~~ Elena ~~
"Now, remember. There's no need to bring up what happened."
"Bring up what?"
"You know, the thing."
"Yeah, cause that's so descriptive."
"Shut up, Fíli. You know exactly what I'm talking about."
"Ohhh, you were talking about the part where you -"
"Yes, that's exactly what I'm talking about, and that's what I'm referring to when I say don't bring it up!"
"You were the one who brought it up in the first place! I didn't even remember until you reminded me."
"Liar. You expect me to believe that you actually forgot about what happened?"
"... Fair point. No, I did not. And yes, I am still mad about it."
"This again? It worked, didn't it?"
"And it almost cost your life!"
"That's not the issue here -"
"How is that anything but the issue? You threw yourself in front of a dragon!"
"Because I thought you and Celia were dead, along with possibly Óin and Bofur, and it seemed like the only way to get its attention!"
"What? What does that have to do with anything? How would me being dead relate to you trying to feed yourself to a dragon?"
A heavy hand was clasped on Fíli's shoulder, startling both him and Elena from their argument. "Lad, if ya can't come up with a possible reason for that, then I just pray that Thorin's still alive when we reach the mountain. Heaven knows we need all the brains we can get on the throne."
Fíli twisted around the stare at the miner, his annoyed expression changing to one of curiosity. "What? What do you mean?"
"He means that you're dense, lad," Óin interrupted. "I'll explain when you're older." Elena opened her mouth to agree, and he swung on her with a speed that belied his apparent age. "And not a word from you either, lassie! Now, Bofur and I have been patient enough for the last two and a half days, waiting for you two knuckleheads to clear the air between you. And for all that I've prayed for silence on this quest, I don't want it coming from you two, and I don't want you breaking it either. Not like this! You need to talk it out."
Elena shoved her hair out of her face impatiently and turned back to the path. "Whatever. It's not my fault Fíli's mad at me for trying to help. Would have thought he'd be glad I was alive in the end, like I was for him."
"I was!" Fíli exclaimed angrily, blue eyes stormy. "But then it was overwhelmed by the thought of how stupid it was! You could have been killed!"
"We all could have been killed!" Elena retorted, glaring at him. "Multiple times on this quest, we've almost died. And what I did meant that Bard was able to kill the dragon. I'm not going to apologize for that!"
"But there was a high chance you could have been killed for nothing!" Fíli seethed, not even bothering to look at her. "You had no idea whether or not it would have worked, and you almost died for an idea."
"An idea that worked! I took that chance because the benefits outweighed the possible risks! If Smaug died, then that meant less people who died, and maybe even a chance to find you guys. Maybe he would have killed you if he had survived. I will always take that chance if it means your lives might be saved!"
"I never asked you to take that chance!"
"That's the thing about caring about other people, Fíli. You don't have to," Elena said quietly, staring at the ground.
Fíli's jaw clenched, but he didn't say anything, just kept walking the path with his eyes fixed ahead of him. Finally he shook his head and muttered, "I'm going to scout the trail ahead," and stalked ahead of the group.
Elena watched him go, much of her anger falling away as his form grew smaller and smaller in the distance. Instead, it was replaced by a heavy feeling of sadness. She swallowed hard, blinking back tears but refusing to let go of that last bit of anger. She had been willing to take the chance, firmly believed she had been right to do so... she just hadn't known one of the risks would be an ongoing argument with Fíli over something so small. She just didn't get why he was making such a big deal about it.
"Cheer up, lass. He doesn't hate ya, if that's what you're worried about," Bofur encouraged her. "I'd say it's more like the opposite. He's worried about ya."
Elena scoffed. "I wasn't worried. He ignored me for two days, Bofur. I wouldn't exactly call that concern."
Bofur raised an eyebrow at her. "And he was the only one doin' any ignoring, right?" He nodded at the ensuing silence. "That's what I thought. It takes two to dance, and it takes two to fight. He may have started it, but you're darn well committed to finishing it."
"That's because I'm in the right!"
"Are you?"
Elena spluttered. "Wha - well, of course I am! I risked my life trying to save others! In addition to the fact that it worked, and I did save others, it's also my own life to risk! He has no say in that!"
Bofur nodded sagely. "Well, of course not. It's not like he means anything to ya, or you to him. He has no right to be concerned about ya risking your life. He's just trying to exert his authority as a prince and future king over ya. Good on ya for not lettin' him. He needs to know he can't just do that. Selfish, he is."
Elena stumbled in her stride, turning to glare at the hatted dwarf. "Bofur! How could you say that about him? He's not just a prince, he's my friend! My best friend! He's not trying to exert his authority, he's never done that! He's just - he's just..." Her walk slowed to a stop as her eyes widened and a deep bush spread across her face. "Oh."
"'Oh,' what?" Bofur asked, his eyes sparkling with mischief. "Are you starting to get it, now?"
Elena averted her eyes. "Shut up, Bofur."
"Well, that's not very nice of ya to say, and here I thought we were starting to connect."
"Alright, alright, yes, I get your point," she grumbled, resuming her previous pace up towards the mountain. "He's my best friend, he's allowed to be worried about me."
"And?" Bofur asked expectantly.
"And what?"
"And how about the fact that he was worried about ya, because ya almost died, and it seemed like ya were making light of the fact that ya almost died?"
"I wasn't making light of it!" Elena protested immediately. "Believe me when I say I still get nightmares about what happened. I have no illusions about how far I was from dying that night."
"I know," Bofur nodded somberly. "We can tell. It's nothing to be ashamed of, lass," he added hastily when her panicked eyes flew to his. "We all get night terrors from the things we've seen. It's unpleasant, but not something to be ashamed of. It's just a sign that ya faced something terrible, and survived despite it's best efforts."
"I guess," Elena muttered, dropping her eyes again. "It's just... something that's also personal, you know? It's a little awkward knowing that you've all been aware of them since before we left Lake-town."
Bofur nodded, and they walked in companionable silence for several minutes before he broke it again.
"He blames himself, you know."
Elena frowned, not quite sure what the miner was getting at. "What do you mean? Who?"
"Fíli does."
"I don't understand," Elena admitted.
"Fíli blames himself for your nightmares."
"What? That's ridiculous! He wasn't even there, how could it be his fault?"
"Exactly. He wasn't there."
Elena shook her head. "I'm still not sure I'm following along, Bofur. How does Fíli not almost dying with me equate to him being at fault for the products of my twisted brain?"
Bofur rubbed his forehead with a low moan. "You and Fíli are meant for each other. Erebor is doomed," he muttered. "Think about what you just said," he continued in a louder voice. "Fíli is your best friend. He's looked out for you since the beginning. You almost died in the Misty Mountains, and he blamed himself for that. Now in Lake-town, where he was entrusted with your care by your sister, you were kidnapped by the Master. You had to run for your lives, and you almost got killed by both the Master and the dragon. And Fíli wasn't around to help you with that."
"But, but that wasn't his fault!" Elena protested. "He got kidnapped by the Master too, and he nearly drowned, and then he got crushed by a beam from a falling house! None of that was his fault! I was actually the one who had to leave him behind." She looked away guiltily, rubbing her left arm gingerly. "If anything, this was all my fault."
"You both deserve each other," Bofur told her bluntly with an exasperated expression. "I swear, you're carved from the same stone. See, you blame yourself for him and anyone else getting hurt, and he blames himself for your nightmares and your arm."
Elena curled her good hand around her other arm protectively. "It's not his fault it happened."
"No," Bofur agreed easily. "But he still blames himself for it. He wasn't there when you faced Smaug, and he can't help you with your nightmares either. To him, that means he failed at keeping you safe. Therefore, logically, it's his fault that you're suffering. And because he's related to Thorin, and has no idea how to translate his emotions into words, his worry is coming out as anger. You're the person his feelings are strongest for, and thus you're the easiest target."
Elena blinked. "That's really stupid, and yet at the same time, I totally see where he's coming from. Óin, you have the most experience with royalty. Is it all right to tell a prince that he's an idiot?"
The older healer snorted. "Alright? I'd say it's healthy. Necessary, even, perhaps, from time to time. Keeps 'em humble if someone they know and trust reminds them that they can be stupid too. Bofur's right, though. The lad blames himself. But he doesn't know how to express that, so it comes out as anger. He did the exact same thing when Kíli fell out of a tree several decades ago. Growled something fierce, and wouldn't talk to him for almost a week. Poor Kíli was going mad with worry and frustration."
"What happened?" Elena asked curiously. "Obviously they got better, they're really close now."
Óin nodded. "Aye. Dis had to explain it to him. Kíli picked at it until Fíli snapped, they wrestled on the floor, and Kíli sat on him until he stopped fighting. He'd worked off most of his aggression by then, and it was pretty much over."
"Uh... that's great and all, but I don't think that's gonna work for us," Elena said blankly. "Everything else aside, he's got far more training and experience than I do, and he wouldn't even have to sit on me. He could just hold me down. Probably with one hand."
Óin chuckled. "He probably could. I'm not recommending that, though. I suggest something that's perhaps both easier and harder."
"Like what?"
"Talk to him," the dwarf said bluntly. "Run up ahead to him and talk it out before we reach Erebor, and you two worry Kíli, Celia, and Ori with your nonsense. Not to mention the rest of us."
Elena flushed, looking up at the mountain looming over them. They'd been traveling for almost three days now, so she figured they only had a few hours left before they reached it. "You're right. I should have done this a few days ago, shouldn't I?"
"No comment," Bofur smirked.
Elena rolled her eyes at him. "Alright, alright, I'm going, I'm going." She started to jog ahead of the group towards Fíli's distant figure, but stopped when Óin called her name.
"Elena. We told you what he's likely feeling. Now you need to tell him how you're feeling. Talk it out."
She nodded, offering her thanks before turning and jogging up the hill once more, quickly leaving them behind her. After a few minutes of jogging, she managed to catch up Fíli, yelling his name. He swung around, hand falling to his swords, before relaxing once he realized it was her. He kept his face in a neutral position, however, and kept his eyes focused on sweeping the terrain ahead of them.
"Is something wrong, Elena?"
She bit her lip, wrestling with indecision before finally just spitting it out. "Yeah. Not with the group - they're both fine, it's just... Something's wrong with us, Fíli! We're fighting, and we've never fought before, not like this, and I hate it! And I know you don't like it either!"
Fíli released a pent up sigh but still didn't look at her. "No. I don't."
"I'm sorry, okay? I never wanted to hurt you, but somehow you ended getting hurt from this anyways, and it's all my fault, and I'm sorry I hurt you!" She finally burst out.
Now he looked at her - unfortunately, it was only to look at her as though she was insane, as if she had just declared that she was going to walk into Mordor. "What?"
She took a deep breath and composed herself. "I'm sorry that it took me so long to realize this. But I hurt you, even if it was unintentional, with what happened at Lake-town, and then I just blew you off about it. And that's on me. So I apologize, and I hope you can forgive me."
She couldn't keep up the eye contact after that, and dropped them back to the ground, waiting for what seemed like forever for him to respond. When he did, he muttered something in Khuzdul before turning to face her, gently grasping her arm to stop her and turn her to face him, looking her in the eyes.
"Of course I forgive you. It wasn't your fault either, Elena. I overreacted, and I took out all my worries and anger on you, and that's not okay. I'm sorry, too. I shouldn't have reacted the way I did. I hope you can forgive me, too."
Elena gave him a small smile. "Course I do. You were upset cause you were worried, and I should have seen that. I've done the same thing before, and so has Celia, and my mom. It's completely understandable."
"That doesn't make it okay, though," Fíli reminded her, blue eyes never leaving hers.
"No," she admitted. "But it does make it forgivable. You're my best friend. Life's too short to be wasted on arguing. So.. hug?" She spread her arms out wide and looked up at him with her best pleading expression.
His face finally broke free from the stern expression it had been set in for the past few days into a bright smile that lightened his eyes as he chuckled and swept her into a tight hug. "You never have to ask, Elena. I'm sorry that you feel you had to now," he whispered, burying his face in her hair while she buried her head in his neck.
"I haven't been doing enough asking, lately," she murmured, reluctantly releasing him and stepping back. "So I'm sorry for that, too."
Fíli smiled, glancing back the way they had come at the small figures of Óin and Bofur in the distance. "We should probably wait for them to catch up. We're almost to the mountain. And who knows what we'll find when we get there." He cast her a look.
Elena shrugged. "Sorry. Your guess is as good as mine right now. I'm not even sure how we're gonna get in. Unless maybe they've got someone keeping watch? I don't know."
Fíli nodded in acceptance. They waited in companionable silence for a minute before he spoke up again. "Elena? Can I ask you something? You don't have to answer if you don't want to." He waited until she nodded to continue. "I just... I just realized that I never really got to know what actually happened with Smaug. I made a lot of assumptions, but, and I mean this in a completely curious way, what were you thinking? Did you really think you could draw his attention, and that it would help?"
Elena shrugged, nudging a rock with her foot. "I made a few unfair assumptions myself. It was pretty basic, what actually happened, though. I mean, you and Celia are like ninety percent of my impulse control. I thought both of you were dead, I was mad, and wanted to hurt him, whatever it took. I wasn't trying to get eaten. I just wanted to stop him and the only way to do that was to line him up so that Bard could get a clear shot at him."
Fíli nodded. "I don't remember much after that beam fell on me. But I do remember seeing him avoiding the tower that had the wind lance on it. That, and something about how that was bad, because we needed it to shoot him, but there was no way Bard would have been able to line up a good shot. What you did, acting as a distraction and getting him into range was perhaps one of the only things you could have done. I just wish you hadn't had to risk your life to do it."
Elena shuddered, remembering flashing teeth and searing heat. "Same. I mean, I'm glad it turned out well this time, but that is something that I never, ever want to have to do again. And I give you full permission to call me stupid if I ever suggest something like that again. No more dragons for me!"
Fíli raised his eyebrows. "You'll get no argument from me. I got closer than I wanted to, and I don't know that I ever actually got to see him, just where he'd been and what he'd done. Vague shapes and shadows disappearing in a flicker of flame. To be honest, though, I was kind of having trouble seeing at that point, so..."
"So basically we're both idiots who have issues with dragons?"
Fíli nodded. "Sounds about right. Oh, and the elves. We also have issues with the elves."
A/N: Hey, all! Hope you all had a great Fourth of July!
I got a bit of bad news for you. :P Due to the craziness of this summer (where I work, it's insane) I'm going to have to shorten my updates for the month of July, and possibly part of August. I'll still be updating (probably very late) every Tuesday night, but the chapters themselves will be more between 3-4000 words, as opposed to the usual 4-5000 that I strive for. Hope that's okay with everyone, I wish I could go back to the longer chapters, but I quite honestly can't handle that right now. :/
And just in case it wasn't clear (I know it was a bit confuddled in the chapter): Elena and Fíli had a fight regarding what went down in Lake-town. Basically, w/o spoiling/repeating too much, she risked her life to help possibly defeat Smaug, and that upset Fíli. At the time of this chapter, they weren't really on speaking terms due to them both being stubborn idiots, just the occasional bickering. I think this might be what's referred to as angst with a happy ending. :/
Next chapter will probably be Elena POV as well.
And we're at 50 chapters! Thank you all so much to everyone who's joined me along the way, your support means so much to me!
Special thanks to everyone who's favorited and followed, and shout-out to PhoenixLordess, Outofthisworldgal, Tibblets, Omgwhyyyyy, Child of Dreams, Lady Silverstar2, and E for reviewing!
PhoenixLordess: Whaaat? I would never tease my readers... *shifty expression* Laurel's home, and she's gonna be busy, and it's gonna be great. :D (I'm currently accepting bets as to her reaction to Thranduil, and who she goes after first. lol.) Thanks for reviewing, and I hope you liked it! :)
Outofthisworldgal: No reunion yet this chapter either, unfortunately. :( I wanted to, but couldn't fit it in. Mama's home, though, and she is... let's just say there's going to be a big kerfluffle coming up very soon, lol. Thanks for reviewing, and I hope you liked it! :)
Tibblets: And ready to take care of some certain stubborn kings... ;D
Omgwhyyyyy: I am so looking forward to writing it, to be honest. It's coming up soon! :D
Child of Dreams: *Sulks* Fine. Use Dis against me. See if I care... Fíli and Elena are alive... but having issues... Whoops. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) What a shame. Looks like they're starting to patch it up, though... for now (Up next: Dragon sickness...) Thanks for reviewing, and I hope you liked it! :)
Lady Silverstar2: We've got Elena and Fíli now! (Celia and Kíli should be coming up soon with fluffy reunion!) And Laurel is coming... and I'm currently accepting bets as to who she goes after first. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) And there may be a bit of hinting at a baby in the future... maybe... ;D Thanks for reviewing, and I hope you liked it! :D
E: Laurel is coming, and mama bear mode is fully engaged. (Honestly, it's only gonna get worse for Thranduil/Thorin from here lol.) Thanks for reviewing, and I hope you liked it! :D
Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed! :)
General Disclaimer: I don't own the Hobbit, just Celia and Elena.
