Disclaimer: Don't own Yugioh
I lazily rolled over and opened my eyes to Ra's dazzling rays shining in from the window. Mahado had already pulled on his priestly robes and was placing a bowl holding a lotus blossom on table beside me. Seeing that I was awake, he sat down, leaned over, and planted a gentle kiss on my lips "Ra's blessing on you, my love," he murmured.
"Ra's blessing, Mad," I replied sleepily. "What time is it?"
"Time for me to attend to my duties," he said. "Although you are free to sleep for as long as you wish; your brother will be taking over for you in the morning. I left some morsels for your morning meal when you are ready. I was going to leave you a note, but seeing as that you are awake, I should tell you that today I'm going to inspect the temples at Karnak, and I shall be gone the entire day."
I sat up. "When will you be back?"
"I'll be back in plenty of time for the evening meal. Until then, please take it easy today, Jani. Get plenty of rest, and if you are feeling unwell, have your brother take over for you the entire day. Make sure that Lady Aseneit is close by should anything go wrong."
"Fine, I shall do as you say," I replied, pulling him close and giving him another kiss. "I'll spend the day catching up with Lady Aseneit in the medical wing. Just hurry about your duties and return quickly to me."
"I'll fly there and back on the wings of Horus himself if I have to," he replied, blowing me one last kiss before sailing out the door.
I slept for about another hour, and then rose and bathed. When I had devoured the morning meal that Mahado had left for me, I made my way to the medical wing. I paused, suddenly seized by a particularly strong stomach cramp. That's strange… I thought to myself. Why would I be having cramps? I continued on my way.
Lady Aseneit, upon seeing me, smiled. "Why, greetings, my lady Queen! Should you not be in the throne room meeting with the Guardians?"
"My brother has kindly offered to take over for me in the mornings, allowing me to get extra sleep. My husband is out for the day on duty, and he has bid me to rest and take it easy, so I thought I would spend it in here. It's been forever since I practiced any of my healing skills."
Yewera stepped forward, "Pardon me, Lady Aseneit, but we have all well in hand here and have no need of any assistance," she said, her eyes glaring into mine.
"Remember your place, Yewera!" Lady Aseneit said sharply. "We would be most glad to have your company, my lady Queen. You may help me mix the concoctions."
As we set to work, I was greeted by the familiar scent of herbs in the storeroom. "So, is it normal for men who are to be fathers for the first time to be overly anxious and protective of their wives?" I asked casually.
She gave a little laugh. "Oh yes, expectant fathers can be just as anxious and fearful as their wives, for they know how dangerous childbirth can be. Believe it or not, my husband was twice as anxious and overprotective as yours when I was expecting my first child."
"I thought that to be impossible!" I joked. "And I had no idea that you had any children, Lady Aseneit."
"Yes; I had a son, but we lost him to a fever when he was but a few months old. My only living child is a daughter, who has decided that she would rather serve Hathor than to take up my position."
"Oh, I'm sorry about your son," I said mournfully.
She sighed resignedly. "That is the way of life," she answered practically. "Many children are lost in the early years of infancy and some are miscarried when they are still in the womb." Just then, a noblewoman was ushered in, and she whispered a furtive plea to Lady Aseneit, who gave her a mysterious concoction. The woman paid her and left as mysteriously as she came.
"Who was she, and what did you give her?" I asked curiously.
"She was a courtier of the lower court, and she asked for acacia mixed with honey, an abortive. I suspect that she has committed adultery and didn't want the consequences."
I shuddered a little, and then suddenly my back was seized was a large spasm, and I cried out in pain.
"My lady Queen!" Lady Aseneit exclaimed in alarm. "What's wrong?"
"My back pains me, and I've been having mysterious cramps in my stomach."
For the first time, I saw Lady Aseneit blanch. "Have you been having them often before this?" she asked anxiously.
"No, they just began today," I answered.
"Here, let's get you to lie down; perhaps the child in your womb will settle down." She showed me to another room, and with a groan I settled down on the bed. She handed me a cup. "Here, drink this. I pray that all shall be well."
"Is something wrong?" I asked fearfully.
"Pray Aset no," she answered.
But as the day progressed, the cramps grew worse, and I tossed and turned in a feverish delirium. Suddenly, it felt as if my stomach was folding in on itself, and I cried out, "Aset! Have mercy!" I felt a rush of blood flow between my legs, as well as a hard lump before I passed out.
Aware of a burning pain in my stomach and in the area in between my legs, I sluggishly stirred. Lady Aseneit was mopping my brow, and Isis was sitting beside her, her face pale. "Thank Sekhemet you have awakened," Lady Aseneit said, her voice full of relief. "I began to fear that you never would."
"What's happened?" I asked, trying to sit up.
"Take it easy, your body has been through a great strain. I'm sorry, my lady Queen, but you have lost the child.
"What?" I refused to absorb the words my ears had heard. No… it can't be…
"I'm sorry, but you've suffered a miscarriage."
I turned away, the tears starting to my eyes as my heart began to overflow with grief. "But why?"
"Nobody knows why this happens to some ladies; a good portion of all women who become with child miscarry it their first time," Isis said as she soothingly patted my hand. "But surely the next one shall be healthy."
Mahado came running into the room. "Jani!" he cried, sweeping me into his arms. "Thank Thoth you are still alive… I feared that you would have died from the ordeal."
"You're back early," I said numbly, wanting to avoid all talk of the disaster that had happened.
"Yes, I had sensed that something terrible was happening to you, so I immediately apologized to the priests, telling them that I would either visit some other day or send someone else in my stead, and made my way back here as quickly as possible." He tightened his grip on me. "You had no idea how much I feared that the next time I saw you, it would be to feel your cold hand in mine…" his voice choked.
I buried my face into his sweat-streaked chest and began to sob. "Oh Mad… we lost the child…"
"Shhh… it'll be all right, Jani," he said softly as he stroked my hair. "At least I didn't lose you, as I dreamt that I would, and we still have each other. We will surely have another one in time…"
"But I don't care! I wanted the one that we had now!" I cried, too stricken by grief to be comforted by his words. He gently held me as I cried.
I was devastated. Night after night Mahado would stay up with me as I cried, never uttering a single word of complaint even as rings of exhaustion appeared under his eyes. I hardly left our bedchamber for an entire two weeks, letting Atem take over my duties as a ruler, and I would just sit out on the balcony, enduring the wrathful heat of Ra's rays. I refused meals and became thin, despite Mahado's urgings that I eat. I only took barely enough to prevent myself from starving to death.
Finally, when I became too restless to sit idly in my chamber, I made my way to my workshop and seated myself at the kiln. Somehow, the orange glow of the fire brought me a numbing sense of peace, and as I formed bead after bead, it was like a salve of sorts on my aching heart. Hunefer served as silent company, sent by Mahado and Atem to ensure that I did not hurt myself. He watched as I formed my beads, yet did not utter a single word when I furiously smashed each one into tiny bits after I had finished them and held them in my hands. While creating the beads served as a soothing salve, when I finished them, I thought of how I had once compared myself to Khnum. Bitterness would overtake me, and anger that he had abandoned me. It was in this anguished grief that I smashed each bead, destroying hours of work in the process. Hunefer never objected, but silently swept up the smashed glass and provided me with more.
A little over a month after my miscarriage, I was at the kiln when I heard soft, tentative footsteps behind me. I was too engrossed in my work and still too grieved to notice. A warm small hand settled on my shoulder, and soon I heard my brother's voice. "Sister?" I turned around to look at him, and he gasped at the sight of me. "Look at you! Look at how thin you are and the circles under your eyes…"
I ignored him and picked up the cooling glass beads in my palms. In the firelight I examined them. They were black, the color of sorrow and death, with just the slightest hint of gold dust. "They're beautiful, Jani," Atem said softly. I laid them on the steel block and raised a stone above my head. He stayed my hand. "What are you doing? Are you going to destroy your own handiwork?"
"I find them dissatisfactory," I said, finally acknowledging his presence.
"But I don't think so," he said gently. "If you don't want them, then sell them to the other women, or give them to me. Don't destroy the children of your creativity."
"Just as I shall never have any children of my womb, I shall not have any more children of my creativity," I murmured mournfully.
"That's not true, Sister," he replied, taking my hands in his. "Many a woman who has lost her first child in a miscarriage has gone on to have a couple of healthy, living children. It'll be that way for you and Mahado too, I just know it!" He picked up the beads that I was about to destroy and pocketed them. "Now come, it's almost time for dinner, and I asked the cook to make you your favorite duck soup."
I shook my head. "I'm not hungry, Brother. You go ahead without me; I think I'll stay in here."
"You mean you'll stay inside this chamber and numb out your grief as you create and then destroy? You've been doing this for two weeks now, Jani, and before this you stayed isolated in your bedchamber. How long will you encase yourself in this chamber of darkness and fire before returning to the world of the living? Egypt has need of you, Sister! Mahado needs you, and I need you! I've been taking up your burden in your stead, but I can't do it alone!" Tears started to his eyes as he pleaded with me. "Please, Sister, please return to the throne. I'll be there to help you, but it is time for you to recover from your grief and live your life once more. You still have years and years ahead of you; are you going to spend all of them isolated like this? We all miss you!"
I sighed, noting the begging look in Atem's eyes. Even in my grief, I still couldn't refuse my brother anything when he begged with his eyes. "Very well, Brother; I shall join the company in the banquet hall tonight. But pray let it be known that I am not ready to receive condolences from anyone just yet; it would only renew the pain afresh."
"Excellent!" Atem exclaimed as he hugged me. "And I understand, and I shall make it known. You will be most welcomed in the banquet hall, I am sure of it. Now come; already Aramen is waiting to attend to you."
I followed Atem out of my workshop and made my way to my bedchamber. Upon entering the anteroom, I found it overwhelmed with myriads of bouquets of flowers, some accompanied by messages. "What's this?" I gasped in surprise.
Aramen stepped forward. "They are from the other women of the court and the city," she explained sheepishly. "Your husband bade me accept them on your behalf while you recovered, and to keep them from your sight until you were ready to receive them. But when the Prince summoned me and told me that he would bring you back to the banquet hall tonight after so long an absence, well… I thought that now would be the right time to show them to you, to show you how the other women understand and share your sorrow. Many of them have lost children of their own, and they want to let you know that there is still hope for you, and that you are not alone."
"How kind of them," I murmured, tears starting to my eyes. However, these tears were of gratitude, not grief. "And thank you, Aramen; this is definitely a most appropriate time to show them to me."
She helped me put on my best sheath, and then painted my face with her expert hands. "I imagine your husband will be pleasantly surprised when he sees you tonight," she said. "Even though you are extremely thin, you are still as lovely as always. He'll probably whisk you right out of the banquet hall before you've even touched your food!"
I allowed myself to smile genuinely for the first time in a little over a month. "Unfortunately he can't do that," I replied, "He is serving in the Temple of Thoth for the month and cannot lie with me."
"What a shame, for he will be wishing that he could!" she teased. "Also, I was going to wait for a propitious time to ask you, but I guess now would just as good a time as any. I was wondering if you would help me with the wedding preparations. My sisters have offered to help, but there is nobody I trust above you, my lady Queen," she said meekly.
"I would be more than happy to help you prepare for your special day, Aramen," I said, placing my hands on her shoulders. "You just tell me what you need, and I shall be glad to help."
Her eyes lit up. "I thank you, my lady Queen."
"Call me 'Jasana'. By Ra, we've known each other for so long now, I can't believe I didn't give you leave to address me by my name before," I replied.
"Well then, Jasana, I believe you are now ready to make your grand entrance into the banquet hall," Aramen declared.
Despite my apprehension, I found myself welcomed with warm smiles and greetings from everyone as I took my seat. Karim and Isis were right there sitting beside my place, and I realized just how much I had missed them. "Jasana, words can't express how wonderful it is to see you tonight," Karim said.
Much to my surprise, I let out a ringing laugh. "Very pretty, Karim; have you been honing your flattery skills while I was secluded?"
"On the contrary, my Queen, I speak true," he rejoined. "It's good to know that you still can laugh." He poured a cup of wine and held it out to me.
I looked around. "Where's Mad?" I asked.
"He's being delayed at the temple, but he should be here soon," Isis answered. Sure enough, right on cue, my husband stepped into the hall.
Upon seeing me, he rushed over and took his seat. Pulling me into a kiss, he murmured into my ear. "Welcome back, my love. I see your brother was successful in his endeavor."
I smiled. "By Ra, did everyone know of his intention but me?"
"Yes, he made it quite public," my husband replied. "I hope you are hungry, because we specially requested the cook to prepare all of your favorite foods."
"And I helped him!" Atem exclaimed proudly. "The chef said that I have quite the talent for cooking."
"Is that so?" I replied, rather surprised.
"Here, try this out." He ladled some soup into a bowl and handed it to me. "It's my own recipe."
I took a small sip. "It's delicious! The chef wasn't exaggerating! You truly have a gift, Brother! It looks like you've found your passion at last."
Atem grinned and ladled out some more soup for the others. They applauded his skills, and he modestly smiled and accepted their praise, but I could tell that he was enjoying this attention immensely. He was getting to be quite the hog for praise and attention. The smell of the food reawakened my appetite, and I ate heartily.
Despite Atem's request, several courtiers made their way to me and offered their condolences for my loss. I smiled politely and inclined my head in gratitude; surprisingly, their sentiments did not sting as I thought it would, and I could see that Atem was relieved.
I stayed all the way until Atem stood up, and then took my leave. Mahado escorted me to our room. Taking me into his arms, he said, "I left some chamomile tea with an extra dose of poppy for you, in case you need it to get to sleep."
"That is most kind of you," I murmured before I kissed him.
"You've no idea how glad I am that you showed up at the banquet today and ate everything placed in front of you, Jani," he said. "I was really getting worried about you."
"With your love and everyone's support, I'll get through this," I replied. "I know that I will, but it will take some time."
"Of course, nobody expected you to get over this quickly, especially since you wanted a child so badly. But slowly but surely, we'll get through this together. You are not alone, Jani; I'm going through the same grief you are."
"I know," I said, reveling in the warmth of his embrace.
He gently tucked me into bed and gave me one last goodnight kiss. "Once the month is over, we shall make a new beginning," he promised.
"I shall look forward to that." With that, I gently closed my eyes, feeling his presence watching over me until I succumbed to slumber.
There is a strong, healthy wail, and Lady Aseneit is handing me a small bundle wrapped in linen. "Congratulations, my lady Queen. You have a fine, healthy daughter." My heart overwhelms with joy as I look down at the small miracle in my arms…
I awoke, and felt a stabbing grief as I realized that it was just a dream. That could have been my child… if I hadn't lost her, I thought sadly as I began to cry. Gods, why must you torment me with such a dream? Especially as I was just beginning to recover…
I sent a message to my brother, telling him that I was feeling indisposed and that he would have to take over for me for the day. After I had bathed and eaten, I made my way to the temple of Aset. I prostrated myself on my knees. "Great Mother, why did you forsake me?" I cried out in anguish. "Why did you take my child away?" I looked up at the statue of the goddess suckling her infant son, tears streaming from my eyes. "I want a child so badly…" I murmured. I waited, but there was so sign- no breath of wind, no bird-cry, that indicated that the goddess had heard me. Believing that she had abandoned me, I threw up my arms and left the shrine, agitated.
I went to the stable, and the grooms and Master of the Horse wordlessly paid me obeisance and let me enter. My mare nickered a greeting, and I patted her on the nose. "Sorry, girl, but I can't risk riding you with your foal due so soon. Besides, your mate would throw a fit if I did." Instead, I led Sobek out of his stall and began to saddle him.
"Not riding the mare today, my Queen?" the Master of the Horse asked.
"No; I'm going out to the oasis and it is too hard a ride for her in her condition," I replied.
"So it is," he agreed. "She will be having the foal in about another month's time, I believe. I'll be keeping a close eye on her until then."
"Please send me a message when she goes into labor; I want to be here to witness the birth of the foal, even if it is in the middle of the night," I said.
He bowed. "I shall, my lady Queen. Do you require any guards to accompany you?"
"No," I replied, donning a cloak to protect my face from the heat of the sun. "I prefer to ride out alone. But I am more than capable of protecting myself."
"Very well then, my lady Queen, but please don't be too long," he replied hesitantly. I nodded, and with a kick Sobek galloped out of the stable yard.
As he galloped, I felt comfort settling into my heart as I drank of Shu's sultry breath, and felt Ra's rays shining down on me. When we reached the oasis, I slid off and sank into the warm sand. Sobek drank greedily from the shimmering pond, and then snuffled at the few parched grasses growing on the banks.
I kicked off my sandals and hugged my knees, letting my toes squirm in the sand. I closed my mind and tried to meditate in order to calm my anguished mind. It seemed that the dream had renewed the pain and the grief so that it seemed like just yesterday when I had suffered the miscarriage. I was beginning to wonder if I would ever recover from the grief and be ready to have another child. Secretly, I was sort of relieved that Mahado was serving in the temple for the month, because I was not emotionally ready to try for another child, and I believed he could sense that.
I heard more hoofbeats, and I turned my head to see Mahado approaching on Bata. He swung off, and sat down next to me, gathering me in his arms. "Oh, my love…"
"I had a dream last night…" I said, my voice giving way.
He gently hushed me. "I understand; dreams are such potent things, are they not? It was a dream of you dying in childbirth that prompted my overprotectiveness."
"And now it is a dream that has brought the grief afresh!" I cried. Through my tears, I told him of what I had seen last night.
"But Jani, do you think it could have been a vision of what is to come? Maybe it is a sign of hope from Aset!"
"Do you think so?" I sniffled.
His eyes shined softly. "Yes, I do. I have a confession to make: after I had that horrifying dream, I sought out Isis and asked her to see into your future, if she was able to. All she could see was a little girl with your eyes; she said that it was your daughter. I urgently asked her if she could see you, but she could not. She told me that your heka is too powerful for her to be able to see your fate, but she did tell me that you would have at least one child that would live. So come now, surely that must lift your spirits even just a little bit, my love. All is not yet lost." He withdrew from his pocket a necklace and bracelet fashioned from exquisite glass beads. "If these can be repaired and fashioned into something beautiful, then surely there is another chance for us to have children."
I took the jewelry from his hands and inspected it closely. "Why, this is made from all the beads I had destroyed!" I exclaimed. "How did you manage to do this?"
"Aramen did most of the work," he explained. "She obtained the glass bits from Hunefer, and I used my heka to repair them, and then she fashioned the necklace and the bracelet. She asked me to help her; she thought that it was a pity that such beautiful work was destroyed, especially by its creator's hands.
"How kind of the both of you." I pocketed the jewelry so it would not be ruined by my sweat. Tears started to my eyes again. "I'm sorry… I can't seem to stop crying," I said as I tried to wipe them away.
Mahado wrapped his arms around me. "Some say that if one is to make a full recovery after grieving, then they must be cleansed of all their tears. So cry all you want, my love." He softly kissed the top of my head as I snuggled against him. We remained out there until Ra had nearly descended into the west, and we rode back to the palace in the darkening twilight.
"Should I wear the blue dress or the white?" Aramen asked anxiously as the maids hennaed her feet.
"Classic white, of course," I said as I brushed her still-wet hair, chanting a spell to make it dry faster and so that a fragrant scent clung to it. "Blue is the color of mourning; and this is a joyous celebration today."
"And for the jewelry?"
"Whatever you think is best," I replied soothingly. "Trust your instinct. No matter what, Semni will still think you are the most beautiful woman to walk the House of Geb."
"But I couldn't possibly compare to you, Jasana!" she cried.
"Nonsense, you are just as beautiful." I held out the jewelry case before her. "So which shall it be?"
She hesitated. "Which do you think is best?"
"Definitely the turquoise and the aquamarine inlaid with silver to match your eyes," I replied, choosing the bangles and placing them on her wrist.
"Also… what do you do on the wedding night? I have no idea how to please him!" she said anxiously, wringing her hands.
I smiled. "Listen closely, and I shall tell you all my secrets." I divulged all the ways I had pleasured Mahado in our marriage, and her eyes widened. "Feel free to invent your own ways of pleasuring him, and you shall have him in your grasp," I finished. I looked at the sundial. "Merciful Aset! Hurry, maidens, for it's almost time for the ceremony!"
Aramen wriggled nervously, and I patted my hand to soothe her. "There's no need to be nervous; the ceremony shall be over quickly enough, and you shall be joined to your husband!"
With great chatter her other sisters escorted us out of the palace, and we boarded the skiff waiting for us. Only Teraset remained sullenly silent; she had never gotten over the fact that Aramen had asked me and not her to be the witness on her marriage contract. Her father was waiting on the dock, and he escorted her into the Temple of Aset while I and his other daughters followed behind. Semni was waiting inside, Mahado and Atem by his side. Upon seeing Aramen, he beamed and took her hand. "Your beauty rivals that of the goddesses, my love," he praised. She bowed her head and blushed deeply.
The High Priestess of Aset anointed them with oil and called upon the goddess to bless their union. After the prayers were done, the two of them forged their marriage contract. Once they signed their names, Mahado and I affixed our signatures to the document, and they sealed their union with a kiss.
We sat at the table of honor with the couple at the feast that night. Once they were ready to retire, Mahado and I led the party that escorted them to their new villa, just next to the palace. As tradition decreed, the other Sisters and I saw Aramen into bed and called upon Hathor to bless her. Finally, amid many bawdy jokes, Semni entered the bedchamber, and the door closed behind him.
I leaned against Mahado's arm as we walked back to the palace, fatigue starting to set in. "Tonight ends my month of duty," he murmured to me. I shivered at the subtle meaning in his words. Right as we reached the threshold to our chambers, he picked me up and carried me in as if we were a newlywed couple ourselves. Gently he laid me down on the bed and lifted my sheath over my head, his lips beginning their worship of my body. "Let's make a new beginning, starting tonight," he said huskily.
.Thanks for reading! Please leave a review too! Next chapter will be out very soon!
