I paced like I never paced before. I was even worse than when Alice was in labor, both times. I was as nervous as anything and, frankly, didn't want to admit that any of this was going on.
"Tarrant, sit down, darling. All this pacing will wear a tread in the carpet," I heard Alice's voice from somewhere.
"I'm sorry, what now?" I vaguely asked towards where I thought her voice came from.
"Tarrant! Focus! Lottie is going to need you," she said, grabbing my face. She completely caught me off guard, so I assumed I had her direction all wrong.
"I cannae do it, Alice. I cannae go thru wit' it."
"Tarrant Hightopp, you listen here and you listen good! You will snap out of this and you will walk your daughter down that aisle. Lottie will never forgive you if you walk her down the aisle with orange eyes and an Outlandish accent. And I won't either."
She was right, of course. This was no way to behave on our daughter's wedding day. But my little girl ... and now she wouldn't be ... and ... and ... and I just need to let go.
"Fine." I closed my eyes and focused all my energy into calming down. I willed my eyes to change and made sure my voice was back to normal. "I'll be fine. But I don't have to like this."
"No, I suppose you don't. But you certainly need to get used to it. Our little girl is getting married. I'm sad too, but she's so happy, Tarrant! And he's a very good lad. She'll be fine."
"But not here, with us."
Alice frowned. "Yes, I know." The tears began to form in her eyes. I knew she was putting up a facade. "But, Hatter, we have to let her go. It's time," she said with a crack in her voice.
"Come here, poppet." I felt so ashamed. I was so concerned with my feelings on this, that I never even thought of Alice. Of course she was dealing with emotions as well. This was also her daughter, after all. "We shall get through this together." I hugged her tight and she squeezed me even harder.
"Yes, we shall." She pulled back, wiped the tears away and found her muchness. She straightened up and gave me the "I can defeat a jabberwocky" face. "Now, I'm going to assist the bride. You attempt to get the groomsman down the hall to finish getting ready and I'll meet you with Lottie soon."
I nodded and went to help Will.
(A/N: This next part is taken from chapter 44. But I'm including it here too. It seemed to fit well.)
After finally getting my son dressed and sent to the courtyard, I entered my daughter's room and stared at her as she smoothed her skirt one last time. She looked beautiful. Her red hair looked so pretty under the hat I made for her. And she looked so much like her mother that it was staggering. I was having a hard time holding back the tears. Alice gave me a sad smile then turned to our daughter.
"You look beautiful, Lottie. I shall see you downstairs."
"Thanks, Mummy. I love you," Charlotte said, kissing Alice on the cheek.
"I love you, too," Alice sniffled.
After she left, I realized the finality of it all. "Lottie … are you sure about this?" I asked quietly.
"Daddy!" she said with a giggle. I think perhaps she thought I was joking. I was far from joking. "I love him!"
"But aren't you a little young?"
Realization hit her and I think I offended her.
"Daddy!" (said with no giggle) "I'm the exact same age as Mum was when she married you! And you said you liked him!"
"Buttercup, I do like him. But you have to understand a father's point of view. I've always been your knight in shining armor … and now, well, now it's him."
"You're still Mummy's knight," she reasoned.
"I know, but … oh all right."
"You know you'll always be my Daddy, right? I loved you first and I'll always love you dearly for everything you've taught me and given me. And you'll always be a knight in shining armor to me. Or a Mad Hatter in a fantastic tam!"
I had to smile. She's always known how to make me smile.
"Fine. But if he ever hurts you or makes you sad or makes you feel less than what you're worth, because Buttercup you are worth more than –"
"Daddy!" she interrupted, tossing her arms around my waist to hug me. I readily returned the embrace.
"Thank you," I croaked. "I'm fine."
"Then shall we?" she asked, pulling back, but not letting go just yet.
I paused. Even if I said no, she'd head down the aisle without me. She gets that stubborn streak from her mother.
"Yes." I offered her my arm and we began to leave. And I mentally prepared myself to give my cherished daughter away to the new only man for her.
When we reached the courtyard, Alice was there waiting for us, straightening Will's tie.
"Well, it's nice of you two to finally join us," she said with a smirk. "You're both terribly late you know. Naughty."
"Couldn't be helped, I'm afraid," I told her.
"I love you, sweet Charlotte," Alice told her daughter, hugging her close.
"I love you, too, Mummy," Lottie replied.
"Will, would you care to escort me down the aisle?"
"Of course, Ma," our son said, offering his arm.
I watched as they made their way to the front, and with every step I felt my heart grow tighter. Each of their steps was one closer to giving my daughter away.
Lottie nudged me and we began to walk. As we marched, I began to think back on my little girl's life.
Alice's swollen belly ... Charlotte's birth ... her first smile ... her first laugh ... her first stepsherfirstwordfirstdancef irstgownfirst-
"Daddy!"
I swayed a bit. What had happened?
"Daddy, are you all right?"
I glanced down and saw that sweet girl. I had to press on before I ruined anything.
"Aye, Buttercup. I'll be fine. Just one last moment before we reach the front."
We kept walking and I gave my little girl away.
After the ceremony, I sat rather sullenly at our table, watching the couples spin past.
"You know, you do love to dance," Alice tried to remind me.
"Aye," I replied.
"And there is music playing. Others are taking the hint and are dancing as well."
"Aye."
I could almost hear Alice shaking her head. "Well, I'm going to go check on my family. Let me know when you are finished with the melancholy." And with that, she left.
I should have felt more alone, but I was too busy staring at the dance floor. There wasn't much color, considering Mirana organized so much of it, but only one figure in white caught my eye. As I thought about walking over to her and cutting in, I could see that someone had the idea first.
I smiled as I watched Will tap his new brother in law on the shoulder and begin dancing with his big sister. They laughed and swayed together and suddenly I was watching Lottie try to keep her toddling brother from falling over as they danced around the kitchen.
"Brings back memories, hmmm my love?" Alice asked as she rejoined me.
"Indeed. Where has the time gone?"
"In this family? It's very difficult to say. Time certainly does fly."
"Whoever granted him wings deserves a stern talking to."
Alice chuckled as she rested her head on my shoulder. "You should ask her to dance. I'm certain she's waiting for you."
"Perhaps. Though, I feel as if I'll be admitting that it's over if I go to her."
"Over? Tarrant, this is just the beginning for her! She has a wonderful life ahead of her."
"Aye, but not with us."
For a rare moment, Alice was silent.
I turned a bit and Alice raised her head. I finally looked at her. "What will we do without her?"
"We shall carry on, like she'll want us to. She'll still be here, Hatter. She's still a Lady of the Court, so she'll be in the castle with us. Life will not be dramatically different."
"Maybe, maybe not."
Just then, Will returned to the table and bowed.
"Lord Hightopp, your daughter has requested your presence on the dance floor."
I looked to Charlotte and saw her with her hand on her hip, giving me her mother's glare.
I laughed in spite of myself. "Well, when a pretty girl asks you to dance, you don't deny her!"
So, I joined her on the dance floor. Lottie looked into my eyes and I knew she saw right through me. I began to dance with her to start the conversation.
"You've been quite quiet all evening. That's certainly not the mad Daddy I know."
"Aye, and I apologize for that. It's not fair to you."
"Are you well?"
"Yes, yes, of course. But, Buttercup, it's so very difficult for me to think that you're no longer my little girl."
"I shall always be your little girl! I would have it no other way! You are the best father I could have ever dreamed of having. I am the luckiest girl in all of Underland and Aboveland and anywhere else for that matter. I've always known how loved I am and that is one of the best gifts you can receive."
"You're a very smart girl. You knew exactly what to say to cheer me."
"I only spoke the truth. I love you, Daddy."
"And I love you, as well, Buttercup."
We danced in silence for a few moments before she spoke again.
"Thank you."
"Me? What ever for?"
"Everything. Finding Mum, defeating evil queens, making hats, walks in the woods, silly games, kisses for bruises, messy braids, sword fighting lessons, red hair, tea parties, love."
I was speechless. I had no idea how to answer that.
"Charlotte, you are more than welcome," was the best with which I could muster.
As the song ended, Alice came over to us.
"Lottie, I'm stealing your father."
"That's fine, Mum. I need a drink of water as it is."
She kissed me on the cheek and floated away.
"It's time to dance with your wife," Alice stated.
"Is it now?" I replied.
She pulled me into frame and pushed me in the first steps.
"Aye, it is," she said with a smile.
"I thought I was supposed to lead," I giggled.
"Not with the way you've been moping tonight. I am leading you to being happier."
"I've now spent two songs in the arms of beautiful women! I am happier now, cricket."
"Fine then." And with that, she relinquished control of the dance.
"She's happy," I simply stated.
"Yes, she is," my wise bride replied.
"Then I am happy for her."
"I'm very pleased to hear that. Now, just for a few minutes, concentrate on dancing with me. Lottie is having the time of her life on her wedding day. Perhaps we could reminisce about our own?"
She winked at me and I could almost feel my eyes darken.
"Aye, lass. Yeh always could break meh from mah moods."
Alice shivered a bit. "Not too much reminiscing, Lord Hightopp. We're still in the middle of our daughter's wedding reception."
I smiled. "Just yeh wait, m'lady. After this is o'er, I shall be glad to remember our own weddin' day ... an' night."
She squeezed my hand and I knew everything would be alright. And that I would be making another hat soon.
