The Name of Love"

Of all the things he had witnessed today many he'd gladly forget, but those eyes…

She held a child in her arms, carrying the little elven boy so he also could be protected by the magical wards she wore on her clothes and jewelry. Around them golems and demons were tearing apart the once magnificent elven city Suldanessellar, murdering its inhabitants and desecrating temples. The madness somehow spared two children who managed to hide on the roof of a workshop and waited there for their parents, who rushed to face invaders. The parents could just as well be dead, but for now the children were safe. Daria noticed the pair somehow and made to the roof before the demons found them.

"Thank you, elder one." The boy bowed when Daria put him on the ground, just by the point where Elhan was evacuating the inhabitants. His eyes were all teary, but he was struggling to keep those tears at bay. The elfling took hand of the girl that hid with him, his sister or neighbor, and went to join the group of fugitives.

Elder one… A respectful title one gave to the elves that saw many centuries pass. Xan would never name Daria like that, she was barely an adolescent by the elven standards. It was true that she possessed the level of magic many elves would never in their long lives reach, and was experienced much more than an average person of her age, but she was still very…

…young.

He saw her eyes.

Daria had eyes that saw centuries. No wonder the boy mistook her for one of the elders. She had eyes that saw much death and much pain, more suffering than they should and not enough hope to make up for it. She had eyes of those who embarked on their final journey, knowing that they would either find a sense in life, a spark to make them want to go at least a bit further, or die.

Xan turned his gaze away. She shouldn't have such eyes.

It was a pause in battles, a night they needed to rest. Somehow they managed to push back the attackers long enough to reach the temple and wake the ancient protectors of the elven city. The streets weren't safe yet, but the spirits of Rillifane were on their guard, cleansing them from the evil Irenicus brought from the Abyss.

The battle was far from over though. The queen's palace was still beyond their reach – they would storm it in the morning. Only them – the group that chased mad Irenicus through the bowels of Toril and would chase him to the end. It was as it should be, as she needed her spirit back.

With day as frenzied as it was, tearing their bodies in battles and their hearts with the sight of ruin brought upon the elves, the night was surprisingly calm. Its quietness was gentle… healing the protectors as they slept in one of the abandoned buildings near the palace. Daria didn't sleep, she didn't feel like it, no matter how much Jaheira urged her to. She had a long talk with Valygar and a short, but very loud with Minsc, when he ensured her of his and Boo's loyalty. And that was it. Not much more was left to do before tomorrow's final battle.

She found Xan on the balcony of their little stronghold, watching the stars, or perhaps only avoiding watching the destroyed city underneath the beautiful façade of balcony. She sat by his side feeling a strange déjà vu.

"Can I talk to you for a bit? I have something important to tell you" she asked.

"Please, go ahead" he answered just as calmly, but they both knew he wasn't calm. After this day he was just too tired to be afraid or even sad.

"I wanted to tell you that I love you." He winced when she said that as if she struck him with a lightning rod. "Please, hear me out to the end" she asked before he had a chance to respond. "It's a rather old story I want to tell you and it begins as in fairy tales. I fell in love with you from the first sight." The sadness in Xan's eyes was inescapable, but he respected her wish for him to wait with his words. "You were all I ever dreamed about. A powerful mage, but not arrogant, an elf - distinguished, graceful, thoughtful."

"I was never… truly thoughtful. I should have cared much more." He couldn't stop to voice his regret.

"For me, you have. I learned to admire you and you were good to me, caring for what I thought, teaching me gradually without a word of impatience. I really felt the close bond between us, like I felt with no one else before, like I could talk with you about everything, truly everything. I thought I loved you, back then, watching you as you slept through my watches, till the late hours of night" Daria glanced at the stars, the same she used to ask about their future, before she learned to get her questions answered.

"With time all I knew as a fact turned out to be but a delusion created to allow me to have a carefree childhood. The outside world wasn't a tale in a book, heroic acts could be just a murder depending on the side of conflict, they were just a murder that someone named heroic – our journey from the very beginning was difficult and bloody, leading to a painful truth instead of happy ending. And you were with me through all this. I can't even explain what it meant to me. Thank you.

I remember when you left Baldur's Gate..." Again a memory overwhelmed her, like a conscious reverie. "The whole party gathered to bid you farewell, just like we were the previous day, to see Kivan the last time. You came close to me, hesitated only for a moment, and kissed me lightly on a cheek. And you said your farewells in elven... You said: farewell, my sister. I cried when you turned away, but you didn't look back to see it. I didn't have any experience, knew nothing how to make two people happy together... And I lacked the courage to open up and honestly tell you how I feel. I let you go without taking the chance to tell you how much I wanted to see you again.

Back then I thought I already realized that life isn't as simple as a book, but instead I only created a new tale in my head, in which nothing good ever happened, and parted friends would never meet each other again. And once more I was wrong. Destiny is not a toy for goods, neither for mortals. All there is to it is... a coincidence.

And we met again.

In Athkatla, you remember?" she smiled at him, but he didn't. All he could do was to hold back the tears. "I cared so much more then, all because I was afraid of practically everything after the time in Irenicus' dungeon. Most of the time I didn't even realize I was shivering with fear, only because I was reacting with terror to almost everything, only refused to admit it. I wanted nobody to know how much devastated I was, because... if you found out... I'd just have to accept all that happened to me. I was running away, driven by fear and guilt, just like Irenicus said. I couldn't face my own fears. And you were there for me again, maybe a bit more distant, like as if I was beginning to realize I was making you into a dream in my head, too good to be true. But you were there for me nonetheless. My protector. My gentle friend.

When you left me... everything faded in one moment. Nothing was like before, the world lost all its colors, tastes, sounds. Only one thing remained after Irenicus took my spirit and you took it away." This wasn't a pleasant memory and one much more recent, but somehow she kept smiling. Why? Even she didn't know.

"I hated you for taking that last thing, I wanted you to feel the void I felt, make you as empty as I was. That's why I did those things in Ust Natha... becoming like a drow, killing in the arena. I thought that if I was a demon from the start than all the pain and emptiness would be gone when I accepted what I was. In the end... I had to become a monster to realize that I wasn't one.

It was Solaufein who helped me understand that." Her hand wandered to the mysterious pearl in her necklace. "I will always feel pain, even if I am always ready to fight, no matter if I'm hurt by the solitude or because the death I bring to my friends. There is no escaping from sadness, but also, there will be always happiness to be found. It wasn't a relaxing realization, but it made me somewhat at peace. I feel more complete now, even without my spirit, than I was ever before.

And also I wanted to tell you that I love you and I always will, milya mellon" she was coming close to end of this long monologue now. For a moment Xan's lips moved as if he was about to interrupt her, but no words fell. He let her finish first. "…and that you were right that we should part. Love alone doesn't mean enough. After all, there are people destined to be together, bond to meet again no matter of the distance and time, those victorious even in the face of death but... only in fairy tales. You are my love, but we have to go our separate ways.

I am telling you this... because it is a farewell, though I can't say that we won't meet again. I never managed to say this to Kivan, to thank him for teaching me and for letting me grow up, but at least I can thank you. For everything."

"But why? Why now?" her last words shocked Xan, he didn't expect that.

"Irenicus has to be stopped."

He just looked at her with despair, not understanding. "You need my help."

"If we fail he has to be stopped by someone else. The knowledge of him, of his alliances with drow, rituals, magic... we discovered too much to let it waste, even if we fail. Someone must stay behind and ensure that our struggles won't go to waste, to help the second strike, guide them. I choose you."

"I don't want to stay, wait as you'll be fighting to your death with a monster! Let me go with you. I promised you this."

"We can't all die there Xan. Today is different than any other battles so far."

"I was running away from death long enough." That slipped from his mouth surprising even him. But it was true. He didn't want to see her die before him, killed just few steps from him as he was waiting in safety for her return.

"Xan..." she took his hand in hers. It was terrible to feel her touch after such a long time. Only with the last reserves of his willpower he held back the flood of emotions almost breaking through his will. How cruel of her it was to touch him at the same tame asking him to let her go into embrace of certain death. "In the name of what was between us, please stay today and let me face my destiny, without you."

"I..." a cry hidden deep in his chest was trying to break free, clenching his voice.

"Please."

"I..." And then something broke inside him. All the reasons to leave her, all the reasonable things keeping him away from his feelings, all the sterile knowledge suddenly wasn't enough to stop him from saying from the bottom of his heart. "No, I... I won't leave you. I won't leave you ever again. It would be so easy to say it knowing we will die, but no. I won't leave you as long as I live."

"Xan..." she moved closer to him, only a breath away... 'Maybe she understood?' he thought for a split second, on the verge of fainting. He made a mistake in judgment and he stayed by it, at the same time regretting it every lonely day, every bitter night. He never realized that what he was throwing away was worth more than what he'd be left with and he wanted to repair it somehow, return it, with all his strength so far he considered pathetic. But if it would let him confess to her he would never say it was again in his life. Maybe she understood...? Maybe all he needed to tell her now was what he felt towards her?

"Daria, I…"

"Sleep... Xan, milya mellonamin..." Daria whispered into his ear and her sweet hollow magic took him.

The elf felt limply into her arms and she placed him gently on the balcony. He was now under the protection of the ancient spirits of Suldanessellar, nothing bad would happen to him. She placed a blanket on him to ward off the cold of the night. With consideration she touched his face, slowly moving her palm on his skin, feeling its warmth, its soothing magic. And then she lowered her head closing her eyes unhurriedly and kissed him, lightly as if just brushing with his lips. This was one more, one last protective charm she would leave him. Her hand wandered from his face to her lips as she pulled back. She looked at him one last time, with gaze full of love, the feeling kept in boundaries by determination showing in her stance, and walked away to join the rest of her companions, to tell them he was staying.