Hey guys :D I'm sorry that it's been so long but these last two chapters have been hard to thing of :S But... I know that these next two chapters aren't upto standards but theres some stuff in them that will make out for later and earlier chapters so if you want to read them, go ahead but if not then im working on Season 3 as you read! :D Lets do this!
Jessika Gilbert~
Journal 2008
December 7th 2007:
Im not excited anymore. I used to be but Im not.
January 4th:
I refuse. It's not fair. Mom had no right to ban me from seeing Vicky. I miss her. We were close and just one mistake on vicky side gets us separated. She was the one who threw the rock, not me.
January 12th:
Saw vicky at school. I think Jeremy is crushing on her a little. but i wont tell. Nor will I embarrass him.
January 14th:
Elena and I went shopping with caroline. I like caroline but she can be a little too much sometimes. Mr. Roberts wanted me to join the schools choir. I already accepted Melissa's request of being cheerleader. I hate popularity.
January 18th:
Dad says I shouldn't do cheerleading if don't want to. I don't want to disappoint elena. Azz loves me being a cheerleader but says my voice is going to waste.
January 21st:
Broke my leg and honestly not the best way either. It's still icy from December unfortunately. Azz has been helping me around school, I've been a rabbit for the past two days. At least bunnies are cute.
January 24th:
Doc said I'll be in this cast for a while. Not having fun at all hoping about. Azz and tyler have started calling me bunny blue eyes because they're idiots.
February 1st:
Elena and Matt are always together. Where one goes, the other follows. me and tyler have been spending much more time together, following the love sick couple. I'm really starting to like Tyler in a way I thought I never would.
February 5th:
Aunt Jenna has invited me to go to new orleans with her for a week to go for Mardigras. she asked elena too but she's too in love with matt. Jeremy doesn't want to leave home, so that just leaves and aunt Jenna.
February 10th:
Were on the road. I'm so excited for Mardigras. its going to take us a long time to get there.
February 15th:
The motel we stopped in last night was a shit hole. id rather sleep in the car, given the option but jenna wouldn't let me. this sucks. But I can deal for 5 more days!
February 17th:
I'm missing Jeremy, elena, tyler and of course Azz but not nearly as much as mom an dad. But this is for an amazing experience. I will hold it together. I really wanna experience this. It's going to be so amazing.
February 20th:
WERE HERE! I cant believe it! We had to stop so far away and walk because of the crazy crowd. today was amazing. I'm so tired now. I never thought I could have such a good time, not like this anyway. I will visit new orleans again for definite.
February 21st:
I met this guy called Marcel. He was real kind. he gave me some pointers for enjoying my first Mardigras, but honestly? I don't need it. Just being here, feeling the amazing vibe is enough. I went to bourbon street and a little secret, don't tell anyone…. Aunt Jenna let me have my fist taste of bourbon. I liked it.
February 22nd:
Jenna said Mardigras lasts about two weeks, but were not going to be here for that long unfortunately. It makes me sad to think of leaving. I don't at all feel homesick now. Marcel and I exchanged numbers. I met a really sweet girl called Devina. I really like her.
February 23rd:
Spoke to mom and dad tonight. They just wanted to check on me. And yes, of course I spoke to Jeremy, how could I not? My twinnie. I told him that he should have came. Marcel is so flirtatious, but in a good way. He's so funny too and friendly.
February 24th:
I haven't seen Marcel today, which is weird. His number is no longer in my contacts and my new necklace that I brought yesterday is missing. Strange i know. its unexplainable. I feel like I'm forgetting something, something big.
February 26th:
Aunt Jenna is hammered with a hangover. Bless her. I will come back here some day and be able to drink and get drunk and have an even more amazing time. It's strange but I really miss Marcel. I spoke to Devina.
February 27th:
I said my goodbye to Devina but I wish I could say goodbye to Marcel too. More days on the road now. Not looking forward to traveling by car again, especially for such a long time.
March 6th:
We've stopped in Alabama for a while. Its so beautiful. I'm so honoured to be able to visit more amazing states. I'm defiantly going to road travel through america, theres so much to see and stuff that I don't know about my own country.
March 11th:
The times we stopped for gas have been eventful. The locals are always very hospitable and kind. I love Alabama and the people. The accent is amazing and cool.
March 20th:
Back home in my own bed. At last! I'm so tired. I haven't even been writing in my journal this much due to fatigue but it was worth it. Jeremy and I have had a bonding night with popcorn, candy and endless boxes of pizza. He is currently passed out next to me. Elena joined for a while but soon left.
March 23rd:
I hate school.
March 26th:
Mason's back. I haven't seen him in such a long time. I missed him. We've hung out a lot today at the grille and have explored the forest. I think I saw someone for a second who looked like Marcel, but it must have been my imagination. Must have been. I'm stupid to even think it could have been him. I'm back in mystic falls now.
March 27th:
I feel groggy this morning. I don't know why. Aunt Jenna is back at collage for a while. I caught up with Azz and Tyler. Tyler came onto me again. I love him but not in that way. I told mason and he suggested I just tell him I don't feel about him that way. Mason could be staying through till half of next year. He's a good friend.
March 29th:
Mason took me to the movies tonight. He put his arm around me. I've always had a little crush on him but I wont tell.
April 13th:
Its been a while since I wrote in my journal, sorry. I spoke to vicky and started hanging out with her again, mom doesn't like it because Vicky is a 'bad influence' on me. How can nobody be an influence on me if I'm not being influenced?
April 16th:
I wanted to kiss mason today. But I know i cant. He's almost 3 years older than me. Sometimes you just cant help who you like, even if it isn't remotely possible to be with that person. People have long distance relation ships, and they work so why cant this?
April 20th:
Mason wants to take me to this really cool place just off the border of mystic falls. He said its really great there and its beautiful, he was right.
April 23rd:
Mason said were getting too attached, that people are starting to think something more of our relationship. I got angry and told him he's being an idiot and I don't care if we cant hang out anymore. Of course that statement wasn't true at all but he doesn't know that.
April 24th:
I told vicky about me and mason, she suggested we run away. Her to get away from her mom and me to prove a point. I know this is an influence but it makes sense. No matter how childish.
April 25th:
We ended coming back home after just crossing the border. Vicky wanted drugs and alcohol so we came back. She was pretty scary without any pot in her system.
April 30th:
Vicky showed me this cool cemetery, it's creepy but cool. we stayed at the cemetery for a few hours until I got a call from mom, she wanted to know if I were ok because none had seen me all day. But everything is fine now I'm back home. I cooked Spanish paella for us all. Mom helped of course because its pointless asking dad, he's a worse cook than Elena.
May 3rd:
Jake asked me out today. I've know him for a while, a long while. I'm going to be honest and say hope to make mason jealous.
May 6th:
Mason's asked me to hang out a few times and I've simply declined, saying that I have plans with jake. It seemed to disappoint him and tyler in the process. jake is kind. He brought me some flowers, how sweet of him, but I still don't feel attracted to him as much as I expected to. Maybe its just me. Maybe i cant love. I'm not sure I believe in love anymore.
May 10th:
Jeremy and I were hanging out for a while behind the grill. I've never actually liked the grill, I guess I liked it for its ability to bring people together. I still think its a little tacky. I love hanging with Jeremy, noting like a little twin bonding time.
May13th:
Jake keeps on making moves on me and touching me in ways I don't want him to. He needs to back off just a little.
May 15th:
Mason saw me today alone whileI was out shopping. We grabbed a burger and talked for hours. I missed this. It wasn't until he held my hand that I remembered who i was with. I feel guilty.
May 17th:
Jake and I went to the movies. Again he made a pass on me so I told him to stop. He wasn't happy about it but he stopped at least. I'm beginning to think I chose the wrong person to date, and its all for making another guy jealous. I'm such a bitch. Karma is real.
May 21st:
I need to break it off with Jake. I think its for the best after today. He came over and no matter what, he keeps trying to get into my pants.
May 22nd:
I tried to tell him. I really did but he's in complete denial. He didn't leave. He was telling me he loves me. I don't feel the same. He's starting to creep me out.
June 3rd:
Jake is stalking me. Jeremy and tyler have practically been my body guards. Whenever he gets the chance, he's trying to talk to me, touch me. I haven't told mom or dad. They'd ask me to get a restraining order. It makes sense but I don't want the situation to get that serious.
June 4th:
Jake isn't getting any better. I confronted him today. He just told me he loves me, that were meant to be together. The first night he kissed me he moaned the name Eliza, not jessie. I should have ended it right there.
June 12th:
Still no difference with Jake. Jeremy offered him out for a fight but he refused. Jake said he didn't want to fight his brother in law. When I look back on my times with Jake, I don't remember much. He was into biting, I know that much.
June 13th:
I haven't seen Jake today. It's weird. I thought I saw Marcel again but it must have been my mind playing tricks, it must have been.
June 14th:
Still no Jake.
July 1st:
I haven't seen Jake since I thought I saw Marcel, my night and shining armour (Just incase he was here). Mom and dad are being unfair. Elena gets all the attention. Why not me and jeremy? It's not as though she's this special human being. I love my sister but something tells me that mom and dad are trying to make up for something, something they did.
July 2nd:
Mom and dad want us to go to the lake house for 4th July. I think it'd be a good idea. I feel so tired recently and I don't know why.
July 5th:
The fireworks were beautiful last night. I had a strange dream, Bonnie was lighting candles at a party but there was nothing to light them with. The result was beautiful but it confused me. Dreams are weird.
July 12th:
I was sleep walking last night, mom and Jeremy said i was saying weird things, mumbling things that didn't make sense. Jeremy keeps laughing at me for it but something feels wrong. I can feel it.
July 16:
I had another dream, only this time I was in the cemetery surrounded by fog. As weird as it sounds, I felt undeniably comforted by the fog. There was a crow. I called him Raven-paul, I don't care if it was a dream, it felt real.
July 23rd:
Azz said I seem out of it lately. I guess I am. It those dreams. I wake up not knowing what is real and what isn't. I need to get my head straight.
July 26th:
Mason has been making the effort to at least talk to me but I've been too tired to respond. Most of the time I'm staring into space. i have bags under my eye. I haven't eaten in days. what is wrong with me?
July 30th:
Jeremy ordered us a pizza. It's the first time in days that I've eaten. He says I'm being weird and it looks like I have something bothering me. I told him about my latest dream, one where I was shot by the sheriff. It sounds normal but seems like something more to me. Mom and dad want me to go to a therapist. I might go. But first I'm going to Dallas with aunt Jenna for summer vacation.
August 1st:
Another road trip with aunt Jenna. I'm sure were sister and not aunt and niece. It seems that way. I'm a lot closer to Jenna than Elena and I are. Mom and dad are of course worried as always. Nothing has changed in that area. I just hope my nightmares don't destroy my vacation.
August 3rd:
My nightmares are still bothering me. Jenna has noticed so I have confined in her. I've told her a lot. Thats what I love about Jenna she always listens. I wont let these dreams stop me from having another memorable time with Jenna. This time we'll be gone for longer and I both love and am hesitant on the idea.
August 4th:
Jenna and I have both been behind the wheel this time. we've been talking about our time in New Orleans and how mom and dad would have killed Jenna if they'd have known how many drinks Jenna snuggled me. defiantly illegal, defiantly worth it.
August 6th:
I don't expect we have long to go now. We got lost a few times but nothing that a local couldn't fix. Were in a motel tonight so we can both get some well needed sleep and I honestly cant wait to put my head on and actual mattress. It's going to be such a good sleep, as long as those dreams don't haunt me again tonight. Fingers crossed.
August 12th:
Were here! and the first thing I do you ask? Well I get a piercing of course. This guy called Booger did it for me. Of course it's not in a very visible place. His girlfriend whitney is so cool and fun. She's older than me but we got on so well. she has such cute tattoos. She's wants to go take me to see this country club she goes too and I'm so excited.
August 13th:
I went with whitney to the country club and it was so amazing. Theres this girl called Katlyn there and she's such a bitch. Whitney mom, Bonnie, is awesome they're more like sisters than mother and daughter. I'm going to a rodeo with Jenna, Bonnie and whitney tomorrow and I honestly cant wait. they're giving us the all Texas tour.
August 14th:
I cant believe ow fun the rodeo is. Whitney has taken me to the Dallas word aquarium' today and I love the sea life. It was absolutely beautiful. there was a glass tunnel and above us was lots of fishes, sharks, turtles and some thing I'm sure I don't even know what they are. I got a little dolphin teddy at the gift shop, whitney got a lobster teddy. They're so cute. Tomorrow Jenna wants to go to a night club so I'm spending the night at whitney, Bonnie is going with Jenna. James is whitney dad and he's so cool. Whitney she wants tot make me to an event thats happening at the country club and I defiantly want to go.
August 16th:
I spoke to mom today, she said she cant wait for me to be back home. She want to spend some time with me, Jeremy and Elena all together while were off school. So it looks like we'll be going home sooner than we expected.
August 20th:
Were back home. I enjoyed being in Dallas. Whitney and I exchanged numbers, she's defiantly someone I'll be keeping in touch with. We stopped at a few stated on our way back. It's great being able to see our country as it is. It was good being back home. even though I had a great time in Texas I would still prefer to be at home in my own bed. I've missed my bed. Just lying on it makes me smile.
September 4th:
I had my appointment with my therapist today. He says I should try some kind of meditating before sleep or a relaxing bath, the idea I liked best was recording down my dreams in a book on its own so he could take a look. I'm scared.
September 5th:
I recorded down last nights dream in the book but I feel like I need to talk about it so I'm writing about it in here too. I never understand my dreams, they scare me. I feel like they're trying to tell me something. In my dream I was sitting with a wolf and a crow, the same crow I had a dream about a while back. The wolf seems to be prowling for the crow but i don't want the wolf to take him away from me. but at the same time I want to pet the wolf and comfort him. I feel like he's being so neglected. What does this mean.
September 10th:
I have an appointment with dr. Bellman tomorrow, my therapist. He's a nice person. I trust him a lot. Jeremy offered to take me for pizza when I'm done and I cant wait for it. I miss hanging out with Azz, he's gone to go visit his dad for a while in Tennessee. Billy brought me some lilies to cheer me up, my favourite.
September 11th:
It went well. Dr. Bellman suggested that the animals in my dream are representing someone in my life. I guess its possible. But who are the animals representing?
September 14th:
It's my first day back at school. I've noticed that since being back in mystic falls my nightmares are worse. They weren't so bad when I was in Dallas but for some reason they're so clear now. So much more real, so there.
September 16th:
Mom and dad think I'm obsessing with my dreams. For the past 6 days I've been doing nothing but researching in the library, drawing the crow and the wolf. I've had the dream every night since the first time I dreamt about it. Somethings wrong.
September 21st:
I wonder if a hypnosis could help. If I had someone other than myself know the truth about my dream. It's crazy I know but I cant help it. I want to know what is compelling these dreams. It's not just like a dream, it feels so real.
September 25th:
I went to a hypnosis. He says I was worried and scared of the strife of the two animals. That the wolf and I share a similarity. The crow however, it wont leave my side, it is afraid it loose me but at the same time know I will never let it fly out on its own. It was worth the 200 bucks.
September 27th:
Im glad I have a little closure over my dreams. Atlas I have some idea of what they mean. I want my dreams to go away. There ruining my sleep and its not fair. I went to the mall today and it was an almost normal day. I didn't think about my dreams once. I had a nice time. It was calm. Azz suggested a spa day tomorrow and I can be anymore excited. My life is finally getting back to normal.
September 28th:
Elena, Bonnie and Caroline joined me and Azz at the spa. It was fun. I had a facial and a seaweed body wrap. Everything was so refreshing, needless to say we all went in the jacuzzi and had a mani and pedi cure. I wish Jenna would've came, she'd have loved it.
September 30th:
I asked mom for a kitten today, she didn't let me have one, neither will dad. I've always wanted a cat but they wont let me. I don't ever ask for anything but the one time I do, they wont let me have one.
October 1st:
I've decided to stop being a bitch to Mason. It's not fair on him and I don't like how I'm being with people recently. He says it's ok, he can tell somethings been bothering me. It turns out that everyone can see that I've been a walking zombie for the past month.
So please review for me, it means the world, as you know. You don't need an account to review you guys! so please review.
