightened her grasp around Severus's fingers and felt his warm palm respond back, tugging ever so slightly. "Oh, Harry, that's wonderful news!"
"Yes, well, I couldn't wait 'till tomorrow to tell you. I knew— I figured you both could afford to hear something positive for a change, and you deserve to hear it firsthand before anyone else catches wind."
"Oh, that is good news, isn't it, Severus?"
"Yes, indeed." Severus unemotional response said little to anyone as he paused to take a sip of his herbal tea.
"What do you suppose they were up to?" Neville asked as he bit into his lunch.
Harry shrugged. "Planning to leave the country? Hang out 'till things died down?"
"Planning their revenge against me and my family is more probable," Severus drawled, taking another sip.
He stared out at the room full of faces, most of whom were peering over at him inconspicuously. His girls, however, appeared more unraveled than anyone else, much to his dismay. He could only suspect how tough this had to be for them to endure, especially in light of what had happened.
"You think they'd try again?" Ginny inquired with an apprehensive glance towards the pair of them.
"I wouldn't put it past them, Ginny." Hermione sighed and started to pick at her lunch, though she noted Severus had not touched his. "They were quite adamant about hurting us before, Avery and Mulciber especially. Their hatred ran much deeper than the others..."
Neville swallowed his food and took a swig of tea. "Well, many have been arrested, Hermione, so there's no need to worry anymore. Your family's safe now."
"Until the hearing," Hermione reminded them with obvious sadness in her tone of voice. She could feel Severus's fierce eyes turn to stare at her, but she chose not to acknowledge them.
"Once the recruits come clean," Harry quickly responded, "we'll finally be able to interrogate Lucius Malfoy, I'm sure of it. It won't be too long now before that man's brought to justice."
"Is that so?" Severus asked without looking at him. "And what of Avery and Mulciber?"
Harry sighed heavily. "We haven't found them yet, sir, but we will. It's only a matter of time."
"Is it?"
Ginny inched forward and surveyed Severus's dark features. Considering how much he loathed being gawked at, her attention did nothing for his aggravation.
"You don't have much confidence in any of this, do you, Severus? Capturing Avery and Mulciber, your hearing..."
"I've learned that it's wasteful to hope, Mrs. Potter; only to take what is at face value."
"Severus," Hermione implored him quietly, discretely placing his hand in her lap.
Ginny looked on, indifferent. "Well, I happen to think all will turn out just fine."
"Then you are highly impractical and unrealistic, my dear."
"No, sir, just an eternal optimist." When Severus paused mid-bite to glance at the pretty redhead out of the corner of his eye, Ginny was content to see her old professor almost smiling.
"Let's talk about something else," Hermione resigned with a sigh. "This is putting me off my lunch, and I can never make a meal this good at home."
"Hailey, this idea of yours is insane! You and Surina are going to get in real trouble once Mum—and especially Dad—finds out!"
"They won't find out, Lily! And you will see to it that they don't!"
"Oh, for goodness' sake! Why are you putting me in this position? It's not fair!"
"Because you can keep a secret... Obviously."
Lily felt a twinge of anger creep through her veins. She surveyed her sister with an injured regard.
"That's not fair, Hailey. It wasn't my secret to disclose."
"Whatever, Lily, it's fine," Hailey lied. She did not want to think on her father's condition whatsoever, or argue with her sister, for that matter. "Anyway, there's got to be something in there that might be helpful at his hearing."
"Even if there is, Hailey, we might not be permitted to show it as evidence. Memories can be tampered with, you know."
"Yeah, but we should at least try, Lily!"
Lily sighed and looked away, staring at the full plate of food that she had barely touched. Hailey noticed that the rosy glow to Lily's face was gone; she was paler than usual and considerably thinner, almost frail. She knew her older sister had not been eating much in the weeks that they had been back, but every time she tried to get Lily to open up to her about what happened, she refused.
"You think he's going to get sent away, don't you?" she asked very quietly.
Lily's round eyes met hers, surprised. "What? I— No, I don't think that, Hailey."
"Then what's the problem?"
"I guess I'm just afraid of what you two might uncover, that's all."
"Don't you want to know more, Lily? Especially since he's going to..."
Hailey could not finish her sentence and instead bit her lip, fighting back the emotion surfacing that made her cheeks red and her eyes damp. Lily reached over the small, empty gap that divided them and brought her sister into a hug. When she pulled away, she witnessed a small, single tear running down Hailey's cheek and wiped it away with the back of her hand.
"I do want to know, sis," Lily whispered gently, "but I think it would be more respectful—especially in light of things—to ask Dad's permission. It's the kind thing to do. Don't you think?"
"But - But what if he says no again?" Hailey sniveled, dabbing at her eyes. "What if I'm never allowed to learn more about my dad? I don't like not knowing, Lily. I'm tired of all the gossip and the whispers; not being able to distinguish fact from fiction. I just want answers, Lily. I want to know who he was. I don't want him to go away without understanding."
"If he says no, Hailey, then I'm not sure what to tell you; but perhaps if you explained your reasoning like you just did to me, he might be more willing."
"You think?" Hailey's dark, brown eyes brightened, and Lily could not help but smile.
"Sure!"
Hailey waited for her father and mother to leave the Great Hall before deciding to skip out on Charms. She suspected her parents would be furious, but she wanted to have the conversation with Severus sooner rather than later, and if he scolded her, then so be it.
Hailey caught up to her parents relatively quickly and was surprised to find them not headed in the direction of the Infirmary or even the dungeons. Then she remembered the depressing reality of her father's situation: he had been fired and no longer worked here.
Of course he would not be returning to the dungeons. They were no longer his.
It made the first year upset to think about how he might never teach again, that he might never be able to step foot into that frigid, dimly-lit laboratory that had his signature written all over it. It was disheartening and only enraged her further the more she thought on it.
Hailey clenched her fists and scowled, unaware that she was doing so, and watched her parents' silhouettes round the corner. She trailed after them at full speed, nearly knocking head first into several older students as she went.
"Dad!" she gasped as she caught sight of them down the hall. "Dad! Mum! Wait!"
"Hailey?" Hermione answered, raising her eyebrows as her daughter drew closer. "Sweetie, what are you doing? Don't you have class?"
Crap.
"Um, well, yeah, but—"
"Hailey," Severus stared her down with a strict frown, "get to class. Now."
"You haven't even heard what I have to say!"
"I may no longer be your teacher, Hailey, but whatever it is, it can wait 'till after your lecture."
"But this is kind of important!" she insisted breathlessly. She reached out and tugged at Severus's robes. "Please, Dad? Just hear me out? Please? I need to talk you, um, alone for a minute, if that's all right, Mum?"
A curious exchange passed between Severus and Hermione before Hermione eased her arm out of his. Severus was a bit taken aback, fully prepared to reprimand their daughter, but Hermione seemed adamant to let the matter go. Did she suspect something or was she simply going to leave him to do the reprimanding for both of them? Before he could say anything, however, Hermione interrupted his thoughts.
"I'm going to check on Jeannie," she stated quietly. "I hope she isn't being too much of a bother for Aberforth and is behaving herself in his classroom. I'm afraid she's going to wear the poor man out with all her questions."
"She's just bored," Severus replied in his dry tone. "She's run out of things to do around here. Hanging out in the Hospital Wing for weeks and weeks isn't fun for adults, let alone a four-year-old. I think she should return to daycare, Hermione."
"She doesn't want to go, Severus, and she's still a little traumatized over what happened. It's a lot to digest for her; she's young." She jabbed Severus playfully in the chest and winked at Hailey. "Besides, you enjoy having all of us around. Admit it."
Hailey and Hermione shared a unified laugh, but Severus rolled his eyes and peered off into one of the many glass windows that lined the corridor. It was snowing again, blanketing the Hogwarts grounds as it always did this time of year. The snowflakes streaming down against the windowpanes were large, fluffy, and shimmered against the colored glass. It had been a while since Severus had admired just how beautiful the falling snow was here, although looking at it now only made him drowsy and depleted what little energy he had.
"I'll be back," came Hermione's soft voice, bringing Severus out of his momentary reflections.
As Hermione moseyed away, Hailey stepped forward and took Severus by the hand. "Why don't we sit down, Dad?"
Severus did not answer but allowed her to lead them to a nearby stone bench. "Hailey, you really should get to class," he snarled, though his attempt at sounding authoritative was very weak. "I can wait here for you."
Hailey, however, shook her head in defiance and took a moment to scan the place. The hall was abnormally quiet; it was usually one of several areas for students to congregate in between classes, but now lectures were in session, leaving the place entirely to father and daughter's disposal. Hailey stared up into Severus's ashen profile, realizing he would be in the dungeons himself teaching his third years right now—Lily, amongst them—if things had not gone the way they had.
"What do you want for your birthday?" she blurted out to distract her own heavy thoughts.
"What?" Severus's black eyelashes fluttered, not prepared for such a question.
"Your birthday, Dad. We - We never really got to celebrate it. You fell asleep after our conversation and didn't wake up the rest of the day. I've been meaning to ask what you wanted."
"I don't want anything, Hailey," Severus assured her, which disappointed Hailey to hear. "Knowing that you and your sisters are safe and unharmed is more than enough for me."
"That's hardly a proper birthday present."
"Yes, it is, my dear, so please don't think on it. I thank you; it's very thoughtful of you, but unnecessary."
Hailey nudged his side and laced her arm through his, laying her bushy head against his shoulder. "I'm still going to get you something."
Hailey felt Severus's chin lean against the top of her head, his unsettling, strenuous breaths close to her ears. She responded by bounding his arm more tightly around hers and looked up at him, a serious expression outlining her youthful features. She wanted to come right out with her request but, at the same time, wanted to savor this quiet moment she had alone in his company. Every moment she had with him lately felt very much that way—special, meaningful—more so than ever.
"They're having a memorial ceremony for Mr. Krum. All his old Quidditch mates are putting it together. I saw it in The Daily Prophet this morning."
"Yes, I heard. Your mother might go to pay her respects for the family."
Hailey watched the harsh lines in his face droop, knowing he was lost in some deep thought. "He didn't mean to hurt us, did he?"
"No, he didn't. If any of you girls were threatened, your mother and I would have done whatever it took to keep you safe. Viktor Krum was just trying to protect his family. Nothing more."
"I - I'm sorry for what they did to him..."
"As am I."
Hailey scooted closer and rested against him, her eyes never leaving his face. Despite the warning in her head, she whispered into his ear, "What was it like?" Severus glanced down at her with an incredulous look, his dark eyebrows angled uneasily. "Was there... Was there any pain? Do you suppose it hurt?"
Severus stared at her unreservedly for a time before answering, "No, Hailey."
"How do you know?" When Severus continued to gaze down at her with those mysterious, charcoal-colored eyes, Hailey quickly realized she already knew the answer. "Oh... Well, good."
Hailey glanced down at his pale hand that was placed casually on top of his thigh, not wanting to meet his attention. Severus surveyed his daughter some more before slowly replying, "A death like Mr. Krum's is swift and painless, as it should be. There was no struggle; as easy as closing one's eyes."
Hailey drew her miniature hand into his and studied the pair of them, a serene, yet curious sight to her young eyes. To her alleviation, he responded back and squeezed gently.
"That easy?" she asked softly.
"Yes."
A short interlude of silence passed between them as a new understanding came together in Hailey's mind that had not been there before. It was almost a relief—quite relaxing to think on—and she allowed it to sweep over her before she adjusted her recline against her father's warm chest.
"Dad?"
"Yes, sweetheart?"
"Are you really going to die?" Her voice was so feeble—barely above a whisper—that she was afraid he had not caught what she said, for he did not give her an answer. She reached somewhere deep inside, mustering the courage to press on. "It's just that... I can't imagine life without you. I - I don't want to... I want you here."
Severus's hand withdrew from her grasp and reached around to bring her close. A pair of familiar lips brushed her forehead, pecking the skin beneath the unruly bangs, not gently this time but earnestly. Hailey shut her eyes and threw her arms around him in a desperate need to hold and be held. His reaction was all-consuming, providing the right sort of comfort she needed. She lost track of how long they sat in that tight embrace, hugging one another in a painful, drawn out silence, tucked away in a darkened corner of Hogwarts castle where the natural winter light spilled in, spiritless and unilluminating.
"I'm so sorry, Hailey," Severus murmured a while later, sounding quite tired.
"No, Dad," she sniffed against his coat, "I know why you didn't tell me. I - I wasn't ready. You were right."
"You and your sisters are far too young to go through such things. I don't mean to force this on you—"
"I know you don't. I'm sorry that you have to..."
Severus pressed her tiny body into his and stifled an unsettling sound into her shoulder. Hailey tried to ignore it and buried her face further behind his hair. She knew her father was finally losing his composure, spent with trying to stay strong. It was something he undoubtedly hated to show at all; she knew he loathed being emotionally weak in front of anyone, including her.
"Will you promise me something?" she whimpered, trying her best not to let her own emotions get the better of her.
"Anything, munchkin..."
Hailey swallowed hard, knowing just how much he meant it. "Will you promise to tell me everything about you before you... Before you go?"
Severus pulled back, much to Hailey's disappointment, and examined her fully. His eyes betrayed his normally masked emotions, illustrating in their depths the magnitude of his despair, and his growing fatigue with life. Hailey swallowed again at the gravity of what she saw. Severus's eyes were wet, though no drops had fallen, and she could not recall the last time she had seen her father teary-eyed.
"Why, Hailey?"
There was nothing accusatory or bitter about his question. He did not push her away or scold her for inquiring, and that gave her the courage she needed to press him.
"Because I want to know you, Dad. I want to know who my father was, the good and the bad. I want to know what you did or didn't do, what you went through and what you overcame, how you met Mum and how you changed, how you became who I know you to be. I don't want to constantly be looking over my shoulder and questioning who you were. I don't want to hear secondhand stories or lies. I want to understand you through you. It's the only way. Please, Dad? Please?"
Severus reached out to wipe away a tear that fell from his daughter's eyes and gathered her chin in his hand. His thumb traced over her quivering, small mouth.
"I suppose I can promise you that, if you will promise me something in return?"
Hailey's eyes widened. "Yes?"
"Will you promise to remember me this way, Hailey? As the father I've been to you, rather than the man I once was? I understand that may be difficult for you in the future—"
"I will," she interjected, trying not to let more tears fall.
"Hailey, I've done some terrible things in my past I'm not proud of, that you will undoubtedly not be happy with—"
"I don't care."
"Don't say that, dear, because you will care once you've seen them for yourself."
"Does that mean you'll let me?" she urged, hinting at an excitement that had been buried beneath her sorrows.
Severus managed a faint smile. "Yes, I suppose it does."
Hailey threw herself into his arms again, full of a hope she had not anticipated. She pulled on his back to bring him as close to her as possible and whispered into his ear, "Thank you, Dad. Thank you! I know this isn't easy for you. To let me in..."
"No," Severus stated matter-of-factly.
He planted a kiss on her cheek and cradled her face in his palms again. Hailey was taken aback by how frigid his touch suddenly felt; or was that her imagination? She reached up to put her hands on top of his, hoping her own heat would radiate some much needed warmth back into his body.
"I'm all right with it. Surprisingly so."
"You are?"
"Yes. It'll be a relief for me that you and your sisters know the truth—the whole truth—at last."
"Can we start now?" Hailey pushed, unable to stop herself.
Severus let out a rough chuckle and smirked at her, his colorless eyes livening a little. "Why don't I give you the password to my office, and you can access it whenever you'd like?" His mouth abruptly turned into a scowl that almost made her rear back. "But not during class, Hailey. Is that understood? If you abuse the privilege, then I won't hesitate to take it away from you."
Hailey found herself giggling for the first time in weeks. She almost felt like herself again, like she and her father were back at home, but, of course, that was hardly the truth. Nothing was as it was before. And they could never go back, never return to life as it was before all of this.
"All right." She grabbed a few of the buttons on Severus's coat and tugged at them without really thinking. "I thought that office wasn't yours anymore?"
Severus growled, causing Hailey to blush. She had not meant to upset him. He seemed to sense her regret and tossed a few of her bangs aside.
"It's still mine. Hogwarts hasn't found a permanent replacement for me yet. And I have yet to go before the Board of Governors myself. Until I'm officially sacked a second time, the office will remain my own."
"Oh... I'm glad." She paused before adding with feeling, "And don't say that. You might get your job back. It's just... It's so unfair, Dad."
"I know, sweetheart, it is, but that's life. It doesn't always go the way you intend it to..."
"Aren't you going to miss it?"
She meant to ask would he not miss teaching her and her sisters but refrained, feeling somewhat foolish. Severus understood the masked meaning behind her question, however, and gave her a somber regard. To him, her innocent inquiry meant much more than just being their teacher, and he could not help but project all the unspoken misery manifesting inside that he had buried deep within and ignored for many years.
Hailey's eyebrows came together when Severus's lower lip started to quiver. His frail smile had morphed into the beginnings of something else; something that caused her own mouth to pout. He was on the verge of finally breaking down, and the result horrified her. Not because it was an emotion he rarely displayed, but because the mere visibility of his despair broke her heart.
"Yes, sweetheart," he replied through a unsteady voice, "I will miss you, Surina, Lily, and Jeannie terribly. I'll miss having the chance to see you all grow into the bright, talented, uncompromising witches that you'll undoubtedly all become. I'll miss so many things, so many wonderful events that will happen in your lives... I - I regret that the most... But I know you'll be fine. You'll have a lot of support, and that's a great comfort to me."
Hailey reached out and hugged Severus again, the only words tangible on her tongue that of a crushed "I'll miss you, too." She was far too emotional to say anything else, so she gripped him tight, praying that it brought him some level of comfort.
She felt his chest heave against her cheek. It was so strange to hear her father's outpouring of grief. It troubled and pained her deeply, perhaps because his cries, unlike so many others', were muffled, strained and did not sound natural but achingly difficult, as if he were trying to drive his emotions away, to drown them and not let them overpower him in any way.
Hailey wiped at her eyes and finally drew back to gaze at him, but he could barely look at her. "I wish..." she sniveled but stopped herself.
"What?" he managed, holding onto her.
"I - I wish Jeannie got to have you around the way we have... You've been there for us so much, Dad, but Jeannie... She won't have that. I - I feel so horribly selfish now for being so unapprec—"
"No, sweetheart, don't."
"But it's true! And Jeannie... It's not fair that she won't get to have you here for her the way I have..."
"You'll look after her, won't you?" he urged, his voice desperate and filled with suffering. "Be a good sister. She will need you far more than you may ever have need of her."
"Of course I will, Dad."
"She's young. She may not..." He stopped and inhaled a painful breath, his lower lip trembling more than ever. "In time, she may not remember me..."
Hailey's wet eyes became enlarged and she quickly grabbed him by fists full of his robes. She yanked on them with a fierce determination to be heard.
"Dad, don't say that! She will remember you! There's no way Jeannie could forget you! Never!"
"Will you... Will you help her?"
"Help her what?" she sniveled, sounding crestfallen. "H - Help her remember you?"
When the reply came, it was barely above a broken whisper, "Yes... Please?"
"Yes! Of course, Dad! I promise!"
As she wrapped her arms around him again, holding on to prevent him from sinking from the stone bench to the floor, Hailey turned her face to his ear and breathed in a very small voice that was filled with the deepest sincerity, "You won't be forgotten, Dad, I promise. There's no way... You mean too much to any of us for that to happen. I - I could never forget you, Dad. Never."
She felt Severus's large arms reach further around to embrace her in one of the hardest, most gratifying hugs she had ever received. She sensed that this moment—this gentle exchange of words—meant more to him than any previous conversation they had ever had.
"Thank you, sweetheart," he wheezed into her ear amidst his terribly soft cries of anguish, "Thank you...so...much..."
He proceeded to hold onto her for a long time, but it felt more like only a few minutes. Hailey had just started to pull back, rather reluctantly, when a familiar pair of tiny feet came racing towards them, followed by her mother's voice and someone else's that she did not recognize.
"Hailey! Daddy!" Jeannie chimed happily. She plopped her face right in between them, invading their space with fits of giggles that hardly matched their moods. She tugged on Severus's robes. "Hey! Lemme in!"
She pushed and shoved her way into the center of it all, causing Hailey and Severus to make room. Both of their faces were reddened, visibly shaken and upset, and the sight made Hermione stop in her tracks. Jeannie, too, surveyed them curiously once she soaked in their forlorn expressions.
"What's wrong?" she inquired, bobbing her curls to one side. "Daddy, are you crying?"
"No," Severus grumbled quickly and turned away from her.
Severus fumbled for a handkerchief somewhere in his pocket and wiped at his pointed nose, trying to be discreet. Jeannie, however, scrunched up her much tinier nose and turned to her sister, befuddled.
"Daddy cries? Really?"
"Shhhh, Jeannie!" Hailey hissed, feeling quite guilty and wretched over how the conversation had turned, not to mention how perceivably upset he was.
Suddenly, a pair of small arms drew around Severus unexpectedly. He peered down to find Jeannie's big, round eyes very near. There was an unspoken dialogue in their dark pools that was both a comfort and reassuring in some strange, euphoric way.
"Don't cry, Daddy," he heard her whisper, though he was innately focused on her mesmerizing eyes. "It'll be all right. We're here, and we love you."
Before Severus could formulate any sort of reply to the young one, the voices drawing closer ceased and Hermione's voice spoke up with keen interest, as well as concern. "Severus?" she asked.
Severus shoved his handkerchief back into his pocket and whipped his head around, looking freshly alert, but then his expression changed. He was shocked to find Hermione in unexpected company.
A small, plump wizard with a white beard, bushy eyebrows, and thick lenses was at her side; a man whom the brilliant professor would know anywhere. He raised an eyebrow and surveyed the man from top to bottom with bloodshot eyes.
"Hamilton?" He grunted to clear his throat, which was groggy and drained from his emotional display earlier.
The retired Durmstrang professor beamed at him with a matching bright red bow tie, overcoat, and large satchel stuffed underneath one arm. He held his wand in the opposite hand and was levitating a handful of tiny glass phials in the air, grinning rather proudly from ear to ear.
Hailey stared up at him, more than a little confused. The man resembled more of a mad, Muggle scientist than a wizard. She also recognized the name but could not recall how. Had she heard it before?
"That's right!" Hamilton exclaimed with a harmonious chuckle. "You really need to answer your owls more often. I've been trying to reach you for well over a month."
"I was a bit preoccupied!" Severus snarled, frowning most ungraciously; however, his sour attitude did not deter his colleague one bit.
"I know, my good man. I have some things here for you." He nodded to the phials floating in the air, as well as the overstuffed leather satchel. "I feel quite confident that one of these, if not several, in fact, will help you immensely, and make your family very, very happy."
Severus wanted to answer but found himself bereft of words. He scrutinized the phials closely, unable to tell at such a distance what they contained. Hermione, on the other hand, was studying her husband. Though initially distressed over Severus's emotionally wrought reaction at being interrupted, and already sensing the weighty conversation that had transpired between him and their daughter, there was now a hint of excitement glimmering in her golden irises that she seemed to be trying to hold back. The expression on her poised silhouette spoke of hope, and it did not escape Severus's notice.
"Are those..." he started to ask, but his voice drifted.
Hamilton nodded emphatically. "I believe they're what you've been patiently waiting for, my friend, for a very long time..."
A/N #2: The reason this conversation between Severus and Hailey did not take place back in Chapter 48 is because I thought that moment was too raw for a discussion of this level and magnitude. There needed to be time in between for Hailey to reflect on the news before she could approach her father again. This was one of the three scenes I had clearly etched out in my mind from the very beginning, and it led me to sit down and type up this story, so I thought I'd share it with you.
I know this is Severus Snape, the bitter, spiteful professor who rarely displays emotion and certainly (up until DH) doesn't cry; however, my point from the beginning of this story has been to illustrate Severus's growth. And I can't imagine a father not breaking down if faced with having this devastating conversation with his child, Severus or otherwise. Therefore, I hope it was believable and that it moved you in some way.
Did we remember Hamilton Cosworth? The retired Potions professor who insisted on coming up with an antidote (or several) for Severus many chapters ago? There's more to this than meets the eye...
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