CHAPTER 53
THE FIREFLY IN THE JAR
AKKO
Akko's eyes were burning and puffy from crying. She stared with blurred vision at the tiny words on page 362 of Modern Psychology, 9th ed, vaguely aware but also not caring about the tears that dripped from the corners of her eyes and smeared the text's ink with her own small, circular craters of sadness.
Diana was gone. That was all she could think about. With every breath, with every aching moment that she was awake and alive, all she could process was that Diana was gone.
Lotte had checked on her not long ago. She'd brought her a cup of green tea, made just the way Akko liked it, and a peanut butter and banana sandwich. The sandwich sat uneaten at the edge of her desk where Lotte had set it and the tea had long gone cold and untouched.
Akko peered down, the words of her loved ones a haunting echo that bit like the coldest winter air and froze inside her mind on repeat:
"We cannot stop the choices you make, but please do not involve us."
"I can't be with you."
DR. MURRAY BOWEN'S FAMILY SYSTEMS THEORY
The social and psychological definition of a family is that of a cohesive emotional unit that is made up of mutually agreed upon rules through interaction and culture. Each member of the family is expected to play a role that encompasses interaction that falls within the guidelines of those rules. Though the core function of the family may evolve over time and, with it, behavioral patterns, any behaviors that exist outside these rules can lead to a dysfunction within the family system.
Akko was the dysfunction. Her fingers gripped the pages, held them tight. She could feel the page tearing a little at the spine and she loosened her grip, but still her body quivered and stiffened with both sadness and confusion.
Family as a unit has a profound impact on each individual's emotional state of well-being—positive or negative. Likewise, the change of single individual will lead to a chain reaction within the family, ultimately affecting the emotional state and wellness of the family. Cooperation is the core function of any family: interdependence that promotes the physical, emotional, and psychological safety of each unit. However, the dissonance of a single family member will lead to an emotionally taxing environment. In most cases, this individual will take on a large portion of the family's emotional reactions.
Her mind went back to the day that Okaasan had violated her privacy, had outed her without consent and without her even being emotionally ready for the long road ahead. Her parents had chosen to suppress all feelings toward Akko's true nature: instead, they had let all of those negative emotions roll down, down onto her shoulders, down into the grave of what was once the daughter they had wanted.
Akko had not realized the weight she was carrying, had not realized that she was the result of compounded family expectations and emotions, of the consequences of broken tradition and shattered expectations.
Not until Diana.
Not until Diana… left.
THE EIGHT CONCEPTS OF FAMILY SYSTEMS THEORY
ONE: TRIANGLES
The most stable form of a family system is that of a triad. This offers the most effective way to shift tension, share emotion, and resolve conflict. However, during the event of a conflict without resolution, tension will continue to build and become a catalyst for a larger problem within the unit.
And, with the formation of a triangular system, there will inevitably be an odd person out. The two who connect more closely in value, or the "insiders" as we will refer them, will choose each other over the outlier—the "outsider".
And that was exactly what Akko was. The outsider.
"Atsuko?!"
With the familiar tone of Okaasan's voice, the lips against her own suddenly felt numb, foreign. Wrong. Akko struck out in a frenzy, her palms finding Diana's chest and sending the other girl flying backwards with a surprised grunt. She had lost herself in the moment, lost herself in Diana, and during that brief period of time had completely forgotten that her parents were arriving any moment.
Akko couldn't hide the guilt that flooded into a very red face as she turned slowly, inhaling a sharp breath as she let her eyes settle on Okaasan's surprised face. Okaasan had paled, almost as though she'd seen a ghost—and maybe she had, because Akko's brazen sexuality certainly did haunt her—and had frozen mid-stride in the hall as her eyes darted between both Akko and Diana.
Diana made some sort of humming noise. What it meant, Akko wasn't certain, though it sounded like a mixture of both shock and disturbed thought. Out of the corner of her eye, Akko could see her desperately trying to preen her wild hair. As someone who prided herself on her poise and presence, Diana had clearly found herself trapped in frenzied embarrassment with her current appearance.
But Akko ignored her. No, Diana may have been her entire world view moments ago, but now there was nothing but the stare Okaasan was giving her and the confusion that had etched across Otousan's face as he rounded the corner and found himself caught in the middle of the Cold War of Kagari.
"O-Okasaan," Akko finally managed to sputter, feeling every last bit of her usual stoicism pooling into a useless puddle on the brazenly obnoxious hotel hall carpet. She mustered what she hoped was a halfway poised bow as she let her eyes drift to the frilled collar of Okaasan's shirt, feeling her nostrils flare in nervous anxiety.
Otousan glanced between the three women, dark eyebrows stitching in confusion. Though the air was thick with nervous energy, he simply rolled his shoulders in a shrug and flashed a warm smile at both Akko and Diana. "Atsuko. It's wonderful to see you." He stepped to Okaasan's side, glancing curiously at his flustered and rather annoyed looking wife before addressing Akko once more. "And who is—"
"Sumimasen," Akko blurted, bowing once again before taking a meek step backwards. She shot a worried look at Diana, who looked as though she would rather be involved in a deep and emotional conversation with Amanda than standing where she was at that very moment. "This is—this is, uh—my, uh—"
The blonde cleared her throat, taking a bold step forward and extending her hand with what Akko read as forced confidence. "Diana Cavendish," she stated, blue eyes finding the bright red of Otousan's as she tensed her jaw and stiffened her arm.
"Yes!" Akko said quickly, feeling the muscles of her face twisting wildly as she tried to recover. "This is my Diana Cavendish! I mean, uh, Diana! Just Diana. Diana Cavendish."
Otousan chuckled, taking Diana's offered hand and bowing respectfully.
And with this came the panicked realization that Diana did not know Japanese customs and, desperately wanting her to make a good first impression with at least Otousan, she furiously whispered "Bow!" out of the corner of her mouth.
Leading Diana to make a startled jolt of a bow that was far too deep, far too awkward, and so unnatural that Akko cringed and covered her face with her palm.
"Never bow again," she groaned, hoping against all hope that her parents wouldn't get upset.
But Otousan did nothing but laugh again, letting his hand linger in Diana's for a moment before finally stepping back to Okaasan's side. "A pleasure, Atsuko's Diana Cavendish."
Okaasan merely bowed. A stilted, hesitant bow that left Akko reeling with panic all over again. Her eyes ran over Diana's attire with a stare that was very much judgmental. She said nothing.
"Is Diana-san to join?" Otousan asked.
Akko just stared. Blinked. "Join what?"
"For our meal," Otousan said, cocking his head to the side in the same confused, questioning way that Akko had learned to copy on the daily.
Okaasan's dark eyes narrowed as she turned to Otousan, the corners of her mouth wrinkling with a frown. "We made reservations for only three," she mumbled in Japanese.
Akko felt her anger flare. Okaasan, though not as fluent as Akko or her world-traveling father, knew plenty of English to communicate effectively in a predominantly English speaking society. And, yet, here, she chose Japanese. Not out of nature, not out of comfort, but out of complete disrespect for the British girl standing in front of them. She didn't want Diana to hear her disapproval, and so she took what Akko considered the coward's way out and hid beneath the shroud of linguistics.
"I'm sure the establishment will make accommodations." His tone revealed no room for argument and Okaasan knew and, with a submissive dip of her chin, offered a whispered response that Akko couldn't quite make out.
Diana shot a panicked look at Akko. "I'm not exactly dressed for that," she whispered behind her hand, blue eyes flashing with worry. And, well, Akko couldn't disagree. She was wearing sweatpants that Akko's hands had been in numerous times and a rather old looking sweatshirt. Though Akko wasn't sure where they were going, she was positive Diana was under-dressed for the occasion.
"You look fine," Akko lied, hoping that the look on her face didn't give her away. It clearly did, because Diana's lips dipped into a deep frown.
"Diana-san," Otousan interrupted, offering a hopeful smile that Akko was very much grateful for. "Will you join us?" He checked his watch. "We're growing rather close to our reservation time."
"I'd—" Diana hesitated, glancing down at her clothing, at the bag on her shoulder that most definitely held nicer clothing. She swallowed deeply, and if Akko could see through the skin and flesh of her throat she was sure she would have watched the pride that disappeared along with it, and said, "I'd love to."
TWO: DIFFERENTIATION OF SELF
Within the family unit, each person is unique in that they maintain individual personality traits and differ in their susceptibility to be influenced by others. Those with a lesser sense of self will fall victim to what is referred to "group think mentality" and are more likely to be influenced into ways of thinking that they feel are superior.
An individual with a stronger sense of self will be less easily influenced by others. However, the development of individual sense of self is strongly dependent on family relationships, most significantly during childhood and adolescence.
The emotional state of the family is strongly based on the differentiation of self of each family member. If a family is more emotionally interdependent, be it based on society or culture, the differentiation of self will be weaker.
The issue arises when the family is so interdependent that when an individual develops a strong differentiation of self, the family is unable to adapt and the emotional state of the family is affected negatively.
Akko knew that she came from a traditional culture, one that changed little through the years as far as family structure. She knew that her culture was strict, was averse to change, and wasn't accepting to those who broke away. People like her. People who weren't attracted to what society was telling her to be attracted to. No, she was supposed to meet a nice Japanese man, to raise a nice Japanese family, to adhere to the traditions that had been passed down through generations.
She was not supposed to love a girl. Especially a girl from another culture entirely, someone who would break her away from the firm grasp of her family's expectations.
Her finger paused on the last line.
the family is unable to adapt and the emotional state of the family is affected negatively
She was doing nothing but damage. She was tearing her family apart, even though she didn't mean to. Even though she didn't want to.
And maybe that's why Diana had ended things. Maybe she didn't want to be with someone who was a catalyst for destruction, somebody who was bound by strict culture and unrealistic expectations. Maybe she wanted to be with someone easier, someone who came from a society that was understanding, that was accepting.
Akko had thought that Diana had complimented her in every way possible. That their relationship would be something solid, something that she could hold onto and count on in the way that she couldn't with her nuclear family.
But maybe Diana had seen it another way. Maybe Akko's differentiation of self was just like it was with her family—destructive. An outsider who caused nothing but pain.
Maybe Diana had thought she was wrong, too.
Diana was visibly uncomfortable, squirming in her chair at Akko's side as she struggled to maintain her poise and confidence in front of Okaasan and Otousan. Otousan had been engaging—after all, he was familiar with western culture and Akko had definitely gotten her easy-going attitude from him—but Okaasan had been nothing but cold and silent as she hid beneath the shadow of what she had seen.
Otousan had made reservations for what he had heard was one of the more authentic Japanese sushi restaurants in Glasgow. Having been in Europe for a few months now, Akko knew that nothing would compare to what was actually in Japan, but her parents wouldn't complain. It was supposed to be a nice evening for just the three of them, a reunion of sorts since the whole family had gathered in Glasgow for the International Mounted Games competition.
Except Diana was there and things were, well, awkward.
Very awkward.
"So, Diana-san," Otousan began after he had received his sake (which Okaasan also ordered—Diana simply got a glass of wine and Akko a Sapporo). He lifted the small ceramic cup to his mouth and took a small sip, nodding his approval. "Do you also attend Luna Nova?"
"I do," Diana replied. She swiped a strand of hair behind her ear, smiling in that charming way that Akko had come to recognize she used only for strangers or people whose respect she needed. "I'm pursuing Veterinary Sciences."
If Otousan and Okaasan were horse people, they would have immediately recognized the name Cavendish as being the most prominent Veterinary business in all of Europe and, with contention, globally. But they weren't—in most cases they couldn't tell Chariot's head from her ass, and that was being generous—and so they had little implication of the importance of the underdressed British girl sitting in front of them.
Beneath the table, Akko gently pressed her pinky finger to Diana's knee. A slight movement that wouldn't be seen by her parents. It was a fleeting contact, only to say, "You're doing fine, really," though she was completely caught off guard when Diana seized her hand and threaded their fingers together.
Akko took a sharp breath and grabbed her tallboy of Sapporo, tipping it back to take a long gulp and hopefully shield the heat that had flared into her face.
"Atsuko, do not be gluttonous," Okaasan scolded, her eyes narrowing in distaste. Akko slowly lowered her beer, frowning as she found her porcelain chopsticks and studied them very closely while Otousan continued to engage with Diana.
"So I'm assuming you ride as well?" he asked.
Diana nodded. "Hunter/Jumpers."
Akko knew very well that neither Otousan nor Okaasan knew what Hunter/Jumpers was, so she leapt in quickly with an explanation. "It's jumping," she clarified. "But doing it pretty."
Diana chuckled. It was the first sign of relaxation she had shown that night. Akko made a move to try to tug her hand away, but Diana's grip tightened. Maybe she was using Akko to ground her? Akko wasn't sure, but she was very aware of Okaasan studying every movement that each of them made.
"That's a simple way of describing it," Diana said. "Though Akko is correct."
"Atsuko," Okaasan said. Three pairs of eyes found the smaller Japanese woman, who was looking at Diana with something that could only be described as displeasure. "Her name is Atsuko."
"Everyone here calls me Akko," Akko muttered. "So—"
But where Akko wasn't about to hold her temper back, Diana was. So, with nothing more than a respectful smile and a nod, she said, "Atsuko was correct in her description."
Akko rolled her eyes and brought her beer back to her lips and drank, closing her eyes and wishing that she was somewhere, anywhere else.
Akko knew that all families had problems. Even the most perfect of families had gone through issues, had overcome and left them in the past where they belonged. But, in the Kagari's case, the problem was the past and the present because it still wasn't being addressed. It was the skeleton buried deep in their closet and that skeleton was who Akko was. That skeleton was the person who had bared their true self to people who turned their heads, who locked her away, who dismissed the very possibility that she ever existed.
THREE: NUCLEAR FAMILY EMOTIONAL PROCESS
Akko skimmed through the text, the tears anew in her eyes as she thought about how she had failed her family. She had brought them pain, had brought them discomfort, had ruined the perfect family that they were supposed to be.
Emotional Distance is an act of dissonance that occurs through a number of processes and factors that are present within the family unit. To avoid tension and stress, certain family members will actively ignore the source of the issue to reduce intensity of emotions. Emotional distance will inhibit the outsider's differentiation of self.
And there was the foundation of her glass closet, the place in which she had resided for so long and come to think of as right. It was a temperance to her wrongness, the only way her family knew how to cope with a child who had disappointed them in a way that brought dishonor to the family. The four walls that surrounded her had become home, walls that served as windows that she peered through from the different lenses that had been given to her:
GUILT
SHAME
SADNESS
LONELINESS
And she felt them all now. She felt every last one of them and her fists clenched over the textbook, a sob racked through her shoulders. Her family had spelled out every emotion for her but now she felt them all over again with Diana. The guilt and shame of failing in a way that she couldn't distinguish. The sadness of facing rejection once more.
And loneliness.
Oh, kuso, the loneliness.
It was all-encompassing. It was suffocating. And it bore down on her so hard that a fresh tear fell once more onto the page, onto the one word that resonated over and over and over again:
OUTSIDER.
Akko was so, so grateful that Diana knew how to properly use chopsticks. Though, why wouldn't she? She was cultured, she was self-aware. She did everything to the best of her abilities and, honestly, there was no doubt in Akko's mind that Diana had prepared for this exact occasion. Of course, Diana probably didn't think she'd be in sweatpants and get caught kissing the Kagari's daughter in public, but… well, that was all just the result of unfortunate circumstances.
Diana was fidgeting nervously as she delicately scooped a smaller piece of sashimi into her mouth. Okaasan was watching her every move—judging, no doubt—and barely focusing on her own bowl of sukiyaki. It was as though she was searching for a slip, for a miscalculated movement, for something that would place the quiet and respectful British girl into the box of disapproval.
"You ride this Jumper," Okaasan said pointedly, taking a tiny sip of still steaming sake and disregarding her meal entirely. "Why are you here to watch Atsuko?"
"Oh." Diana straightened, lowering the hand that held the chopsticks and squirming in a very minute way that only Akko was aware of. Blue eyes slid over, meeting Akko's with a question and, above all else, Akko hoped she could read the answer.
She could. She could because Diana knew her well.
"Much of Luna Nova is here to watch the competition," she replied, as confident as ever as she poked at another piece of sashimi. "The Mounted Games team is a rather important addition to our equestrian sports. Besides, Akko—Atsuko—is a very close friend of mine."
Okaasan nodded. It was slow, thoughtful. "Very close, yes?"
Diana's cheeks flushed. She set down her chopsticks and picked up her glass of wine, sipping in avoidance as she nudged Akko's knee with hers. A plea for saving.
Akko had just shoved a large piece of eel into her mouth but she cut in anyway, mid-chew, with a, "Yes. We are very close."
Okaasan hummed thoughtfully. Thankfully, Otousan came to the rescue with a, "So, Atsuko, how are you feeling about the competition tomorrow? Your team has been doing well, we've heard."
Akko sank a little deeper in her wooden chair, relieved to turn her attention away from the accusatory eyes of Okaasan, and regarded Otousan with a cocked half-smile that she hoped expressed the level of gratitude in which she felt. "I feel alright about it," she replied, shoveling nigiri into her mouth and following it with a swallow of Sapporo. "Hopefully we do well. I'll be proud of the team regardless."
But then, with a single sentence that would have been benign, that should have just fallen by the wayside, all built up confidence fell away:
"How's your wrist feeling?" Diana asked. She regarded Akko with a hopeful, comforting smile.
And yet it brought no comfort.
"Sumimasen," Okaasan blurted, her head shooting up from where she'd finally begun to nibble at her meal. "What is wrong with your wrist, Atsuko?"
Kuso.
There was a time when Akko got along well with Okaasan. In fact, Okaasan embodied everything that Akko wanted to be: a strong, confident woman who got along well with her husband and her family, both nuclear and in-laws. She was never afraid to step up to a challenge, be it bartering for a better price for fish at the market or mastering a hobby that she had discovered an interest in. Okaasan was independent and not submissive, she was a partner to Otousan and a friend to Akko.
She was a pillar of support.
She was a beacon of hope, somebody who Akko looked up to.
But then came the incident, the coming out, and the relationship between Okaasan and Akko was never the same again. The house became like a new world, territory foreign and volatile, with the only neutral ground being the surface conversations over meals or the times when Akko was at ease on Chariot's back and thinking nothing of her own problems.
Chariot replaced Okaasan. With Chariot, Akko could be anybody and Chariot didn't care so long as she was treated with respect and had food in her belly and water in her trough. Chariot rebuilt the pillar that had collapsed with Okaasan's love.
FOUR: FAMILY PROJECTION PROCESS
In stressful situations, parents will project their emotions onto their children. Many different aspects of parents are inherited by children, though the most impactful situation in any familial relationship is the strong desire for approval or the feeling of responsibility for another family member's happiness.
Akko had not come out willingly, that much was certain. And, at the time, she was unsure when she would come out, if ever, because the entire situation was unpredictable and scary. It kept her up at night, it brought her anxiety attacks throughout the day. It was like experiencing her worst fear on repeat and she never knew when it would come to an end.
But it did. Because of Okaasan.
And in that crucial moment of time, when Akko desperately needed that approval from her parents, that confirmation of unconditional love, she found her hands empty. The love had slipped through her fingers like liquid and pooled in a dark place where it stayed, where it lingered. Seen but untouched, desired but protected by a wall of rejection.
Akko had failed Okaasan and Otousan. Though unintentional, though natural as the western societies were starting to realize, she had revealed herself to be the daughter they never wished they had. And it was like they lost her altogether, like Akko had never been born or maybe she had but she just wasn't there anymore. She was the family ghost, the phantom who rattled chains and whispered unintelligible words in the shadows of her parents in the only ways she knew to get noticed, to show that she was still there, that her heart still beat and her blood still pulsed and her brain still functioned only she was different in a way that had no effect on them whatsoever—
Except it did. It did, and Akko was responsible.
She could read no more. She could take no more. The crushing reality of who she was and of who she lost was too much to bear, and with a lurch of a sob she slammed her textbook shut and crawled deep under the covers, hoping for sleep to take her away to a place where feelings were inconsequential.
"I sprained it," Akko said quickly, shooting Diana a wide-eyed glare. Diana shrank back with the sudden realization that what she had said was wrong, adding a quirked eyebrow that definitely said, "We'll discuss this later."
"Sprained?" Okaasan turned to look at Otousan, who clarified for her.
"It's a minor injury that will certainly not impact her riding this weekend," Otousan said, placing a gentle hand on his wife's wrist—which had frozen mid-reach for a bit of beef—and offered a reassuring smile. "Besides, Atsuko wouldn't be here riding if she thought it would bring her harm. Right, Atsuko?"
Mid-swig of beer to avoid having to give away the guilty expression that had overtaken her face, Akko went to swallow while at the same time saying, "Right," which just came out as a garbled choke as she launched into a fit of coughing. Diana's hand quickly found her back and patted gently, her other hand reaching for a glass of water which Akko gratefully took and began to chug.
"Her wrist is fine," Diana spoke for her, rubbing between Akko's shoulder blades as she spoke. "She was cleared by the doctor just last week to ensure she was ready for the competition."
There was something in Diana's eyes that was usually only there when Diana knew something and was trying to prompt the wheels of Akko's mind to pick up on it. But she couldn't, and so instead she just nodded and said, "Yeah. I'm good to go."
And, as the words left her mouth, she realized she was lying to all of them—to her parents, to Diana—and the sinking feeling of failure once again flooded through her. She glanced down at her wrist, flexed her hand and watched the tendons bulge and then disappear once again beneath her skin.
Whatever happened would be her fault. She was risking her own safety for her parents' approval in one last ditch effort to be worth something to them, and if she failed… well, she could only hold one person responsible.
And that was herself, as it always was.
"Hey, you alright? You've been quiet for a while."
Akko glanced up from where she was half sprawled across her desk, feeling her stomach lurch with nausea at having to move. Avery's worried gaze could barely be seen above the lip of her laptop and she dug her heels into the messy sheets to push herself up a little farther. She chuckled and added, "Man, you really don't look so hot."
"I'm fine," Akko replied. She wasn't. Her mouth was watering and she knew that there would soon be another visit to the washroom to try to expel whatever the Canadian had put inside her the night before. "I'm just taking a break from writing for a little. "Thinking hurts."
Avery cocked an eyebrow and nodded slowly. "So the great Akko Kagari is capable of thought. No worries, your secret is safe with me."
"Shut up," Akko groaned. She didn't have the capacity to start bantering with Avery—the girl thought she was the wittiest person on the planet and would keep going if she was allowed—and so she turned back to the textbook spread out beneath her barely supporting arms.
She longed for her mother's sencha. Anytime she had an upset stomach, Okaasan would make her a streaming mug and Akko would sip it slowly while Okaasan gently rubbed her back. She didn't know if it was the tea, the attention, or maybe it was just some sort of placebo effect. Either way, she missed it.
Her eyes hurt. Her head spun. But she read anyway because Family Systems Theory was on their study sheet for the upcoming final and she could barely remember any of it.
FIVE: EMOTIONAL CUTOFF
Unresolved problems within the family will result in emotional cutoff, where family members become emotionally distant. This usually results in a single family member, most commonly the 'outsider', choosing to either move far away from the home or instead remain close but purposefully avoid sensitive topics with other family members.
This often leads to unresolved attachment issues and will cause tension within the familial relationships.
Akko's decision to go to Luna Nova was primarily based on her idealization of the school that Chariot du Nord and other prominent equestrians attended. It was a place she could go and be around others who shared her passion of horses and riding. But she would be lying if she didn't also consider the chance to escape the traditional constraints of her own family, to embrace western culture where somebody like her was more socially accepted. In England, she would be free of the watchful eyes of Okaasan and Otousan.
In England, she wouldn't be an outsider any longer. She could just be Akko.
"Yo, Akko."
Akko raised her head again, squeezing her eyes shut as she felt the bile rise in her throat.
"That girl of yours text back yet, or what?"
She started to open her mouth to respond, but the lurch in her stomach told her that something was about to come out—and it wasn't words. So, instead of answering, Akko made a lunge for the washroom and decided she would most definitely get that tea recipe from Okaasan.
After all, that would be a benign enough conversation.
"How has school been going? Have your marks been well?"
Akko narrowed her eyes at Okaasan from across the table, vaguely aware of Diana's attempt to remain neutral with the language switch. Okaasan had spoken in Japanese, which made no sense. Sure, if it was just the three of them, it would have been perfectly reasonable. But Diana was there and, though Okaasan wasn't quite as fluent as she could have been, she could muster a decently complicated English conversation.
"They've been alright," Akko replied in English, pointedly stressing each syllable as she glowered at her mother before adding, while staring her directly in the eyes (which she knew intimidated Okaasan), "Diana has helped me study and get my grades up."
Diana looked away, finding a couple at the bar who had been on the most awkward first date of all time for the duration of their meal, and took a long sip of her wine. Akko found her knee and squeezed. An attempt at reassurance, a wordless, "It's alright, I promise," that she hoped she was able to communicate. Diana's timid smile told her it worked.
"It might be best to speak English, considering our guest," Otousan murmured, his index finger running around the rim of his ceramic cup. Akko knew Okaasan wouldn't listen.
"You are able to do just fine on your own. You do not need this girl," Okaasan replied. Japanese. Again. There was a glimmer of something that Akko had only seen twice before. The first time being when Akko was nine and had tried to climb up the mahogany hoosier and subsequently fallen and shattered a good portion of her mother's finest porcelain dishware. The second was when she sat across the table from Okaasan and Otousan as the conversation about her sexuality had dissipated into nothing more than drifting molecules of reality.
It was the moment that Akko became two people: the daughter her parents wanted her to be, and the Akko that had become a firefly trapped in a jar, the lid tightened by Okaasan's hands.
"Diana is amazing," Akko countered, trying to round out the edges of sharpness in her voice but failing miserably. She wasn't the type to be able to conceal how she felt and now was no exception. "She's ridiculously smart and has helped me with my studies and so much more since I've come to Luna Nova. And you're right, I might not need her. But I want her. I want her because—" Akko took a sharp breath that made her head feel light, "—because she's my girlfriend."
The light inside had been there and it had been the entire time. But there was nobody to see it because she wasn't allowed to show it until she got away, until she disconnected from the people who were holding her back, until she broke away from Okaasan's expectations of who she should be-
Until she met Diana.
Until she met the girl who turned slowly and gazed at her with affection swimming in those blue eyes.
Until she met the girl who took Akko's hand beneath the table and held tight as though she never wanted to let go. And Akko hoped that was true,
because she didn't want to let go, either.
Why had she even chosen to use the green ones? They were disgusting.
Akko warily eyed the Skittle that she'd taped to the corner of the index card and sighed. In all honesty, she should have tossed them all out. Or probably given them to Sucy. Akko was certain that Sucy probably liked the least desirable flavor of Skittles. Besides, if you shoved too many in your mouth at once, spit the color of slime leaked out of your mouth. Not that Akko had ever tried that.
Okay, maybe once. But Sucy probably would have liked it!
She turned in her chair, red eyes falling on the peacefully sleeping girl in her bed. She was still fully clothed, curled up into a fetal position with her face half buried into Akko's favorite pillow, the one with the Totoro slip. Her blonde hair was like an explosion over the side of her face and shoulder. Diana had been asleep for at least an hour and had shown no signs of even stirring. Her breath was slow, peaceful. Relaxed.
Akko turned back to the slightly bent index card in her hand and read.
SIX: SIBLING POSITION
Siblings in the family unit can create a unique dynamic, especially in the case that they are extremely different from each other as a result of differentiation. This can result in issues as one sibling will usually adapt to family expectations in regard to behavior and personality, whereas the other sibling may differ greatly. In many cases, the older sibling will present as the archetype for the desired child. Therefore, if a younger sibling strays from what is considered acceptable, this can cause discord in the family unit.
Akko was an only child until the day she came out. It wasn't until then that she had somebody to compete with, somebody who she could never be as hard as she tried:
Herself. Well, herself in her parents' eyes.
It was from that day on that she lived in the shadow of who she was expected to be. She had forced the other part of her deep within and had put the same shoes on that she'd worn the day but now they didn't fit, now they weren't comfortable, now they belonged to someone else.
Those shoes belonged to Atsuko Kagari. Mediocre at best, but positive and… well, a daughter that her parents wouldn't be embarrassed about.
And so she became a younger sibling to herself, to the person she was supposed to be, and all in a day the dissonance between who she had to be and who she wanted to be began to tear her apart until every night she fell into her bed and begged for a chance to just live, to just be free.
Akko untaped the Skittle from the corner of the index card and shoved it into her mouth. Her lips curled in disgust as she gnashed down on the candy, chewing slowly as she scanned the words she'd written once more. She swallowed hard and took a swig of water, a shiver running through her arms as the cold water washed away the taste. Sucy must have cranked down the A.C. without bothering to ask again.
She pushed away from her desk, snagging the hooded sweatshirt off the back of her chair and pulling it on. Again, her gaze fell to Diana. She hadn't hardly moved, save for the hand that had slid underneath the pillow and the legs that had curled in a little tighter.
Maybe she was cold, too.
Akko silently crept forward, pulling her favorite fleece blanket from where it was strung halfway off the bed, and covered Diana's body up to her neck. She gently tucked it in around her, making a warm cocoon just like Okaasan used to do for her when she was younger.
Diana's eyes flickered wearily open, her mouth parting slightly as if she wanted to say something but was far too sleepy.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you," Akko whispered. She rested her palm on Diana's shoulder and smiled. "Go back to sleep."
Diana hummed a weak acknowledgment and, in a matter of moments, had drifted back off to sleep.
Akko sat back down at her desk and stared at the thick stack of cards that remained, cocking her head to the side to see just how many green Skittles were left. Too many. She sighed and started to pick up the next but was distracted by movement outside her window.
Amanda, Hannah, Cons, and Jasminka were strolling down the path closest to her dorm building, the one that led to the Chariot fountain. They were all laughing. Except Amanda, who wore a cocky smirk, which meant she was likely the source of the laughter.
Akko's gaze fell, ran down the side of the American's body, following the arm that was snaked comfortably around Hannah's waist. The shorter girl leaned in and rested her head against Amanda's shoulder, her lips still spread in a wide smile.
Akko couldn't help but smile, too.
This was where she belonged, where she felt at home. Where she could be herself. Sure, everything wasn't ideal. Everything was confusing and hard and emotionally taxing.
But there was one thing Akko knew for sure: she would rather be heartbroken over a girl than never have the chance to love one at all.
Okaasan was still giving Akko that same stare, the one that told her that she had done something seriously distressing and would absolutely be feeling wrath—the silent kind, the worst kind—without debate.
"Well, it certainly is nice to meet you," Otousan said, nodding as he raised his sake cup as if to cheer before taking a long sip. He shifted uncomfortably in his seat, bowing his head respectfully and uttering a quiet thank you to the server when she came to clear the plates away. Except for Okaasan's… since hers was barely touched.
"You, as well," Diana replied with a warm smile. Akko briefly wondered how anybody could fail to be charmed by Diana Cavendish. She was well-spoken and friendly with first meetings and was certainly capable of making good first impressions when it mattered most.
But then she looked back at a very displeased Okaasan and realized that not everybody could be swayed. Especially when the shredded remains of a core value were being dangled before her.
"This is the girlfriend I told you about," Akko said, tilting her chin up in faux confidence as she let her hand lift from Diana's to instead place on her shoulder. "She actually surprised me by coming up here to watch, so I'm excited you actually get to meet her."
"Wow." Otousan's heavy eyebrows flicked up. "That was a very kind surprise."
But Okaasan could not be moved. No, she was a statue of a woman who would not be pushed over. "Atsuko," she started, lifting her napkin from her lap and folding it delicately. Fold after fold, crease after crease. She stared down at the material in her hand as she spoke on in her native language. "I believe it is highly inappropriate to be having this discussion in public. I also do not think that it was right for you to bring this on us so suddenly and at such an important event. The girl is nice, but I am sure you both can find equally nice boys."
Akko felt herself losing her temper. She squirmed in her chair and glanced around the full restaurant, trying very hard to keep her voice level and force away the nervous quiver that she could sense working its way into her tone. "Okaasan, this isn't sudden. You've known about this for years. It's not my fault you choose not to acknowledge this. Us."
Diana had settled back in her chair, her fingers nervously twisting in her lap as she watched the Japanese-English war that was going on next to her. Akko knew that she wouldn't be able to understand what Okaasan was saying, but she would certainly have her girlfriend know what she was saying. Okaasan could hide behind a wall of Japanese all she wanted to, but Akko would just kick holes in it like a very angry and very heavily shod draft.
"I'm gay, Okaasan. This is no surprise. Diana is my girlfriend and, yes, I'm sure we could find nice boys, especially her, because, hot damn," Akko glanced at Diana, whose eyes had widened a little bit in that "Not now, Akko!" kind of way, before clearing her throat and continuing. "But we don't want boys. We work well together and it would be really great if you could just support—"
Otousan had raised his hand. A warning to settle down, to lower volume and cease the argument before it got too heated. But it was too late, because the English that flared from Okaasan's mouth was like dynamite thrown onto the table with a lit fuse.
"I will not support any of this, and I will not support you."
"Biscuit," Akko whined as the little calico kitten pounced onto her textbook for what seemed like the thousandth time. "I'm trying to study!"
The kitten flopped over onto her back, squirming against the spine of Akko's book as her tiny paws batted at the strands of brunette that dangled just inches away.
"Aw, she just wants to play." Amanda snatched Biscuit up into her arms and cooed as she dug her fingers into the little cat's stomach. "Ouch! Claws! What did we discuss about the claws?"
The kitten was then unceremoniously dropped to the carpet where she let out a series of squeaks and went streaking off into the kitchen.
"How's it goin'?" Amanda asked as she threw herself onto the couch. She kicked her socked feet into Akko's thighs and folded her arms behind her head, grinning in a way that made Akko think that she was up to something. Though, it was kind of just her smile. Though, she was also always up to something. So, honestly, it was a toss up.
"I'm trying to study," Akko moaned, tilting her head back with an exasperated sigh. "But between you and Biscuit I can't get anything done!"
"Well, you said you'd come over and hang out," Amanda whined. "I don't want to sit here and watch you stare at that book and Biscuit's not very good conversation. Besides, I can't be anywhere on the other side of the flat anymore, she lit up the litterbox something awful."
"I said if I could study," Akko reminded her. She turned her attention back down to her Modern Psychology textbook. "Just give me, like, fifteen, alright? Then I promise we can do something for a little bit."
Amanda groaned, rolling off the side of the couch with a thud and then pulling herself up as if it took the most amount of effort she could possibly give. "Fine," she grumbled. "Fifteen minutes. Clock starts now."
Akko rolled her eyes, finding the paragraph that her thumb had held. She would have to re-read the entire thing—Biscuit had distracted her too much. And, well, Amanda, too.
SEVEN: MULTIGENERATIONAL TRANSMISSION PROCESS
Oh. Akko remembered this one. Well, sort of. Red Skittle, maybe? Or was it purple?
The multigenerational transmission processes encompass the small difference that take place over generations within family units. These changes, to include both relationships in the family and the change of society over the years, all works to create the "self" that a person best identifies with.
Different generations within the nuclear family may have extremely different lifestyles, which, depending on the culture and society the family is part of, can create core issues that may go unresolved.
Akko yawned and let the book fall back down in her lap.
"Yo, Akko! Fifteen's up. Power hour starts now—get in here!"
She needed to study. But, kuso, Psychology was boring. So Akko happily slammed the textbook shut, tossed it unceremoniously onto the couch, and went to join her friend in shenanigans that would likely get her into trouble with Diana.
(Spoiler alert: they did)
"I'm not asking you to accept it," Akko blurted. She found Diana's hand again and squeezed hard, as though grounding herself to keep from doing anything stupid. Not that she would—Akko didn't have much of a temper and was about as violent as a slug covered in salt—but she knew that Diana's touch would at least help her calm down a little. "I'm just asking you to love me. As your daughter. And, kuso, Okaasan, that shouldn't be something I should have to ask."
Tears were starting to well in her eyes and she fought them back. No, she would not give Okaasan the satisfaction of becoming too emotional.
"Akko…" Diana started hesitantly, gently squeezing Akko's sweaty palm back. "Maybe it would be better to have this conversation another time? This is becoming a scene."
Otousan nodded in agreement. "Diana-san is right. Let's just finish our meal in peace."
"No, that's a truckload of bullshit!" Akko seethed. She wasn't one for swearing but damn if one of Amanda's lines hadn't slipped right out of her mouth. "You two have been avoiding this forever. I'm not asking much. It's not like I'm into drugs or failing at college-" debatably, of course, "or off killing people in the streets! I just happen to like—no, love—somebody who is the same sex. It's 2018, it's not the Neolithic period and I'm not throwing stones at Purza-whatski horses to figure out which ones are worthy of living!"
Diana wheezed in an attempt to hold back a poorly timed laugh.
Otouson chimed in with, "Atsuko, that kind of language is absolutely detestable and—"
"No, but it is still not acceptable!" Okaasan shot back, cutting Otousan off completely. She was trying to keep her voice lowered—something that Akko had started to attempt but had long since abandoned—in an effort to maintain some air of dignity. But it didn't matter. People were starting to look. The server came by, clearly uncomfortable, and handed Otousan the check without bothering to see if they wanted anything more.
In a long swig, Diana downed the rest of her wine and looked down, as though she was trying to teleport away from the situation and away from Glasgow period. For a fleeting moment, Akko felt terrible that her girlfriend had flown in to surprise her only to experience... well, this.
But Akko was actually glad to have Diana at her side. It gave her strength, gave her the confidence to push forward and finally confront the tension that had separated her family for so long.
It was time to finally confront her parents with the person she was.
Akko let out a long yawn, slinking down beneath the sheets and sliding her bare leg over Diana's. "You know," Akko said, "It's really hard to concentrate on studying when you're lying here naked next to me." A devious smirk slid across her lips as she dropped the book onto her stomach and snaked a hand over her girlfriend's chest. "I'd rather do a little touchy touchy than a lot of study study."
"Akko," Diana hissed, swatting Akko's hand away but grinning nonetheless. "I swear, you're insatiable. I don't think I can go again tonight."
"But you look so sexy with those glasses on." Akko smirked and ran the back of her fingers down Diana's cheek. "Like… mmph. Librarian kinda hot. Tell me, have you ever had any fantasies about scissoring on top of a bunch of historical fiction?"
Diana's cheeks flared a bright red as she dropped her own book-one which Akko caught the glimpse of a bloody mess along with the words, "rectovaginal," and, "breeched"-and covered her face with her hands. "I don't even know what to address first with what you just said. First, please never refer to our sex life as scissoring-ever, for the love of God-and, no, I have not ever considered doing anything of the sort. That would be highly uncomfortable, not to mention extremely disrespectful to the authors and the literary works themselves-"
"Oh, hush up. I'm joking." Akko flopped onto her side, letting her head fall onto Diana's shoulder as she let out a heavy sigh. "I'm tired, too. I just really don't feel like studying anymore. It's hard to remember and I'd rather just cuddle."
"We are cuddling," Diana pointed out. Because, well, they were. Diana's arm had been wrapped around Akko's shoulders, holding her in as close as their bodies could get while they reviewed their respective material. Akko's being family psychology, Diana's being… well, decimated horse vaginas. "We just happen to be doing schoolwork at the same time. I know it's a lot to memorize, but the more you look over it, the more it'll stick."
"It's just…" Akko frowned, pressing her lips against Diana's protruding collarbone in thought before nuzzling into her neck. "It's just I find it easier to associate what I'm learning with particular things. Like the Skittles, remember?"
"That was disgusting."
"But it worked. See this part of the theory here?" Akko pointed at SIX: SIBLING POSITION. "Apple flavored Skittle. You know how I remember that? Because if I had a little sister, I'd make her eat all the stupid Apple Skittles because they're disgusting and the older sibling decides how things should be done."
"And a little brother?"
Akko shrugged. "He can share the good ones. Boys aren't as annoying as girls."
"I see." Diana shifted her glasses higher on the bridge of her nose and lifted her own book back up. "So eat a Skittle."
"But you don't have any Skittles." Akko huffed, and, when met with no response, straightened once again and settled against Diana as she raised her textbook once more. The words seemed to blur together, a never-ending smudge of black text that just wouldn't settle into her mind.
Diana had flipped her page three more times and had moved on to postpartum care-thankfully with nicer images, like freshly born foals and quietly resting mares-when she looked back over at Akko. "You're not asleep, are you?"
"No," Akko admitted, though she wished she was. She had read the same line over and over again. "I just can't seem to focus."
Diana lowered her book. She was still for a long moment, as though an intense debate was going on in her own mind, before shutting her own text and rolling away from Akko. Her arm stretched beneath Akko's neck as she fumbled for the drawer of her nightstand and began searching through.
"Um, what are you doing?" Akko asked. "You're not getting the vibe, right? You said we were done and I really was joking."
Diana pulled her arm out from underneath Akko and sat up, leaning against the headboard and rolling her eyes theatrically. "Your mind is constantly in one place, Akko Kagari. You said you learn better when you associate things, right?"
"Well, yeah, but I don't really want to get turned on while-"
"Akko!" Diana scolded, blushing. She nudged her leg against Akko's in emphasis. "I sincerely hope this doesn't turn you on in any way. If it does, I'll be severely disturbed. Now can you please hand me your book and point to what you're trying to get through? Quickly. Before I change my mind."
Akko narrowed her eyes, confused, but shoved the open book into Diana's lap and pointed to the same paragraph she'd been trying to read for the better part of twenty minutes.
Diana raised a hand that had been resting at her side. The one that had dug through her drawer. In her palm rested two fake plastic rows of teeth.
"Diana-"
But before she could say anything more, not that she knew what she was going to say, Diana had shoved the teeth into her mouth and situated them properly before beginning (with a very, very red face):
"Eight: Thothietal Emothional Protheth."
Akko couldn't help it. The laughter burst through her closed lips so fast she sprayed spit all over the side of Diana's face. Diana cringed, swiped it away, and continued.
"Conthepth of Family Thythtemth Theory altho apply to non-family groupth, thuch as friendth, co-workerth, and other acquaintantheth. Outhide influenth depicth whether the emothional protheth is progrethive or regrethive-" Diana fumbled with the teeth in her mouth for a minute, swallowing hard, "-and can play a cruthial role in the family. In thome catheth, the thothietal period will also determine the power of control they are able to exthert over their children.
It ith important to remember that family thythems do not only pertain to nuclear, blood-related familieth. A family thythem can altho be comprithed of clothe friendth, colleagueth, or any thet group of people that form a thtrong bond."
By the time Diana had pulled the teeth from her mouth with a string of saliva following, Akko had rolled over and was clutching her aching side.
"That better have helped," Diana grumbled as she dropped the teeth onto her nightstand. Her cheeks were crimson fire, rivaling the color of Akko's eyes, and her skin was hot to the touch and a little damp with sweat as Akko rolled against it. "Because I don't have any candy in here and honestly if you can't remember this very moment in time three days from now then I'm not quite sure how I can further assist or if you may just be beyond hope."
Akko's face was hot as she wheezed for air, ignoring the very embarrassed and very unimpressed scowl her girlfriend was wearing. "That… was… the…" A fresh wave of laughter overtook her and she curled in on herself, gasping for air. "Fun-funniest shit I have ever-"
Diana threw her head back against the headboard, groaning. "But did it help?" she begged, removing her glasses (which were slipping off her nose because her face was getting damp in her own embarrassment) and staring at Akko with pleading eyes. "Will you remember it?"
"Remember it?" Akko cackled, shoving her hand over her mouth in an attempt to stop the laughter that was still quaking through her body. After a moment, when she finally felt as though she'd regained control of herself (though she was doubtful), she choked out a very shaky, "I couldn't even understand half of it!"
Diana's face fell, almost as though Beatrix had been T-boned by The World's Largest Shire. "Are you telling me I just humiliated myself for absolutely nothing?"
"Well, no! No!" Akko quickly backpedaled. "I caught the last bit. About family not having to be… you know, family? And all that. I don't really understand what it all means, though."
"I certainly don't agree with psychology-" Diana started.
"I know," Akko cut off. She did not want to hear the Psychology is the Science of the Daft monologue that Diana tended to launch into.
Diana cut her a side-eye before continuing. "Though I believe it's saying that individuals are affected on a socioeconomic level, meaning that as society changes, so do generations within families, and outside influences such as friends can kind of… disrupt? the core values that the parents believe are right for their child." She shrugged. "Sounds like common sense, to me, but whatever. Of course children will be different than their parents. If everything was the same, we'd be back in the Neolithic era and I'd be studying the Ancient Przewalski by throwing stones and watching the way they bounce off horse flesh under different weather conditions."
"I caught none of that," Akko said with a wave of her hand. She tugged the book out of Diana's lap, slinging it carelessly to the floor next to the bed. "But, whatever. Sleeps now? Sleeps and cuddles?"
Diana hummed. "I suppose." She set her own book carefully on her nightstand, placing her glasses on top, and turned the lamp off, bathing the quiet room in still darkness, save for the moonlight flooding through the partially closed curtains.
Akko settled in immediately-curled against Diana's side as she always did-and reached over her girlfriend's chest to gently run her fingers through the long, pale waves of hair. There was a quiet between them, long and stretched out as Diana's hand rubbed tenderly at Akko's arm in the way she usually did before drifting off to sleep.
"Hey, Diana?"
"Mm?"
Diana turned her head only slightly, planting a chaste kiss to the top of Akko's forehead.
"It said that family doesn't have to be… well, family."
"It did," Diana replied in a whisper, as though the darkness brought a need for quiet. "And I certainly agree with that. Although, in my case, I suppose I had no other choice."
Akko's fingers stilled in Diana's hair, twirling a single lock around her index finger in thought. "So you would consider Hannah and Barbara family?"
"And Miss Meridies. And Aunt Daryl, to an extent, though we aren't very close." Akko could feel Diana's chest deflate with a long breath of air. "Though, yes. I would. Family is made, Akko. And if you look at it that way… well, you'll have family wherever you go, won't you?"
Her last words sounded sad, nostalgic, and Akko knew Diana was thinking of her mother. And in that moment she thought of her own, of Okaasan, of the woman who pushed her away at every turn just because she wasn't quite what her parents wanted her to be. Because her differentiation of self was too extreme, because society had evolved in her generation to a point where she could be that person. Just… somewhere else.
Sure, family was Otousan and Okaasan. To an extent.
But, when Akko thought about it, her mind built her own family:
Chariot, her wily pony who greeted her with a nicker and lips begging for a peppermint. Who tried her hardest no matter the task, who always knew how to put a smile on Akko's face whether she needed it or not.
Kind Lotte, gleeful and energetic on Spirit.
Quiet, morose Sucy with her succulents and equally grumpy Mushroom.
Amanda and her pranks and her an overly excitable Star that was constantly getting her into trouble with Miss Nelson.
Constanze. Silent Constanze who would sign at Akko and then show her what it meant-even if Akko had to learn the same sign for horse over and over again-and her quiet pony Stan.
Jasminka, laughing and cheering for everybody, so positive in every situation that Cookie couldn't help but get worked up with her until the whole team had fed off her excitement.
Even Hannah and Barbara, who Akko had barely begun to get to know. And Beatrix, of course, with her quiet and gentle demeanor and fondness for her rider.
But most of all…
Most of all, Diana.
Diana was where she felt at ease, where she felt warm and safe and comfortable to be exactly who she was. Diana was more than the arms that embraced her, the lips that kissed her own, the melodic breaths that filled the gaps of silent romance.
Diana Cavendish was home.
"I think that, I, uh, might need to go to the washroom," Diana said quietly. She rose, gently folding the linen from her lap and placing it delicately on the cherry rose wood of the table.
Diana just wanted to get away and Akko knew it. She was well aware of the tension that was spreading like a wildfire between herself and Okaasan, one that Otousan was desperately trying to put out but only failing miserably as estrogen and years upon years of untouched pain burst to the surface.
Okaasan's nostrils flared. Akko was sure hers were, as well, and for a moment thought of two bulls, horns lowered and ready for impact, ready to strike. It was Okaasan who struck first.
"Atsuko," she said, her English as sharp as a cleaver's edge, "You bring great shame upon not only our family, but our culture. I will accept you when you turn away from this. When you stop letting this young woman-" She paused and gestured at Diana, whose eyes grew wide with surprise. "When you stop letting this young woman cause you harm."
"Pardon me?" Diana said, though it went unheard.
Akko took a moment. One longer than she usually would have, because this time she actually thought her response through, even to include the consequences she would face after. She weighed it all, vaguely knowing that Diana would be proud but maybe she would care later because now… well, now it was time to speak the words that she'd tasted on her tongue for so long. The words that weighed heavy, the words that Okaasan needed to hear whether she liked it or not.
Akko knew she wouldn't.
"Diana doesn't cause me harm." Akko felt her nose twitch-the warning of oncoming tears-and steeled herself to finish before she could show weakness. "Diana loves me for exactly who I am, something that you could never do. And I love her, too."
She took a deep, shaky breath, rising slowly so that her chair didn't make quite so much noise when she stood, and found Diana's hand where she stood between her options of the washroom or continued insult.
"And if it shames you so much that I am who I am-"
She squeezed Diana's hand. Diana squeezed back. Strength. Courage. The bravery to be right.
"Then it's your turn to feel the shame," she hissed at Okaasan, "because I've carried that for way too long."
She didn't wait for a response. She couldn't, because the tears were brimming in her eyes and she knew they would spill out any moment and she'd be damned if it would be in front of Okaasan. She wasn't going to give her mother another victory. Not this time.
She turned away from the malice of in Okaasan's eyes and instead met the cool blue of those she loved. "C'mon, love," she said, loudly enough so that others in the restaurant could hear. Not that they would have cared, but Okaasan certainly would have.
With a gentle bow, quick and precise, she mumbled a very quick, "Thank you for the meal, Otousan," before walking away from her family. A family that had rejected her. And, honestly, it didn't matter anymore.
Because she still had family. She still had people who loved her, people who supported her.
And the most important of which was at her side, their fingers interlocked tightly together, and as they stepped into the bitter night air of Glasgow, Akko felt lighter, felt quieter, felt… loved.
She had finally let that firefly out of its jar and, kuso, did it shine so bright.
