AN: Hej.
Man..I have no life.

Anyway, here's the thing. I finally got a dry erase board (portable with a marker) for the Day of Silence this Friday (the 19th). And I got me a glass-bottled coke. My first ever. And some concealer so I can do my own makeup and stuff (Since we do mask the colour of our lips with out cosplay to make it a bit more realistic for the people in our group that are terribly obsessed *coughSwitzerland&Italycough*) when we do our cosplays at school and stuff. Like Monday. Damn.

To those who reviewed:

Spamano4ever: Awesome friends? Not so much. Our Russia makes me feel like Latvia. Not fun. And completely out of character for me, since I cosplay as England in our group! Not cool! And they are not awesome because Prussia would never approve of them being awesome! Well..I dunno, maybe our Iceland...who knows.. Anyways. I do love the awkward or tense moments turned sweet because..well, there's so many of them in real life.

ThatRandomReview: (Chapter 47): Good as. Our cosplay group? We got dubbed by which character we acted like. And I base off them more often than not. Only..we don't have a Prussia, Austria, Norway, Turkey, or Japan as far as characters here in this story so far go. I just did my research for most of it, figured out how they act as well as I could before I wrote too much. (Chapter 49): Nah, it's fine. I've yet to give anyone a chance to really. Thanks. Glad you liked the chapter(s). And yes. There will be more about his time with the mafia coming out, but it's going to be over time. You really think that the others are going to let him stay quiet about it forever? Nein! Vash and Roderich are sweet. For that..I kinda am placing some on how our Switzerland acts when she's joking around with me or (used to) Italy. It's perfectly fine.

GothicKitty1313: Thanks, glad you like it. And..actually, more of his past with the mafia will be revealed in this one.

Enjoy

"..another inductee like me..." "I know it was abusive..." "You felt worthless, you found someone who would treat you that way..." "You cut yourself off..." "Almost never hitting..."

The haunting conversation kept coming back to Antonio, keeping him up all night that night. Lovino was fast asleep in his arms. He couldn't help but wonder what all his boyfriend had been put through in his six years with the mafia. None of it seemed good from what he'd seen just recently. And Vash had winced when Lovino spoke of how long he'd been with the mafia. Had been willing to shoot someone Antonio knew was part of the mafia now. He didn't notice the tears start falling. He wasn't crying for himself, though. He was crying for Lovino.

Lovino woke up when Antonio's breathing and heartrate shifted a bit, blinking at him. "Baby?"he asked. "What's wrong?"

Antonio shook his head and buried his face in Lovino's neck gently. Just knowing that he was there, was okay..that was good enough.

Lovino pushed him back, drying the tears. "What's the matter?"he asked.

Antonio shook his head again. "Nothing. I just got to thinking."

Lovino leaned up and pressed a soft kiss to Antonio's lips before he settled. "None of it matters,"
"It does to me,"Antonio said. "Because...if I don't know what's happened, I won't know how to keep you safe. From me, from everyone."

Lovino gave him a kind smile. "From you? You'd never hurt me."he said. "But..if you wanna know..come by the restruant tomorrow around noon, I'll tell you then. It's my break."

Antonio nodded and let Lovino get to sleep again so that he'd be rested for work in the morning. He drifted to sleep after Lovino did, waking up just before he did.

Lovino pecked his lips lightly as he got up to go get ready for work.

They had a habit as a group.

That morning was one of the slowest mornings for Lovino at work. A few people commented that he seemed down, even some of the customers. He gave them fake smiles and a falsely cheery 'nope, just thinking' before continuing on with his job. But as soon as he turned away from them, he'd frown again.

In truth, he was scared. He was so sure that after he told Antonio his past with the mafia..he'd just walk out. Like nearly everyone else he'd ever told had. The thought of Antonio leaving him brought tears forward. He was glad he was back in the kitchen away from the customers. He couldn't hold himself together right now. He couldn't fake another smile.

The tears fell slowly until someone came back at noon to get him to tell him Antonio was there.

As soon as that was said, the tears definitely fell.

"Hey, what's the matter?"

Lovino shook his head. He didn't feel up to explaining to another person today. He wiped the tears away and headed out to meet up with Antonio, who immediately frowned at the sight of the tears that still fell down his boyfriend's face. "What's going on?"He asked.

Lovino let Antonio draw him into a hug. "Please don't leave me.."he whispered.

Antonio pushed Lovino back at that. "What? Why would I? I love you too much to ever think of leaving you."

But he let Lovino cry himself out before he spoke. "What's all this about, my love?"

"Everyone who I've told my past to has left. I don't want you to do the same."Lovino said, sniffling.

Antonio sighed. "I will never do that."he whispered. "I promise."

Lovino sniffled again, but nodded that he understood and led Antonio out of the way of everyone else, moving to sit against a wall away from the majority of people unless they worked at the restruant.

Antonio spoke. "What all have those guys actually put you through?"he asked. "Because...you seemed a bit..ashamed yesterday, I noticed."

Lovino nodded. "I got involved in a lot of shit, Toni, I won't lie."he said.

Antonio watched the Italian for a moment before he looked down. "Lovi..why exactly were you so scared when that guy came into school looking for you?"

"...I can't tell you. You'd hate me for it."Lovino said softly. "If you wanna know..ask Vash later. I can't.."

A couple tears spilled from Lovino's eyes as he said this, and Antonio wiped them away gently. "I will never hate you."he said. "How could I hate someone I love so much?"

Silence passed for a few moments as Lovino pulled himself back together again.

Then he spoke again. "Antonio...I'm going to be honest with you, and..I want you to do the same with me. If you hate me after this, tell me. I'll leave."he said quietly. 'I'll hurt myself before I hurt you or open you up to get hurt.' he added silently.

Antonio nodded and Lovino started talking.
"I got involved with the mafia when I was eleven. I did it to keep Feli safe. It was the only way. Vash often looked after Feliciano when I would disappear. I never knew if I'd return home after I left, so I always made sure to tell him I loved him and give him a hug before then. I guess that's why it scares Feli now when I do that, because he's realized that's why."Lovino said, frowning slightly. "I couldn't do much. I was too weak to really help out. I ended up being nothing more than a toy for the better part of three years."

"Toy?"Antonio asked. He didn't like what that implied. "..you mean..?"
Lovino nodded once and Antonio closed his eyes, letting out a shaky breath of his own.

"That's why I told you I'm not an angel at Halloween. Not even a Fallen. Though..I guess that Fallen angel is kind of more appropriate than a normal one to describe me. I'm not innocent, and I am most definitely not holy. I've hurt people before, but I would never do that now unless it was defending a friend or family member. Not even for myself."

Antonio kissed Lovino's forehead before he met his eyes. "Lovi, you don't have to do this today if you don't want to. You're at work, I don't want you to be upset or anything."

"Too late. A lot of people have asked me if I'm okay today."Lovino responded. "I've been faking smiles all day. Just thinking of how to word this. Because I do want you to know. I trust you enough to tell you."

Antonio sighed. "Okay. But if you don't feel up for it, I understand."

Lovino nodded, giving Antonio a soft kiss before he continued. "I know."he whispered. "But listen..I act cold towards people, I did with you, because that's what I had to do to survive in that place and it carried over. It's why I hate how I look. Because they fucked with my mind. Constantly. It's why I take so much to heart, like those little notes and stuff you always write me. They help so much. They show you care. I shut people out to see who cares enough to break my boundaries to pull me into their lives. And you have."

Antonio nodded. He got the feeling Lovino was coding his words. He'd go through later and figure it out, but he let Lovino fall silent again after that.

After a long while, Antonio spoke. "I still love ya."he said.

Lovino smiled at Antonio. "I love you too."he responded. "Thank you. For not leaving me."

"I couldn't. Not if my life depended on it."

After work that day, Lovino came home to see Antonio sprawled on the floor napping. He rolled his eyes and went to get changed before sitting down beside him and ruffling his hair.

Antonio woke up and blinked at him before he gave a sleepy grin. "Hey, love. Welcome home,"

Home. 'When did this become my home?' Lovino asked. He gave the sleepy Spaniard an odd look but said nothing.

Feliciano gave Lovino a tight hug when he entered from outside. "Lovi! You're back!"

Lovino laughed lightly. "Yes, I'm back. Now let go of me, you're fucking cold."

Feliciano let go and darted off to get unbundled and changed.

Antonio sat up, pulling Lovino to him. "God, I've missed you being here when I was home. The rest of these guys really made me miss you, being all lovey-dovey."

Lovino laughed. "'s what you get. Karma's come back to bite you in the ass for being so fucking happy all the time."he said. "It's not normal, babe."

"And? I like being abnormal!"

It didn't take but five seconds for the two to dissolve into laughter.

For Lovino to have been crying at work not even two and a half hours ago, he was pretty happy, Antonio noted.

But he knew that it was slightly forced. He was trying to be happy again. But he was forcing some of it. After what he'd told Antonio? It was only to be expected.

'My poor angel..had to go through so much shit...I wish I could make everything better for him.'Antonio thought as he watched Lovino trade playful insults with Gilbert and Francis.

'Where to start...?'Antonio thought. It was worth a shot. As long as it helped Lovino get over his past..then he'd do anything.

I feel like such a horrid person. But..Sve said he'd take partial credit for coming up with the backstory of Lovi's time with the mafia. I just typed it out into a dialouge between Toni and Lovi.