I'm updating early as a celebration!

We have reached 1,000+ reviews ladies and gents! That is beyond amazing.

I am sooo happy. :)

I love all of you so much.

Thank you all. So please enjoy this chapter of which I only own Alice.


Three days.

Three days of sitting in a tiny little cave while Hidan and Kakuzu sat there sealing the two tails. I wanted nothing more than to destroy something. I was getting sick of being essentially alone.

I couldn't even fuck with Hidan and Kakuzu while they were busy. I didn't have anything to use on them. The only thing I had to play with was Hidan's scythe and my sword.

I sat there, bored the entire time.

It fucking rained too.

I was about to throttle both of the immortals when they finally shifted, coming out of their stone like positions they had held for three damn days. Kakuzu's eyes opened a second after they had unfrozen.

"FINALLY!" I shouted, throwing my hands up in the air. "I've been dying out here!"

Hidan glared at me. "Shut the fuck up! You didn't have to sit doing a jutsu the whole damn time!"

"No! You shut the fuck up! I had to babysit your ass and twiddle my thumbs all fucking day for three Jashin damned days!" I snapped, pointing at him dramatically. I made to continue but Kakuzu shut me up by putting his hand over my mouth.

"Relax, Alice." He growled. He prevented me from yelling at Hidan who began prattling about how sitting still for three days sucked and how he was going to let loose and what not. Instead, he picked me up and carried me away.

"Oi, Kakuzu, where the hell are you going? The exchange point is this way, right?" Hidan asked, standing on that rock thingy that I hid under for three days, looking like an idiot.

"Are you brain dead?" Kakuzu asked, pausing to stare at him.

"Yes he is." I muttered passed Kakuzu's hand.

"Say what?" Hidan demanded.

Kakuzu sighed. "Our target is the host. Just because we said we'd be back doesn't mean we're required to waltz right into an ambush."

"Dumbass." I added.

Kakuzu chuckled at me. "We'll take a different route to Konoha. It's been three days so the bounty has probably been sent back to Konoha."

"Yeah, I guess he would have been." Hidan smirked, putting his scythe back on his back.

Kakuzu adjusted me in his grasp and began walking. Hidan followed after him, stopping when Kakuzu turned to look at him again. "That reminds me…"

"Huh?" Hidan asked, raising an eyebrow. "What now?" He asked as Kakuzu reached into the sleeve of his cloak.

"The wound on your neck is ugly, cover it up." Kakuzu growled, throwing Hidan's forehead protector at him.

"Hey, my forehead protector!" Hidan grinned, catching it easily. "Wow, you actually picked it up for me?" He smirked and pointed at Kakuzu. "Kakuzu, you can be a nice guy when you try!"

He really can be.

Though, the same could be said about Hidan.

But they're manly men. I shouldn't say anything.

"Shut up Hidan! Come on." Kakuzu snapped, turning around instantly to walk away.

"Oi! Wait a sec!" Hidan cried, tying his forehead protector around his neck. "Yo! Kakuzu!" He jumped after us. "You may act like a prick, but you really like me, don't you?"

"Keep talking and I will kill you." Kakuzu snarled.

"Awe, don't get shy on me." Hidan laughed.

I smiled at him over Kakuzu's shoulder. "I got what was left of your rosary Hidan." I stated. "Leave Kakuzu alone and I'll give it to you."

He raised his eyebrow. "You picked it up?"

"Of course I did. I couldn't allow such a precious memento of our Lord and master to be forgotten on the ground." I scoffed, withdrawing the Jashinist symbol Hidan always wore so proudly from within my pocket. "Here."

He took it from me and grinned. "Good work bitch."

"Ah, praise." I smiled. He rumpled my hair in response.

And so we walked. Kakuzu and Hidan took turns carrying me. I told them it was compensation for leaving me alone for three days. Neither of them seemed to mind. I actually had fun being carried by Hidan because he was in a really good mood. Being carried by Kakuzu was nice because he was really big and comfy and actually quite nice. We have a lot of intelligent conversations.

"Hidan, Kakuzu. Do you guys know what the plan is and what you're supposed to do?" I asked after a time.

Kakuzu looked at me over his shoulder since I was being piggybacked. "Indeed."

I glanced over my shoulder at Hidan. "Do you Hidan?"

He looked up at me seeing as I was taller than him on Kakuzu's back. "Yeah bitch, I know what I'm doing. Just make sure you give me signals and shit because I'll probably be absorbed in fighting these heathens."

"Don't worry. I'll be reminding you at certain intervals and stuff about certain things. Make sure you keep one ear trained on me because I'll be helping you see past their moves as well. Kakashi and Shikamaru are predictable if you know what to look for." I stated.

Third Person!

Kakashi rose to his feet and looked back to address Shikamaru. "Well there's no trail left because of the rain. So, what do we do?"

"Any plans we come up with are pointless if we can't find the enemy." Shikamaru stated. "I bet Alice is helping them avoid us."

"No, I doubt it." Kakashi stated. "She doesn't seem too keen on messing with events. However, the fact that she could makes this dangerous. We have to capture her and take her back to Konoha with us."

"Yes, but we need to find her first." Shikamaru agreed.

"Come to think of it…" Choji stated. He recalled Hidan announcing their return. "They said they would be back, but they wouldn't return to the same spot."

"There should be two squads watching the exchange point…" Ino added.

"It wouldn't be a problem if we were only dealing with the loud one. But he's with that other guy and Alice." Shikamaru sighed. "Both of them are pretty smart. I'm not sure of the big Akatsuki guy, but Alice is on par with me." He shrugged. "However, even if they take a different route, their targets are the same: Asuma's body for a bounty and Naruto for the nine-tails. In short, they're heading for Konoha."

"That narrows the areas we need to search." Kakashi stated. "How do you propose we find them? We have to think up a way that Alice won't be prepared for. If she's as close to the Akatsuki as she says and appears, she'll be helping them."

Shikamaru looked up at the sky. "We'll use that." A hawk soared above them, gaining everyone's attention.

Ino smiled. "Got it. Alice would never see it coming."

"Our top priorities are eliminating these two Akatsuki members and capturing Alice and taking her back to Konoha where she will be under high security and will undergo questioning." Kakashi sighed. "Remember that."

"Yes." Team Asuma stated.

First Person Alice!

I sighed and rested my head on Kakuzu's shoulder. He glanced at me and I smiled at him. He rolled his eyes before focusing back on the area around us. I glanced up at the bright blue sky boredly, wondering when we would run into Konoha ninjas.

I smirked when I saw a familiar hawk flying towards us. "Kakuzu, the hawk."

"I remember." He grunted quietly.

I smiled and winked at the hawk just for emphasis. Ino would freak.

It landed on a tree branch behind us and I nudged Kakuzu's head with mine. He span around in an instant and shot his hand at the hawk. Kakuzu scared it away before retracting his hand of awesomeness.

Hidan looked around at us. "What the matter, Kakuzu?"

Kakuzu looked back at him after adjusting me on his back. "Nothing. Just my imagination." He threw a small smirk at me when I smiled and hugged his neck.

Hidan clicked his tongue. "Then move your ass!"

Kakuzu shrugged. "Ah."

I smiled. "You two are so cute."

"Shut up bitch." Hidan shot at me.

"What? I mean it." I pouted. "You're cute and Kakuzu's cute. And your relationship is adorable. You guys totally love each other."

"Alice, I will drop you." Kakuzu threatened.

"Alright I get it." I laughed. "I'll stop."

He glanced at me. "Good girl."

I smiled at them and we fell silent for a time.

Until Shikamaru ruined it with his shadow creeping on us.

Kakuzu didn't even glance at Hidan. "Hidan…"

"I know." Hidan said in response. Both of them jumped away from the shadow and Kakuzu swung me around until he was cradling me.

"Watch out for the explosive tags coming in from above guys." I threw in. Kakuzu tucked me under his arm and hardened his arms, one deflecting the tag and the other protecting me. The tag exploded closely, but I didn't get hurt.

"Kakuzu!" Hidan barked as he emerged from the cloud of smoke surrounding him.

"I hardened my arms." Kakuzu informed him. "Alice and I are fine." He cradled me in his hand that wasn't burrowing underground. "More importantly, watch out for that shadow."

"Like I'll fall for the same thing again!" Hidan snapped.

I shook my head at him. "Shikamaru isn't that dumb Hidan. We've been over this! He's smarter than I am."

"Hidan! Above you!" Kakuzu barked. Shikamaru sent fake tags down at us.

"They're fakes." I called. Kakuzu caught on and merely dodged the blades. "They'll lock onto your shadow." I sighed when they were caught. "And you idiots would know this if you listened to me on the way here."

"He got us." Kakuzu sighed.

"Morons." I stated, removing myself from Kakuzu's hold.

"Shut up bitch! You could have warned us!" Hidan snapped.

I frowned. "I did. Five times actually before now." I put my hands on my hips. "You were just too absorbed in making dirty comments. Kakuzu actually listened, but I think he may have forgotten in the heat of the battle."

"Shadow mimic successful." Shikamaru bragged as he dropped from the tree.

I sighed. "You're lucky they're idiots, Shikamaru. By the way, it's nice to see you again. I'm sorry about your loss. Tell Kurenai I said the same when you see her next. It really sucks that her baby won't have a dad."

"Alice, quit socializing." Kakuzu sighed.

I smiled at him. "Sorry dearest Kuzu."

"You bastard." Hidan snarled, glaring at Shikamaru. "You never touched us."

"He's holding your shadow down with the chakra blades Hidan." I informed him. "Like I told you before."

"They're mementos from Asuma. The man you two murdered." Shikamaru added.

Kakuzu raised his eyebrow. "The 35 million ryou?"

I smiled. "Yes Kakuzu. That's him."

"Now it's time to end this." Shikamaru stated, rising to his feet.

I smirked. "Well, it looks like it's going to be a battle of smarts Shikamaru. I'm not too keen on letting my favorite immortals get hurt you know. I know every move you'll make before you do. I knew Ino was in that hawk. Why do you think Kakuzu sent his arm after it?"

Shikamaru's eyes narrowed. "You'd help them?"

"Obviously." I stated. "Now, I don't want the four of you to get hurt either, and I didn't want Asuma to die. And I definitely don't want Naruto to suffer, but there are some things I cannot help. However, if you retreat now, you'll be just fine. I'll even try to sway Kakuzu from his greed. Though I can't make any promises."

"Don't even try it." Kakuzu stated.

I laughed. "See?"

"Why the hell are you being so easy going about this?" Hidan demanded. "You had to go and get yourself caught too, didn't you?" He glared at me. "And you, you crazy bitch! Do something!" He sighed when I raised my eyebrow at him.

"No chakra Hidan. I can't do much." I reminded him.

"We're totally fucking screwed aren't we?" He complained loudly.

Shikamaru nodded. "Oh you're screwed. According to my plan, the second I captured you, it was over."

I smirked. "Don't count your chickens before they hatch, Shikamaru."

Shikamaru glanced at me before taking control of Hidan's shadow with his own. He used a strand of it to get the chakra blade out of the ground.

"Damn it, what are you going to do now?" Hidan growled.

"I'm not gonna make the same mistake twice in a row." Shikamaru laughed. "You two are about to be cornered. Then we'll take Alice back to the village. She's considered an S-rank criminal with all of the information she has."

"Really?" I asked. "That's fucking awesome! I always wanted to be a criminal." I grinned at Hidan and Kakuzu. "Looks like you two forcing me to help you commit crimes has finally paid off."

Ha! Suck on that!

I'm a criminal.

I feel like such a winner now.

Shikamaru raised his eyebrow at me. "I'll be sure to target the right guy first this time." He then began moving back, forcing Hidan to mimic his movements. Hidan was forced to grab his scythe as well.

"I've got your fucking face memorized." Hidan barked. "I'm gonna destroy you if it's the last thing I do!"

Shikamaru forced Hidan to rip his scythe from the ground and brandish it a bit before he ran in Kakuzu's direction. "Not the sharpest knife in the drawer, are you?"

"You just now figured that out?" I asked sarcastically.

He jumped in the air and prepared to swing, forcing Hidan to do the same with his scythe, aiming to slice Kakuzu's shit up.

"Kakuzu, duck!" Hidan ordered. Kakuzu did as requested, dodging the weapon as well as ripping the chakra blade from the ground and off of his shadow. His cloak unfortunately got ripped up a bit.

"Nice!" Hidan praised as Kakuzu both ducked and freed himself.

"Good job Kakuzu." I smiled.

Kakuzu grunted at me as he hopped away from Hidan, bringing me with him so he could put me further out of danger. He set me down by a fallen tree where he knew I would be out of the line of fire for now.

"You said we were finished, but you still have no idea what I am capable of." Kakuzu stated. "So you kept your distance and came up with a new strategy. You actually think, unlike my partner." He retracted his hand. "But even if you analyze every aspect of a battle, things don't always go according to plan." He patted my head. "Right Alice?"

"Right-o Kakuzu." I smiled. "And Hidan just caught on."

"OI! KAKUZU!" Hidan snapped as if I cued him. "What the fuck was that 'unlike my partner' bullshit? Don't you fucking agree with him you crazy bitch!"

"Exactly what it sounded like, moron." Kakuzu told him, looking in his direction boredly.

"Look out Kakuzu. Shikamaru's getting ready to use Hidan." I hissed. Kakuzu shot backwards just as Shikamaru used Hidan to run at Kakuzu, swinging his scythe like a mad man. Hidan bitched and complained the entire time.

"Kakuzu! Do something jackass!" Hidan whined.

"You're forcing me back!" Kakuzu barked.

I frowned. "Kakuzu! Tree! Choji's above you!" I barked.

Kakuzu's back hit the tree and Choji came barreling down on him as he was supposed to. I smirked when Kakuzu hardened himself to avoid injury.

Hidan gawked. "Kakuzu!"

I smirked. "Idiots."


I love all of you.

Fun Fact: Alice doesn't know how to ride a bike. I do though!

Answer: I would want Hidan to kill me because I want to be sacrificed to Jashin-sama. Itachi, because he's a sexy beast. Kakuzu because I would be reminded of tentacle rape the entire time. Pein because he's Leader. Zetsu so he could eat me. Deidara so he could blow me up and Kisame because Samehada is badass. However, I'd pick Hidan first.

QotC: Which Akatsuki member do you think looked/would look the most adorable as a child?

Tori-da-Mutt made me a wonderful musing/oneshot for this story. It's on her fanfiction account. Go read it because it makes me happy. By the way, if you can't draw or just don't want to, you can write me a fan oneshot or something aout this story. It's all the same, really. You my dear, have earned a oneshot and I will get started on it right away. Also, she still wins for being the person to leave the longest review.

Gir's Punk Doll: You were my 1,000th reviewer. I thank you for the review and support and whatnot. You have won a oneshot. :) If you want it, please let me know what you want:D Thank you again~~~
Avenging Pineapple Dreamer: Thank you for the long ass review. Lol. It made me smile.
Navi-at-Heart: They didn't yell at Alice because they were too concerned for their dying mentor.

Lol at your guys' responses to the vending machine fun fact.

I love all of you. I don't think you realize how appreciative I am of you guys. Thank you all soooo much. I heart you from the bottom of my soul.

I talked to Louis and Brett on the phone last night and they told me to tell you all that they love you. With a few choice words of raping you and what not from Louis. But, that's life ne?

XD XD

Have a wonderful day/night/life.