Regina
It had been like an explosion of lust, all fast, hard and discombobulated. They had both passed into something like a coma the minute it was done, spent.
Was she surprised? Regina contemplated this as she pulled herself out from under her comatose wife the next morning. Well, she supposed technically she had started it; the sight of those toys had moved her into a daze. She hadn't been able to stop herself from picturing Emma using them, she hadn't been able to stop herself from taking in the energy they gave off; telling her that it had only been days since both of them had been used.
Should she worry though, that it had been so passionless? No, it hadn't been passionless, god it had been anything but that. But it had not been sweet, soft - a bonding of two souls. It had been physical, like food to a starving man.
Was this like the last time? Would Emma wake, tell her that it had only been an itch to scratch and then forbid it from happening again?
She shook her head stepping across the hall into her own bathroom for a shower.
So, now what? Did they go on as though it had never happened?
A small piece of lead dropped into her stomach as she wondered, had Emma been thinking of Mal? Regina hadn't been, nothing else in the world had existed, not food or water or their children but…
She showered, her worry turning her stomach again and again.
It wasn't better when she got out. She worried as she toweled off. Perhaps she should do something for Emma, something small but something for only Emma. Perhaps there was a way she could tell Emma that she wanted it to continue without putting any pressure on her.
There was a small knock on her door just as she had finished pulling her panties on, "Yes?"
Sleepy faced, hair a rat's nest and toothbrush jutting from her mouth, Emma came in with a half smile.
Regina studied her face for a moment, trying to see how she should behave. There was nothing readable there. Should she flirt? Should she just be civil? Should she laugh? Her mind spun in panic so she just gave her a small good morning and leaned over the bathroom sink, fixing her wet hair.
"Sorry," Emma muttered standing behind her. "I uh, ran out of toothpaste."
A smirk came to Regina's lips when Emma reached over her shoulder and into the medicine cabinet, her hips grinding against Regina's rear hard enough to push her forward ever so slightly.
"Oh. S'cuse me." Emma shrugged, putting a blob onto her toothbrush and then restoring the pressure, rocking ever so slightly as she put it back in the cabinet.
She - was flirting with her!
Nervous elation crashed through her, "Oh, don't mind me." Regina rolled her eyes dryly and grinned at the tousled reflection.
She watched Emma brush behind her, feeling those hips pressing against her and she couldn't help but to respond. Her hands fell to the sink's counter and she pressed back, her lips parting.
"What's wrong?" Emma asked with a devilish twinkle in her eye, twisting around Regina to spit and wipe her mouth.
"Wrong? With me?" She gave her a small stink eye over her shoulder, "I just seem to have something in my eye, I suppose."
"You do?" Emma cried, "Let me see." She pulled Regina's chin around, but instead of looking into her eye she planted a long, deep kiss, pushing against her a little harder.
"Did I get it?" Emma asked, her hand snaking around Regina's bare waist.
"Mmmm, not yet." Regina pulled her back in, giving into their game and whimpering just a bit as she felt Emma's hands begin to slide; her own hand tangling in blonde at the base of Emma's hair.
"Mmm, toothpaste." Regina smirked and they both laughed.
"Shhh, you'll wake Bonnie," Emma muttered, face glowing as she pushed aside wet hair and began to feast on her neck.
"Oh, and we wouldn't want that."
Emma just grunted, her hands cupping Regina's breast.
"We probably should not be doing this, you know." Regina sighed, her breath hitching as Emma's fingers snaked under and into the cup.
"I won't tell if you won't."
Regina chuckled to cover her gasp, "And who would I tell exactly?"
"Mmmm, the pope?" Emma offered, rolling a nipple between her fingers, "The mayor?" Emma's free hand slipped under the front band of Regina's panties, sliding over her and pulling a deep moan from Regina's hitching throat, "Santa?"
"Santa?" Regina laughed, her head falling back on Emma's shoulder; pushing into Emma's palm, begging for more.
"Mmm, Santa; trying to take away my Christmas presents."
Regina's breath caught, the image of them in the mirror, Emma's hand under her bra and in her panties, was almost enough to make Regina come undone. "Oh trust me, you'll be getting oooh - plenty of - ahh Christmas gifts from Santa - this year." She let out a high moan as Emma began to work diligently, circling her quickly.
"Shhhh."
"Take my voice." She gasped, between building pleasure filled moans.
"Uh-uh. It's more fun to make you stay quiet."
Regina didn't think she could as her bra fell away from her. She began to knead her own breasts, as much for her own pleasure as Emma's and it was Emma who had to be shushed now.
Regina's eyes rolled, her head falling forward, only to be pulled back by Emma insisting that she 'wanted to see her'.
So Regina let herself be seen, panting, mouth falling open.
There was a small shuffling down the hall as the first of the children rose for the day.
"Fuck - don't - don't stop" Regina gasped, her hand back in her hair as she caressed her own nipple, thighs beginning to shake.
The day was an exceptionally good one. Regina showed up to work, sipping from her travel mug of coffee and grinning to herself.
"What did you do differently, today?" her coworker asked the moment she stepped into the door.
Regina looked herself over, surprised, '"Do differently?" She frowned. Well, she supposed her hair had dried a little differently than normal. She smirked.
"Really! There is something different."
Regina just coyly shrugged and headed to her office.
She watched Emma run at lunch time with Bonnie in her stroller, only, this time she watched with amusement and an ever so slight arousal.
She had decided on her way to work that morning that she wasn't allowed to question anything. She had no idea what they were doing, she was sure it as not wise, at least not without a full conversation but...she wasn't going to be the one to complain. She had known this would probably happen, it was why she had asked for ground rules her first night back in the house. What she would do is make sure that she stayed in her own bed that night.
Only she didn't.
She showed up home from work with surprise pizzas and was met with an uproar of cheers. She wobbled out of her shoes and laughed as the food magically disappeared out of her hands, taken by Henry who looked like Gollum with the ring and was chased by Ollie crying, "I want it! I want it!"
Emma glanced behind her, entering the foyer, "So what kind did ya get? Did you get pepperoni? Huh? Huh?"
Regina let out a girlish giggle as Emma tickled her ribs, pushing her a little further back into the corner and trapping her. It was like now that Emma had allowed herself to feel this; it was all she was feeling.
"Did you? Or did you get vegetables again?" It had been a ten year battle, Emma insisting pizza was pointless without pepperoni and Regina insisting that if they were going to eat as poorly as pizza then, at least, they could get some waterlogged vegetables into them.
Regina twisted and gasped, trying to fight off Emma's skillful fingers before she finally gasped out, "I guess you'll have to wait and see."
Then Emma caught her in a kiss that surprised her enough to nearly tip her.
"I - missed you today."
Regina's mind went fuzzy, "You did?" she breathed. She knew that Emma was just being sweet but that sentence was better than any sex they could ever have.
"Yeah," Emma ducked her head, embarrassed, "I did. I guess that's a good sign, huh?"
"Yes. Yes, I think it is."
"Score! Mom, she got pepperoni!" Henry cried, "Uh, moms? Where'd you go?"
Emma grinned, looking like a teenage boy herself as she charged back to their kids and gave Henry a high five.
Apparently things were just easier when they were sleeping together. They all sat around the dining room table, talking over one another and laughing. Then Regina went to help Henry with his homework while Emma helped Ollie, occasionally catching one another's eye and smiling.
Emma joined her in her bathroom again as Regina got ready for bed, a thoughtful look on her face.
"What?"
Emma began brushing her teeth, leaning against the counter, "Do you miss Mal at all?"
Regina opened her mouth, instantly wary. What could she say? Did she miss Mal? Romantically? Physically? Emotionally?
"That's a very hard question to answer, Emma."
Emma just waited.
"Alright. I suppose I miss part of her. She was my best friend for many years. I miss that side of her, though I am fairly certain we are not done with her. She doesn't seem to understand the meaning of no."
"What about the more recent stuff? The - sex and the essence."
Regina scoffed, her throat going dry, "Do I miss the essence? Yes. I think I will always miss that. It's the best of all drugs and the easiest excuse. But do I miss the sex? Well." She took a deep breath, "I'm not sure if this is wise or not but can I tell you about a time while she was here?"
Emma's eyebrows pulled together, but she nodded.
Regina wanted to pull her into her arms, feel the safety of her there with her but instead she just leaned next to her, "I don't remember this, I only know exactly what happened because of the twins and their cleansing."
"'Kay."
"There is this spot here," she softly touched just above her right eyebrow, "that still hurts to the touch. Not a lot, but some. I'm pretty sure I cracked my skull open that day."
"What happened?"
"Mal. It was nothing out of the ordinary. I had taken too much from her, I - I was like a wild animal. I couldn't understand thoughts or words, I - we were too aggressive. My face was slammed into the wall over and over again and I didn't care." She took an unsteady breath, feeling the tears coming and allowing them, "She put her entire hand inside of me, Emma. She put her entire hand inside of my vagina and most of her other hand in my anus that day."
Emma made a jerking movement, almost has though she had dryly retched.
"And I didn't even care, Em. As a matter of fact, I needed that kind of stimulation. When I was awake enough to realize I was hurt I just did a half-assed healing. I saw -" she sucked in a harsh breath, "I saw when the twins - I was bleeding down my back from her nails, from my lip from where she had bit me, from my forehead, I had broken my fingernails, and I had a black eye from her punching me."
Fury bloomed on Emma's face.
"No, Emma, you don't understand. You can't be mad at her. The thing is, I wanted it. All of it. I - I nearly choked her to death with her own braid that day. How - horrid - how vile is that?"
"Regina-"
"No, Emma, listen. No, I don't miss the sex and no, I don't miss the essence. I don't want to be that person. I'm not that person. I was so out of it, so unaware of anything happening to me that I didn't know any of that at the time."
Emma frowned, "I remember. I don't think I'll ever forget your face that day; how out of it you were. You didn't even look like a person, not really."
Regina sighed, "Oh Emma, I wish you hadn't looked."
"I know. I think sometimes I wish that too. Most of the time."
They fell into a slightly uneasy silence, both readying themselves for bed and both unhappily thoughtful.
"Do you think I'm fucked up for letting this happen?"
"What, us sleeping together or forgiving me?"
Emma stayed silent, studying her hands.
"Have you forgiven me, Emma?"
"...No."
"Well then, no." Regina caressed the taut cheek, "I don't think you should. Not yet. But listen to me." She finally pushed herself into Emma's arms, "I will never be that again, Emma. I promise you that. I won't. I can't be. I refuse. Do you hear me?" She pulled her face so it was looking directly at hers, "Do you hear me?"
Emma nodded, tears falling down her face. Regina pulled her to her, wrapping herself tightly around her trying to share her feeling through the embrace.
"Come on." Regina led her to the bedroom and tucked her into bed. She caressed Emma's face again, neither woman's tears having slowed a bit. "I'm so sorry, Emma."
Emma nodded, holding Regina's palm to her cheek. She leaned over and softly kissed her.
Emma took the kiss and held her, wanting more as she cried. So Regina slid into bed next to her, wrapping her tightly into herself and rocking.
They had come so far, through love and hate and jealousy, but the pain, both of their pain still ran so deep.
It was like a blessing from someone else's life when Emma buried her face in her throat.
"Oh Emma," she sighed, massaging the back of her neck, unable to catch her breath as she remembered just how much she loved her and just how lucky she was to still have her. "Emma, Emma," she sighed, kissing her temple, her forehead, the top of her nose. Emma's lips moved across her face finally landing on her lips. "Emma, I love you." She whispered between kisses, "Emma, I'm sorry."
Emma's seeking lips parted Regina's, silencing her. Suddenly she could taste her, a very small clean blast of winter water, lilies, sunshine and Regina knew Emma had given herself. Regina froze, terrified, waiting to see what would happen next as Emma clasped her face, watching her. They stared into one another's eyes, Regina's nails digging into Emma's arms as she began to tremble. Slowly, like a feather drifting to the ground, her mind, her self began to separate as they combined, floating a bit while grounding herself deeper into her body, making her all the more present. She closed her eyes, feeling Emma within her, her mind mixing and swirling, waiting to grow large, to slip away from her altogether, but it was almost as if there were a tiny tether holding her to the ground. She gasped and when she opened, the pale eyes over hers were tinted with a soft, pale white.
Regina could feel wave after wave of desperate, but soft and warm passion hitting her, soaking into her skin.
"You okay?" Emma whispered.
Regina's hands did not loosen their vice grip, but she nodded, feeling her skin grow hot, only to cool where Emma touched her. She needed to be closer. Slowly, their lips dancing together they pulled off their clothes and laid pressed together, kissing softly and caressing the other's face.
Emma's arms wrapped around her, touching her tenderly. Regina's eyes closed, seeing her wife kiss and pet her, watching the small wisps that passed between their lips; not strong enough to harm and not like the purposeful exchange Emma had just done. There had never been pleasure and joy so fully between them. Regina's chest, her stomach began to warm, glowing richly as she felt the long broken, long hurt and betrayed tendrils coming to life, seeking their mate.
"Emma," she whispered, burying her face in Emma's throat as Emma loved her, wrapping her free arms around her and holding them together.
They gasped as their hearts beat in recognition of the other and then continued, moving as one.
"Emma, I love you. I love you."
It was different this time, not playful and silly but deep, as though mountains were being moved. She held her close to her, unsure of where she ended and Emma began.
They fell asleep that way, wrapped around one another and sharing a heartbeat, warm tears still on their faces as together they slept.
Everything was different now. She had taken Emma in and in return Emma had done the same. It was as though she could feel her there, something she hadn't felt in so long.
They woke the next morning, still a tangle of arms and legs and had shared a few deep, long kisses then, just to be sure that she was really there, Regina had held Emma's face to hers, studying her eyes, her expression.
Emma had only smiled and kissed her again.
They rose and went about their days as usual, sharing a cup of coffee as they got the children fed and ready for school. When they were packed Emma had reached for her, giving a goodbye kiss that was so rich, so full that Regina was sure she would either combust or melt on the spot.
"The kids are going to be late." Regina insisted after a minute. They nodded in agreement but sank even deeper into the kiss until, with a growl Regina pulled herself away, making Emma laugh and swat her butt for good measure.
They made dinner together that night, sharing glances and enjoying their children.
When Regina slid into her bed in the guest room that night it only took a few minutes for Emma to slip in as well, wrapping around her and chuckling as Regina whispered, "Hello lover."
They simply fell asleep that night, wrapped in one another's arms and for Regina, it was like bliss.
