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Chapter Fifty

Carol was happy to see that Merle seemed to be in a better mood. He still wasn't the Merle she was used too but he didn't act like he was seconds away from breaking something. Karen wasn't there but she didn't want to ask why. Everyone basically ate in silence, even though she kept giving Andrea wide eyed looks, waiting for her to finally mention her idea to Buck. She didn't know why the other girl was taking her time since he was in a good mood. Even if he was unusually quiet.

Once she caught Andrea's eye for the fourth time from across the table she got the hint and turned to Buck. "We've been under a lot of pressure lately and I think we need a vacation."

Buck looked up from his plate, his eyebrows raised as he studied Andrea. "Do you now? And how the hell do you expect to do that. We ain't exactly the Rockafellers, darlin'."

She shrugged. "I've put back every cent I've made since I started working, since you won't let me help you pay bills. Merle and Daryl have money put back too. Everything that's happened with Jo and now Daryl, we need to get away from it all."

Carol watched Andrea glance briefly towards Merle. Merle had been looking right at her, though, and instantly knew what Andrea was up too.

"What the fuck do you think you're doin'?" Merle glared at her, his voice low and rough.

Her eyes slid to his and then narrowed. "I've sat back quietly and let you rage over what happened to your brother without saying a damn thing to you about it. I'm done. We can get the hell out of here for a few days so you can get your head clear or I'll pack a damn bag right now and I'll leave because I'll be damned if I watch while you get yourself thrown in prison. You're being a short fused, pig headed, insufferable neanderthal, and you can't begin to imagine how over it I am. You have no fucking idea how done I am. I'm done sitting back and watching with my mouth closed. You leave with us, or I leave here and I swear to God you won't have a clue how to find me once I'm gone."

Carol's eyes widened as Andrea slammed her glass down on the table and stood up, nearly knocking her chair over. She had never seen Andrea so angry. She had never heard her speak to anyone like that in her life. She was actually impressed. She stormed out of the room and a few seconds later Carol heard the bedroom door slam closed.

No one at the table said a word. They all looked at one another, wide eyed. Finally Merle stood up, his eyes flashing angrily as he stormed out of the room after her.

~H~

Merle couldn't believe that had just happened. Had she just threatened to leave him? Him? What the fuck was going on? She never acted like this. Why the hell was she starting now? When he got to the door to their bedroom he stopped, listening for a second before going on in and facing more of her wrath. She was muttering to herself, her voice still angry.

He pushed the door open, slamming it behind himself but she didn't even flinch. Her back was to him, a suitcase opened on the bed. She was throwing clothes into it, ignoring him. "What the hell do you think you're doin'?" He barked, stomping up to her and snatching the jeans she was shoving into the suit case out of her hands.

She tried to snatch them back but he held them out of her reach.

"I asked you a question. Where the hell is all of this coming from?" He asked, trying to put a lid on his anger. It wasn't only anger there though. There was a good amount of fear there too. Before she had came along he never could imagine being with someone. Not seriously. Now he couldn't bare to think of what his life would be like if she wasn't in it.

She stopped, stepping away from him. "You can't be that stupid, Merle. I'm leaving and there isn't a damn thing you can do to stop me." She walked past him towards their closet, grabbing more of her things.

He grabbed her wrist. "The hell you are!"

She tried to yank her hand away but he tightened his grip. The next thing he knew his jaw was stinging and his face was knocked sideways by her slap. He dropped her hand and stepped away from her, his mind reeling from her words and from the blow. There was a cold look in her pale green eyes. One he had never seen before. She was serious. She was leaving and she wasn't going to listen to a damn thing he had to say about it. Until that moment he had never considered anything like this ever happening. She was the only solid thing in his life. He had lost everyone else at one time or another but she was the rock that he had always thought would be there for him. And now she was just going to leave him? Like Buck had left him when he had gone to prison? He wasn't the type to depend on others but Goddamn he depended on her. And he was just now realizing how much. And looked to be a little bit to late.

"Where the hell will you go?" He asked, not sounding half as mocking as he had wanted to.

She shoved another shirt in the case and shook her head. "Trust me, I know how to survive out there. Probably a lot better than you could."

"What about your job? What about Jo?"

"I'm sure Karen can find someone else. Jo won't even remember me after a few months."

He felt a dull ache in his chest at the thought of not seeing her for months. He hated the feeling. He hated this whole stupid situation. She had never let on that she had been planning on leaving. It was like a switch. She was fine and then she just wasn't fine. Was there someone else? Had she met someone at the bar?

"Besides, now you can do whatever you want and you'll have one less person to worry about." She didn't look up as she spoke. "You won't have to ignore those women that throw themselves at you. You won't be burdened a bit. This is really the best thing I can do for you. I'll keep in touch with Carol. She's my sister, so you'll know I'm alive once I get back to Atlanta."

Atlanta? That was five hours away! There wouldn't be a chance in hell he would ever even see her again if she went to Atlanta.

"I don't want you to leave," he muttered, his back hitting the dresser. He hated how desperate he sounded but if that was what it took for her to see that if she left then she'd be killing him then so be it. He'd be a pussy for a minute if it would get her to see how much he needed her.

She kept on filling up the suit case, her back rigid.

"Would you fucking say something?" He growled after a few long silent moments.

She turned then and he instantly pushed away from the dresser when he saw that she was crying. Her face was hard as stone but tears were in her eyes. "What would it be like to wake up every damn morning and me not be here?" She asked.

He stopped in the middle of the room but he didn't answer her.

"And you woke up every morning alone because I decided to leave no matter how much I knew it would hurt you? Because I didn't care enough about you to give a damn about how my actions would ruin you? How the hell would it feel, Merle?"

He swallowed hard, the raw emotion in her voice and the pain in her eyes causing a lump to form in his throat.

"Do you finally get it?" She asked, more of those tears streaming down her face. He hated them. He hated the pain she was in and he hated himself because this was all on him. He had been so goddamn hell bent on avenging his brother that he hadn't taken her into consideration at all. That need to keep Daryl safe had overshadowed everything else in his life. Daryl was okay. He had Carol and even though he knew that the boy loved him like he always had, Carol came first to him. Merle knew that. He didn't begrudge him for it. Hell, he understood it. Buck had all of them including Jo and Karen now. And Merle had Andrea.

He nodded and took a tentative step towards her but he was barely able to move before she flung herself at him. He let go of the breath he had been holding and wrapped his arms around her, giving in to the damnable softer side of his character that so far only she had ever witnessed and as far as he was concerned, only she ever would. "I get it, alright," he muttered into her hair.

He cupped her face, pulling her head away from his chest so he could look at her. She met his eyes.

"I ain't gonna go hunt him down. If I see him I can't say I won't kick his ass but that's it. I'm done." He meant the words too. He hadn't realized what he was doing to her but he knew now. She'd given him a dose of it and it wasn't pleasant.

"I don't know what I'd do if something like that happened to you," she said, her arms still tightly around him. "I know we were just suppose to fool around but it isn't like that anymore. I did everything you told me not to do. I can't help it."

He kissed her then, hard and deep, driving all of her insecurities as far away as he could. She responded in kind, wrapping her arms around his neck. When he finally let her go she hugged him tightly. He was surprised at how relieved he was that she wasn't serious about leaving.

"I love you, Merle. Even if you don't want me to," she whispered into his neck.

The words, though he had known how she felt for a while now, sent a thrill up his spine that was unexpected. "I love you too, Blondie. Even if I don't want too," he muttered.

She pulled away, meeting his eyes with a wide smile. "I know."

He snorted and pushed her away from him gently. "Now empty the fuckin' suitcase. And if you ever slap me in my face again and I swear you'll find yourself bent over my knee and I'll bust your ass so fuckin' hard, Buck will feel it."

She wiped the remaining tears off her face, trying to hide her smile. "Noted."

He left her there so he could reassure the others that everything was fine. He was pretty sure that they were worried. Everyone had been worried about him ever since he decided to kill Ed Peletier. But he was over it. He wouldn't do anything like that now. Now that he really thought about the consequences. It was too risky. He had too much to lose.

He found them all in the kitchen, their eyes wide and staring. Even Jo, perched on Daryl's lap, was eying him questioningly. "Gonna buy you assholes a camera so you can just take a picture."

"You two good?" Buck asked.

Merle nodded. "Yeah, we're good."

Buck kept his eyes trained on him. "What about you? You good?"

Merle knew what he was asking and he nodded again.

Buck looked relieved as he stood up, stretching. "That's good. That's real good. Shoulda known that a girl could get through to you when your old man couldn't. I'm gonna hit the sack now that the shit hit the fan and I wasn't stuck in the middle of it."

"It ain't even ten yet, old man," Daryl said, setting Jo on the floor. She made her way straight to Merle and demanded to be picked up.

Buck shrugged and he grinned. "Had a long night last night."

"Eww," Carol scowled. "We don't need to hear about it." She stood up and tried to make a break for it but Buck grabbed her around the waist, keeping her in place.

"Is that right? You don't wanna hear about my night but I gotta think about your escapades every time I get into my poor bed to sleep at night."

Daryl and Merle grinned as Carol struggled to get away. "That's different," Carol squirmed but there was no use.

"How so?" Buck asked, looking like he wasn't expending any energy at all by holding the girl.

"Because we aren't old. No one wants to think about old people going at it," she laughed despite her efforts to escape.

Buck laughed and finally let her go. She joined Merle and Jo. "You're a shit head," Buck grumbled.

"You love me anyway," was Carol's retort.

Buck sighed, shaking his head. "With everything in me, baby girl. Now, go the fuck to bed. We gotta get up early."

Merle shared a look with Daryl, both of them enjoying a seemingly less stressed Buck. The phone ringing caused them all to jump and Buck was quick to answer it with a gruff, "Yeah." They didn't usually get calls this late.

Merle watched as Buck's face went from relaxed to freaked out in a seconds.

"Calm down. What the fuck is goin' on? Are you alright?" He asked, gripping the phone harder.

Carol moved so she wasn't hiding behind Merle anymore, her face filled with concern, matching the look that everyone else was wearing.

"Just stay there. I'll be there in ten," Buck said into the phone.

Daryl stood up, watching Buck.

"No. Don't drive. I'll be there." Buck hung up the phone and hurried past them into the living room.

"What the hell is goin' on?" Merle barked as Buck shrugged into his jacket.

"Don't know yet. Couldn't hardly understand a damn thing she said. Whatever it is, it's bad. I'll call as soon as I figure it out."

He was pulling the door open when Merle caught it. "Who? Who the hell called?"

Buck was halfway down the steps, calling over his shoulder. "Karen."

Merle had a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. When the fuck was his family finally going to catch a break?