A/N: Okay, Hattori is a bit out of character in this one in the last scenes...
Cracky chapter...
Warnings:
Strange English, OOCness
Uploaded: 2012-11-01
Revised: 2014-09-17
Chapter rating: T
Words: 3,500
Chap. 55
Never Mess With Hattori
Kaito wrinkled his nose at the messy living room with a dead body on the couch and sent a glance to the detective that was examining it. Hattori had assumed that it was a murder and had challenged him to a competition over who would solve it first in the police car. Kaito didn't take the challenge and stubbornly glared out through the window for the entire ride as he ignored the detective, annoyed by the fact that he was dragged to some place only to look at a corpse. It wasn't like he couldn't deal with dead bodies; he just didn't particularly like them. Blood was what he hated, even though it didn't come close to the horrendousness of demonic water creatures as long as he wasn't covered in it. The dead man was middle-age, somewhat overweight and had apparently swallowed all the sleeping pills that had been held in a plastic container that was now lying on the floor below the couch.
The thief kept his distance as he pretended to think about the case and saw the annoyed expression Hattori had before he sneaked into the kitchen to avoid the body. Kaito let out a quiet breath and leaned against the wall while he observed the small room; it was messy with dishes in the sink and clean pots and pans on the stove, but what interested him was that it smelled like he'd been making something delicious in there recently. Kaito examined the cutting boards and knives, realising that they were all quite high standard. Wondering what the man had been making he opened the door to the trash and stared at the few perfectly cut pieced of vegetables and meat. Curious Kaito pulled up a small piece of paper, seeing a receipt from last evening. He clicked his tongue and closed the cabinet as he sent the pans a glance; had the food even been made complete yet?
"Hungry?" Tome joked as he passed the kitchen and saw that Kaito opened the fridge. The thief hummed and stared at the bowls of prepared food and sauces. That didn't add up; no one would make food and then kill themselves before they had it done, unless something happened. A phone call? Containing a break up? Someone's death?
Kaito walked up to the phone and pressed the redial button.
"Oi! Yuu, you idiot! What are you doing? Hurry up and get over here! We're getting drowned in customers!" a man answered and Kaito blinked; how did Shinichi speak whenever he coaxed information out of his victims and lured them into a corner to confess?
"May I ask where I've called?" the thief questioned and heard a bit of silence on the phone.
"I'm terribly sorry; I must've read the number wrong. I thought that it was a friend that called. Welcome to the Ohayashi restaurant, how may I be of assistance?"
"How many stars do you have?" he asked.
"Five stars, we have the best food and service," the man said proudly.
"And this Yuu is one of your chefs?"
"Yes, he's the best, and will receive a harsh scolding when he gets here."
"What's your name?"
"I'm the owner Ohayashi Tamotsu, may I ask what this is all about?"
"My name is Kudou Shinichi and I'm investigating the death of Tanaka Yuu. Do you know if he was depressed or anything?"
"No, he definitely wasn't. He loved his job and was always helping out his neighbours. He went to an orphanage somewhat close to his apartment and used his own money to make them high class food every Monday when we're closed. He was a saint. How was he murdered?"
"I never said that he was murdered-,"
"You're Kudou Shinichi, you are a homicide detective; what else could it be if you're there?"
"I only happened to speak to the officers that were closest to the scene, so I ended up here. When did Tanaka-san call you?"
"Well, yesterday to tell me that he'd come up with a new recipe that he wanted me to taste, apparently he'd 'discovered heaven', as he so put it. I told him that I'd love to and then he asked me if I could come in a bit earlier so that he got to make it before we opened. I waited for him for two hours, but he never showed up."
"What was your relationship with Tanaka-san?"
"Well, we became friends during the last years of University. He worked extra in a restaurant beside the school and I once forgot my phone there. I always dreamed that I would have a shop of some kind, but once he introduced me to 'The Art of Cooking' I decided that I was going to open up a restaurant. We've been friends ever since," Ohayashi sighed, "so he's dead? As in actually dead?"
"I'm afraid so," Kaito said and shook his head.
"I can't believe it. We spoke yesterday and he was so happy. He can't just be... Gone," there was a quiet sigh on the line and the man continued, "Yuu would never kill himself so please find his murderer or murderers, I'm begging you."
"Did you know if he had any enemies?"
"No... Or maybe, now that I think about it. I think it was around two months ago when the two of them started to have problems. I tried to get Yuu to tell me what it was, but he refused, saying that I shouldn't worry. One of my chefs, Sasaki Nobu quit soon afterwards, but before he did I sometimes caught him staring at Yuu. They were friends one day and the next hated each other, neither of them could handle being in the same room as the other. Yuu is-, I mean; was, a chef so good that he could get hired anywhere, but he still stayed with me. We designed this place from the foundation to the walls and roof. We did everything together; he even taught me how to cook, but... No, he can't be gone... It's... It's so surreal; I spoke to him yesterday..." The man grew quiet and Kaito cleared his throat.
"Could you come to Tanaka-san's apartment?"
"Sure, I'll leave Kenji in charge and I'll be there in half an hour,"
"Good, see you then," the thief hung up, thinking that the man sounded honest.
"Damn it, it's just a simple suicide!" Hattori complained as Kaito got out of the kitchen and frowned; he wasn't a detective, so maybe he was wrong in his conclusion that it was a murder. He couldn't play around with Shinichi's track record either, so he didn't want to be wrong.
"Hattori, why did he kill himself?" Kaito asked and examined the door as the detective turned to him.
"Because he was depressed or a drug-addict; have ya' seen his medicine cabinet?" Hattori asked and Kaito began to doubt his own conclusion.
"How was this door opened when you found the body?" he asked and looked into the corridor.
"He always had a key underneath his doormat, so I just used that," one of the tenants stated and the detective turned to him.
"Wait! Didn't ya' say that ya' used tha landlord's key?"
"No," he man shrugged, "I said that I used the key. I never said that it was the landlord's. I just came in here to turn off the alarm clock, since I live next door and I work nights; I need all the sleep I can get. It's been ringing once an hour ever since seven."
"Damn it, then this isn't even a sealed room" Hattori muttered, "no one who has decided ta take their own life leaves a door unlocked or a key ta open it. Oi, Kudou; how did ya' know that it was a murder?" Kaito grinned at the question, but dialled it down as he remembered where he was.
"Elementary, my dear Hattori," he began and the detective raised an eyebrow, but then gave the thief a glare, "he came up with a new recipe that he was making in the kitchen, before he was killed. He interrupted his cooking and went shopping for ingredients around eight. And must've been murdered just after that, before he'd had time to continue." The thief looked around and then left the room with the disgruntled detective to find the bathroom.
Kaito sighed as he read the labels on the many bottles full of pills; they were all painkillers, sleeping pills and antipyretic, and he no longer knew if he'd jumped to conclusion when he decided that it was a murder. He took up a bottle and stared at it; it was the only one opened and it was a half-empty bottle of aspirin. He pulled up Shinichi's phone and glared at it; he wanted his boyfriend's help, but he'd just hope that the Osakan would solve it. The Detective of the West was good after all.
"Oi, Hattori," Kaito woke the detective from his musings, "every Monday Tanaka would go to an orphanage close by and make them food, using his own money. What if the medicines are for someone else?"
"How do ya' know that?"
"I called Ohayashi Tamotsu, a friend of Tanaka-san, and owner of the restaurant where he worked," Kaito shrugged, "he's on his way here right now."
"Ya' called 'im? And didn't get tha police ta get 'im?" Hattori asked with a disturbed face, "what if he's tha murderer? He could be running right now!"
"I don't think so, he sounded honest," Kaito stated and the detective gaped, but then placed a hand on his friend's forehead.
"No fever," the detective frowned, "something's wrong with ya', Kudou. An' I want ta know what it is." Right on cue there was a knock on the door and as it was opened by Megure Ohayashi stepped in with a quick greeting.
"Told you so; I'm pretty good at reading people," Kaito stated as soon as he recognised the voice.
"Kudou-san," Ohayashi exclaimed after he'd stared at the blanket covering the body on the couch, "what can I do to help?" Kaito smiled at his question and decided to dump everything on Hattori.
"You can start by telling Hattori, over there, everything that you know and answer any questions he might have." The man nodded and walked over to the dark-skinned detective.
It took Hattori three hours to solve the case after all the suspects had been gathered, while Kaito only stayed away and from time to time caught the Osakan staring at him suspiciously. Once he heard what had happened he understood why it took so long to solve; the case dragged back all the way to high school where Tanaka Yuu once had gotten drunk enough to blackout at his party and then found a senior's body in the bathtub. He'd called the police and the case had been deemed as an accident, but Tanaka never forgave himself, which was why he cooked food in the orphanage and gave medicine to those who couldn't afford it. The reason for his death was the fact that Sasaki Nobu, the other chef, confessed to Tanaka that he was the one who tapped up the bath after he'd found the sleeping teenager in it, simply to wake him up, but in his intoxicated state he'd forgotten to make sure that the teenager had woken up. Tanaka had told him to go to the police to confess, but Sasaki had refused, saying that it was the boy's fault for drinking too much. Tanaka had then told him that he had two months to solve any financial business and confess to the police before he turned him in, but during those months Sasaki had stalked Tanaka and in the end come up with a very complicated way to fake an alibi while he'd only held a gun to Tanaka's head and forced him to take the pills.
Kaito was quiet on their ride back to Beika. After the murder he didn't feel like continuing on his plan, he only wanted to get back to the safety of Shinichi, but when Hattori grabbed his arm with a hard gaze he couldn't help himself.
"Kudou, tell me what's wrong," he demanded just outside the gates, "ya' know that ya' can tell me anything. Ya' were not yerself today."
"Um, it's just that," Kaito considered telling the detective the truth, but went with his first plan instead, "do you remember what I said on the phone yesterday, just before the scream?"
"Yea, ya' said that ya'd found someone else... Did she break up with ya'?" Kaito sighed at his question and shook his head powerlessly.
"I said something after that too... Do you remember what?" the thief watched the Osakan frown for a while.
"Ya' said; 'Yea, that's tha thing, it's not a woma-,'" Hattori interrupted himself and stared at 'his friend' with wide eyes, "it's not a woman? Not a woman? Ya'-, Ya're gay?" Kaito smiled a bit awkwardly while he waited for the detective to recover from the shock.
"Yes, Hattori; I'm in love with a guy," Kaito fidgeted a bit and swallowed, fixing his gaze with Hattori's eyes, seeing a blush spread over the detective's cheeks as he realised what the heavy atmosphere meant.
"Heiji," Kaito continued after he pulled up Shinichi's phone from his pocket and turned on the recorder, "I fell for you, and I love you deeply. Even though I know that you don't love me back I still need to ask; do I even have a chance?" Hattori gaped with his face flushed bright red, but then cleared his throat.
"I'm sorry, Kudou. Although, I am flattered, but I'm not gay. Ya're my best friend, an' I hope that this won't change that."
"No, no-," Kaito shrugged a bit half-heartedly, "I knew that you would say that, but I still needed to confess. I'm sorry if this makes things awkward between us, but I promise that I won't make any advances on you."
"Thanks," the detective smirked and seemed happier with the 'explanation' than Kaito had thought.
"Come on," the thief winked, "I bet terrible-looking, yet delicious food is on the table by now." Hattori blinked confused, but still followed the magician that walked through the gates to the mansion.
Hearing the door close Shinichi immediately went to see what the magician had done to Hattori and to scold him, but the sight that greeted him was not what he expected; Hattori was unharmed and happy while Kaito looked exhausted despite smiling like a maniac. When the Osakan saw Shinichi his eyes widened and he stared from one copy to the other.
Kaito stalked forward and wrapped his arms around his love, inhaling his scent.
"Kaito, what's wrong?" Shinichi asked and the Osakan started to see differences on the two.
"the stupid detective dragged me to a crime scene, and I was forced to pretend like I knew that I was doing. I wanted to call you for help, but I took your phone. But Hattori's a good friend and not an enemy," Kaito released his boyfriend and pressed the button to play the recording as he gave back the phone.
"Hattori accepts your confession and wants to stay friends," Kaito laughed and walked into the dining room where Kazuha and Ran were sitting.
"Confession?" Shinichi asked while staring at the detective and listened to the recording of the conversation, "he confessed my feelings to you?"
"Yea, kind of."
"So..." Shinichi chuckled, "I take it you've met my boyfriend, Kuroba Kaito."
"Weird guy," Hattori mumbled, "I even dragged 'im out of yer bed."
"Aha? So everything was revenge for waking him?"
"How much of yer relationship is based on narcissism?" the detective asked and then grinned at the annoyed expression the Detective of the East gave him, "ya' look like twins, ya' know."
"Shut up, or you're not getting dinner,"
"Hah! Ya' can't say that," Hattori laughed as Shinichi left to get back to the kitchen, "only the cook can decide who eats and who doesn't!"
"I am the cook!" Shinichi called back as the Detective of the West followed him into the room where the girls waited.
"What?! I'm going ta die! Imminent food poisoning!"
"Shut up! I've taken cooking classes!"
"Should I call tha ambulance an' have them standing by? Or should I just tell them ta park outside yer house?"
"Shut up!" he glared at the teenager and pointed to a chair, "sit down."
"Good boy," Kaito grinned when the detective did as he was told and Hattori sent the magician a glare.
"We've been waiting for you two, so the least you could do is look a little bit ashamed," Shinichi stated as Kaito tried to give him an innocent look, but the detective turned his back to him and went to get the food.
Shinichi came back just as Kaito was performing a magic trick, and the detective deemed it as 'innocent enough'. The thief grinned as the food was revealed, seeing that it looked just as horrible as it always did.
"That's it," Hattori muttered and patted his pocket, "I'm calling tha hospital."
"Hattori-kun, Kazuha-chan," Ran began with a smile close to laughter, "I've tasted Shinichi's food and it's good, but it looks bad."
"Yea," Kaito snickered, "the worse it looks, the better it tastes!"
"Shut up," Shinichi muttered and blushed as he sat down beside his boyfriend.
"Shit, I must've dropped my phone," Hattori muttered and Kaito smirked as he handed it back to him.
"Sorry, I took it," he said with a grin, "I didn't want Shinichi calling in the middle of my plan!"
"Ya' took my phone?" Hattori glared, "I don't like it when someone does that..." The Osakan detective studied his friend's boyfriend, not entirely certain of what he thought about him.
Heiji had decided that the strange KID-fan was harmless, until he found out that his hair had turned pink in the middle of him brushing his teeth, but even though he was about to get in the shower he decided that a well-needed revenge was appropriate.
He was lying in the bed, smirking at his already perfect plan to annoy the magician. Heiji had noticed that Kuroba was very possessive of his boyfriend and would tense or fidget every time Neechan touched Kudou during the game of monopoly. Heiji had decided to hit on his Eastern counterpart, and given that Kudou was completely clueless he wouldn't get it, but the sensitive Kuroba would definitely see it. The dark-skinned detective yawned, realising that he was thirsty and got up from bed to go to the kitchen.
On steps light as feathers he slowly made his way through the corridor towards the stairs and kitchen, but froze as a loud moan passed through the door to Kudou's room.
"Kaito!" a voice immediately hissed, "be quiet."
"Oh, come on!" Kuroba complained, "he's in the other end of the corridor! It's not like he's going to hear us in his sleep!"
"Have you even heard what we sound like in bed?" Kudou grumbled and Heiji blushed as he realised that he was eavesdropping on his friend, "we're loud, as in really loud."
"I'll be quiet, just fuck me senseless," Kuroba chuckled and Heiji grinned; suddenly he got a much better punishment for the magician. The detective sneaked down the stairs and poured himself some water before he made his way back.
"Shinichi!" the magician called out and the Osakan knocked on the door.
"Sorry ta interrupt!" he called out with flushed cheeks.
"Hattori!" Kudou squeaked, and Heiji could hear the dread he felt for being overheard.
"But if ya're goin' ta be yelling an' stuff, remember that I'm a detective an' will think 'murder in progress'. I'll buy some earplugs tomorrow, but they only do so much," the detective left the door with an evil grin as he heard a groan in disappointment and rustling, indicating that Kudou probably began getting dressed. Heiji had time to get halfway back to his room before the Detective of the East opened the door and stuck out his head.
"Hattori! I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to wake you!" Shinichi called out to the other detective, seeing him wave a hand over his shoulder.
"No worries! Just don't scream; I don't want ta barge in on ya' two. Tha mental picture is bothering me enough," Hattori disappeared into the room and Shinichi closed his door. He sighed and slouched against it, receiving an annoyed look from Kaito as the thief stared at him, waiting for him to come back to bed, but Shinichi only hung on the door. Stark naked Kaito walked up to him and gave him a kiss.
"It's not that bad, is it? Come back to bed," he begged, seeing his boyfriend's blush, but when Shinichi didn't answer Kaito simply dragged him back to bed, undressed him and held him close.
"I don't feel like doing anything when Hattori's around," Shinichi mumbled and Kaito nodded.
"I understand," the thief whispered, knowing that that was what Shinichi wanted to hear, but as he gave his boyfriend a loving kiss he made a silent promise that he was going to make Hattori's life a living hell. The detective could, after all, have stayed quiet and ignored them, but chose not to, and how was he supposed to survive without any nightly activities for however long Tantei-han was staying?
