Yes, I know. So long since the last update.
I am really sorry, but I've had a large mental block when it came to this story, even though I have everything planned up to season six, but I've found it so hard to get it out. I also don't think that I've kind of fallen out of love with the show. But, I'm not letting that get to me and decided that I don't need to watch the show to be able to write this story.
I already know that when it gets near season six that I'm going to go slightly AU, so why should that challenge my writing and why should I need to have to watch the show?
Anyway, I hope you all enjoy it and I'm sorry how shit the chapter is, but I'll try my best to continue to write, even though I really don't have a lot of time during the week and have like, seven other stories on here that I need to update too. Sorry, it's short.
Sorry for any spelling mistakes etc. it's late xx
I hope you are all well and are enjoying the New Year so far. Love and Peace to you all xx Comet96 xx
I didn't know how long we'd been walking. A couple of hours now, but the hours and days were mixing for me. I was so tired, and I felt weak. It was that feeling you get when you've got the flu. Your body aches and your head pounds and you don't want to do anything but lay on the sofa and give in to your illness.
The only difference was I was dehydrated and hungry on top of it all.
Rick was doing his best to keep us all safe and I knew he was giving me most of his rations on whatever water and food we had left, but it wasn't enough.
The twins were groggy, both of them dehydrated as well and as their mother, I felt hopeless. I couldn't do anything for them. Rick had given Beth and Maggie control over the twins, and I know he was doing for their safety, but I felt like he was taking something away from me.
I needed to help them, but I knew I couldn't do anything for them. I had to focus on this baby. I had to make sure I could carry this baby as full to term as possible. What good would I be to the twins if I was taking care of myself and this baby?
"Keep it tight," Rick called out looking to the pack of walkers on our backs. I knew what he was thinking, that we'd have to do something about them soon before it got too bad. I could tell that the others were wanting to do the same thing as well.
Five minutes later we came across a bridge, one that looked down onto a ravine. I could see the gears moving in Rick's head and the shared look he had with Michonne and I knew he had something planned.
"We'll use the bridge to our advantage," he said gaining the attention of the others. "Tara, Rosita, Carol, take Fay and the kids on the other side with Eugene and Gabriel. Noah, Holly, Sally, Michael, and Angelo, stick on the bridge, you can take any walkers that slip through. Tyreese stay with Fay, we'll handle this," he indicated to Glenn, Maggie, Michonne, Sasha and Abraham. "Try not to use your weapons, we don't need to waste our energy."
With a small nod to me, Rick positioned himself at the side of the bridge, next to Glenn and Maggie. On the other side, Michonne put herself closest the bridge with Sasha between her and Abraham.
"Get ready," Michonne called, putting herself in a defensive position ready to push the walkers to their deaths. They all got into fighting poses, and I could feel Carl and Beth tensing as they watched their family get ready to face a horde of walkers.
Was it horrible that I wished Daryl was here instead of hunting? I felt safer knowing he was with us, he always had Rick's back no matter what.
The first walker reached them, and they dispatched it quickly, it flew down into the ravine without much fight. The second and third came at them a little faster but they also managed to throw them down the ravine without much hassle. It was when the other walkers reached them that things started to get out of hand.
Sasha had pulled out her knife and was hacking at the walkers which seemed to set them all off. Rick glanced over to them and he almost lost his balance but with help from Maggie, he managed to push the walker away.
Michonne was shouting at Sasha but I couldn't hear what she was saying. Abraham had shouted out in pain and I wondered for a moment if he'd been bitten.
"What are you doing Sasha?" Tyreese whispered, shifting on his feet as if to fight himself from rushing over there.
"Rick!" I called when I caught sight of the walker trying to push him down the ravine. "Rick!" I tried to push passed Tyreese, but he grabbed hold of my arm, commanding Rosita to stop Carl from rushing to his father. "Tyreese, let me go."
"I can't," he said, the look he sent me one of sympathy. He promised Rick he'd keep me safe, and even though that had been weeks ago, Tyreese still meant it now. "I'm sorry."
It looked like Rick was going to get bit and here I was standing by and letting it happen. Just as the walker went to bite into Rick's shoulder Daryl came up behind it and pushed it over the ravine and away from Rick. It was as if we all sighed in relief at Rick's near miss and within seconds all the walkers were gone.
"What the hell was that?" I spat at Sasha, moving towards her as Tyreese let me go. "You almost got Rick killed, and what about Abraham?" she had the decency to look ashamed, but she didn't stop the glare from showing. "I know you're in pain over Bob, Sasha, but you can't be reckless."
"You don't know anything!" she hissed, her fingers flexing around the knife. It was as if she was thinking about using it. Hopefully not on me.
"You don't think I know how it feels? You lost Bob, we understand that. I lost Kelly, I think we both know what pain feels like. Hell, Maggie and Beth lost their father. We've all lost someone, Sasha. Don't think you're in this on your own. It's dangerous and you're becoming more dangerous with every step you take down that road by yourself." Okay, so I may have unburdened a lot on her, but she needed to hear it from someone.
Tyreese was doing an alright job at keeping her safe, but she was falling into a dangerous game by letting her emotions get the best of her. That was dangerous out here. She needed to try to keep it together until we could find somewhere safe.
"Don't tell me—"
"Hey, that's enough," Rick said, pushing himself between us and taking my hand in his and he pulled me away. "Fighting isn't going to get us anywhere. Fay, you're tired and getting stressed out isn't good for the baby. Sasha, keep your head screwed on and don't fuck up again." He shared a look with Tyreese, one I assumed was telling him to keep an eye on his sister, before looking at everyone else. "Come on, let's get out of here before any more walkers come."
We walked off, Rick pushing us in the lead of the group as his jaw clenched as if he was biting back another remark about my behaviour. He worried too much as well. He was afraid something was going to happen to me and the baby.
The first pregnancy with Theo and Judy was dangerous but this one seemed worse. At least we had a few solid places to stay during the first pregnancy. At least we had food and water.
"I think we should name the baby Gwendolen-Rose if it's a girl," he said suddenly, breaking me from my thoughts. It was so random, him bringing up baby names when I knew he wanted to shout at me for stressing myself out. "Gwen seems like a nice name for her, and Rose is a classic. Everyone deserves a middle name as well, it shows more that you care, and the other three have middle names, I don't want the baby to feel like we neglected them."
"Rick, honey, you don't have to worry okay," I said to him, cutting him off before he could go on more about shit. He did a lot of rambling when he was worried. It was sweet, but he didn't need to worry too much. "We're going to be fine."
"Rick!" Daryl called out, causing us both to look back at him. When he was sure we had his attention, he nodded to the road ahead of us. Glancing back at the road, we could make out what looked like to be a pile-up of about three or four cars.
"Be alert, there could be anything lurking about," Rick called out to the group, waving Michonne and Daryl forward to the front.
It seemed everyone got into a formation without being asked. Beth, Carl, Lily, and Becca moved into the middle of the group, Beth and Carl holding the twins. Lily made sure she had her hand on Becca's shoulder and Sally came up next to the girls on their left to make sure they would be safe in the middle of the group. Carol and Noah came up on their right, boxing them in just as Maggie and Glenn appeared on either side of me and Rick. Tyreese was suddenly in front of us as was Sasha and I glanced behind me to see that Tara, Rosita, and Abraham had gotten into a formation with Eugene and Gabriel standing behind Lily and Becca. Coming up at the rear was Michael, Holly, and Angelo.
It was things like this that made me realise how in sync we all seemed to be with each other. Fifteen or so days after becoming this big a group and we already knew what our best formation was as a group.
As we grow closer to the cars, Daryl, Michonne, Sasha, Glenn, and Maggie separated from the group and went ahead to clear the area. Rick brought us to a stop and Tyreese took on a defensive stance, moving his gaze from either side of the road which was surrounded by woods. From how tense everyone was it was as if we were being watched but didn't know where from.
I hated that I wasn't able to help with the cars and I knew Abraham felt useless as well and I didn't even want to think what was running through Rick's head, but we all knew it was safer this way. We had strong fighters searching the wreck and we had strong fighters here in case something happened.
After a few minutes, Daryl waved us over indicating that everything was safe. Rick gave my hand a squeeze and moved us forward as Tyreese slipped in by my side. It was a silly thought, but I was actually looking forward to sitting down in one of those cars. I could already imagine what it would feel like to take all this weight off my feet.
"Everything's clear, I'm gonna head out and hunt," Daryl told us as we reached them. He went to step away, but I caught his arm before he could move. His eyes locked with mine and we both shared in our pain for a moment.
"Speak to your girls before you go," I begged him, knowing Lily and Becca needed their father at this moment. For he was their father. Kelly had become their mother since they arrived at the prison and Daryl had taken it upon himself to be their father. He didn't care what anyone though, he didn't even stop to think what Merle would have said, he took those two girls in as if they were his blood. "Please, Daryl. Don't push them away."
He gave a little nod before glancing over to the girls. Shaking off my hand he went over and crouched down in front of them. He said something, too low for me to hear but Becca through her arms around him and I smiled when he didn't even tense up. She gave him a kiss on the cheek before letting go and running over to Beth. Lily said something to him, to which he nodded to before she also gave him a hug. The smile on her face when she pulled away from him was like a breath of fresh air.
I could tell from the soft smile he gave her that they were slowly accepting that Kelly was gone.
No matter how long ago you lost someone, the pain would always be there. I just knew that every breath taken after was a breath to a lighter heart. It could be a haggard breath, one that made you feel like you were dying, but at least you knew you were still alive.
"Rick," I called to him, turning away from Daryl to look up at my husband. He looked down at me, his blue eyes concerned. "If the baby's a boy, I want to name him Abel." It seemed fitting to call him Abel, for Abel meant breath, and I knew he was going to be our start to a better life. Our first breath at contentment. A breath that leads to survival.
Thank you for reading xx
