A love lost and loves sacrifice.
Chapter 51.
A whole different lifetime ago.
Slowly Chakotay turned to Kathryn and met her eyes. He watched her closely for a second till he moved to stand in front of his wife and then looking down at her and said stiffly "Tom? You slept with Tom?"
"Whoa big guy it's not entirely what you think!" Tom insisted taking a defensive step back from the proud and angry Native American before he took a swing at him.
Both Kathryn and Chakotay stared at each other not breaking eye contact. Kathryn looked into the deep black eyes that were piercing their way into her open and begging soul, "The member of the crew was Tom?" he asked her in a deep, steady voice. His body language told her he was angry but his voice told her he was deep in love. Slowly Chakotay turned his gaze to Tom and looked the younger man up and down, Tom was slowly backing away trying to deflect Chakotay's anger from him. It was then Tom and Kathryn both saw Chakotay was not angry, he was crying. Tears formed I his brave deep eyes as he turned back to Kathryn, took her hands in his said softly "Tom I didn't think it was Tom!"
"Look Chakotay, I am sorry mate, I had no idea she was your wife." Tom was quick to insist. Then stumblingly added, "Ok sure, I knew you liked each other but I had no idea."
"Sure but she knew you and I were together!" Growled B'Elanna as she rounded angrily on Kathryn.
Chakotay looked away from his wife, let go of her hands and stepped in front of her to steady the raging half-klingon, looking deep into B'Elanna's set eyes Chakotay said in his steady fatherly tone "Look B'Elanna just calm down, I know you love Tom still and I still love Kathryn."
"She slept with another woman's partner while still married to you." Pointed out B'Elanna as she looked at Chakotay with much confusion although her anger was beginning to subside.
Chakotay stared into B'Elanna's eyes for a long silent moment and then nodded in agreement to her words saying, "I know, and for her part of sleeping with your partner she was wrong and I know she truly regrets it." Then turning to the younger man he added "no offence Tom"
"None taken" Tom replied with a smile. The love those two held for each other never stopped amazing him. Turning to Kathryn he took her hand giving a loving kiss, as he looked deep into her shinning blue eyes. Turning to B'Elanna he told her "but it is not up to you to condemn her for cheating on me."
As Chakotay slipped his loving hand of support into the small of his wife's lower back and gently stoked her to give her that reassurance B'Elanna's anger sank away when she saw the way her friend still loved her no matter what she had done "I don't understand Kathryn, Tom came to you as what? Captain? To talk with you of our problems?" B'Elanna asked.
Chakotay looked at Kathryn still stroking her back to give her that little bit of support she needed to speak up "No as a friend," Kathryn admitted "I found it hard to sleep on voyager, I spent many late nights in the mess hall. Tom used to join me for a few weeks, he couldn't sleep, it wasn't planned, and it just happened we shared that time together. I tried to help."
"By sleeping with him?" Tom's wife snapped, even Kathryn had to admit she my have worded it a little wrong.
"I cared for him and he for me." Kathryn sighed "as friends that was all."
"Have you even heard yourself?" the half klingon snapped back.
It was Chakotay who jumped to his wife's defence saying, "B'Elanna, it was such a long time ago, Kathryn, Tom, you, me it's almost a whole life time ago, does it matter anymore?"
"B'Elanna I am truly sorry, it was childish, it lasted a matter of weeks, we talked more than anything, got to know each other a little better, our fathers go way back, Owen saw me as his daughter, we mostly just talked." Kathryn was almost begging the half klingon to understand.
"But he gave you what Chakotay couldn't" B'Elanna stated. Nobody really knew if her intentions by that sentence was anger or not and if she was angry who with.
"Thanks B'Elanna." Growled Chakotay in response as he felt useless like he had let her down and driven her to sleep with another man, he knew if he had satisfied her she wouldn't have done it so there was some truth in B'Elanna's words but it still hurt to hear them spoken aloud.
"Look ok, there is no point blaming anyone." Tom jumped in feeling the guilt was his to bear just as much as Kathryn's.
"If you need to blame somebody B'Elanna blame me." said Kathryn in her usual way, she couldn't think of becoming between Tom and B'Elanna.
Slowly B'Elanna turned to the older woman and asked softly "why do you do that Kathryn?"
"What?" asked Kathryn confused.
"Take the blame for everything? Sacrifice yourself." Retorted the half-klingon.
"Look B'Elanna-" began Kathryn trying to explain.
"No Kathryn, Chakotay's right it was a different time, a different world then." B'Elanna cut across her old friend simply.
Suddenly it felt as though to four had little else to say to each other. Kathryn stood before them all feeling so vulnerable in her elegant white wedding gown. "Come on Lanna, maybe we should go" Whispered Tom and he guided his defused lass angry wife away from the newly married couple.
As they stood alone Kathryn watched the celebrating crowd, there to celebrate and support her marriage with the man she stood beside. "Tom?" Chakotay said softly to her.
"Are you angry?" she asked without even turning to look at her husband.
"No," came his soft and steady reply "though I didn't think it was Tom."
"Oh? Who did you think it was?" she asked him.
"I didn't dare think" Chakotay admitted, "I don't think I wanted to know, it would have been a lot better not knowing."
"Oh?" was all she asked in reply.
"Darling, we both made many mistakes in our marriage, as I have said before, you or I individually are not to blame. You fling or relationship or what ever it was with Tom was not the only mistake, my marriage to Seven didn't help and then there was everything in between."
"But?" Kathryn asked as she took her seat once more where she had been sat and returned to the drink Tom had brought her.
"But now I know it was Tom I think back to every little thing, ever little inkling I always had that your friendship was more than that. I wonder when and how."
"Chakotay please, does it matter?" she asked as she took his hand and pulled him to sit with her "we are talking of something that happened for a few weeks nineteen years ago.
"When Kathryn? Just tell me when? Did I not satisfy you?" Chakotay asked her wanting to know. It had hurt him so much to learn it was Tom, one of the senior staff, his friend, his best man and at times his confidant.
"Chakotay please don't think of it like that, it's our wedding day, please let us get it right this time." Kathryn begged as she handed him her glass of punch to share.
"When Kathryn?" Chakotay repeated steadily.
"Not that long after Steth." Stated Kathryn referring to a time four years in to their journey together when an alien named Steth had come on Voyager seemingly needing the crews assistance but switched bodies with Tom and then later Kathryn, meaning that Kathryn's consciousness was inside Toms body for a short period of time, even if she was asleep for most of it.
"Oh Kathryn." Sighed Chakotay, he remembered the strain their relationship was having at that time and all the ship knew of Tom and B'Elanna's relationship problems, why wouldn't the two be drawn to one another at that time.
"I am sorry." She whispered once more.
"I know my wife, I know" Chakotay smiled his dimpled smile as he took her hand and lead her the dance floor where he wrapped his new tiny, delicate wife in his arms and passionately kissed her lips before all the on looking crowd.
"I love you Kathryn Elizabeth Janeway, and you are mine to keep." he whispered deeply in her ear before he once more claimed her lips for himself.
