AN: Mass Effect and its characters are property of BioWare, I just try and make you laugh. Original characters are of my own creation.
To all of my readers, over the past six months you have been extremely patient and supportive as my writing has been put on the back burner as I have dealt with personal developments both at work and at home. At the beginning of 2014, the resort I work for was bought out by another company, and there were several changes to the management, structure and procedures. To say it has been stressful would be an understatement…with my workload almost doubling, yet the pay only rising slightly. I am currently looking for other employment and looking to move.
Add to this I have come out as lesbian and am in the middle of a divorce. I haven't have much inspiration for the fic, but I have written quite a few shorts in dealing with my emotions and the true butch I'm becoming. Below the chapter will deviate from the story greatly as it will consist of the shorts I've written. I have anew tumblr, under the same name for your enjoyment. This is where my shorts are being posted as I think of them.
Thank you again for your continued support, encouragement and reviews.
The glow of the transport cabin provided barely enough illumination for Shea to see the hand on the armrest to her side. Aria slept soundly as she had an exhausting day before the ride back home to Nevos. Earlier in the day, the Asari and human completed dealing with issues with surrounding a the brewery. Deciding it best to let her sleep, Shea brought up her omni tool for a little reading.
Browsing through the section, she chose a small poetry selection to read. Never much of a poet or someone who thought of the refined art, she found herself drawn to this particular collection
Setting Sun, by Shelly McGuire
The melody of the neo classical symphony plays in my eardrums as my eyes gaze into the dancing color of the setting sun. Mood shifting, I look at you; the glow bathes you skin in light that so enhances your beauty words escape me.
Echoes of what I once confessed play in my mind's eye. You are as enthralling to me as you are with the waning light of dusk.
I turn, walking away, heart heavy with words unspoken. Things I will never voice again play a loop, my soul shouting though my voice is mute.
You took a piece of me, my heart, when first I laid eye on you. The sound of your quiet breath more sweet than the finest concerto.
But we will never b e. I must harden the place now vacant within me, for now there are new challenges I must face. One in which, though I am by your side, you are not mine and you never will be.
A brief sigh escaped the humans lips. Glancing toward her slumbering companion, Shea continued with the next selection, cursing that mere moments had passed.
New Guardian
You were gone before I had a chance to say goodbye. Since that day, when the rain seemed to fit, covering the silent tears I shed, years have passed. A lot has changed. Did you see this coming?
I look back on all those lessons, many which I fought to avoid, and all were guiding me. Not to make me a strong woman, no.
That wasn't good enough. You were making a strong person. A heart that beats, not for myself, but for others.
One who can shoulder a mental and emotional burden , to lend a hand when needed, and fade into the background when not.
Visiting from time to time, signs there for me if I only listened, only stopped to look. The calming voice when I don't know which direction to take in my life. You would think those biggest challenges were behind me, but it seems they've only started.
It's a pain I endure to humbly shoulder someone else's burdens, offer myself for no other reason than it's the right thing to do. I have my guardian angel. He visits my dreams, and though sometimes I do not understand what is said, I still listen as best I can.
But now, I must ask a favor, not one for myself, but for another. Someone dear to me recently lost a very integral part of their life, and I ask that you watch over their soul now, as you have mine. Tell them that the one who crossed now has company, another guardian angel my dad. So take care of them will you.
Shea nodded her head. The hero reminded her so much of missing her own father she couldn't help but sympathize with the tragic heartbreak the person must have felt to watch someone the love lose a family member.
Hoping for the next piece to be more uplifting, the statuesque blonde continued her reading.
I stand at the shoreline, watching the reflection of the surrounding trees in the mirror-like water. I contemplate how things would be if we we're together.
I would be the one there for you through triumph and sorrow, passion and desire.
We would both push each other to be our best, and never accept anything less.
On a foundation of love, laughter and understanding, raise a family and build a life everlasting.
But then as quickly as the pebble I throw breaks the surface I snap out of my daydream, that fantasy.
One which is full of possibilities for something that will never happen. Because all you see is the surface of me.
My jokes, strength and easy going nature. But you never see the depth hidden beneath. And so I move on, and I will find someone who will see the love and devotion I have to give.
"Shit," Shea spoke in a normal tone, "This chick gives up too easily"
"Shut up Shea. " Aria grumbled.
"Sorry. Go back to sleep"
You always hear it said that those who are strongest hold within them the greatest amount of pain within their souls.
Deeper than an ocean trench, they do not reveal these pains and the torment the feel to anyone. Still they endure. They do not seek comfort or understanding.
Yet in their stoicism, it is these same old souls who need true friendship and love for the path they walk is a lonesome one.
"Not bad, a little simplistic though" Aria's voice carried in the empty cabin.
"Why are you still awake?" Shea replied.
"You lit it up like with your reading and oh so quiet outburst." She smirked at the human. "Read me the next one so I don't have to squint."
"Okay Shea began.
The match strikes, sulfur scent filling the air as I draw it close to light the cigar. Never a smoker before, I had developed a taste for them after a meeting in which a client had gifted me a box of Cuba's finest tobacco.
A haunting melody of heartache plays through the hidden sound system, invading my senses as I take a drag of my aromatic vice.
How did I get to this point, why do I care? I tell myself everyday when I stare at my reflection in the mirror that we never had a relationship. The feeling in my heart were wholly one sided I never told the object of my affection about the deep love I held for her. That I would move heaven and earth for her had she asked.
But, she was in a relationship and that was a boundary I wouldn't cross. Being in that place of friendship is a role I had accepted. We'd known each other for over three years, when the vision I dreamt of many moons before we even met stood before me.
"Why is it I had to find out from Tracy the reason you won't come to the wedding. I thought you could tell me anything Dylan" smooth tanned skin of her runner's body shown in the moonlight with her regard of me.
Those deep blue pools sought my own, my own response being to look down into the amber glow of my scotch "You deserve to be happy Kelly, and if Marcus can provide that, who am I so say it shouldn't happen. You're my best friend. I love you as if you were my sister"
A low chuckle escaped her silken lips "Tracy told me you love me alright, but sisterly affection isn't how I'd phrase her description."
"What the hell you talkin about?" I looked up, she knew. Damn that meddling Tracy. She smirked, taking the glass from my hand, downing the remaining contents.
"You always did get the good stuff Dylan" she said in a tone full of focused intent, those blue eyes boring into my green "Except you always chose the wrong women. Now I know why."
"What exactly did Tracy tell you Kel?" I took another glass from the small bar beside the chairs we sat in, pouring another two finger glass and offering her another as well.
"Well, where should I start?" Kelly sighed, "The abridged version is you are in love with, and have been since we met. How in god's name you managed to hide it I'll never know, especially since you treat Marcus like the brother you never had."
"It wouldn't have made any difference if I'd had Kelly. You're straight. And loving straight girls just leads to disaster. Plus you always went on and on about Marcus this and Marcus since you two hooked up. I can't compete with that."
"You could have tried you know" Kelly traced the rim of the glass, and that is when I noticed for the first time there was no ring on her left hand.
"Lose you rings already?" I laughed, "You never were good with jewelry."
Without missing a beat, "I didn't. I gave it back."
"What?! Why would you do that, did Marcus lose his job or something?" I always thought Marcus was a douche bag. But he made Kelly happy, and her happiness was all that mattered to me and I had always chalked my dislike of him to my own resentment and jealously.
Taking a deep sigh she continued "I didn't go through with it. I couldn't"
"And I'm just hearing this now?"
"You have been a hermit up here the past month Dylan. If it wasn't for my dad and Tracy covering for you, Marcus would have surely come and told you himself."
"But why? I thought you were all set to move to London, he was starting his new position at the end of August?"
"Tracy objected, rather abruptly. Announcing Marcus had been having an affair with Sofia for the past four months, and that her recent layoff was a cover to conceal the fact that she was pregnant with his child. But, even if that hadn't been the reason, I couldn't have gone through with it. I don't love him. I don't think I ever really loved him."
"Then why did you accept his ring when he asked you in January at Keith's birthday party?"
"I'm surprised you even noticed. Those twins were all over your Dylan. What were their name's again, Candy and Amanda?"
"You mean Ashley and Caryn? Yea so, but why would that matter for you to say yes" The arch of my left brow now prominent as what she was saying began to sink in.
"Because I saw the woman I love screwing two women. Did you even realize you had an audience?"
"No, we were in the guest room. No one mentioned that to me. And what are you talking crazy about"
"Well, I saw you, Keith and I saw you. Dylan, I've known I love since we got back from that trip to Vancouver in 2008. Remember when we were stuck for a week because I got that stomach bug and you waited on me with day in and day out. After talking to Tracy, now I know the feeling is mutual. Which explains that wounded puppy look you have whenever Marcus comes over and you think no one noticed before that stoic façade comes up." Kelly her left hand with my right, drawing them to her lap "Why didn't you ever tell me about the dreams Dylan."
"What was I going to say Kelly, that it was love at first sight. Shit we always make fun of. And as far as I knew you'd never even thought about being with a woman, what chance would I have had with a straight girl. You know what happened with Maggy. She went back to her ex remember."
"You could have just asked me Dylan. I would have told you I dated girls in college."
My smile returned, heat building throughout my body, as the sudden awareness of what was happening "So you're telling me I'd have had a chance if I'd only opened my mouth."
"You still have that chance. Now," she stood, gently pulling me, her fingers threading through the curls at the base of my neck. The kiss that followed seared through me, awakening every fiber of my being.
We lost all sense of time as we kissed, the need for air eventually forcing us apart. Breathless, Kelly whispered into my ear "Okay tough girl, let's take this upstairs so you can show me all these moves I've heard so much about."
With a surge of adrenaline and lust, I hoisted the svelte frame of my buxom friend over my shoulder, fireman style, swiftly carrying her to the bedroom, earning a giggle in response.
Tonight was definitely a good night, one we both would remember
Shea glanced at the asari, awaiting her response to what she had just read.
"Hot," Aria smirked, "Got any more?"
Another day has come and gone. She called me, weeping, words of comfort that I gave hollow as the rage built. You've done it once again. Another heart ripped open, wounds not yet healed despite her forgiving you. You say the grating words to me
"Don't hate the player hate the game" when confronted with the latest escapade. I smirk, shaking my head. Deception and betrayal are nothing worthy of pride. They are the boastful and callous façade of a strutting peacock.
All show and no substance. You cause heartache and despair through your behavior, acting as if the life you lead and the choices you make have no consequences. True honor lies in those who build their loved ones worth, not reduce it to ashes. Love is not something to be bought with a trinket or other material good, but shown.
So while you act indifferent, and mock me while I take a stand, just know that one day, sooner than you think, a worthy soul will take you place, a humble knight who will worship what you disregarded. So go on, enjoy being a player with their toys, because adults don't play, they are.
"Are humans always so fucking melodramatic. I mean good goddess, why doesn't this woman just beat the shit out of the asshole."
"I guess she's just expressing anger. Some think its romantic." Shea smiled.
"Well it's nonsense. Is that all?"
"No there's one more."
The melody of the neo classical symphony plays in my eardrums as my eyes gaze into the dancing color of the setting sun. Mood shifting, I look at you; the glow bathes you skin in light that so enhances your beauty words escape me.
Echoes of what I once confessed play in my mind's eye. You are as enthralling to me as you are with the waning light of dusk.
I turn, walking away, heart heavy with words unspoken. Things I will never voice again play a loop, my soul shouting though my voice is mute.
You took a piece of me, my heart, when first I laid eye on you. The sound of your quiet breath more sweet than the finest concerto.
But we will never b e. I must harden the place now vacant within me, for now there are new challenges I must face. One in which, though I am by your side, you are not mine and you never will be.
"Before you start there's one more, Aria.
Don't tell me I am the cause of your grief when I was there for you through everything.
Don't tell me that I couldn't change. That I can't move forward in my development as a person becase you can't see a life without me in it.
For too long you took me for granted, and now that I've evolved into something that is beyond your comprehension, I somehow threaten you.
Look within for your anger, for I am not the cause. You should have seen the signs when you thought you telling me "It's for the best". Disregarding my choices was your biggest mistake.
Did you not think that one day my eyes would open to see what was hidden beneath the surface?
That day has come, and while I am sorry if I have hurt you, I am not sorry for being myself.
You don't tell me.
"Much better. Now be quiet so we can sleep or I'll throw you out the airlock." Aria quipped.
Guys I've been missing from the mix for a while. I'm in the middle of a divorce so life's been crazy. Thinking of moving out of state instead of just across town. So a lot is going on. But, fear not, I have been writing, just not this fic. I've written some shorts, which I will put in the fic as Shea "reading fiction" so know it's all about me and what I'm presently dealing with. I love you all and miss writing, so I hope to publish more in depth soon.
On a lighter note, a friend of mine is presently laid off, but she is also a very good astrologist. So I'm putting her information up. Its $20 for a chart, and its no scam or BS, she did mine and its pretty damn accurate, and you know how skeptical I am.
www . awisesouloncessaid . blogspot . com
psychic . bitwine users / 58019-lorimarie?advisor=true
BlackCat
