"Now, Constable Suarez, define what a team is."

"Sir, it is a group of people or animals linked in a common purpose, appropriate for conducting tasks that are high in complexity and have many interdependent subtasks."

"You just gave the Wikipedia definition idiot. Normally worse things ought to be done to you, be we don't have time for that now. To the rest of you people, understand this: the Constabulary is just a large team of people, and some animals perhaps, linked in a common purpose of defending this country from its enemies like those squint-eyed Japanese. Thus, we need teamwork, and a large amount of men if we were to combat that schoolgirl juggernaut horde down there at Quezon."

All the way back in the War Room at Manila, far from the forward base where Constable Suarez, his superiors, and his comrades are now staying, Turiano Carpio and a bunch of other senior officials are standing and looking at the floor, pointing at various spots in the design.

"I like the way this feature snakes around the square."

"The colours in this area are a bit...off."

However, the officers are not simply wasting their time admiring the floor while their foot soldiers are getting slaughtered by Japanese, because the floor is composed of hundreds of old TV screens - frames removed and screens installed adjacent to each other- showing a composite map of the battlefield of this 'Yuriko crisis'. In real time, reports of sightings of Yuriko duplicates spread quickly from the burnt Japanese base; coupled with real-time loss of contact of various deployed units in the area. This fourth-world version of an interactive planning map is much, much better than its predecessor: a sandbox map on the floor where hundreds of lieutenants on desk duty move around units. This old mapping system, while needing less electricity obviously, tied up hundreds of officers on moving-unit-markers-around duty, and too often an officer would trip on the sandbox map, spilling the "Sierra Madre mountain ranges" into the "Philippine Sea", turning 2000 square kilometers of sea into land instantly. With the new system at least, the High Command could easily zoom and scroll the interactive map, with the 'interactive' being done by shouting orders to the map operator nerd on the edge of the floor-based map.

While seemingly hopelessly obsolete against even Soviet planning maps, the TV-on-the-floor mapping setup had its advantages: at night the War Room is converted into a club, with the mapping floor used as a dance floor for displaying psychedelic light shows underneath the dancers' noses. Every morning soldiers on 'club' duty would just drag out the drunk clubbers, mop up vomit and other stains, and the floor is ready again for planning the defense of the Motherland. But this time, with the Yuriko duplicates on a rampage, none of the high officials were on a very dance-y mood.

One of the generals spoke up. "God, this looks very, very bad. We can't call the aircraft because they'll be psionically pulled down to the ground, we can't call in for more ground forces because of the losses we have incurred..."

"Ever noticed that none of our seaborne forces in the area are affected?" A lieutenant observed.

The officers looked at the map. Surely, a bunch of Lapu-Lapus providing small-arms fire support remained untouched, despite the fact that their fire has greatly slowed the Yuriko duplicate advance on a narrow slice of land that just happens to be perfectly within the Lapu-Lapus' fields of fire. Normally a Yuriko would just float all the way to the ships, pick them up from the waters, and crush them in mid-air, but these duplicates don't seem to be doing anything against the ships.

"Hmm, intriguing that the Duplicates can't just swim and destroy the ships. Maybe they don't float like a proper Yuriko clone. Confirmation?"

From the field, another Turiano Carpio watches the swarm of Yurikoes get barely contained by the sheer firepower lain down by the Lapu-Lapus. His field secretary replies to Manila High Command as he watches the sight from his scope. "Yes, the Duplicates are just walking instead of floating. My guess is that it is to ration psionic potential for increasing the amount of Duplicates Yuriko can raise...by deleting "psionic levitation", she may have freed her fiercely psionic mind to create even more of those Duplicates of her. That's why we're being slowly overrun by a horde of psychic teenage girls."

"Thank you for intel, and the unneeded commentary. How are you there?"

The field secretary frowned a bit from the remark of the general at Manila. Thankfully her facial expression could not be seen over the cellphone. "General, it seems that the situation is getting desperate; the Lapu-Lapus are being mauled badly by the Imperial Navy, and if those ships break the duplicates would spill over."

"So, what is Sir Carpio's plan?"

"General, Mr. Carpio plans to overwhelm the self-replicating horde of commando units, with his army of...himselves."

Imperial soldiers march on with the Duplicates, strolling, knowing that the psionic horde has just made their fights easier. A few hundred meters away lay the Filipinos, tired of fighting all those Duplicates. For the Filipinos, it was a hopeless situation; for the Japanese it is a ridiculous win, once the Lapu-Lapus stop firing of course. The Chopper-VX's would clear up the path from those fishing vessels in no time, that's sure!

And so it was in shock when they saw an equally large army of Turiano Carpios, moving towards them armed with nothing more than sheer philosophy. The Sairen, the one who can easily break their brains and even control their minds. One Turiano Carpio has already led entire battalions to fight their former comrades, one Turiano Carpio has already caused the philosophical death of hundreds of thousands by nothing more but philosophy, one Turiano Carpio has had a hand in the development of the feared and hated Lawful Annihilator. And now there's a whole battalion of them?

"All Japanese common non-commando mooks, pull back. You are just mere mooks; this is a battle of heroes. I, Cmdr. Dr. Saiko, need the test data to know the effectiveness of my dear Yuriko's Duplicates against this...man. Do not engage, your intervention would only spoil my data."

The Japanese troops pulled back, leaving an army of only Duplicates against a line of Turiano Carpios. In the same way, the Filipino troops are too broken to put up a proper fight, and thus could not interfere with the epic fight of the commandoes.

"Now this is an interesting fight, not of a champion and a thousand mooks, but of a thousand copies of the champion and a handful of mooks! Go forth my Duplicates, crush that man and his inferior philosophy! Show them that science...trumps...philosophy. Ahahahaha!"

Constable Suarez looked at the army of Carpios move in to engage the enemy. "How did he do that? Could philosophy really make more copies of a man?"

His superior answered him. "Hmm, Sir Carpio always said that no man is an army. Learned that in Military Philosophy 22. But now, I never really thought of a practical military application of such a ridiculously simple statement, until now. But then, after all, he is Turiano Carpio, and I guess there are so many reasons and proofs for him to have an army of himself."

Even the generals wondered what theory Sir Carpio had come to life for the philosopher to produce a whole army of himself. Did he prove, multiple times, that he exists, causing multiple copies of him to exist as well? Did he rip versions of himself from the past and the future to create his army of himself? Did he pull out other Turiano Carpios from other universes? Was it because there are many entities of himself, within himself, that he gave all the moment to exist and let be? Did he point out so many errors in reality that reality itself decided that more Turiano Carpios are necessary to correct all its errors? Nobody really knows what goes on in the mind, in the life, in the very existence and essence of the philosopher, but one thing is clear: he is to go after the Duplicates personally, and his research would be rendered void as well if as much as one bullet from the Filipinos interfere with his research into the mind of a psychic junkie. Quite simply, this is a battle between massed commandoes, Yuriko[es] against Carpio[es], and none of the normal, mook-y Filipino or Japanese are to interfere with their battle.