I hope all of you are enjoying your holiday. I love hearing from you. Thank you again for all the reviews and for reading.
This chapter is a little short, but it just felt like the right place to end it. I hope you enjoy it.
Standard disclaimer.
Fourteen people was a lot to fit in one apartment, but the designers knew how to 'make it work'. It was actually a smaller group than last time, since Heidi and Tim were absent. Amy loved playing hostess, especially with Mark, and her tinkly giggle was frequently heard as she moved around the space, checking to see if anyone needed anything and receiving compliments on the food. She had found helping at the shelter very fulfilling, and it made her appreciate everything she had. She made a note to talk to Mark about going back occasionally after he left the show. That would be something that they could do together, and it wouldn't cost any money. She had always thought that she would find a man with plenty of money to buy her things and take her out, show her a good time; but to her surprise, she didn't care about any of that when she was with Mark. All she wanted was to spend time with him. Shopping together, cooking, going to Mass, helping at the shelter had been more fun than any date she'd ever been on. He hadn't given her anything for Christmas, and she didn't care at all, although she wished she'd thought of getting him something.
Blaine was tired. He'd only gotten about five hours of sleep, and performing for the kids, although it had been fun, had taken a lot out of him. He was content to sit on the living room floor next to Kurt and listen to the conversation ebb and flow around him as he ate. I hope I'm not this tired when I get through on Thursday night. Performing is hard work! Thinking about Charles' party reminded him that he and Kurt were going to practice Lucky after they ate. He set his empty plate aside, closed his eyes and started working out the chords in his head. He didn't notice when Marisol took his dishes to the kitchen, or when Amy and Mark brought the dessert around, or even when Kurt put an arm around him and pulled him over to pillow on his chest. He sighed a little, vaguely realizing Kurt's scent was filling his nostrils, and he nuzzled in closer, much to Kurt's amusement, but quickly descended into sleep again.
"He brought me my phone at 2:00 this morning," Marisol explained quietly when the others noticed the pair on the floor, "and then he had to wait until I finished. That was the only time I could talk to Henri. I don't think he got much sleep last night."
By common consent, the designers were not discussing the challenge, preferring to enjoy the holiday while they could, so the conversation ranged widely as they got to know each other a little better. Annie borrowed a laptop and showed the video her sister had made. "That's hysterical," Brenden commented, "but is that the right accent for a Yorkie?"
"Molly was adopted at a very early age, before she learned to talk. Her Yorkshire accent only comes out if she gets really excited," Annie laughed.
"Do you want to see what my mom sent me?" Ernesto asked quietly as he sat down next to Kurt, who nodded and smiled. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a keychain with square fob. He pressed a button and the screen lit up. "Mom knew we wouldn't have our phones. She sent me this so I could keep some family photos with me. This is my mom in front of our house, and this is my sister, Serena," he said as he flipped through the pictures.
"I recognize the dress," Kurt said softly. "It looks great on her. Who is that? Do you have brothers?" he asked as Ernesto displayed the next picture.
Ernesto hesitated, but reminded himself that this was Kurt and he was sure to understand. "This was taken about six years ago. I'm the one on the right. The other one is Serena, back when she was still Steve."
"She's transgendered?" Kurt asked and Ernesto nodded. "That must have been rough," Kurt said sympathetically.
"It was, but we got through it. She's happy now." He continued flipping through the photos, commenting on each one.
"Ernesto, that's a cool keychain! Did you get it for Christmas?" Amy asked as she came to collect their dessert plates.
"My mom sent it so I'd have some photos with me."
"Speaking of photos, I saw one of you in your school uniform, Kurt. I have to say - it's a different look for you, but you really rocked it."
Where did she see that? Did Dad send a photo? Maybe they're building a challenge around our high school days or something. "Yeah, I loved the school, but the uniform really wasn't my thing. Blending in and looking the same as everyone else isn't easy for me. I kept having the urge to add a scarf, a pin, even an earring, just to express my individuality, and let me tell you, that did not go over well."
"I can see both sides of the argument, though," interjected Ernesto. "We didn't have official uniforms, but there was a very definite expectation from the students. If you didn't have $200 to spend on a pair of jeans, you could forget being in the popular group. Having uniforms levels the playing field and makes the socioeconomic differences less obvious."
"You may have a point," Kurt conceded. "I was probably the least affluent student at Dalton, but we all wore the same thing, at least to class, so it wasn't in my face all the time. Maybe I'm not being fair, though. They all knew my background, and it didn't seem to matter to any of them."
The dishes were washed and dried, the leftovers had been divided up, and the designers were beginning to go back to their own apartments. Reluctantly, Kurt shook Blaine's shoulder. He had only slept for about 45 minutes, and Kurt hated to disturb him, but they couldn't stay any longer. "Come on, Sleeping Beauty, wake up. We have to go practice for your gig now."
Blaine mumbled something unintelligible and Jen laughed. "There's only one way to wake Sleeping Beauty, Kurt," she teased, "and I'm certainly not Prince Charming." Kurt glared at her and prodded Blaine's shoulder again, a little more forcefully, but to no avail. "Told you," Jen exulted. "Do it! I dare you!"
After they left Mark's apartment, Kurt and Blaine picked up the guitar Blaine had left in Kurt's bedroom and went down to the lounge to practice. "Let me run through the chords once first," Blaine said as he tuned his guitar. "I've never played this song before." He started to run through the song, playing the chords in succession, just strumming each one once, hearing the song in his head. As he played, he realized he hadn't thought about the words of Lucky and how closely they mirrored his own situation, or at least the way he wanted it to be. 'I keep you with me in my heart... I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend... They don't know how long it takes, waiting for a love like this... I'll wait for you, I promise you, I will...'
I don't know if I can sing this with him. It says everything I want to say. He took a deep breath. I can do this. I just have to focus. Blaine concentrated on keeping a little emotional distance, not making eye contact, and trying not to be so obvious. He angled his body away from Kurt and began to strum, coming in with the first verse at the end of the second measure.
Kurt kept his eyes on Blaine, awaiting his cue, but realized immediately that something wasn't quite right. He's very stiff, and he's not singing with any expression at all. He sang his verse, still watching Blaine, trying to figure out what was wrong, feeling more unhappy by the minute. This feels like singing with a stranger. There's no chemistry at all. They sang the chorus together, but when they got to the bridge, Kurt's voice trailed off.
As soon as he realized Kurt wasn't singing, Blaine stopped as well. Something's wrong. How can I fix it? Maybe I'll give him a minute, see if he'll tell me what the problem is. The uncomfortable silence stretched between them, expanding to fill the room, making it hard for Blaine to breathe. "Kurt, you seem really uncomfortable. Is something wrong?" he finally asked.
Kurt blushed and looked down. "Funny you should say that. I was just wondering if it was making you uncomfortable to sing this song with me."
Only because I want to look into your eyes and tell you everything I'm feeling. Only because I want to run my fingers through your hair and pull you close and feel your lips on mine. Only because I need you so badly I can hardly stand it. "What do you mean?"
Kurt rolled his eyes. "It's a song about being in love. You're singing it with a guy. A very obviously gay guy."
Who's also the best friend I'm in love with. "Does it make you uncomfortable to sing it with me?"
"Of course not, but I'm gay."
Thank goodness for that! "Okay, then, would it make you uncomfortable to sing it with Annie?"
Kurt frowned. He hadn't thought of it that way. "I guess it wouldn't," he said slowly.
I should just tell him. I should tell him I'm in love with him... I can't. It would be best for me, but it's not what's best for Kurt. "Think about all the people who sing duets. Think about Jason Mraz and Colbie Caillat. People who aren't in love sing love songs together all the time. It's just part of performing. Besides, I told you - I'm completely comfortable with my sexuality."
"So if it's not making you uncomfortable, why are you so distant? I feel like I'm singing with a stranger; no - worse - like I'm singing alone. Did I do something wrong? Is it because I … because I kissed you?" he asked slowly.
I don't want you to ever feel alone and I hate that I'm the one who made you feel that way. "Under the mistletoe? No, that was funny. You and Jen are the only two people who have ever done that to me." And I'll treasure the memory of that kiss forever.
Although Blaine didn't think it was possible, Kurt suddenly looked even more uncomfortable, guilty, even. "No, I meant today, in Mark's apartment."
Blaine looked at Kurt in shock, mouth open. He kissed me? I don't … Oh... Damn. The memory of waking up, lips tingling, Kurt's face inches from his own, beautiful blue eyes looking deep into his came flooding back and he felt his breath quicken. "That was real? I thought I dreamed it."
"You fell asleep, and I was trying to wake you up, and I made a comment about Sleeping Beauty and Jen said there was only one way to wake Sleeping Beauty, and she dared me to do it, and I just did, and it was wrong, and I'm sorry," Kurt said in a rush, face flaming. "It's never right to kiss someone without their consent. I, of all people, should know that, and you probably hate me now, but at least it wasn't your first kiss, but that's no excuse, and I really hope you can forgive me. I never want to do anything that would cause me to lose your friendship. I don't want to mess this up."
Blaine blinked, frantically trying to process the torrent of words erupting from Kurt. We had our first kiss and I missed it. Well, that is a little disappointing, but it evidently wasn't a romantic kiss, so it doesn't count. I'm okay with that. What was that about kissing someone without their consent and first kisses? There's a story there, but I'll address that later. It isn't important. What am I going to do? He's really upset. Should I pretend I was awake the whole time and just wanted to see if he would do it? I don't think he'd believe that; it doesn't tally with my reaction now. He realized his mouth was hanging open again and shut it with a snap. He divested himself of the guitar and stepped over to face Kurt. "Kurt, no. You didn't do anything wrong. It's the song. I should have … I'm … I'm in …" I can't. Heidi trusts me to handle this.
"What, Blaine? What are you saying?" Kurt's eyes were huge, and his confusion was evident.
"I'm inept when it comes to playing a new song and singing it at the same time. I can't really get into it until the music becomes automatic. I should have practiced it more before I asked you to sing it." Was that a lie? Not exactly. I do need to learn the music before I try to sing and play at the same time, and I'm not very familiar with the song. I said I didn't want to lie to him, but this is getting awfully close. "I'm so very sorry I made you feel bad, Kurt. Can you forgive me?"
Kurt smiled, and it was as if the sun came out from behind the clouds. Blaine opened his arms and Kurt stepped into them. "There's nothing to forgive, Blaine, but if there were, I would. Friends?"
"Now and forever," Blaine replied. 'I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend.' "So," he said lightly, "did I kiss you back?"
Just FYI, I seriously considered moving the last three paragraphs to the next chapter. :)
