Controlling Our Fates
Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly!
AN: "'The past is past, that is why they call it the past.'–C. Hurn. Yes one must look at the past, and then learn from it, but to ruminate and dwell on it is counterproductive. There is a new path ahead of you that YOU and only YOU created. There will be a time when you can walk it safely and be happy. I promise you."
Chapter 53 (A Heartfelt Discussion)
June 1st, school was still in session for a couple weeks, as was how it was for Seattle public schools. Valerie was meeting up with Sam during the lunch hours. She wanted to try and talk to her about what was going on with Freddie. She wanted to be able to help her somehow, just as everyone helped her before. Sure, Sam had every right to be concerned about Freddie, but he was still a good person and it was blatantly obvious that he would never hurt Sam in any way. Not only that, but Sam had family and friends that, like Valerie, would kill Freddie if he ever laid a hand on her.
Sam sipped a soda nonchalantly and looked up as Valerie took a seat in front of her. She told Carly she'd just be meeting with Valerie, so the other girl was actually elsewhere, getting her studies done. "You know Val, down south, schools let out practically a month before we do. That seems hardly fair, don't you think?" Valerie chuckled and slowly nodded her head. Sam smirked slightly and rolled her head to the side, she definitely could tease Jonah and Valerie about the fact that they didn't have to deal with that system anymore, but they could easily counter with the fact that she had one more year left of it.
"Think of it like this, you have one more year left before the freedom of high school ends and then you have to start the high priority work of college. Then you get a totally different mindset, I bet." Sam raised a skeptical brow and set her soda on the table. In a way, she could see how Valerie was right, college would be rough, tougher than high school. There was no playing around there, it was serious shit, it was time to buck up and stop whining because nobody was going to take any crap that someone could pull in the high schools and junior highs. She muttered and lowered her voice as her eyes dipped down onto the soda can.
"Damn. That's a hell of a way to put it."
"I know, but that's what Vanessa tells me, and she's the college student."
"Yeah, so she knows the ropes." Even with college coming up, what would she do? What would she go into? It wasn't set in stone. She knew what Freddie wanted to be, what Jonah wanted to be, even Valerie and Carly had their minds made up, but she still wasn't one hundred percent certain. It was embarrassing really. She leaned forward onto her raised wrist and flicked her eyes to one of the cafeteria windows. She did like the thought of being a guidance counselor. A dry chuckle escaped her lips as her eyes shut and her chest rose in a medium yawn. "God I'm tired…You know, I have absolutely no idea what I want to do out of college. I think maybe a guidance counselor, but I'm not sure."
"That's okay, many people don't know what they want to be going into college. That's what learning is for. You'll find your niche when you go."
"Niche?"
"Yeah, it's like…what you're good at, what you enjoy." Sam lifted her eyebrows and smiled slightly. Valerie was right, she didn't have to have things all figured out right now. Life could be taken one step at a time. Sometimes it was difficult, sometimes it wasn't so bad. In the end, those who took it carefully often found more enjoyment. "Now…what I wanted to talk to you about…" Sam's lips fell and her heart stilled, she had a sneaking suspicion of what was coming. "I know you don't want to talk to Freddie right now…" She cringed and moved her eyes to the side, slowly flicking her tongue from her teeth. The subject of Freddie, tense, but talking about him was likely a necessary evil. After all, she did love him and there really wasn't reason to be afraid of him. "What happened, Sam? Did he…did he hit you?" She looked to Valerie and felt the breath leave her body. She could see her friend's concern and care, she was very thankful to have that. "I mean, if he hit you, I could send Vanessa after him."
"Vanessa?" Valerie played on a subtle smirk and Sam's expression flushed as she imagined Vanessa pounding the hell out of Freddie. It gave her an almost pained sensation in her gut. The guy wasn't that bad! At least not bad enough to require a semi-professional martial artist smackdown from Valerie's older sister. "N-No, that's not necessary. He's never hit me." Valerie closed her eyes and set her backpack down beside her. Sam watched as the girl pulled a water bottle from the side sack on the backpack.
"Well that's good. I didn't think it would be needed either, Freddie would never hit you. No matter how angry he becomes. I know an abusive man from an angry man, and Freddie is no abuser." Valerie unscrewed the cap on her bottle and took a quick drink.
"You think so?" Sam's heart lifted into her throat and her palms rested neatly on the table. She glazed her fingertips inwards and curled them beneath her palm as her eyes dropped to them. "I just…" She wondered about telling her that Rodney showed up. Valerie knew the man was still around and the mere mention of him still was enough to scare the living shit out of her. "Freddie told me some stuff about his past, but…someone else told me before he did and I freaked." She clenched her fists as Valerie lifted an eyebrow and moved her bottle to the table.
"You…freaked out? That's new."
"Yeah, I don't freak out so easily." She muttered out an embarrassed tone and lifted her eyes skywards. "It was Rodney." Valerie's body stiffened in a split moment, then relaxed. A wave of guilt hit Sam when she noticed her friend's tense muscles, she really wanted to avoid that. "Sorry for mentioning him, Val. I know you're still struggling with that…"
"It's fine." Valerie lifted her hand up to dismiss it and smiled softly. "Either way, if it was him who told you about Freddie, you know what he was trying to do." She felt the weight drop onto her and slowly nodded, swallowing down the cold chill. It wasn't impossible to see, Rodney wanted to ruin her relationship with Freddie. "He liked you at one point of time. He knows he can't get near me anymore, so…"
"He is not getting anywhere near me! The creep better back off before I kick his ass."
"Yeah…I can't wait to get out of this school, though. My parents were thinking of transferring me after Rodney, but I opted to finish out the year…"
"That has to be hard…"
"It is." Especially with Rodney walking around, nobody expelled him from the school. There was no reason to. Sam had done things on school grounds that were worse than Rodney ever did on school grounds, rather than off. "Every time I walk the halls, I'm afraid I'll see his face. If I do, I just…It's okay, I have better things in my life now." Sam smiled and moved her hand to Valerie's, cupping it gently.
"You have Jonah now, right? I mean sure, you only just started dating, but does that matter? He's a much better person than anyone else you've dated, isn't he?"
"Yes he is and…" Sam's eyebrows rose as Valerie flicked her eyes to the side and blushed slightly. "I'm just so happy he finally asked me out."
"You know he wanted to wait until you were ready and not still completely zapped out by Rodney."
"Yeah, and I appreciated that. But enough about my dating life…let's talk yours." Sam chuckled nervously and brought her hand to her neck, sighing with desperation. "Well more than just that, but everything. What's on your mind? I mean, you've vanished from everyone's life lately."
"I know, and I'm sorry. I just wanted to spend time with my family without having to deal with all this excess baggage." Freddie, Rodney, Quincy, all the depressing things surrounding her life in these days, it was far too much for her to bear. "I can't take all this stuff, honestly. It's too much for me, it feels like everything's going downhill." Valerie took a deep breath and glanced up at a passing student. She exhaled softly and met Sam's wavering gaze.
"It's going to get worse before it gets better, I had to learn that the hard way. From what I hear and see, I think the worst has come…I don't know about Rodney, but everything else…seems to have come and gone." It was a little comfort, but at least it helped her to understand that things were getting better, and maybe they would get better. "Until then, Freddie needs your support. Just like Jonah needs my support and I need his…if you love Freddie and he loves you, shouldn't you be willing to work at it?"
"Yes. Without a doubt." She closed her eyes and inhaled sharply. She held onto that breath of air, not wanting to release it. When she did, she slowly shook her head. "I hope you're right, and things start looking up…"
"I'm living proof." The girls chuckled, almost in vain, and decided to carry on in conversation about recent events. Anything to make them feel better about the world around them.
A very nice, pleasant chapter for you in which Valerie gives Sam a very friendly conversation. Maybe things will look up soon for everyone.
