*To clarify style: dream sequences and internal thoughts are written in italics. Had a few messages saying it was unclear.
She reached over to his side of the bed. Empty. Danni sat up, reality stinging like a slap on the cheek from an unseen hand in the darkness. She didn't cry anymore. She'd cried every day for the first two weeks. Now she steeled herself. How long had it been? She'd like to say she didn't know, but Danni kept track of every day in her journal. It had been almost a month. In fact, she was quickly approaching the last page of the notebook. Then what would she write in? She left the extra blank books at the prison when she'd fled with the babies that night. Daryl was so capable. But a month? Has it been too long? With his skills, he should be here by now. Unless he was ...
The babies needed her not only physically but emotionally. They picked up on all her subtleties. The lack of a smile, the pained tone of her voice when she sang and talked to them. She needed to pull it together for their sakes. So she smiled as much as she could. She saw Daryl in the children, their children. Ryder has his daddy's eyes, no denying. He was here in them. Danni knew what he'd want her to do. And if he were here he'd tell her not to give up hope. Live every day to survive. She got up every day and fed the babies, changed them, made sure they were settled then went out and checked the traps. Two primitive snares at the edge of the field where the back yard met the woods. She walked, the red Georgia clay dirtying her bare feet under the tattered skirt of the old dress she'd found in another trunk in the attic. Lorelei's black, vintage civil war era mourning garb had been easy to cut up and alter into wearable dresses.
A rabbit. One at least. She grimaced at the thought of what she had to do with it now. She never got used to skinning and cleaning the animals she caught. She thanked them and blessed them for their sacrifice. She pumped water from the well, grateful its source still seemed to be full. The pail was heavy and her shoulder protested with a crack. She did her best to make the place home.
Her heart ached with longing. She knew she needed to stay strong for the kids sake, but sometimes at the end of the day when they were finally asleep she felt the emptiness taking over. What was life without him? She'd sit on the stairs of the ghost house and silently speak to Lorelei asking if she knew where Daryl was if he were alive if he were trying to get to her. Danni sat for hours on the stairs which she knew to be the place where the veil of reality is particularly thin in haunted houses. Its easier to speak with the spirits on stairs as they are between floors. Between realms.
She couldn't get a clear picture of him or hear him. Something was interfering with their connection. It scared her. So she asked Lorelei. Day after day. She never answered but often Danni smelled gardenia and felt a warmth, a comfort.
It was the night of the waning moon. She needed to set herself free. She was by no means giving up, but the pain in her heart was starting to become unbearable. She turned to the page in Brigid's book of Shadows to the spell to heal a broken heart. She put a mirror in the bottom of a bowl of water and placed four white candles around the bowl. She gazed into the water at her own reflection, flickering in the flames shimmering off of the water. She touched her scar and remembered his words that night. He couldn't live without her.
"Take this pain from me and make it fade as shadows do at the light of day." She chanted imagining her heartache being absorbed into the water. She put it all there as tears fell making small pools rippling in the bowl. She continued to gaze, cry and visualize all her pain, longing and emptiness absorbing into the water. She stayed that way at the wooden kitchen table until the candles burned out into puddles of melted wax. She poured the water down the drain, wrapped the mirror in a white cloth and put it in the top dresser drawer where it would stay for a month.
She checked on the twins one more time. Suddenly she was gripped with a vicious nausea. She'd been having it a lot lately. She'd been in denial but after a week straight of vomiting and being bone tired she couldn't pretend it was the flu any longer. She was pregnant. Alone with two kids already. Not knowing If she'd ever see Daryl again. She sat on the floor and pulled out her tarot cards, She stared the deck but pushed them away. She pulled her knees up to her chest and hugged tightly, sobbing her heart out. Nan hadn't even come in her dreams lately. She was suddenly startled by a rapping at the front door. It was late. She stood slowly and retrieved her gun, before cautiously moving toward the door.
"Is there anyone there?" a man's voice called earnestly. His Irish brogue caught Danni's attention. "Hullo?"
She approached with caution aiming the shotgun. Maybe it was a hallucination? She'd been alone for so long. Was this even real?
"Dia dhóibh"
What the hell? Gaelic?
Danni opened her eyes, calm composure mixed with dreadful fear and longing. Her stomach churned and face was wet with tears. Fuck dreams! Fuck them, fuck them! She dried her eyes with the back of her hand.
She wasn't sure how long she lay staring into the dark, her heart ripped in two by the practical and the painful. She clung to the fact that the dream could be interpreted as a warning. Maybe its purpose was to giving her direction. Learn how to take care of herself, but also insist they don't separate If anything happens at the prison, they'd go to the ghost house together. That was final. Soon weak morning light spread across the ceiling.
When Daryl stirred and raised up on his elbow, he groggily said "Mornin.''
"Hey, can you teach me how to make rabbit snares?"
Before he wrapped his head around what she was asking she added "And then I guess I'll need to learn how to skin and clean animals out or whatever. And fire. How do I make a campfire anyway? One that will last. One to cook over."
She was already yammering away and he hadn't had his eyes opened for more than a half second.
"What the hell? Where is this coming from? You never cared about any of that before."
"I...just think it would be good to learn. I mean look who I'm married to…" She tried to laugh.
"What's going on?"
"Nothing. Will you teach me this stuff or not."
He hesitated, trying to read her eyes. Still saying nothing when he knew there was something going on. Damn girl.
"Never mind Merle will show me, I'm sure."
"I didn't say I wouldn't, it's just not like you."
"I hope I never have to do any of it but, you never know."
"What did you see?" He figured she'd dreamed something. "This ain't nothing. I know you."
"Yeah it was a really bad dream. We were separated and I was at the ghost house like we planned. I had to feed myself, to feed them. I woke up and realized I wouldn't know what to do without you. That's not good Daryl, not safe, not now. I don't want to learn because I don't think you can take care of us or that we will ever be separated, but what if I had to? At least until you got there, that's all." She paused and added "Don't be mad."
"Not mad. Hell, I'm proud of you. I know you never wanted to do any of that stuff, but you always do what you have to do. Always. I just hope you 'll be able to do it, city girl." He laughed, busting her.
"Me too." She said seriously. "But that's the other thing. I don't want to have to... so we are not separating. I don't care what's going on here. If we have to leave this place, we leave together. Promise me that."
"I ..."
"Promise me!"
"Hey, okay. Okay yeah."
"Remember last night we talked about us, the four of us. That's what counts."
He nodded.
"Oh and Daryl," She said seriously. "No more psychic birth control, we have to use condoms. I mean it."
"Saw that?"
"Yeah I think I was being warned."
He shrugged and his expression was dismissive.
"I saw that, no more kids!"
He smirked and put up his hands "Alright. Some dream though, huh?" He wanted her to go into more detail. He could tell she was shaken. He hoped she would later. "Well let's get started today. I'll show you whatever you want."
"Hey," She tilted her head. "Thanks. Now kiss me before they wake up."
"You sure? I mean..."
"Just...shhh." She pressed her lips to his forehead, letting them linger there for a second soaking up the warmth of his skin. Faint traces of his musky, woodsy scent drifted towards her, teasing her senses. His free hand swept up and down her arm, leaving shivers in its wake. She leaned back and took her time looking him over trying to erase the feeling of the dream.
He gazed down at her, his expression amused. "Are we done?"
Danni smiled and touched her lips to cheek, moving her mouth to his neck, leaving a trail of light, sucking kisses over his throat; a gentle lick here, a nibble there. His pulse beat strong and steadily, his chin lifting to allow her easier access. Her mouth travelled up to the curve of his jaw and his whiskers prickled against her lips. She pressed a soft kiss there, then another, revelling in the masculine feel of him. "You smell good," she said, nuzzling his throat.
His responding "Mmmm" vibrated against her lips.
She nibbled his ear and flicked her tongue at the lobe. Danni started to think they might have time for more when, as if on cue, the babies' cries started. Before he let her go, he whispered in her ear, "I'll make a hunter out of you city girl."
... ... ... .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .
"Sorry people but all we did was poke a rattlesnake with a big stick." Merle stated the obvious.
"Merle, you put us all in danger. What did you think was gonna happen?" Rick paced angrily. "Going to Woodbury on your own. That was one stupid move." He turned to Danni. "I'd expect it from him," he gestured to Merle slumping against the wall. "But you. What the hell were you thinking?" His voice was a little louder than he meant and Daryl stepped in front of Danni protectively on instinct. "She knows. I talked to her."
"Daryl, its okay." She gently touched his arm and moved past him to look at Rick. "It was a mistake. I'll never forget how big." She absently traced the cut on her cheek. "If I could go back to yesterday and change it I would but I can't. All I can do is apologize. Words seem weak for something like this where the stakes are so high. But we know it's only a matter of time before the Governor attacks us whether Merle and I went there or not. It may be happening sooner that's all. But I am sorry, sorry if anything I did put any of you in more danger. It puts my family in danger too. I feel it. All I can do is apologize."
She turned to the rest of the group. "I take responsibility for my mistake and I am truly sorry. I was only trying to help."
Rick shook his head and almost smiled. Danni looked puzzled.
"It's hard to be pissed off at anyone holding two babies like that."
Glenn laughed first and when Daryl chuckled too, the rest of the group joined him.
... ... ... .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .
"I suck." Danni said for the third time as her sticks collapsed in on themselves. "I can't do this."
"Again." Daryl wouldn't let her out of it. "And then I 'm showing you how to start a fire with a flint and tinderbox."
She looked overwhelmed. They sat by their tree, in its shade on the grass as he demonstrated how to make a simple small game snare with twigs and wire.
"Hey, you wanted to learn this stuff."
She nodded.
"And I think it's good. Makes me feel better. "
"Yeah?"
He nodded and reached in to wipe the streak of dirt from her cheek. "Problem with this right here? You're thinking too much about it. Turn off that mind of yours and just do what I showed you."
She sighed, took the wire and sticks and tried again. And again. He made her work at it until the sun was nearly down and she'd made the perfect snare.
... ... ... .. .. .. .. .. .
It had been two days with no sign of attack from Woodbury. Everyone was taking extra watch shifts and arms and ammunition were stored and ready. But, so far all was quiet.
Danni was happy being a sling momma, as Lori called it. Daryl had made cloth slings to carry the babies around closer to her chest. Her hands were free and the babies were close to her. It was little hard at first to manage both but got the hang of it quickly. As she walked outside across the courtyard, they looked around with wonder as they always did. They loved walks, they loved looking at the world. Sometimes their eyes were almost too intense. "You guys know things don't you." She wandered over to the car Daryl had readied for the 'in case' moment.
The car seat carriers were both in the back. She'd put them there after the dream. She stared at the car, it was ready to go. Ready to take her to safety, or away from Daryl? Her dream haunted her.
"You were staring at that car for a while now. Last time I checked cars don't talk back hon." Merle startled her.
"Sometimes I wish Daryl wasn't such a… a hero."
Merle stepped closer to his sister-in-law. Well, that's what she was after all. He still shook his head in wonder sometimes at the way things turned out. Danni went on. "See Merle we have this safety plan where if anything goes south here, I take the kids and head to a house we stayed at a few months back."
"Sounds smart."
"But what if it's just me? I'm scared Daryl's gonna stay behind for Rick. Help him, you know? I love Daryl's code, his fucking loyalty." She laughed. "But part of me wants him put us first. Is that selfish of me?Awful of me?"
"No queenie it ain't, it's damn smart and I wish you could convince Daryl of that. Nobody else is worth a damn thing but you and them kids." He stepped close and patted each infant on the head affectionately. "But Daryl, now he's stubborn no one knows that more than me. I seen just what you're saying, ' bout his sense of loyalty to Rick. " The words loyalty to Rick were spat out with disdain. "I want you to do something for me sweetheart, okay?"
"Sure what?"
"You make my brother listen to you, what you just said there. You take him with you. You drag him tooth and nail if you have to. I don't want my brother losing all he got because of Rick. Okay. Promise me."
"Merle I want you to come too. I don't want these two to grow up without you."
"Knowing that you and Daryl want me around them sprouts well I…" He looked past her and she saw his eyes moisten. Merle! "I 'll be there okay, queenie. I'll be there for them. You can count on it."
Danni felt flustered by Merle's bit of emotion. She quickly moved to the car and reached the passenger side glove box. "Here is the map to the house. Copy it okay. In case. I mean when things happen if you can't get there with us get there on your own. I mean it."
"Shit queenie always so bossy."
After gazing at the babies in silence, Danni mused aloud. "Look at her."
"Yep, she's a pretty thing."
"Merle. I can't help but worry about my little girl more than my boy. Guess cause I'm a girl and I know no matter what you are told its harder for women. It just is and always will be. I don't want her to get the same shit I do, I want her to have her own experience. I doubt that's likely. She's gonna do what she's gonna do. But I want a tough girl. I don't want a princess. We'd have a problem if I had a princess. Don't tell Daryl." She smiled. "He'd be naïve to think our daughter isn't going to tell someone to fuck off one day. It's important to tell people to fuck off. When I look at Daryl holding her and I know you are going to be in her life I know she'll be both. One tough princess."
Merle looked at Kiera with affection, then began." Look queenie some people fight to prove a point, some people fight cause they're just assholes, some cause it's all they know but they don't know why. Like Daryl, he fights because he's always had to fight. He's got a scorpion way of dealing with things. I taught him that. You strike, you attack first. If there's a threat he stings it and walks away. He don't have a problem killing Biters or people. But see, you gave him a reason to fight; now he fights to protect you and the kids. I seen a change. He knows what he's fighting for now. Look, Daryl's gonna keep you safe. He don't give up. You can depend on him. But tell him, tell him want you want."
Danni could hear the pride in Merle's voice, she wished Daryl could hear it.
"I know. It's not Daryl I don't trust, it is the damn universe that's fucking with us. I know Daryl will do everything he can, but sometimes we don't have control."
"Sometimes I think you're ten pounds of crazy in a five-pound bag."
"Me too, Merle me too." Danni sighed.
... ... ... ... ... .. .. .. .
"Daryl let go. They'll be okay without you." Death said
"Bullshit." he touched the gaping bullet wound on his side.
"You've done more with your life than anyone would have expected. It's time, time to let go. Stay or go..."
"Think about what queenie needs boy, not about what Rick wants or what I want." Daryl heard Merle.
"Why why do you provoke him? Daryl why can't you just let it be?" He heard his momma.
"No weak ass bitch pussy is a son of mine. Get out of my sight boy, next time I'll kill you." He heard his dad.
"Daryl, I changed my mind. If anything happens, I don't want us to separate. We need to stay together." He heard Danni and wished he'd listened to her. Now here he lay bleeding out, his leg crushed under debris from the fallen prison.
"Well, I'll be a squirrel in a skirt. This where you been all this time?"
Daryl looked up. "Merle?"
Daryl awoke, drenched in sweat, heart pounding, feeling completely confused. Danni was beside him, sleeping soundly. He got up still a little shaken and went to check on the kids. "I'm not going anywhere," he whispered to them. Fuck dreams, fuck them.
... ... ... .. .. .. .. .. .
Danni finished bathing the twins. She put on clean clothes and relished that powder smell. She swore they smelled pink. There was no better scent. She listened to their breathing.
As hard as she worked to fight it, occasionally she was overcome with worry about them, their future. They were still so helpless, they depended on Daryl and her for everything. But he was here. He was a good father, a really good one proving any fears he'd had were nothing as Danni knew they'd be. Her children had a real father. She never did. The dream the other night got her thinking about him again.
She'd been young when he left but had clear, strong memories of him when he was there. Until she was five, she was her daddy's little girl. He was so dark-haired and handsome and his thick brogue always had an amused tone, like he was the only one who knew the punch line to the ultimate joke life was.
He read to her too, only it was the racing forms, not Snow White or Cinderella. He called her his good luck charm and when he won at the track she remembered he'd be quick to give away his winnings. He despised humanity, had no patience for it whatsoever except when it came to bag ladies and skid row bums. When she was four almost five right before he left, he'd take her on tours of downtown and always the last stop would be skid row.
"Danni" he'd say, "This is real life... this is it, right here! Those who can afford it can't understand it and those who understand it can't afford it." He'd wink but he was deadly serious as he gave money to all the winos as if he were feeding pigeons in the park. He was a real Robinhood, a hustler from the word go. He loved to get over, thrived on it. Most of their food, furniture and appliances were stolen or gotten through one type of hustle or another. And he was extremely excessive. Danni remembered asking him for a piece of bubble gum and he brought home six cases of Bazooka Joe 3000 to a case. Now that was 18000 pieces of bubble gum. Her mom said stuff like that 'fell of the back of a truck'. And her da laughed. He always laughed. Nan never had a bad word to say about him even when her mother hinted he might be mixed up with some seriously dangerous people. Maybe in hiding? Like, he couldn't come back for her? Nan never told her where he was, though, Danni always felt she knew. He was after all her darling boy who could do no wrong.
"Nan I want to know! I want to know why he left and where he was." Danni made her request aloud. She went to the small window that looked out over the prison yard and watched the Ravens. "Nan you owe me an explanation. It's time."
She was surprised to see Daryl and Merle walking with a stranger across the courtyard.
... ... ... .. .. .. .. .
"Woodbury's gone."
"What?" Rick asked not actually believing.
"Burned man, it's a burned out shell of a town. He just went crazy, shooting at us, then torched the town."
The large framed African American man looked exhausted and road weary. Merle knew him from Woodbury that's why he and Daryl had brought him inside the prison gate. Merle didn't know him well, but he'd been an honest enough guy when he arrived in Woodbury and signed on to security.
"This here is Tyreese." Merle introduced him. "How'd you make it out boy?"
As overcome with exhaustion as he was, Tyreese visibly bucked at the term 'boy'.
"I got out fast is how. I didn't stand around shell-shocked like the rest. Those poor people kids, my sister…."
"So is he dead?" Merle asked.
"I don't know."
"Well, he ain't got much of an army if he killed em all." Merle mused. "But if he's still alive he'll be back someday. He is the most vengeful man I ever come across in my whole sorry ass life and believe me I met a few. That there man is evil, folks, pure evil."
"But we bought time?" Rick asked.
"Sure yeah, so we better use it sheriff."
