wooooooo chapter 100! xD

xxPUDDxx - haha! thought i would add in some Pudd stuff to lighten the mood a bit xD

100 Toms POV

Somehow, on the 23rd of December, I managed to crawl out of the bathroom, having had enough of wallowing in my own self depreciating pity. "snap out of it Thomas, you've got to get ready for Carrie." I warned myself, getting up and stumbling around the house, feeling weak and a bit dizzy as I tidied the house a bit. After the house was tidy, I had a cold shower (warmth was for good people) and quickly got dressed again, covering up my new cuts with make-up, trying to get over the stinging.

The day was spent playing guitar and piano, so I was note perfect, and I fell asleep on my music room floor, only to be woken up by the sound of the doorbell ringing. I raced downstairs, then realised I didn't have a key. "C-Carrie, your g-gunna have to o-open the door yourself. I don't have a key." I stuttered, not used to talking to people. "what? Why the hell don't you have a key to your own house?" Carrie asked, opening the door anyway, walking in carrying a few bags of shopping. "I, er...they were taken from me." I sighed, biting my lip, knowing it was pathetic to have your own keys taken from you so you were locked inside your own house. "oh, the guys just don't want you to run away again, so they're just taking precautions, I'm sure you'll have your keys back soon." Carrie also sighed, giving me a pity filled look that made my teeth go on edge and my skin crawl. I knew I was pathetic, there was no need to give me pity looks to rub it in.

"so anyway, hey, happy Christmas, are you alright?" Carrie smiled at me, giving me a hug. I hugged back very loosely, biting back a whimper. "yeah, its been alright. I'm a bit tired, but thats what late nights do to you!" I tried to joke, putting on a fake smile. "you need to learn to sleep more then, don't you? Now, what do you want to do first? I have DVDs, and a few games to play, so, any preferences?" Carrie teased, showing me a few DVD's she had brought. All the latest Disney ones that I had missed, and really, it would look weird if I didn't go for one of them, above anything else. So I chose to watch one of the new ones, starting with Tangled.

"good choice! This one is amazing!" Carrie grinned, running upstairs excitedly, dragging me with her. As we watched, everything seemed to fall back into the regular routine, the both of us sat watching a film together, singing along when we could (the lyrics were on the screen so I could sing (read: lip sync) along too) laughing at all the gags. The only thing was, I wasn't really laughing, I was taking my cues from Carrie, fake laughing whenever she started to giggle. It was my practise time to see if anyone could tell that something was wrong, because if she didn't notice something was up and I was faking it, then during interviews and shows, I would appear normal, and no-one would suspect a thing. That was all I wanted, to appear to be normal so no-one suspected that I was dying on the inside, tearing myself apart just so I could be someone else. I didn't like me anymore, I hated who I was, and I was doing everything I could so I could be someone else, someone better.

101 Dannys POV

The next few days went by in a flash, and before I knew it, I was back at my house, wondering what the hell was going to happen now, it was new years eve, did I go to Toms and spend it with him, or were all of us staying at our houses? I didn't want to be alone at the moment, and didn't want to leave Tom on his own.

The doorbell ringing had me breaking from my thoughts, and I hoped it was Tom ringing the doorbell, but was almost disappointed to find Harry. "hey, wheres Dougie?" I asked, seeing no little blonde anywhere. "at Toms, telling him the same thing I'm telling you, get showered and dressed, your both coming round ours to celebrate new year together. You have 30 minutes." Harry smiled, shoving me towards the shower. "what? We're all going round? We're taking Tom outside his house? Are you sure thats going to be alright?" I stopped his pushing, worrying more about Tom running away, what if kissing him pushed him away more and now he was going to run?

"yes, we'll be with him, and come on, its not like he can actually run away, is it? We're all there, and we can easily outrun him, so we'll catch him really quickly." Harry answered, but I was still worried. "but, what if he sneaks out?" I could feel myself paling in worry for Tom, I couldn't take it if he ran away again, and I knew, it would be all my fault if he did, again. I felt that guilt filled need to cut my arm again, and only hoped I would be left alone so I could. "he won't, we'll keep an eye on him, don't worry." Harry promised, then shoved me into the shower, telling me I stank.

So as quick as I could, I showered and dressed, putting a protective bandage over my arm (covered in cuts, quite a few fresh ones too, I still felt a little light headed) and covering it with my shirt and jacket sleeves, both of which were quite long. "ready?" Harry asked, I nodded, letting him pull me by my hand down the road to his. I was relieved to find Tom and Dougie already there, sitting in the front room, Dougie talking animatedly about the past week, not seeming to care that Tom looked like he wasn't listening. "and George was so cute! He wanted us to read him Harry Potter, but we didn't have time, but we did read him a few other things, and he was so sweet! I've got to see George more often, cause he is so cool and...hi guys!" Dougie rambled, finally coming up for air when he saw us. He jumped up and bounded over to Harry, leaping into his arms, cuddling the other one tightly.

"whoa Dougs, what is this for, huh?" Harry laughed, not letting go of the littlest of us. "because I love you, and I've missed you, I know its only been half an hour, but I always miss you when your not around!" Dougie giggled, making both me and Tom, I noticed, wincing at his 'I love you'. Looks like I wasn't the only one who still wasn't sure after that kiss and confession. "aw, I love you too, you silly little boy." Harry teased, kissing the blondes cheek before dropping him so he was standing on his own.