Another big thank you to NoComparison for her input on this chapter! Please do her a favor and pay her profile a visit!
In the last chapter, Esther was forced into another hostile confrontation with Kate. Esther is accused of fabricating abuse allegations to Doctor Browning. She soon learns that Sister Abigail has been contacted by the doctor for some undisclosed reason and that she would be paying a visit to the Colemans the very next day. This is where we shall begin...
"Leena, come out of there, sweetie. Now I mean it, this instant! There's no way you can run from this! Come on out of there so we can talk! I can't help you if you won't speak to me! Why do you choose to be so difficult?" my sister harkened incessantly. There was a clear sense of urgency in her voice. She was in no mood for games.
There I was, hiding in my bedroom closet like a frightened child. Like a frightened child who was hiding from some unseen monster that was lurking within the uncanny depths of dark shadows. Four sides cruelly boxing me in like an animal trapped in it's cage.
It was a Saturday, this should have been a day for me to relax and cool off, deflating my stresses if not for a short while. But no, I was filled to the brim with an unbearable apprehension. My cheeks were moist with tears like a tree that is lashed with a heavy rain. For on this day that ugly messenger would come upon me and bearing with her were surely the seeds of my inevitable downfall. Today would bring with it the unthinkable, so I thought. I just knew it within the pit of my stomach. What gruesome tidings did fate hold within her bowels for me? What level of hell would I be dragged into?
The night before had been a cruel one, affording me not the slightest moment of sleep. It was a restless night filled with lonesome tears and deep bemoaning of the troubles lying just around the bend. I wept buckets but the pain seemed to be endless in it's nature. My eyes by now had grown heavy and my mind was clouded, obscuring all of my mental faculties. My overall health was suffering ever so greatly. In here, alone, in the dark. I wanted to hide myself away forever and to be sought out no more. Oh, I would have smashed the world flat if it would bring me but a single moment of solitude. But Syrah obviously had other plans.
"Leena, either you get out of that damn closet or I'm going to yank you out myself. Do you plan on staying in there all damn day?.Absolutely nothing constructive is going to come out of this kind of behavior. What happened to what you said yesterday? About taking today by the horns? Now you're giving me the cold shoulder? I'll have none of it! Now let's go, on the double! I will not keep repeating myself. Out of the closet. Right. Now. Do you understand me, Leena Klammer?" She sounded like an angry mother who was scolding a defiant child but what was I to expect? I did view her as both a sister and a mother figure, after all.
I looked down towards the ground, where the closet door left a small opening above the floor. I could see Syrah's shadow shuffling about through the only source of light; which was emanating through the opening like a tiny pinprick.
"Let's go, Leena. If you keep hiding like this then you're only going to make Kate even more suspicious. Is that something you want? Don't bring yourself any more troubles. I'm not going to deliberate with you any more about this." I met her entreaties with dead silence. "Fine, have it your way!" With a bold and prosperous force, Syrah threw the door open. I hid behind my dresses, the last barrier left between me and the impending doom that was held in reserve for this dire day.
Syrah's hand quickly took hold of me within her firm, fiery grasp, forcing me out of my only retreat. I fell backwards, collapsing onto my easel as it fell over on it's side. Brushes and paper scattered everywhere as I milled around on the floor, finally rising to my feet with a ten fold effort.
"Were you brought up to be a coward, Leena? Did I ever teach you such a horrible trait? Do not be in a disagreeable mood today, honey. You're frightened, you're anxious, I get that. I'm not asking you to face Kate or Sister Abigail head on. We're not going to be pushing boulders around today, after all."
My fingers became contorted like claws. I clenched my jaw. I breathed in and out deeply, trying to bring some level of calm to my mind. Easier said than fucking done! "When I left Saint Mariana's that day, I thought I washed my hands of that women forever.", I growled. "Why the hell does my past have to keep coming back to haunt me?"
My sister tried to soothe me with her quiet sentiments, placing a gentle hand on my back, so loving and benevolent. "Leena, just remember that I'm rooting for you today. I want to be your wellspring of strength, do you understand me? If you take a hit then I'll be right by your side to take it with you. Stop feeling so alienated and alone in all of this and just give me a chance, okay? We're going to be stronger for it at the end of the day. I want this experience to draw us closer, not apart. We're stronger than granite, Leena. I guess what I'm trying to say is, well, simply don't underestimate yourself and don't underestimate me. Good fortune shall shine upon us today and fill our souls with a peace everlasting. In good trust, please believe the truth in my gentle words. At the end of the day our smiles will be broader and more joyful than ever before! All perils will be cast aside, you'll see."
I gave Syrah a sly little look. "It feels in this moment that the whole world has concocted some grand conspiracy to bring about my destruction. I don't hide because I am a coward. I've never been a coward and would gladly spit in the face of such a degenerate should I ever come across one. But I swear Syrah, it's days like this when I just want to die!"
Syrah gave me a smug smirk, her eyebrows rising. "There you are talking about wanting to die, don't talk so stupid, my dear. If you're not some coward as you claim then prove what you say to me or do we have to do things the hard way around here? I've invested too much of my time and effort to let it go to waste. I told Max we would both teach her a little bit of the piano today. Do you want to let her down like this? For her to see you hiding in the closet like you were? Let's be sensible now. Come on, downstairs with me. Don't waste the hours away for each one you can never get back again. Wouldn't you rather spend them with Max and I or in a closet with mothballs and dresses as your companions?"
I took a look at my sister, a little confused by her outfit. "Speaking of dresses, why are you so done up today? You look stunning!" I told her. She wore a beautiful sleeveless, knee length dress that flared out towards the bottom, a bright red in color, her hair pinned up in the back. It was as if she were getting ready to go to a high class dinner party. She could stop traffic with her looks! Her beauty was mesmerizing!
"It's Prada and I purchased it for a special occasion, but not for today, hell no. But I figured I might as well wear it because I'm aiming to make a good first impression with Sister Abigail, okay? It's no different than with Doctor Browning. I'm doing everything possible so that we have some smooth sailing, Leena. Let's be mature about this. If Sister Abigail perceives me as being a refined, sensible woman than it's only going to be for your own benefit. I know, I'm overdressed for the occasion. I've outdone myself but who cares? That is the last thing I have to worry about."
I humbled myself at my sister's attention to detail. "You are refined and you are sensible. I appreciate your efforts, Syrah, I really do. It means the world to me. But I think you and I better take a last look around the house because I have one hell of a feeling that we're going to be on our way out. Believe me, I know what kind of person Sister Abigail is like. She isn't going to go out of her way with her duty of running Saint Mariana's unless she has a damn good reason for doing so. Oh, these terrible chaos driven days. How many have my eyes beheld?"
Having no more of my words, Syrah took me by the hand, forcing me along behind her like some dog on a leash. She always knew how to bend my will to hers, even when it came into conflict with my own. "We can't spend anymore time up here. The piano will take your mind off of Abigail." Syrah insisted. Her soft, velvety hand might as well have been a metal vice, dragging me ever deeper into the open mouth of my bleeding heart, split apart with tiresome sorrows.
I began to stumble behind her like Kate after drinking a bottle of Bacardi. Finally having enough of it, I tore myself away from her grip. "Damn it, just let go of me, Syrah. I'm not some child who needs to be hauled along. I feel degraded when you treat me this way."
She gave me a calm, expressionless sort of look. I watched her eyes as they scanned me from head to toe. "You're right, Leena... you know.. you're not a child!" she said ominously. Of course, there was little doubt that she was taking a sarcastic stab at "Esther".
There was something in her voice. Something intermingled among the hint of sarcasm. Was it fear? Was is just a stutter? I knew that she couldn't be feeling completely comfortable with Sister Abigail's visit, try as she might to conceal it. My profane thoughts wandered about to Saint Mariana's. Oh, how I wished I had succeeded in torching that hell hole to the ground with everyone in it. I took a nervous gulp as my sister and I made our way down the stairs.
And, as if like clockwork, the front doorbell sounded. I could almost feel my insides collapsing. I froze like a statue, cold and lifeless. Syrah put the palm of her hand on my back. "Let me handle this. You won't have to fight this battle alone today," she whispered tenderly. My sister took off ahead of me, clearly filled with a more noble courage than I could hope to muster. I reproved myself for my lack of fortitude and bravery, especially at a time when I needed it the most.
I held onto the railing with both hands, slowly inching my way down. The doorbell ran for a second time just as Syrah reached the front door. I made it to the bottom of the stairs, only to behold in horror as my sister reached for the doorknob. It was as if everything was happening in slow motion. I turned my head to the left. Sitting on the couch, newspaper folded in his lap, was John. He gave me a friendly wave, unaware of the war being endlessly waged within the mind of his "daughter".
It was now me against the world! I looked on in horror as Syrah calmly opened the door. I begged for my eyes to be deceiving me. The figure that stood in front of my sister was a bewildering menace to my sight. The unavoidable, dreaded moment had finally arrived.
Syrah cleared her throat, keeping a calm and steady tone of voice."You must be Sister Abigail, correct? Please, please come in. Right this way." My sister had a most serious and grave look on her face. She undoubtedly knew of how quickly this situation could spiral out of our control. There I was, standing out in the open. The beast was here to steal me away like a thief in the night. Of what defense could I save myself with?
The nun, that putrid figure dressed in her pious habit, what a truly grotesque and gut wrenching fiend! I became as stiff as a board as she stopped in front of me. "Hello, Esther. You're looking very pretty today". she said with a smile. That self righteous bitch, how DARE she utter as much as a single word to me!
"What are you doing here?" I said, almost in disbelief. She was stopped from giving an answer as John interjected with a warm welcome.
"So great to see you again, it really is, Sister Abigail," he said cheerfully. "I'm sorry we couldn't arrange for this meeting a little sooner." There was an awkwardness to his voice, as if he himself were dumbfounded about why she were here in the first place. Something I really wanted a damn answer to myself!
"Yes, yes, it's been quite the long time now, has it?" she replied.
"You really need to excuse me for one moment," John said. "Just let me go fetch Kate and let her know that you're here." He trampled rapidly up the steps, leaving Syrah and I to our own devices in dealing with this evil demon. I found myself within the golden dew of my sister's protective embrace, her arms draped over my shoulders and onto my chest. I clutched onto her arm, begging for respite.
I could feel Syrah's tender, warming breath caressing the nape of my neck as she bent down to give me a gentle kiss. It was the only thing that could warm the icy dread that I felt within. Abigail maintained a respectful demeanor. Was she doing so because she could taste the palpable fear lingering in my tired soul? How I hoped it would leave a most foul and bitter taste within her mouth! She suddenly locked eyes with my sister. A brazen stare that melted my bones!
"And you must be Sarah?" she remarked.
There was a subtle yet uncomfortable shyness to my sister's response. "Um, no, my name is Syrah. Esther's biological sister." Abigail gave a slight nod, extending her hand in a friendly gesture but my sister only lent her a brief, weak handshake. Syrah seemed to be growing more uncomfortable by the second. Abigail, on the other hand, maintained a humble yet authoritative presence.
Much like our encounter with Doctor Browning, I could tell beyond a shadow of a doubt that this was something Syrah and I were going to have to face down together if we had any hope of getting past it. I felt like a fly caught in a spider's web as the nun's attention was turned towards me once again.
"So Esther, how have you've been doing lately, precious? Saint Mariana's hasn't quite been the same without you". I was boggled. Did she really just have the audacity to call me precious? Oh, now she was stepping on eggshells! Syrah still had her arms wrapped around me as I turned my head, looking up tediously into my sister's eyes. They were murky, swooning with confusion and uncertainty.
Rather than address that deplorable hag from the Girl's Home, I politely bowed my knees in curtsey only to retreat behind my Sy Sy. My sister let out a nervous laugh. "I apologize. Esther's just a little shy today. You know how kids are," she explained. Abigail seemed to understand completely.
"You don't need to tell me. I've been running Saint Mariana's for 27 years. Believe me, there's never a dull moment. Each child we bring in has their own unique personality. Some are outgoing and others are, well, more reserved. But each one is special in their own right." Syrah cracked her neck from side to side as Abigail babbled on. She shifted her body weight from one leg to the other, clearly not comfortable in any way with being in the presence of this most unwanted visitor.
Abigail cast another unfitting glance towards me, of which I quickly averted my gaze. If only she knew. If only she TRULY knew the life I had lived and to truly grasp the things that I have done. She would then see fit to distance herself as far away from me as humanly possible, disavowing my existence forever more. But lo, to her I was but a pitiful child. So helpless yet so sweet. So pretty, quiet, and intelligent. What wrong could young Esther possibly do?
But in my soul was aroused a great and furious anger. How I yearned to spill forth my wrath in liberal quantities and bring about an end to her earthly existence, sending her on angel's wings to her maker. She had encroached onto MY territory and was now threatening every threshold that defined Leena Klammer. I was never so resentful of Abigail, would she just disappear already?
But why was I hiding, you may ask? Had I reverted to a childlike state? Was I truly intimidated by a meager nun? Was I simply trying to keep up the false pretense of innocence? Was it a little of both? Maybe. I couldn't deny the power Abigail held over me. She was more powerful than I cared to give her credit for. She was the person who signed the adoption papers. She was the person responsible for placing me in my new home. So you think I would feel the tiniest bit of gratitude for her efforts? Not a chance and not today! I knew in my heart what she was capable of and decided to tread gently.
Suddenly, I heard the sound of slow, lazy footsteps coming from behind me. I glanced from my little hiding spot as John led his beleaguered wife down the stairs, gently holding her hand. She appeared spent, her tired eyes were dilated and out of focus. She seemed sluggish, almost as if she were drugged. John apologized to Abigail for the brief delay. His presence made me feel a little more at ease, so much so that I re-emerged from behind my sister, holding onto her arm with both hands. I cuddled into her for any degree of comfort I could afford myself.
I felt my fingertips begin to tingle. I could just cut through the atmosphere with a knife. "Please, Sister Abigail, take a seat in the living room. Please," John insisted in his usual relaxed manner. "May I get you a cup of coffee or anything?"
"Oh, no thank you. Not at the moment," she said. Kate looked over at her husband, she was searching for something, I could see it in her eyes. Yet a sudden look of dissatisfaction crept onto John's face. Obviously the two were still on poor terms. Silently, he followed the nun into the living room. Kate stood still for a moment. She seemed entranced by something before vigorously shaking her head, snapping herself out of it.
Syrah placed her mouth to my ear, speaking in our native tongue. "What's wrong with her? Is she on medication or something? She looks.. completely out of it."
I gave an unenthusiastic shrug. "Maybe it's all the liquor she's been plowing down lately. You know how much she loves the bottle.", I said in disgust. "Who knows how many brain cells she kills on a daily basis." Kate trudged over to the couch to be beside her husband, her movements still painfully slow, almost robotic. Was there still a brain in that little head of hers?
Sister Abigail made her intentions clear as husband and wife took their seats across from her. "John, Kate, first of all thank you for having me. But before we begin, would it be okay if Esther leaves the room. What I want to discuss with the both of you is not for her young ears." My mouth parted as I glowered at Abigail. How dare she offend me like this?
Syrah stepped in. "It's okay, I've got this. Esther, please go to your room for a little while. I promise, it won't be long, sweetie. Why don't you go and paint, or play with your dolls?" her voice took on that same tone one often uses when speaking to a 'child'.
I quirked my head to the side. Now my own sister was talking down to me? I became defensive, refusing to be treated in such a manner as if I were an inferior.. "Daddy, why can't I stay and listen?" I could feel my hands balling into little fists. "I want to stay. Please, daddy."
John turned his head, an arm draped lazily over the back of the sofa. His voice was gentle yet firm. "Do as your sister says, Esther. Please, it won't be all day. Syrah, you can join us if you'd like."
Kate, of course, was more than adamant to throw herself into the fray. She stood up, pointing to the stairs. "Up those stairs, right now. GO!" she said in a commanding tone.
Syrah tried to speak to me but I ignored her entreaties and bolted past her, storming up to my bedroom rather than choosing to spend another second in that toxic environment. I was enraged! They were having a conversation about ME and I had no right to listen in? No right to speak on my own behalf? No right to give objection or defense? Yes, okay, I know what you're thinking. They think of me as a simple minded nine year old. What do I possibly know? What can I possibly make out of an "adult" conversation? What do I have to contribute? Yet that was the funny tradeoff for pretending to be Esther, now isn't it?
I was back into the familiar yet lonely solitude of my room, a lead weight seeming to be chained around my heart. My only company being the dark, muted stares of porcelain dolls and the goldfish swimming in their tank. All so blissfully unaware of the very human drama that was always unraveling like a fine thread in this never ending disaster known as my life. My blood pressure was rising as my heart ran marathons. How I wanted to tear this entire house into shreds!
"Now just calm down, Leena. Stay in control," I told myself. "It's the squeaky wheel that gets the grease. Can't...can't let John see my violent side." I began rambling as I became more disoriented, more mentally detached. "A good wife doesn't throw tantrums. No, no, no, you see. I can bake. I can cook. I can clean. I can...I can make love. I can take care of my daughter, my little Max. Yes... I can be a woman.. A real woman.. I.." I trailed off in my ramblings, burying my face in my hands. "Why? What's happening to me?"
I paced about rapidly, wringing my hands, feeling much like a chicken with it's head cut off. With a powerful onrush, I felt an incredible stinging sensation seeming to emit itself from somewhere deep within my own brain. And then my legs gave out like two wiry stilts breaking in half. I collapsed into a heap, my mind too overwhelmed to take me any further. The pain was immense, moving to the back of my eyes. It was a sudden migraine attack, no doubt induced by the acute stresses of this latest tribulation. Oh, dear God, what were they saying about me down there?
I angrily kicked at my painting easel, still toppled over on the ground, sending it skidding violently into the wall. Somewhere between here and the heavens above, there had to be set aside some morsel of peace for me. My eyes wandered around the room, the walls covered in my paintings, which in themselves held so many dark secrets for only my eyes to see. Those dolls again, dressed in their stuffy Victorian outfits, they were an insult to my soul and reminded me of my undying hatred of Esther.
I couldn't bare to spend another moment in such depressing surroundings lest I grow ever more despondent. Max was with friends at the time and thus even from her I could not seek a second of comfort and assurance. No, instead I was left all alone with only myself and my unceasing thoughts, slowly grinding me down piece by piece. This was madness made manifest! I needed absolution. I NEEDED to know the nature of the conversation occurring just beneath my feet. I wasn't about to wait for Syrah to fill me in on all of the sordid details. I needed to glean all that I could with my own ears.
I tiptoed down the darkened hallway with the pace of a slug, focusing my hearing until it was strained. I remained slow and cunning, hoping to not arouse anyone's suspicion, slithering against the wall like a crafty snake. With some effort, I could hear the conversation going on below me but I was unable to make out exactly what was being discussed. Their words were just out of reach.
This was all too important. EVERYTHING, and I mean EVERYTHING was at stake! I took off my shoes and set them to the side so as to become even stealthier. It was as if I were walking through a mine field, one that could blow at any minute. Nevertheless, I continued inching my way forward with my body still pressed tightly against the wall, hell bent on learning the nature of Sister Abigail's visit. It was my right as a human being to know the dirty little details, no matter what anyone else said to the contrary.
The floorboards creaked beneath my feet, causing me to hiss out of fear and suspense. It was by any means that I had to stay out of sight. I continued my encroachment until I reached the top of the stairs. The tension was reaching it's zenith. Now that they were within earshot, I ever so carefully peeked my head around the corner, clutching onto the wall for support. I could now see the four of them from over the banister. And boy did I begin to listen in just at the right moment!
Sister Abigail began to speak to the trio, Kate on John's left and Syrah to his right. "If what I wanted to discuss with the three of you wasn't so important then I would have spoken about it over the phone. John, as your wife already knows, I received a phone call from Doctor Cynthia Browning that has me very concerned."
"Yes, she told me about that," he nervously confirmed to her. I could tell that he was at a loss for making any sort of sense out of this situation. Abigail gave John a solemn nod before continuing.
"Well, this isn't something that is ever easy to discuss, but in my nearly 30 years of working with children it is unfortunately a reality that comes up from time to time. Kate, I need to start with you. This isn't going to be easy, believe me, but I'm very concerned about Esther's well being and with good reason. If anything wrong were to happen to her then it is on my shoulder's to have to deal with. It becomes my responsibility, you can understand that of course, am I right?"
Kate turned to her husband and then back to Abigail. "Why, yes, of course it would. I mean, why wouldn't it be?" She faked a casual little laugh, failing miserably of course. Sister Abigail maintained a powerful, focused stare as Kate shifted about in discomfort. The look on the nun's face showed that she meant some serious business.
John and Syrah didn't dare move a muscle. Abigail spoke sternly, her voice low and monotone. "Kate, I understand that you've lost your job teaching the piano at Harvard. And I know things are not going smoothly between you and your husband lately." Kate tried to speak in her own defense but Abigail quickly held up a hand to stop her. It was clear that the nun was the dominant one who had firm control over this conversation.
"Please, before any of you speak, let me finish my thought," Abigail calmly reprimanded. "Kate, I want to keep this discussion civil. I don't want any of us to get carried away here. We're all adults here, after all. But you need to listen. When Dr. Browning called me and told me the things that she said, well, that's why I took the time out of my busy schedule to make this meeting possible. Kate, you need to be honest with me about the questions I'm about to ask you. And I can't stress to you enough how important it is that you remain honest with me."
"You can ask me anything," Kate said boldly, her arm held out to the side in gesture. "I've got nothing to hide." Abigail gave Kate another stern stare, causing Kate to shrink back a bit, her arm slowly falling into her lap.
"Then if you having nothing to hide, Kate, then just be truthful with me. That's all I ask", Abigail said. Kate was besides herself, undoubtedly stifled by a growing fear.
Syrah realized where things were heading and quickly attempted to try and break the ice. "How about I go ahead and make us something to eat," she said in a nervous, high pitched squeak, pointing a shaky finger towards the kitchen.. She attempted to get to her feet but Abigail insisted for her to sit back down. Syrah stood still for a moment before slowly sinking back onto the sofa. Talk about awkward. It had quickly dawned on her that there would be no easy way out of this.
Abigail was finished with the formalities. She began to cut right to the chase with some hard questions for the woman sitting across from her. I stayed in my position, just out of sight as I leered menacingly at Abigail down below. "Kate, how has your relationship been with Esther lately? Are the two of you really bonding? Really getting to know one another? I'm interested in knowing how things have been developing over these past few months."
I couldn't see the expression on Kate's face but I'm sure she wasn't earning any points in her favor. But as much as I hated the woman, I could only hope and pray that she would say all of the right things to convince the nun that nothing was awry.. I listened with grave intent as she answered Abigail.
"We've had our rough patches, I mean, you know how things are with kids. She's had a bit of a difficult time with trying to adjust, especially at school. I mean, she's thousands of miles away from her own country. And our son hasn't taken a liking to her so we've had our ups and downs. There have been times when Esther has been troublesome but overall she's making it day by day."
John was shaking his head in disgust. Esther being troublesome? It was a foreign concept to the man. Completely impossible! He had failed to witness the altercations between Kate and I and was still refusing to believe his wife. John had no choice but to interject on my own behalf, seeing how I wasn't allowed to have a voice of my own in the matter.
"Sister Abigail, with all due respect, Esther has been the sweetest little angel since the very moment that we've brought her home. I'm not exactly clear about what my wife is talking about. She is right about Esther and Daniel having their problems and maybe she is having a bit of a hard time adjusting to her new life, but Esther has been one of the greatest blessings to us. Believe me, I have no regrets." I felt so glad and humbled that John was willing to stick up for me in such dismal circumstances. I found myself smiling in the midst of all this. I would show my love how grateful I was, one day!
"I see," Abigail said. "But Mr. Coleman, you need to understand, alcohol can sometimes cause a lot of strain in a household. Especially when it comes to the relationship between a parent and a child." Her eyes turned back towards Kate, who must have been aghast at the revelation. "Kate, the doctor has informed me of your alcohol problems. This was something I was completely unaware of until I received her phone call. I'm sorry to come out of the blue with this so suddenly but it is something we need to talk about and how it is associated with your relationship with Esther."
Kate must have felt like a ton of bricks had fallen on her head. Sister Abigail knew one of her dirty little secrets, it was both edifying and terrifying at the same time. Kate became impudent, losing her former respect for Abigail. "Are you trying to judge me? I'm a grown woman and if I like having a few drinks at the end of the day, I feel like I'm entitled to that right. Are you trying to imply that I have some sort of drinking problem?" Wow! I was really caught off guard by the fact that Kate didn't stick to her usual story and simply deny the allegation. Had she lost whatever fear she had been harboring? I crouched down as Kate turned her head.
For a brief moment, I feared that I had been found out. But after a tense couple of seconds I realized that I was still in the clear. The conversation continued unabated. "Kate," Abigail said, "I am not implying anything of that nature. But we all can agree that when people have a few drinks too many that sometimes they do things that they really don't mean to do. Things that are outside of their normal behavior and character. Sometimes they don't remember exactly what they have done once they become sober again."
Syrah shifted to the very end of the couch as Kate's mood became more defensive. The aggression bubbled in her voice. "Oh, oh, I see where this is going. The only reason you came over here today was to berate me, isn't it? That I'm some sort of unfit mother. What exactly are you accusing me of, Sister Abigail? What exactly is this witch hunt all about? If there's something that needs to be put out in the open then lay it out here and now."
"Calm down, honey. What has she accused you of? She hasn't made any such accusation, Kate," John insisted. He took her hand but she pulled away in defiance. I could just imagine the fierce look she was giving poor John, MY poor John.
"Don't you tell me to calm down. You're in on this, too, aren't you? If you're going to pull me down John, then you better be damn sure that I'm pulling you down with me." Kate suddenly turned her attention to my sister.
"And you, too, woman. Sitting there all prim and proper. What are you hiding from me? All three of you are in on this? Is this an intervention? I want answers and I want them NOW!" She slammed an angry hand down onto the coffee table. It was as if a switch had been flicked within Kate's psyche. This was NOT how I wanted Kate to react. She was only digging herself into a deeper and deeper hole. And to do it in front of somebody who possibly had authority over my fate and future was something that blindsided me like a speeding train.
But the nun firmly held her ground, refusing to be intimidated by the souring of Kate's mood. I could almost feel my heart wanting to rise up into my throat. I feared all the way down into the deepest layer of my core that this meeting of the minds was rapidly deteriorating into a den of vipers. Sister Abigail maintained her cool as she answered Kate's ironclad demands.
"Kate, I wanted to ease into this, I really did. But you seem bent on getting straight to the heart of the issue. So I'll serve it up to you straight. Kate, it may be a five letter word but when it comes to the welfare of children, to me it's a four letter word...ABUSE."
John shrank away in shock, certainly unable to believe his own ears. Kate swung her head around in every direction as if she were possessed "ABUSE?" she shouted, and I mean did she shout! I swear, if I were in Estonia right now I still would have heard it! She sprung to her feet like a lion pouncing on it's prey. Off came her hand bandage once again. She clearly was not in a state of mind where she was thinking straight. Kate was running off of pure emotion by this point. "Here, damn it! You want to see what abuse looks like? The bitch bit me, the little bitch bit me. You want to sit there and talk about abuse, Sister Abigail?" The sound of her voice, any louder and I thought the windows would shatter.
Then, suddenly, totally out of nowhere, Kate became instantly quiet. She looked down at her scabbed hand, rapidly wrapping the bandage back around it. John and Syrah each took her by the arm, gently guiding her back into a seated position. By now even Sister Abigail was unnerved by Kate's outrageous behavior. But throughout it all, the nun still managed to maintain a respectful attitude. I was sitting on those stairs as if I were a ten ton boulder. I couldn't break myself away from my position even had I wanted to. I was too scared, too shocked to pry myself away from the spectacle. There was simply no telling how far this would go.
Kate must have surely realized the severity of what she had done. She had gone from a wild beast to a deaf and dumb fool in the twinkle of an eye. Abigail let herself be heard. "Never had I met a person who has treated me so disrespectfully." John stepped in to try and quell the situation. "First of all, Kate is just confused. Don't listen to what my wife has to say. Esther has never done anything violent. Do you really think our daughter, a girl YOU know would do something like that to either one of us?"
Kate crossed her arms over her chest, slumping back into the leather sofa. She looked like a spoiled little brat who had been placed in "time out". I was as eager as ever to see where this would all conclude. Abigail addressed John in an attempt to reassure him. "No, John. I'm not worried about whether Esther has harmed anyone. This is unbelievably hard for me to say this. But from the information I have gathered, it is in my opinion that Esther is the person being harmed. And don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to pass the blame on anybody in this room. That is NOT my intention, but Kate, the way you've just acted makes me very unsettled. I'm seriously worried about your stability as a mother and as a person in general."
Kate kept her voice low and her emotions in check but there was still an overwhelming sense of defiance in her voice. "She bit me because we had an argument one day and I don't want to get into details about it. But I'll tell you this, I never, I repeat, I NEVER laid a hand on her in any way, shape, or form! Who gave you this idea to begin with? Doctor Browning? Please, tell me every single word she had to say to you. I'm innocent!"
I wanted to cry "BULLSHIT!" from the top of the highest mountain! She never laid her hands on me? She never brutalized me with her belt and struck me when I was on the ground? Or maybe she could explain WHY I bit her. How else was I to react when the bitch spat in my sister's face? I fought back to defend my sister! Wouldn't any person who loved their sibling do the same? But no, I had to keep everything inside as I stewed from my secret perch. It was only in my own best interest for me to keep a closed mouth than to storm downstairs and make a scene. After all, if I ever cried abuse then it would be a one way ticket back to Saint Mariana's. And there was no way in hell that I was about to let that happen to me.
"Please, I'll ask you for a second time, what exactly did the doctor have to say about Esther? About me? I don't need this kind of aggravation!" Kate was now sobbing in between her words. John tried to comfort the wretch but she was beyond hope. I took a look at Syrah's arm as it rested on the end of the sofa. It was shaking as if she were having a seizure.
"Hold strong, Syrah. Like you said, we're stronger than granite if we stick through this," I told myself. Abigail on the other hand was giving blind stares to the trio, her eyes darting back and forth between each of them.
Once again, she primarily focused her attention on Kate alone. "To be blunt, Doctor Browning said she discovered signs of abuse during Esther's initial visit with her. Do any of you care to me about that? Don't take me for a fool. The good doctor has no reason to lie, now does she?"
Kate cried out in distress. "What in God's name are you talking about? WHAT signs of abuse? WHAT? All my husband and I have ever done was love that little girl. Why would we bring a child into our home just to cause harm to her?" Kate's cries became long and sorrowful. She was begging for some sympathy but nobody was about to throw a bone at that dog. John was dumbfounded by the allegations but my sister was all too aware of what was really going down.
Oh, GOD! Oh please, NO! The ribbons? Doctor Browning and those fucking RIBBONS? She seen the marks and now I KNEW why she didn't tell John and Kate about the episode in her office. Holy hell, this wasn't about to happen! PLEASE tell me that Sister Abigail wasn't about to spill forth the bloody truth for all to see! Her words were like poison arrows shot point blank into my heart.
"There's a nine year old girl who I feel may be in serious danger. John, Kate, to be frank, the doctor told me that she found marks on Esther's body." I felt like fainting as time seemed to stop. The mouth of hell would surely be thrown open at any moment to swallow up my poor soul. DEFEAT WAS AT HAND! I had to clutch onto the banister as I fought to keep myself from losing my balance and tumbling down the stairs. This was it! WHAT WAS NEXT? But right at the last second, Kate could stand no more! For a second time she sprang to her feet with even more vigor than before.
She picked up the cushion that she had been sitting on and tossed it violently, causing it to sail directly past Sister Abigail's ear. Syrah stood up and got out of the way, her red dress fluttering as she steadied herself on a nearby desk. "Get the FUCK out of my house, RIGHT NOWWWWWW! YOU ARE NO LONGER WELCOME HERE! OUTTTTTTTTTT! OUT I SAID! YOU TELL THAT DAMN DOCTOR TO GO FUCK HERSELF, AND FUCK YOU, TOO!"
Abigail made her retreat out of the living room as Kate went into rampage mode. Objects quickly began to fly. Kate, in her venomous anger, proceeded to violently tear the living room apart. She swept the mantle of the fireplace with her arm in a broad and dramatic stroke, sending picture frames crashing to the floor. She ripped the DVD player from off of the TV and smashed it at her feet, plastic and metal flying in every direction. Kate had lost her mind in it's absolute totality! Abigail and John stood side by side towards the front door as the devastation continued. Kate threw the TV remote in Syrah's direction, causing her to duck away and make a break for the stairs.
"WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ME? TO CALL ME AN UNFIT MOTHER AFTER ALL I GAVE TO THAT CHILD!" Her voice was livid yet strained all the same. "ALL I EVER DO IS COOK AND CLEAN AND I GET ZERO RESPECT FROM ANY OF YOU ASSHOLES!" The woman tipped over the coffee table in her rage, sending the glass top shattering onto the floor.
My attention was quickly drawn to Syrah, her bright red dress standing out over our drab surroundings as she reached me at the top of the stairs. A slight hint of her sweet perfume met my nostrils. She placed a hand over her heart, trying to catch her breath while holding onto the railing with the other. There was a wild, ravenous look in her eyes. It was something so unsettling and so unnatural to behold. But in those eyes I knew exactly what she was thinking. With that in mind, I expressed my hopelessness to her as Kate continued to pour out her cup full of rage, still overflowing, onto John and Abigail in an unceasing downpour.
"There's just no need to say a word, Sy Sy." I muttered in a tired and defeated voice, my shoulders slumped deeply in my state of absolute dejection. "I've been listening the whole damn time. Get my things ready because I think it's going to be time for me to go. Make that the two of us for that matter. I mean, that's all there is to it. Cry no tears for me, big sister, cry no tears. Save them for another time and place. That woman has destroyed what little chance we had, not that I feel we ever had a chance in hell to begin with. How am I now to make peace with myself?"
I managed to return to my feet ever so slowly as I cast my weary eyes towards Kate. She stood in the middle of the living room, her chest inflating and deflating as her arms trembled by her sides. "Fuck you! I hate ALL of YOU! I HATE EVERY GOD DAMN ONE OF YOU! LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO, ABIGAIL! LOOK AT WHAT YOU MADE ME DO!" Kate emphasized "YOU" with an accusing finger that she pointed in her direction.
Abigail had had enough of this orgy of devastation. This was something that had truly gotten under her skin and destroyed her once solid faith in John and Kate. Do I really even need to state something so obvious? Her core had been shaken to it's bedrock, as had mine. Yet despite the insanity of the moment, she continued to show a sense of civility that would be hard for anyone else to match under similar circumstances.
"Thank you Mr. and Mrs. Coleman for having me but unfortunately I see that a mature conversation simply isn't possible. Kate, I misjudged you. I never expected such a delightful woman to behave like some wild animal. It hurts me to say this but it is in my honest opinion that this is neither a safe nor healthy environment for Esther to live in. I'm afraid that I am left with no other option but to file papers with Child Protective Services for Esther to be placed in emergency protective custody. I'm so sorry that our relationship has to end in such a way but it is my God given duty to protect the children that I have been charged with, irregardless of whether or not they reside at Saint Mariana's. Good day to the both of you!"
Kate must have decided it would be wise to throw yet more gasoline onto the fire. "YOU WANT ESTHER? YOU CAN FUCKING HAVE HER BECAUSE I KNOW HER TRUE COLORS! BUT DON'T YOU DARE COME CRAWLING BACK TO MY HOUSE EVER AGAIN! GET ON YOUR KNESS AND PRAY TO YOUR GOD FOR STRENGTH. OR HELL, WHY NOT SUCK MY HUSBAND'S DICK WHILE YOU'RE AT IT? EVERYONE KNOWS ESTHER'S SISTER CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF IT! GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!"
Syrah put an arm around my waist, attempting to haul me away from the scene. I struggled to free myself from her grasp, trying to pull her arms from off of my waist. "Oh, she wants to hit hard like that? I'll rip her throat out! Where does she come off with the nerve to say something so disgusting about you, Syrah? Just give me thirty seconds with her, come on Syrah. I want at her!"
"Let if go, honey. Just let it go. Leena, we can't let them see us. That's the very least we can do for the time being. Come on, sweetheart. We need to think of a plan of action! Don't try to be a hero today!", Syrah said. "Oh, why does this have to be the story of our lives?", she moaned.
Abigail hurried out the door without another word. Meanwhile, John was overtaken in a complete stupor. He suddenly heaved over and began gagging as if he were about to vomit. Kate slowly sank down to her knees before collapsing onto her side, crying hysterically as if she were some sort of lunatic. Did she have even the slightest clue as to the gravity of her own outlandish actions?
"Stupid, STUPID fucking woman! How could she put me in a position like this?" I griped angrily to my sister. "Why not just bend me over and screw me? Why not just run a knife across my throat and shove a dagger through my heart while she's at it? Sister, please tell me this is some horror drenched nightmare? That the two of us will wake up at any moment?"
Syrah was sweating profusely as she led me away. "Keep your voice down, we don't need them hearing any of this." She desperately tried to keep me within her arms as I thrashed about like a fish out of water. She knew that I was a powder keg on the verge of ignition. "Now that's enough, Leena! Stop struggling and show some restraint. Violence will only beget more violence.", she urged.
The realization that this may be my last day in the Coleman household was becoming more concrete. But then I was hit with a more horrifying thought. Even more horrifying than the prospect of having to find another home. I immediately voiced the crushing reality to my sister as I stopped struggling for a brief moment.
"Syrah, I love you well and hold you dear. But if the authorities take me then they will take Max, too. I don't give two shits about Daniel. But I have to look after my daughter's welfare. Now LET ME GO!" A mighty surge of adrenaline saturated my body, finally giving me enough strength to wrench myself free from the lock my sister had me in. I threw her arms off from me as I made a break for it. "Leena, NO! NO, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE! DON'T MAKE THIS WORSE! WHAT ARE YOU DOING? GET BACK UP HERE! WHY MUST YOU BE DO STUBBORN?"
I ignored her frantic pleas as I rushed downstairs. I swear that my feet never even touched the ground as I roared away from her. I ran at breakneck speed into the greenhouse, knowing without a shadow of a doubt what needed to be done. The next few minutes were going to determine my destiny and I would be damned if I were about to let some aging nun destroy what I had worked so hard to accomplish.
My instincts and senses were driven to new heights of intensity as I rushed about the greenhouse looking for a weapon. That's right, I was going to prevent her from snitching in the best way I knew how! There was a small work desk at the far end of the room and I raced over to see what I could find. The top was cluttered with all manner of tools and pottery. I noisily searched through the pile before feeling a wooden handle. I pulled it out from underneath the clutter and gave a sly smile. "A hammer! This will silence the bitch!", I thought with an evil intent.
There was not a second to spare, and I literally meant that in every sense of the word. Placing the hammer aside, I made a mad dash into the living room. John was nowhere in sight while Kate was on her knees attempting to clean the massive mess that she had made. She was talking to herself as if she were having some sort of psychotic episode, writhing in her own humiliation. But from me she would receive no redemption.
With the clock ticking, I grabbed my blue overcoat from off of the coat rack and slung it on in haste. Realizing my shoes were still in the upstairs hallway, I took hold of my snow boots instead and pulled them on and not a moment too soon. Once again, I took off as my sister begged for me to return to her. My legs were struggling to take me as fast as they could and beyond. A painful cramp began to form in my hamstrings but there was nothing that could stop me now. I was truly a woman on a mission!
I felt as if I were traveling upon a bolt of lightning as I tore back into the greenhouse and retrieved the hammer. Today would be a day of blood! Out the greenhouse door I went as it clattered loudly against the glass window panes. The fires of hell were growing within me, the fuse was lit and there was no turning back from what HAD to be done. I was not about to let my future be flushed down the drain again. NO! I would NOT accept another repeat of the Sullivans, not this time! I would not allow my precious dreams to be thrown down as if they were a pile of matchsticks! And I would surely be damned before I allowed myself to be so viciously torn from the loving embrace of Syrah, John, and Max.
I took off into the forest, beginning my descent down the mountain. I was completely unaware as to whether Sister Abigail had already driven off or not. Nevertheless, I plowed across the ground, sticks and snow crunching beneath my feet. The trees whizzed by. Truly, they would be the only witnesses to what was about to happen on this day. I felt as if I had acquired some superhuman strength as my feet carried me at breakneck speed.
Sweet victory or crushing defeat were now my only outcomes. For me, there was no time to ease my painful sorrows made paramount by the shedding of tender tear drops nor the time to entertain the horrors that may seek to consume me if I failed to act in my own best interests. Now would be the only opportunity I would ever get in order to set things on the right path again. To see fit before the sun faded that every ill fated grievance would be surely corrected if I could only halt Abigail from accomplishing the unthinkable.
She must surely be sent off on a flight of angels to meet her god, adding her to the roll call of saints unnumbered. At the end of this day, I would force fate itself to be my benefactor. I and ONLY I could be in charge of forging my own destiny, not by the whims of a prudish nun. I knew within my heart that if I failed in dispatching Abigail with my own brutal hands...that I would have no future! May a river of blood wash away my fervent fears and purge my soul forever more! Leena Klammer, please, don't fail me now!
In the next chapter, Esther attempts to take her fate into her own hands by finishing off Sister Abigail. But will she be successful or will she have to taste the bitter sting of failure yet again? Thank you for taking the time to read and for the continued feedback. Please note that I've given the task of writing the next chapter to Fan Fiction writer "Lovely Linda". Look for it sometime in October.
