Notes:
As you might have noticed while reading this story, I like to bring back moments from past chapters and this final chapter starts with a throwback to chapter 26. I don't expect any of you to remember exactly what happened in ch. 26 because that was forever ago, but if anyone does remember and can figure out what Blaine is up to it would be fun if you'd let me know :) I've had this ending in mind for a really long time, but it was while editing ch. 26 that I figured out how I wanted to do it.
I might have gone a little overboard with all the things I'm bringing back from the past, but it is the final chapter and I got nostalgic while writing, so please just bear with me :)
As this is the epilogue it will be a little different from previous chapters. The pov will change several times because I wanted to tell it from both Blaine's and Kurt's pov, but it's marked clearly whose pov it is so I hope it's not too confusing. There will also be small time jumps as this chapter takes place over two months.
Kurt, November/December 2017
"Look a plane! Where do you think it's going?"
"I have no clue, Kurt."
"Come on, Blaine, humor me. You know I like this game."
"I think… Philadelphia."
"Blaine! You're no fun. You know how to play this game."
We're walking hand in hand through the streets of New York City. It's a dark and cold November evening, and we walk close together. There's snow in the air, it hasn't started to fall yet, but the forecast promised snow later tonight.
Earlier today we dropped Dad and Carole off at the airport after they'd come to spend Thanksgiving weekend with us. Finn flew out with them to meet Rachel, and we had a big family dinner all six of us. When we returned from the airport, we decided to go for a walk. There's been so much food these past couple of days, and I just needed to do something other than sitting still. Blaine's beanie is pulled down low for anonymity, but there aren't many people out on these streets tonight.
"I think the plane is going wherever you want it to go, Kurt," Blaine says, his breath visible in the wintery evening, and kisses my cheek.
His nose is cold pressing against my side, but his kiss is warm. I sneak my arm around his waist, pulling him closer to me, wanting to share his body heat. I don't like it when Blaine doesn't play by my rules, but he never has, and it sort of became this thing we did when we were younger. We haven't played this game in forever, but he still remembers to do it his way instead of mine. Tonight I let him get away with it, only because he pressed a warm kiss to my cheek.
"The only place I want to go is home," I say. We've been walking for a while, and now the idea of snuggling up on the couch, watching a movie, and falling asleep in Blaine's arms is all I can think of.
"I like it when you call our apartment home," Blaine says close to my ear. "I like that we're sharing a home."
A shiver runs through my body. It has nothing to do with the cold air, and everything to do with his hot breath against my ear, and the words he's saying. "Home is wherever you are, Blaine," I say and mean just that.
If due to his work he was compelled to live somewhere else, I would go with him. I can design from anywhere. Marc Jacobs has offices all over the country, and if they're not willing to move my position, I'd freelance or start something of my own. I've been thinking a lot about this lately, not because I think we'll have to move, but because I know I can't live without Blaine. Not again.
"You always say the cutest things," Blaine says and leans his head on my shoulder.
I smile into his hair. Normally he's the one saying all the cute stuff. "Only because I have the cutest boyfriend who deserves to hear the truth."
"Are you free the first week in January?" Blaine suddenly asks after we've been walking in silence for a block.
"I don't know. I think so. Why?" I ask.
"Can you make sure you're free?" Blaine asks.
I turn my face to look at him. He's wearing a big smile, like he just figured out the cure to all existing incurable diseases. "Why?" I ask again, wondering what he's up to.
"It's a surprise," Blaine says. "A good one, I promise," he adds when he sees the suspicious look on my face.
"You know I don't like surprises, Blaine," I pout, even though I secretly love it when he surprises me. But saying I don't like surprises is just as much me not playing by the rules as he does with my plane spotting game.
"You're going to love this one," he says all excited. "Just tell me you can take the time off."
"I'll have to check with Cassandra tomorrow, but I think I can take some vacation. Is it the whole week?"
Blaine thinks for a while before he answers. "Yes, the whole week."
Blaine continues to be secretive about his plan in the weeks that follow. He steps out of the room to talk when his phone rings and always returns with a smile that's bigger than the one he was wearing when he left. The curiosity is killing me. Even if I've tried to figure out what it is, tried asking discrete question, hoping he'll slip and tell me something, he remains quiet as a clam. It bugs me and excites me.
We've officially been living together for little over a month now, although if I'm being honest, I have been living here since our first night together. I never saw a reason to spend more than occasional nights in my own apartment when I could be here with him. Sophie likes it here, too, but then again, she's always had a soft spot for Blaine.
Living with Blaine is easy in some ways. Sometimes it feels like we've always lived together, and I guess that in some sense we have. Blaine slept on my couch so many times when we were kids, and we had our routines already then. Now, certain things we don't have to talk about, we just know how the other person likes it. Being able to go to bed with Blaine and wake up next to him is heaven. I don't think I'll ever grow tired of snuggling up next to him.
But there is a black hole in our history and because of it, some things are different now. Like him needing therapy and time to heal, and then there's work getting in the way of us spending time together. I try to have normal working hours, but Blaine is often scheduled on evenings and weekends. He says it's temporary, that it's not always like this, and I hope he's right. Going to bed alone on Saturday evenings is hard. Leaving him sleeping in our bed every morning while I go to work is harder.
When we are at home together, however, we turn off our phones and focus on each other. That's when living with him becomes easy again.
December is a busy month. There's a single to be promoted and deadlines to be kept. There's Christmas shopping to be done and a small apartment to be emptied before returning the key. Then we're back in Lima to celebrate Christmas. Blaine is always his most relaxed when he's in Lima. There he doesn't have to be anybody but Blaine. There's no pressure to behave in a certain way, there are no expectations on him (other than him showing up at breakfast and dinner). We spend Christmas Day with Dad, Carole and Finn, and the days after Christmas we see our old friends again. They're all back in Lima to spend Christmas with their families.
On New Year's Eve we're back in New York. There's a party at Sebastian's, one I don't really want to go to because, well, it's Sebastian, and even if I try liking him, he's making it really difficult. Blaine makes a deal with me. Says we can go, make an appearance, and then sneak out and bring in the New Year by ourselves in our apartment. That's a deal I'm willing to take.
Back in our apartment, we slip out of our suits and into pajama pants and soft t-shirts. With Blaine between my legs, his back against my chest, a blanket wrapped around us, sparkling cider in our glasses, and Sophie curled up by our feet, we greet the New Year.
"What do you wish from the New Year?" I ask, placing my glass on the coffee table so that I can run my fingers through his thick curls.
"For it to continue the way the old one ended," Blaine says. "With your arms around me, and my heart beating just a little faster because of it. I have everything I could wish for right here. You know how much I love when it's just you and me. And Sophie," he adds and reaches out to scratch behind her ear. As long as I get to have this, I'll be able to face anything this year throws my way."
"How do you always say the things I never anticipate?" I ask. "The things I didn't know I needed to hear?" I was expecting an answer in the line of I want my next album to be a success or I wish to stay sober. But Blaine never did know how to play by the rules. Now he's telling me that as long as we stay the way we are, we can face anything. Together. I can't help the way my heart skips a beat when he talks like that.
"Easy," Blaine says. "I'm just telling the truth. With you by my side, everything is possible."
I hug him a little tighter and place a kiss on his temple. He's so precious, and I feel this unexplainable desire to protect him from the world. Not that he needs it, but he's been through a lot, and I just want to keep him safe and away from experiencing something like that again. I wish life could be as easy as just him and me together on this couch for the rest of our lives.
"What do you wish from this year?" Blaine asks.
"For you to tell me where we're going," I say, completely changing the subject because thinking about Blaine's past makes me sad, and I don't want that feeling to rub off on him. And the not knowing is starting to make me anxious. Not because I don't trust him, but because I don't know what to bring.
"You, know I can't do that, Kurt." I can hear in his voice how much he's enjoying this. Too much if you ask me. "Then it wouldn't be a surprise."
"But we're leaving in two days, Blaine. You have to at least tell me if I should pack for cold or warm weather." The fact that I haven't even started packing yet is stressing me. That I don't know what to pack is stressing me even more.
"Hmm…" Blaine pretends to ponder. I tug at his hair lightly to show how much I don't approve of him playing evasive. "Okay, okay," Blaine laughs. "You should pack for warm weather. And bring your passport."
"Are we going abroad?" I ask, excited but also more confused because I hadn't even considered that possibility and now there are even more possible destinations.
"Maybe," Blaine says. "Or maybe I'm just saying that to mess with you."
"Blaine…"
"Just relax, Kurt," Blaine says and strokes my forearms. "Let me do this thing for you and trust me that it will be something that you'll like. I'll help you pack tomorrow and make sure you have everything you need. Okay?"
"Okay," I say and pout even though he can't see my face, "but only because I love you. And because I do trust you. With everything." I trust him with my heart, why shouldn't I trust him with this?
"Me too," Blaine says in a soft voice and turns around to kiss me. "Can you relax now and let us enjoy this night?"
"Yes," I say. "And being here, with you in my arms is also kind of all I wish for. Can we make a promise to do this as often as we can?"
"Like a New Year's resolution?"
"Yes, this is my New Year's resolution to you – to always make time to hold you, whenever you want me too. Even if I'm busy."
"My resolution to you," Blaine continues, "is to always tell you how much I love you. Every day, no matter where I am. I'll always make time to call you and tell you."
His voice is a little sad when he says the last words. I know he's is thinking about the tour he knows is coming later this year, and the many events and shows he will attend across the country. I think he still worries about the distance being a problem for me, but I could never let him go again.
"I love you, Blaine, with all of my heart."
"I love you, Kurt. Today and forever."
"Are we going to Hawaii?" I try, hoping that with all these promises and declarations, he'll be distracted and slip, and give away some information.
"Still not going to tell you," Blaine laughs.
Blaine, January 2nd 2018
I try to keep Kurt calm while packing, but I can see in his eyes how close to freaking out he is about not knowing what to bring. I feel guilty for causing him this stress. So much in fact that I almost tell him where we're going the night before we leave. But only almost.
I want to pamper him with this trip. God knows he deserves it. Being with me isn't easy. Being noticed and approached by total strangers is new to him, and I know it takes time to get used to. Sometimes I feel guilty for wanting everyone to know about us, but Kurt says I'm being silly, that he knew what he was getting himself into, and that he can handle it. There are moments though that I know he wishes we were just a normal couple, when the attention and the interest in us become too much. This trip will be for him and me only with no interference from the world.
We leave early in the morning of the first day of our trip because we have a long journey ahead of us. Snow has fallen during the night leaving the trees beautifully white, but even though I love the snow, I can't wait to get away from the city and the cold weather.
Jeff picks us up and drives us to the airport. He's been a big part in helping me plan this trip. I don't think I could have managed all of the arrangements without his help actually, and when he offered to drive us, I gladly accepted. He drops us off at Teterboro airport where our private jet waits for us.
The look on Kurt's face when we board the plane is priceless. He looks lost and excited all at once, like he doesn't know what to think or how to act. He holds my hand tight and stays close to me as we walk up the steps to the plane.
"Is this just for us?" He whispers when he sees that we're the only passengers.
"Yes," I answer and feel all warm inside when I see the giddiness in his eyes.
"How much money do you really have?" He asks.
"More than enough," I laugh because the truth is I don't really know, just that there is more than I need and spending it on Kurt seems like a good investment.
"Welcome on board, gentlemen," the flight attendant greets us once we are seated. "I hope you'll enjoy this flight to Miami."
"Oh, I've never been to Miami!" Kurt says excitedly when she leaves, two glasses of orange juice placed before us.
"Miami is not our final destination," I say. "It's just a stop to change means of transportation."
"Okay, I can't take this anymore. Please tell me where we're going, Blaine."
I kind of wanted to wait, but the look in his eyes, and the pleading nature of his voice makes it impossible to keep this from him any longer.
"When we were out walking that evening after Thanksgiving weekend, and you spotted that plane in the sky," I say and Kurt nods, remembering that night. "Well, it sort of reminded me of the last time we played that game, and I made you a promise. Do you remember?"
Kurt stays silent for a while, and I can practically see the wheels turning inside his head trying to remember. Then a smile spreads across his lips.
"No way…" Kurt says. "You're not seriously…"
"I told you that someday I would take you to the Bahamas. You and me on a luxurious yacht sailing to the Bahamas, staying in a hotel with a private beach-"
"Relaxing in the sun and making love under the stars," Kurt fills in, his smile so bright it challenges the sun.
I smile too, happy that he remembers. "You told me, and I quote you, you better make sure you become a big star so that we can make that trip. Well here we are."
"I can't believe you did this," Kurt says, his eyes watering as he wraps his arms around me in the tightest hug. "I love you so much!"
"You deserve it, Kurt. Everything you have to put up with to be with me. I know it's hard…"
"Stop it, Blaine. Nobody's forcing me to be with you, this is my choice, and I knew what I was getting myself into when we started dating again. I'd gladly face a thousand of fans and nosy reporters to be with you - you know that. Most of your fans are so sweet, and it's really much better than I expected. You have to stop feeling guilty about it."
I don't know if I'll ever stop worrying about how his life will change because he choose to be with me. But I have to remember that Kurt has grown too since we were younger. He's no longer that shy ten-year-old I first got to know. He's grown into a confident man who knows how to handle himself in the new situations that living with me have brought upon him. He's strong - probably much stronger than me – and I don't need to look out for him that way anymore. But just because I don't need it, doesn't mean I won't do it. I will always make sure he's safe.
The flight to Miami is smooth. A warm breeze sweeps across our faces as we leave the plane, and we quickly stove our winter coats in our bags. We're picked up by a car that drives us to the harbor where a yacht is waiting for us. Kurt's eyes widen, and I hear a small gasp when he sees the boat.
"Do you know how to drive that thing?" He leans in and whisper.
"I don't have a clue," I whisper back. "It's a good thing the captain does."
"That is a good thing," Kurt chuckles in return. Standing beside him, I can feel how excited he is, and it's contagious. I'm so relieved he liked my surprise, and now I feel like I can finally relax and enjoy this vacation.
"Welcome aboard, Mr. Anderson, Mr. Hummel," the Captain greets us when we get on the yacht. "The weather promises a calm crossing."
"Great, thank you," I answer.
"Where exactly in the Bahamas are we going?" Kurt asks when we've settled down on the sunbed in the front of the yacht. It's slowly making its way out of the harbor in the afternoon sun. Our bags have been taken care of, and we've been served a late lunch. With the legs of our pants and sleeves of our shirts rolled up, we lie close next to each under a sail turned into a sun shade, my head resting on Kurt's chest, and his arms around my shoulders. Kurt's been silent for a while, and I think he's just trying to take it all in.
"To an island called Eleuthera with white beaches and turquoise water. We'll stay in a bungalow close to the water with our own little beach." I hear his heart beat under his skin. A slow, steady rhythm that makes me tranquil.
"I can't believe we're really doing this," Kurt says while his fingers lazily play with my curls. The feeling of Kurt's fingers in my hair makes me shiver in the most pleasurable way. It always has. "I can't believe we're on a yacht, sailing to the Bahamas. It's just crazy," Kurt says with a warm affection in his voice. "Have I ever told you how much I love you?"
I lean my head back to look at him. "Maybe," I tease, "but I'll never grow tired of hearing it."
"Well, I'll never grow tired of saying it. Or feeling it."
My lips seek out his in a gentle kiss that I can feel in every part of my body. But there's also something else in that kiss. Something that makes me lose my mind.
"Kurt," I moan. "When did you…?" There's a taste of chocolate on his tongue.
Kurt gives me an innocent smile. "What do you mean?"
"You know what chocolate does to me," I say and press my body a little closer to his.
"I know," he says and turns to his side to face me. His legs lace with mine, and then his face changes into something humble. "I wanted to give you something to show you my appreciation for this amazing surprise you've planned for me."
"You don't have to give me anything, but I do love how your mind works," I say. I press my lips against his again, wanting to taste more of my two favorite flavors mixed together.
Kurt kisses me back, his tongue licking mine, and there is more chocolate filling my senses. The kiss slowly changes into something else, something that makes my heart beat with anything but tranquility. I roll on top of him, wanting to be as close to him as possible. Chest against chest, thigh against thigh.
"Did I ever tell you how I used to feel like butterflies had permanently moved into my belly when we were younger?" Kurt asks. "Every kiss was a thrill, and the butterflies were always present."
"No." I shake my head a little from side to side. "But that's really cute." I like thinking about how we were then - still innocent and unscarred. Sure, I was a mess already back then, but a different kind of mess than what I became later. We were young, and even though it took me a while to figure out what I wanted, who I was, my love for him was always strong. Even when I didn't know what it meant, I still knew I loved him. Even later, when I couldn't talk to him, my love never faded.
"I still feel like that sometimes," Kurt says. "Like I'm kissing you for the first time. It's like, I know what kissing you feels like, but sometimes it still surprises me in the best possible way, and the butterflies go crazy in there. Like now."
I feel them too, the butterflies. Especially when he says things like that, and there's chocolate involved. Kurt always makes my belly flutter in the most pleasurable way. I kiss him again, hoping he'll feel so much more than butterflies.
"I wish we were already in our bungalow," I whisper when I finally let go of his lips. "So that I could show you what your kisses do to me."
"How long until we're there?" Kurt asks, the heat in his usually calm blue eyes gives away his desire.
"The crossing takes a few hours. It will probably be late when we arrive."
"Then you better roll off of me or this will be an uncomfortable crossing for me," Kurt says.
"I'm not that heavy," I huff. At least I don't think I am.
"So not what I meant, baby," Kurt laughs.
Laughing too, as I realize his predicament (which is the same as mine to be honest). I slide down beside him. With my head back on his chest again, and my body pressed close to his. I close my eyes and enjoy lying next to Kurt. The warmth from the sun and Kurt's body mixed with the cool breeze from the ocean make this the most comfortable I've been in weeks.
Kurt, January 2nd 2018
I feel Blaine doze off in my arms, and soon small snoring sounds can be heard. Having Blaine sleeping in my arms is one of my favorite things, and I since I don't get to experience it nearly as often as I'd like, I tend to lie awake after he's fallen asleep just so that I can have this feeling. There's so much stress and pressure in his life sometimes, and to see him this relaxed puts some peace in my worried heart. I trail my fingertips up and down his arm, just because I can and just because I like feeling his warm skin against my fingers.
The yacht is speeding across the ocean, there's no land to be seen ahead of us now. I've never been on a yacht before, but I find myself liking the speed. Or maybe the adrenaline I'm feeling is just from knowing that I will have Blaine all to myself for a few days. Lazy days with no interference and no interruptions. They're really not that common in our lives, and I wonder how he made this trip happen. He did make that ultimatum to his label, and he is much more in control of his own life now. Blaine threatening to leave made them realize they needed him more than he needed them, and all those stupid clauses were gone. Three months ago I don't think it would have been possible for him to do this trip, but now everything is slowly changing for the better.
I close my eyes and listen to the sounds around me. There are no voices, just the sound of Blaine sleeping, the engines roaring, and the yacht cutting through the waves. The sun is warm, but the wind makes the temperature just perfect. It's soothing, and I feel myself drift off.
When I open my eyes again, it's darker than before. The sun is setting, coloring the sky into mesmerizing shades of orange, pink, and purple. There's a blanket placed on top of me, but Blaine is missing. I look around, but I can't see him anywhere.
The yacht is going slower now, and I can see the silhouette of an island in the distance. There's light from what looks like a small village along the shoreline. The air is chillier, but the blanket is keeping me warm and cozy.
I hear footsteps behind me, and when I turn around, I see Blaine with a fond smile on his lips.
"Hey, how are you feeling?" He asks softly. "You must have been really tired, you've been out for hours."
"Like I'm still dreaming. Have you seen this view?" I point towards the sunset and the distant island.
"It's beautiful," Blaine says, his eyes still on me. "Just like this view."
I feel myself blush. I always do when he talks like that. I don't know why, but he says it with such honesty - like it's something he really means, and not something he says just to make me happy - that it goes straight to my heart.
I reach my hand out to him, wanting him close to me again. Blaine gets up on the sunbed and snuggles in next to me. "Thank you for the blanket," I say.
"Didn't want you to get cold when I left," Blaine says and places a kiss just below my ear. "There's dinner inside if you're hungry."
"I kind of don't want to leave this spot," I say. "I have everything I need right here - a beautiful view and a gorgeous man by my side."
Blaine moves in a little closer and kisses my lips this time. "I couldn't agree more. You're everything I need. And, you know, cuddles and kisses are my favorites."
"Then let's have that for dinner."
"I think that's the wisest thing you've said today," Blaine says then his lips are on mine again. I shift so that I'm on my side and wrap my legs around him. Blaine nibbles at my lower lip before he slips his tongue into my mouth, slowly moving it around mine.
We stay like that, kissing, touching, hazel eyes looking back at mine, lost in our own little world, without noticing when the yacht stops. Not until the captain discretely clears his throat beside us.
"The boat is ready to take you ashore, Mr. Anderson," he says.
"The yacht is too big to go any closer," Blaine explains when he sees the confused look on my face.
It's dark when the small boat takes us and our bags the final way into the small harbor. The boat is fast and the wind is cold. Blaine has his arm around me the entire way, keeping me warm. Once on solid ground, a car waits to take us to our hotel.
Bungalows are scattered along the beach leading away from the reception. Our bungalow is situated farthest out on a small peninsula, secluded and almost hidden behind hibiscuses and palm trees – like our own private piece of heaven. The view from the terrace is breathtaking, even in the dark. The moon lights up the ocean and the shore below us.
"I'm sorry about the long trip," Blaine says, coming up behind me, snaking his arms around my waist, resting his chin on my shoulder.
"Don't be," I say. Sure the day has been long, but the nap on the boat gave me new energy. "This day has been perfect. You know why?" I ask.
Blaine shakes his head.
"Because I got to spend it with you. Because you planned this amazing surprise for me, and I just feel so blessed."
"Well, it is your birthday soon," Blaine teases.
"In two months, yes," I say and laugh. "This does not count as a birthday present."
"Okay, so I guess you just got lucky and found the perfect boyfriend then," Blaine says, and I love how playful he is. There's no stress or worries, just him being the person that I love.
"Oh, that's more than just luck," I say and place my hands on top of his as I look at the panoramic view in front of us. "That's destiny. You and I ending up together was inevitable. I remember someone saying that anywhere there's a you and a me, we would find each other and love each other. Well, this you and me, we've done just that."
It feels like life played a trick on us, keeping us apart, testing us, making sure we'd never take this love for granted, but we were always meant to find each other again.
"Was that the same wise guy who suggested kisses and cuddles for dinner?" Blaine asks, hugging me a little tighter.
"The one and only."
"He's my favorite person on this planet." I turn my head to meet his lips in a kiss. When Blaine answers the kiss, returning it with more heat than I expected, I shift my body so that I'm facing him, my arms sneaking up around his shoulders.
"Are you tired? Do you want to go to sleep?" Blaine asks, a content sound slipping past his lips when my fingers find their way into his hair.
"I was kind of hoping that this perfect day didn't have to end, that it could continue to be perfect for a couple of hours more," I say hoping he's not too tired.
"You just keep saying the smartest things today, Kurt." Blaine's voice is warm and loving. "Come here."
Blaine takes my hand and leads me over to the sun loungers out on the terrace. They're placed under a pergola with soft, white fabrics draping the ceiling, which then continues down the sides. He lies down and pulls me down on top of him. Our lips meet the second I land on him, connecting us and completing us.
When my kisses move from his lips, down his neck, his hands finds their way down my back, trying to sneak inside my pants.
"Seriously, Kurt. Why do you always wear these damn tight jeans?" Blaine lets out a discontented grunt. "Do you know how frustrating they are?"
"I could just take them off," I say while I continue to kiss that spot on his neck.
"And your ideas just keep getting better and better," Blaine breathes out heavily below me. I know exactly what me kissing that spot does to him, and I can already feel its effect.
I get up to remove my pants, and Blaine does the same. Then he starts unbuttoning his shirt. "Might as well remove this too," he says with a mischievous smile. "It will only be in the way later, right?"
"Now who's the one with the bright ideas?" I say and follow his example. But before I'm even done undoing the first button, Blaine is standing in front of me.
"Let me," he says, gently removing my hands. His unbuttoning is slow and teasing, his kisses on my chest hot and tickling. Slowly, inch by inch he makes his way down my belly until he's on his knees in front of me. My body is buzzing with excitement and with a need I thought would die out after our first weeks together, but it seems I will always feel this hunger and desire when it comes to Blaine. The need to be close to him, to be with him, to touch him, and to have his fingers on my body. To have his lips kissing all his favorite parts of my body.
My underwear are removed just as slowly as my shirt, and for a few moments he just sits there and looks at me. His eyes on me don't make me feel self-conscious, they might have at some point in my life, but now I just close my eyes and revel in the feeling of him watching me. Seconds past where everything is quiet, the only sound heard are the waves crashing gently on the shore.
Then his hand is on me, stroking me, making me hard. I open my eyes and look down at him, my mesmerizing boyfriend. He showed me what love was, with his openness and raw honesty. His love for me was so strong even when he didn't know what it meant. He made me feel wanted, like I was the only one. He made me discover who I was. He made me discover my body in a new way. He made me fall in love, and I should have realized that there was no going back. I don't know how I thought I could move on from that, how I thought I could live without it. Now I know I never could. I'm his for the rest of my life, whether he decides to stay with me or not.
Our eyes connect when his mouth replaces his hand, but the sight is too much, and I have to close my eyes again. Small moans of pleasure leave my lips as he moves up and down my cock, his tongue is everywhere I need it to be. His lips are firm and move in a deliciously slow pace that makes me dizzy. My legs are suddenly weak, and I don't think I'll be able to do this standing up.
"I need to lie down," I say in a voice that's shaky and barely audible. Days of anticipation, the long journey, and the decision to skip dinner is catching up with me, leaving my body feeling faint, especially since all blood has left my brain, heading elsewhere.
"Okay," Blaine says and stands up, his arms instantly around me, keeping me from falling. His lips are on mine, kissing me with that same slow, burning desire. My body is hot with want for him, screaming for more. More friction, more touches, more tongue. More everything.
He pushes me gently down on the lounger, and I relax against the soft cushions. He steps out of his underwear, and then his body is pressed against mine, skin against skin, connecting everywhere. "I've wanted to this all day," he whispers. "To be here, to touch you like this."
"Me too." It comes out more as whimper than actual words. "I need you, Blaine."
"I'm right here. Whatever you need, Kurt, I'm always right here."
My hands on his cheeks, I pull him in for a kiss. My legs wrap around his, pushing him closer to me. His body moves above me in small rocking motions as our tongues connect and dance around each other. I thrust up, feeling his cock against mine. I love that feeling, and right now I desperately need for that feeling to never end.
Slow hands move up and down my arms, almost soothingly, while I desperately clutch my fingers to his back, fingernails leaving crescent marks. The urge to have him close too strong to hold back. I need him. Tonight, tomorrow, right there, oh God I need him right there. Whatever it is he's doing with his body, with his fingers and lips, I need him to never stop.
"Blaine…" My voice is hoarse, and I don't know why. I don't understand where this desperation is coming from, but there's no desire to analyze it when there's a craving burning inside me. I want him like this, in every which way I can have him, always.
His kisses are everywhere. Leaving wet little marks on my lips, on my cheek, on my neck. Him licking and nibbling at my earlobes, his breath hot against my ear, is a pleasure trigger I never knew I had. It drives me crazy, and I writhe beneath him, unable to stop. I push myself against him, the friction we're creating is everything. My fingers trail down his crack, push at his hole, and the sounds leaving his mouth are so sinful that the heat keeps building inside me.
I feel Blaine starting to pull away from me, like he's leaving me. My body protests. I need him to stay. I need him to touch me. I wrap my legs tighter around him, holding him in place.
"I'm just going to get lube," Blaine whispers softly. His voice is like a balm trying to sooth the craving my desire leaves within me, as if he can feel it. But he can't leave.
"No," I practically whimper. "Stay, baby. This is good. Please don't move away from me." Who needs lube when there's pre-cum and sweat-slicked bodies making everything smooth? I don't need tonight to be anything more than him sliding against me, our cocks rubbing against each other. I just like touching him there. We can take it further any other night this week, but not tonight. Right now I'm close and him getting up, even just for a few seconds, would break this feeling and I can't have that. I need to stay connected to him. I need him to bring me there now. "I don't need lube. I just need you like this."
Blaine doesn't say anything, but he stays. With his body back against mine, he starts moving his hips again. My fingers are in his hair, tugging, making him moan, making him move faster. Making him whisper my name.
"Kurt… fuck..." Blaine's voice is close but yet distant somehow. He's here, I can feel him, so I must be the one being somewhere else.
Our kisses lose focus, our movements become erratic, as the heat inside me keeps building. With my hands on his hips, I guide him. I decide the speed, the pressure with which I need him, to bring us closer. Blaine's moans come out faster, louder. And then I'm there. I shut my eyes hard, my fingernails digging into his ass, and shout his name into our kiss. I hear him making sounds too, but my mind can't take in anything but my own orgasm.
I have no perception of what's going on around me for the next seconds or minutes. I don't know how Blaine gets there, but his body lies heavily on top of me. He's panting, and his breathing is irregular. I move my hands from his ass to his back, cradle his body in my arms, keeping him in this moment. He's warm, and there are beads of sweat forming on his back.
"Let's go into the ocean," Blaine says against my neck.
"Let's stay in this moment forever," I respond. My brain is still hazy from that orgasm, and I can't think about anything but staying here with Blaine and just breathe.
"I need to cool down."
"I need you in my arms." I'm selfish, I know, but I'm not ready to let this moment go yet.
"Come with me then." Blaine's words are soft on my skin.
"I don't think I can move."
"I'll carry you."
"But I'm naked," I try to protest.
"We've gone skinny dipping before."
To every one of my protests, he has an answer. I don't know why he's so adamant about it, but there's no energy left in me to care about reasons. Especially not when he's lifting me up and carrying me across the terrace, down on the beach and into the ocean.
The water is warmer than I expected, but still cool against my heated skin. Blaine dives into the water, swims a few feet before he returns to me. Water droplets on his skin glisten in the moonlight when he resurfaces.
He's standing close to me, our bodies connected at the hips, his arms around my waist. "I'm sorry I made you come into the water with me. I just felt as if my skin was too tight and itchy, like there was fire burning underneath. I just had to dive in to cool that heat, but I didn't want to be apart from you. Not after that." His eyes are looking back at me with so much passion and some kind of raw, open vulnerability, it makes my heart feel tight. He's always so open and honest, and sometimes I love him so much it hurts.
"This is nice," I assure him. "I like being in the water. Are you feeling better now?"
"Yes, much better," he says and kisses me. "That was really intense, Kurt."
"Yeah? You felt that too?"
"Seeing you like that, so in control but yet so lost in the moment, was beautiful and intense. And so hot! It made me feel... I don't know how to explain it really, Kurt. Just like you needed me. It made it all the more intense for me."
I lift him up, and he wraps his legs around my waist. "I do need you. In everything," I say holding him tight, looking into moonlight reflecting eyes.
"I need you too, Kurt," Blaine says, his arms around my shoulders.
"Do you ever think it will stop? The feeling of needing you?"
"I hope not." Blaine sighs blissfully and kisses me. "I hope we always stay like this. I like us like this."
"I do too, especially when we share moments like that," I say and think back at the sex we just had. "I don't know how we do it, but every time I'm with you, it's like I'm experiencing something new, something more. More intense, more powerful. More beautiful. And I just can't get enough of it."
"I can't get enough of you," Blaine chuckles. "We're just compatible, you know. Like we're meant to be. Like we were made for each other."
"I like that thought," I say and smile. I like that thought a lot. I was definitely made for him, there's no question that my heart belongs to him, that it always has. And I believe he feels the same. When that realization hits me, I start backing out of the water with Blaine still in my arms. Maybe I need tonight to be more after all.
Blaine, January 3rd – 6th 2018
We spend our days pretty much the same way. We sleep in, stay in bed long after we've woken up and then spend the days lazing in the sun or in the shade under the pergola. Always together, never leaving each other's side unless we need to use the bathroom. Sometimes we go snorkeling or take a walk around the peninsula, but mostly we stay in our own little piece of heaven. Phones are left inside, stowed away in our bags.
The nights are for making love. Passionate or slow, inside or under the stars, we let our bodies decide what they want, let them do the talking, and our minds just follow. The nights are my favorites because they're also for intimate conversations.
We only interact with the outside world when the need for food becomes too great to ignore. We always eat at the small restaurant the hotel offers, only staying long enough to finish our meals, both eager to go back to our own place. We're high on love, and it's the only kind of high I crave these days.
Kurt and I have always managed to create this bubble around us when we want to. This place where nothing or no one can interfere with us. That's where we are now. It's just him and me and nothing else exists. This is truly what I wanted this vacation to be.
This trip was for Kurt, but it has been exactly what I needed. We haven't had much time to just be us since we got back together, but these last couple of days with him have given us just that. And it's given me time to heal. Time which I've needed but never really gotten before. Time with Kurt heals me.
My heart was broken into a million tiny, little pieces when we broke up - pieces that were scattered everywhere with no hope of ever finding their way back. Some of the pieces that remained, that managed to cling to my chest, I crushed on my own with the way I was living without him. But every day I get to spend with him, every time we make love, every moment he's by my side, piece by piece is put back in place, and my heart is slowly healing and becoming whole again.
Tomorrow we'll leave this paradise and go back to New York. It makes me restless to think about it. I want to stay here with Kurt forever. But there's still a couple of more hours left and sleep can be saved for the trip home.
We're sitting on the beach with our toes buried in the sand. Our backs are resting against a leaning palm tree, its trunk so close to the ground, it makes a perfect back rest. The leaves of another leaning palm tree are swaying low above us in the slight night breeze. We've been spending some afternoons here, close to the water and with the leaves giving a perfect shade from the hot sun. We've made jokes about how this is our paradise version of the weeping willow back in Lima. The only difference is that there's nothing to hide from here, no worries or troubling thoughts weighing me down, only happy memories.
My head is leaning against Kurt's shoulder as I gaze out over the ocean. The moonlight makes the waves glitter as they slowly roll against the shore. Stars are scattered above us, shining bright in the night sky. It's still warm even if it's long past midnight. We're shirtless, never bothering to put them back on after they were hastily discarded in favor for eager fingers and desperate bodies.
"What are your plans for Monday?" Kurt asks. "Are you going back to the studio or do you have something else scheduled?"
"Do we really have to talk about that now? Can't we just be in the here and now, and not back in everyday life?" I don't want to think about leaving this place or going back to work. Even if my contract has been renegotiated, and I actually enjoy performing and promoting my music, it's not something I want to think of on my last night here.
"Okay," Kurt says, "but can I at least ask if everything is settled for next weekend?"
"Yes, Jeff is taking care of all the details. The hotel reservations are made as are the flight arrangements. And the concert tickets are at home."
I have arranged for our high school friends to fly out to meet us in New York. I wanted them to see me perform, so I got them tickets and decided to put them up in a nice hotel because I don't think I can fit them all into our apartment. The show is on Saturday, and then on Sunday we've invited them all to brunch.
"Are you sure Quinn is up for the concert?" Kurt asks a little concerned.
"She's pregnant, Kurt, not ill. I'm pretty sure she can sit through a concert of mine. Unless you think my music is terrible and will scar the baby for life."
"Very funny, baby," Kurt says sarcastically. "You know I love your music," he adds with a kiss to the top of my head. "I'm just worried about her and the baby. It will be so much that weekend with the flights and everything."
"You're cute when you worry," I say and trace my fingers down his thigh, "but I'm sure she can handle it. Otherwise she will let us know."
"I still can't believe they're married and having a baby. It's crazy, you know. Puck as a dad, can you picture that?" Kurt asks with a laugh.
"I can picture you as a dad," I say before I can stop the words coming out of my mouth.
I keep my eyes on the ocean, not daring to look at him, and hope he'll let the comment slip. We haven't talked about what we want from our future. I know what I want, but I don't want to scare him. We've been taking it one day at a time so far, and I don't know if now is a good time to start talking about things that are far in the future. Things that may never become a reality.
"Yeah?" Kurt asks. "Do you think I will be a good dad?"
"You will be the best dad," I say, relieved that he isn't freaking out about the subject. "You'll be the kind of dad that makes sure that our kids always feel loved and seen." I know this because that's how he makes me feel. "And we'll have the best dressed kids in all of Manhattan."
Kurt chuckles. "Yep, we sure will. Wait, kids? As in more than one?"
"I remember what it was like having a brother before he left me. We had some good times, and there were lots of laughter. He took care of me. I want that for my kids, too."
"What else can you picture?" Kurt asks.
"You and me together forever," I say and turn my face to look at Kurt. He leans in to kiss me.
"I like that," he says.
I lean my head on his shoulder again. "I picture us living somewhere else, but still in New York, married, with one boy and one girl." I don't know what's gotten into me - maybe it's the time we've got to spend together here, just being us with nothing else to worry about, maybe it's the way he responded to talking about kids, but there's nothing holding me back in.
"Is that something you want?" Kurt asks carefully, like he's not sure I meant what I said. "Marrying me?"
"Kurt. Of course it is," I say. I don't want to deny what I feel or try to pretend I don't secretly dream about marrying him some day. "I love you and I will never stop loving you. I'm yours for as long as you'll have me, and one day I want to make you my husband."
"Then let's do it."
"Now?" I ask carefully, not quite sure of what he actually means.
"Well, not right now, baby. But maybe later this year."
I sit up on my knees and look at him. Last time this topic was up for conversation, he made it pretty clear he had wasn't there yet. Now I think he's saying that he is. My heart is beating fast - it's all I can hear, all I can feel. "Are you asking me to marry you?"
Kurt looks back at me, sitting up too. There's no hesitation in his eyes or his voice. "Yes. Yes I am," he says. Then he laughs and shakes his head slightly. "Oh God, this is not the proposal you deserve, and I don't have a ring, and I… I have nothing planned or prepared, and…"
"This is perfect, Kurt," I say and take his hands in mine, my heart dancing with joy. "Our relationship has never been traditional, it makes perfect sense that this moment isn't either."
"I love you, Blaine." Kurt says, silvery blue eyes looking back at me. "I've always loved you, long before I even realized it. I've made some terrible mistakes when it comes to us, but I've never stopped loving you. Will you marry me?"
"It took me forever to realize that I loved you, I was a mess-"
"A beautiful mess," Kurt interjects, kissing my knuckles.
"Okay, a beautiful mess," I chuckle, "but still a mess. I was so lost and confused, but you always made me feel like I was okay, that it was okay to not have everything figured out. You accepted me, and you never pushed me into being someone I wasn't sure I was comfortable being. I've made mistakes too, God knows I've made mistakes, but you forgave me, and I feel lucky, so lucky, for every day I get to spend with you. So, yes, I will definitely marry you."
There, on the beach, with the moon and the stars as our only witnesses, I lean in, let go of his hands and place mine on his back, press my bare chest against his, and kiss him. Kurt's hands are on my shoulders as he parts his lips to let my tongue in. Everything but this kiss and this moment cease to exist. Kurt asked me to marry him! My fingers move up his back to his cheeks, holding him firmly, I deepen the kiss. Kurt's fingers are in my hair, pulling, but also pressing me closer. I lie down on the sand and pull him down on top of me, my lips never leaving his.
"Did we just get engaged?" Kurt asks when we break the kiss. He can't stop smiling when he shakes his head a little in disbelief.
"I think so," I say and laugh.
"I'm going to get you the most beautiful ring you've ever seen," Kurt says, rubbing circles with his fingers on my chest.
"Can we look at rings together?" I ask, leaning up slightly. "I want to give you a ring, too, but I want you to be a part of the decision. I know it's untraditional, and if you rather I picked one out for you, then I'd happily do that, but I just want to do this with you."
"I thought we already concluded that our relationship wasn't the traditional kind," Kurt says, kissing my lips. "I love the idea of us doing this together. We're going to make a lot of decisions together in the future, and I think it would be perfect to start with this."
"You are perfect," I say. "I hope I've made this clear to you before, but you're the only one for me Kurt. You always have been. I never knew it was possible to feel this way about someone, not until I fell in love with you. I'm going to be the best husband and make sure you'll never regret giving me a second chance."
"You mesmerize me, Blaine," Kurt says and sighs blissfully.
"When we're close like this, I get hypnotized. When I kiss your lips, I get mesmerized." I sing the words in a low voice, feeling those feelings all over again.
"I love that song. It's my favorite one of yours," Kurt confesses.
"Really?" He never told me this before. "Why?"
"It was the first song you wrote to me. And you never recorded it, so it's like that song is still only yours and mine. It makes it special to me."
"Okay, now it's my favorite one, too."
"It told me so much about how you felt about me, and I was so proud of you when you got up on that stage and performed one of your own songs," Kurt says. "That was the first night we made love, do you remember?"
"Of course, I remember," I say and smile. Like I could ever forget that moment. "I might want an encore tonight."
"I think that can be arranged," Kurt smiles. "We have like two more hours before we have to leave, right?"
"I don't know if two hours will be enough…" It's a joke because we both know we never last that long even if we tried.
Kurt chuckles and kisses me one more time before he moves away from me and sits back up again. I sit up too, and Kurt brushes off sand from my arm and back. Kurt makes place between his legs, and I happily make myself comfortable with my back against his chest. I take his hands in mine and let them rest on my belly. I look at the beautiful view in front of us, taking it in one final time. The sun is slowly rising in the east, tinting the sky orange in the horizon. I think I would like us to return here every year, getting away from busy lives and hectic schedules. This place has become special to me – after all we did promised to share forever together here.
"So we're getting married and having kids," Kurt starts letting out a small, incredulous laughter. "Have you pictured any names for our future kids, too?"
"No, not yet, but I'm sure you have," I say and chuckle. "You've had like twenty minutes to think about it."
"Well..." Kurt sounds mysteriously. "There might be a name or two coming to mind."
"I sure hope it is two, it would be so weird calling both kids by the same name."
Kurt begins to laugh. "God, you're such a dork!"
"A dork you agreed to marry," I respond, laughing too.
"Yeah, don't know what I was thinking there…" Kurt jokes, but he still receives an unappreciative pinch. But then we both laugh, and Kurt hugs me a little tighter.
"Blaine Hummel," I say, trying the name. "I like that."
"You can't change your name, Blaine," Kurt says, sounding so serious and concerned. "Everyone knows you as Blaine Anderson."
"Kurt," I say and sit up so that I can look at him again. "Have you not learnt that I don't care what everyone else thinks? That this is our lives, and we make the decisions in it, not whoever might have a problem with my new name. The Hummel's are my family, and I'll proudly carry your name."
"Blaine…" Kurt let's out a fond sigh. "How is my heart ever going to survive living with you?"
I think it's a rhetorical question, so I refrain myself from answering even though I could probably come up with an answer. Instead I sit back between his legs and gaze up at the sky.
"Dad is going to cry so much when we tell him this," Kurt says and starts massaging my scalp, his fingers buried deep in my hair. It makes me shiver in the best possible way.
"Yeah, I know," I say and feel something warm spread inside me. Suddenly the thought of going back home feels a little lighter because we get to tell Burt our news. I can't wait to see the look on his face when I tell him I'm changing my name.
"I can't wait to share the rest of my life with you." Kurt's voice is soft and filled with love as his fingers continue to move across my head. I feel his chest rise and fall in a slow, even pace beneath me. He's relaxed and content, and so am I.
"With you in it, it's sure to be a wonderful life."
Notes:
I would like to take the opportunity to thank each and every one of you who has been reading and leaving reviews throughout this story! It means so much to me that you have and it has made this journey unforgettable. Because this sure has been a journey for me! I never expected so much positive feedback, and reading your reviews have been the highlight of my days. Thank you will never be enough, but that's all I have :)
Roxy - I don't think either of us knew what we got ourselves into when we started to work on this together, but it's been so much fun and I'm sure this experience wouldn't have been the same for me without you! I've learnt so much from you when it comes to writing and grammar (even though I keep making the same mistakes over and over again) and there would have been some weird expressions in this, that makes perfect sense in my language but absolutely no sense in English, if it wasn't for you. But I've also learnt a lot about myself from you, and I'm sure I would still be a mess if it wasn't for your constant support. All my kudos to you!
This experience with Beautiful Mess has certainly given me inspiration to write more. I have ideas for longer and shorter things, but first I'm going to take a long summer break before I even think about returning to my computer. So until then, enjoy life!
