A/N: Short update again. Next we get Jensen and Wilson, and after that House/Cuddy/Patterson, which will be a doozie. Busy weekend on the horizon, and I doubt either of those chapters makes it, but they will come, sooner or later. Thanks for all the reviews.
(H/C)
Cuddy held herself to a walk leaving the elevator on 4, but it was a brisk, purposeful walk. Hopefully anybody watching would think it was just administrative. Into his office, and there he was, sitting behind his desk, reassuringly warm and alive and healthy - as near as he got to it, anyway. He looked up and smiled at her. She just studied him for a minute. She had forced herself to go all morning without seeing him, though with several brief phone conversations. "This is ridiculous!" she announced, self-annoyance surging in to replace the worry now.
He stood up. "No, it's not. It's human. It hasn't even been a week yet, and you thought you might never see your family again." He was still amazed that she was this locked in on him in particular, though. Still hard to believe that he mattered that much to her. He came across and embraced her, and she leaned into him for a minute before pulling back, aware of the glass walls.
"So what?" he answered her thought. "We're married, Lisa, and it's not like we're standing in the middle of the lobby." He dove back in to complete the kiss. "See? That's a much better way to reassure yourself, isn't it?" Privately, she had to agree, and he read her mind. "So the vote is unanimous. Forget about appearances."
"I can't forget about appearances. Not totally anyway. I do have a job here that requires me to be professional, Greg."
"Trust me, you're in no danger of forgetting that you're a professional. So how was your morning?"
"It was . . . a bit odd but not too bad. Nobody's mentioned anything, like you said." She studied him, wondering about Jensen, but by the unspoken rules, she could not pry into that, not unless he offered. "How was yours?"
"Pretty boring. Read a few articles by deluded idiots who think they've been brilliant, played some video games." He relented. She looked too tense for it to be fun to string her along. "Talked to Jensen for awhile."
Her relief was visible. "Good." She was trying not to push, not to dig for more, even though she was itching for a full transcript of that session.
"I'm okay, Lisa. Come on, let's head for lunch." He saw the disappointment as she turned away, and further, he saw the true concern beneath it this time. This really was worrying her. "We're going to take the dose on the sleeping pill back up to 5," he said, throwing her a bone. He didn't feel like a complete recap of that session, definitely not the part with the girls yet, but she looked like she needed something.
She let out a deep sigh. "Good. Thank you, Greg. If you'd watched yourself sleep all weekend . . ."
"I don't even remember dreaming," he assured her. Well, apart from Saturday night's nightmare. That he definitely remembered. Trying to distract himself as well as her now, he hurried on. "I was getting rest, even if it didn't look like it. Besides, Jensen actually thinks this is progress."
Cuddy looked dubious to put it mildly. "Easy for him to say. He didn't see you, either."
"No, really, Lisa. I was skeptical at first, too. But he thinks I'm trying to invent a new stress response that's less than the nightmares, one that doesn't keep jolting me awake all the time. That's good."
She hadn't thought about it quite that way, but she still had trouble thinking of this as positive. She was glad the psychiatrist had insisted on upping the dose as well - that never would have been House's suggestion. "What else did you talk about?" she asked, unable to resist temptation any longer. "Did you go over. . ."
He tensed up. He couldn't, not now, not yet. "Last week, things in general. Yes, it was a bad week, but I promise, I will be okay. Come on, let's go get lunch." He started for the door of the office, pulling her along. Obviously, he had hit the limit on sharing from that session. No mention at all of Blythe. Had he mentioned whatever she had done to Jensen? Jensen had said he would fish for it, but what if House just locked up on him, too? At least she knew her husband was safe right now, but she had nonphysical worries chasing each other in circles in her head as she followed him toward the elevator.
(H/C)
Cuddy re-entered her office after lunch, still feeling restless, replaying her last conversation with House in her mind. She had been careful to keep off emotional topics during lunch so he would eat. They had mainly talked about Daniel, him giving her an update on his case, and afterward, they had both gone down to the NICU to see Wilson's son, the first time Cuddy had seen him. So many memories of Abby tied up in that place, but they were positive, though stressful, memories. Abby had survived. Daniel would, too; he was vigorous and reactive and looked far better than many of his roommates. Cuddy had to smile at the full name on his unit, and she could tell even House was proud, although he characteristically tried to downplay it.
"Wilson deserved that," she said to House in the elevator; she was seeing him back up to his office. The thought from her encounter earlier immediately chased that one, that she herself had made large errors and hurt her family last week, too.
House read her expression flawlessly, and he gave her a quick, comforting squeeze. "You didn't do the same thing, Lisa. You never walked out on us."
"Might be better if I had."
"No," he said definitely. "It was only a few days. No permanent damage. None for our family, I mean; jury is still out on Wilson's."
The elevator door opened, and she followed him to the office. "Do you think he and Sandra will stay together?"
"Don't know. I don't think she should make it easy for him; he is a serial offender on breaking commitments. But I think things might really be different this time. The kid seems to have woken him up somehow. Hope so, anyway. Sandra is good for him."
"I hope so, too." She really did, even though she was still mad when she thought of the oncologist just walking away from PPTH Wednesday night. She would like to see them as a family together. Her mind flipped back immediately to her own family. "Greg, did . . . did talking with Jensen help?"
He tightened up on her again. She was approaching a line, and his body language left her in no doubt of it. "Yes," he said curtly. "I'll be okay, Lisa. We all will."
She came over to give him a kiss, letting him know silently that she was dropping the subject for now, and he responded warmly. "See you this afternoon."
"See you then. And call me when you need to, Lisa. It's all right."
"I will."
She sat in her office now, fiddling with a pen until she caught herself and stopped. She was positive there was something going on with Blythe, but she could hardly force House to confide in her. She didn't blame him for not wanting to. She could call Jensen, but there she would run up against the wall of confidentiality. He would never repeat what House had said to him in the privacy of a session.
She could call Blythe. She reached out for the phone eagerly on that thought. Blythe was a lot easier to manipulate for information than her son; the whole episode with Patrick had proven that. Blythe probably knew that she had upset her son Saturday night; House had been in absolute knots when he left the bedroom. That guilt would make her more pliable. Cuddy could release some frustration on her, which no doubt the other woman deserved, and go on a fact-finding expedition at the same time. She picked up the phone, then hesitated, gritting her teeth.
Releasing some frustration. The trouble was, while she was sure that Blythe had bothered House, she could not be sure that a conversation with Blythe, ripping her open and seeing what facts emerged, wouldn't be partly projecting her own stress and fears onto others, like she had done last week with her family. She knew after Saturday morning that she was not quite thinking clearly or seeing her responses objectively at the moment and that her actions could have collateral damage far beyond her intentions.
Her fingers drummed on the desk beside the phone. There was also the fact that she wanted House to tell her. She didn't want to have to fish it out of Jensen (okay, fail to fish it out of Jensen) or fish it out of Blythe, even if the latter were successful. She wanted him to trust her with it. But the fact that he didn't was nobody's fault but her own, and ripping his mother apart would do nothing to fix that. Trust needed to be rebuilt. A conversation with Blythe would rebuild nothing as far as House was concerned and might even cause more harm.
She pushed the phone away, trying to remove temptation, and looked at the picture of the family on her wall. Together, all four of them. Finally, she picked up the phone and called him.
"Hi. I'm all right, Lisa." He sounded a bit worried, though. It wasn't that long since she had been up in his office.
"Actually, that's not why I'm calling. I just wanted to . . . apologize for trying to push you on your session earlier. Just tell me whatever you want to when you want to, and that's enough. I won't pry on the rest."
Silence for a moment, and he sounded startled when he spoke. "Are you . . . apology accepted." He quickly deflected, shying from the emotion. "I must say, I prefer getting them in person, though. Complete with the matching choreography."
She smiled, remembering all that "sorry" reconditioning. "That was an interim apology. We'll have an official one with choreography later."
She heard the smile in his voice. "Deal, but I'll hold you to it."
"Do that. I've got to get back to work, Greg. I love you."
"I love you, too."
She hung up, but the smile lingered as she dove back into paperwork, holding the anxiety at bay for a few minutes.
