A/N I think a lot of people might be saddened or disappointed at RM's/my decision in this last chapter, but it makes the most sense, and it really opens up the ability if I ever want to do a second story for this fanfic. Her decision also really ties in with the name Beautiful Tragedy. This is the best way I know to have RM grow as a woman.

All the "flashback" scenes are from my upcoming book so that's why you won't recognize them.


Auaintrelle (n.) A woman who emphasizes a life of passion, expressed through personal style, leisurely pastimes, charm, and cultivation of life's pleasures. See RM.


It didn't take long after Negan buried Lucille for him to fall back into leading the Saviors. I'm happy for my friend, but it's strange not to have that responsibility anymore. It feels like I'm missing a limb or something. I don't know, I can't describe it. It's just funny how you can miss a responsibility you never knew you were capable of or that you didn't ask for.

Anyway, I'm pretty nervous for tonight. I'll be getting my final reward at school to show that I've completed all the work. Mister Rogers calls it gration.

Simon knocks on the open bedroom door, stepping into the room. "RM, I found you something scavenging to wear to your graduation tonight. It's a kid's size so it should fit."

Oh, right. Graduation. That's what it was. My eyes widen as I see the dress hanging on his index finger. "...it's… Gli-Glitter," I shrill. "Oh my god. It is so fancy!" I can definitely keep it real in this despite it being a dress.

Madsen glances up from his newspaper. "How come when I tried to get you to wear a dress, you told me you can't keep it real in one," he chimes in.

Tomorrow, we will take a trip into the city and buy some nice dresses. Yes?

You wear dresses? Like that guy in the alien movie?

No, they'd be for you.

No, way, man. I can't keep it real in a dress.

Alright, dingus. We'll keep you real.

"Heh," I blush. "Well, this one is different. Thank you, Simon."

He shifts awkwardly with a nod and just stands there.

Oh, I get it. He probably wants affection. My arms wrap around his waist. "I'm gonna look the best at graduation."

"Yeah, you are. I'm proud of you, kiddo."

There's this part of me that wonders what Mama would think. Or if she'd even care. Probably the later. "Thanks, you cute Cheeto."

"You… can't call me that, RM. I told you that," he laughs. "I'll see you tonight when you get your certificate."

My eyes follow him from the room as I get lost in thought. All my other certificates didn't end well. Maybe I should ask Mister Rogers to give me a trophy. Hmm. Yeah. I don't think that could rip easily. I better get started brushing my hair. This is going to take a while with all these tangles.


A lot of people show up to watch me get my reward. I'm not one to be shy, but it's nerve wracking to have all the attention on me because of something like this. I know it should be a happy time, but I'm freaking out a bit. What the heck am I supposed to do now? Before, life was simple. You wake up, you go to school, then you do the same thing again the next day. Now, I don't have that anymore. As everyone looks at me proud, I look at them with envy.

Envious Negan has purpose in leading the Saviors.

Envious Madsen has purpose in protecting the Saviors.

Envious Mister Rogers has purpose in teaching the Saviors.

Envious Simon has purpose in providing for the Saviors.

I sigh, not even looking at my certificate once it's given to me. It's not like I did great things to deserve this. It's school. Big deal, just like Negan's wives used to say. It's not something to be proud of. I should be embarrassed. As some of the others get their rewards, I sneak off and outside to the tables in the courtyard. I look over this stupid paper once I have a seat before letting the wind catch it and take it away. Whatever. Why break with tradition? When I hear someone behind me, I sigh. "I'm not in the mood for your stupid lecture on why I should be proud of myself. I'm freaking twenty four years old. There's nothing to be proud about graduating school at that age, so just go away, Madsen."

"First off, bitch, did you hear some old man shuffle come up behind you? No," Negan scoffs. "Second, I, for once, am not responsible for ruining this award of yours so you better take what you can get." He sets the certificate on the table before having a seat next to me. "Why are you out here feeling sorry for yourself?"

"Because I can't be inside feeling sorry for myself," I shrug.

"Hardy-fucking-har."

I stare back at how long the line is for the person's name on this award and my small two letters. "I don't even have a name," I sob, covering my face.

"Yeah. You're right about that, but names aren't shit. It's what you do with your name. Look, I get it. You've known this certain way of doing things and now all that is changing. Lots of people feel that way after graduation. You're relieved to be done with the shit, but at the same time, you're scared because you don't know what the fuck to do. Find your place in this life, RM. And you have less than three months until your one year coin, so don't fuck it up. Now get your ass inside and enjoy a day centered around your accomplishments, which they are. Who cares if you graduate at twenty four or fifty? I mean that old fuck in there still hasn't completed high school."

"Madie has purpose. I don't." I'm thankful when Negan leaves me alone. I guess he got frustrated with my pouting. That's fine, I like it better this way. Then, out of nowhere, I'm yanked by my arm off the table by Negan. "Ow, bitch!"

"I'm just giving you what you wanted, bitch!" Negan shoves me down into the dirt over by the greenhouse. It's a large hole that's being dug to plant more vegetables.

"What the hell, Negan?! You ruined my dress gift!"

Negan stands over the hole and dumps and entire jar of Gli-glitter on me. "There! A fucking glitter grave since you've decided you want to roll over and die." He shoves me back down into the dirt when I try to get up.

"Stop," I shrill, trying to fight him. "Stop!" My cries turn into real laughs. I know this is messed up and weird, but it means a lot to me. One being that Negan hates Gli-glitter yet he keeps scooping it up and putting it in my hair. I get what he's trying to say, and he put it in terms that even I can understand. "Thank you, dumpy."

He tries to shake the glitter from his hand but becomes frustrated. "I'll never forgive you for this."

"Yeah, well, it means a lot to me."

"Oh shit," Negan stammers, standing up from the mud and taking off towards Sanctuary.

When I catch up to him, I see him holding my certificate. It's dripping with muddy rainwater from a puddle it landed in from the wind, and the corner is completely ripped off. What is it about this reward that this always happens?

"I can have him make you another one," he frowns.

"No, that's okay," I smile, taking it from him. I finally understand it now. "Yeah, it's messed up a little bit in some spots, but it still serves a purpose. Like me." And now it has Gli-glitter on it so it's even better. I walk proudly with it out in front of me after my talk with Negan.

Madsen looks the both of us over covered in mud and Gli-glitter.

I just shrug. "I mean, are you even surprised anymore?"

His eyes narrow in confusion at Negan. "I thought you hated glitter."

"Don't fucking remind me. I got it in places it ain't never coming out of. Oh, and RM? You're explaining that mess to the greenhouse ladies."

Hmm, they might put me back in the ground for real when they see that mess out there. Oh my god. "Does this mean our vegetables will be fancy, too?!"

Madsen shakes his head no slowly.

I stamp my foot in disappointment. Damn. Maybe that can be my next invention. Fancy fruits and vegetables. "Can you eat Gli-glitter, Madie?"

"That's ill-advised, RM."

True, I'm not trying to get sick. Alright. No fancy food. Just fancy me.


My first day of being a real adult, well… it doesn't go so well. Negan has all these plans in place for people to handle my wind energy and my biodiesel, so it leaves me twiddling my thumbs. I always feel like I'm in the way, too. Especially when I tried to evaluate how the greenhouse was recycling their water. I heard of this thing that incorporates fish, plants, and water, but everyone thinks it's stupid when I mention it. They are as stubborn about change as I am. I'm not a tattletale, so I'm not about to go to Negan because people are mean to me. It just frustrates me how people don't treat me with respect anymore. They sure looked to me when they were hungry. Now, I'm being turned away and dismissed about the inventions that I built! "Jerks," I murmur, walking away.

I just feel too bad about taking stuff from the supply room since I'm not earning points, so I'm down to the bare bones by the end of the month. I dig through some of the trash to see if maybe people threw away some useful things, but it actually gives me an idea. Through trial and error, I repurpose some of this trash and turn it into useful things. Thank god, because at the rate things were going, I was about to have to use Madsen's shaving cream to wash my hair.

At first, it's really fun. Specs even built me a little stand so I could barter my inventions for items I needed. Heh. In a way, it's really come full circle because I remember when I used to barter other things. I really have come a long way when I think about it some days.

"Hi, RM, do you have any of your candles," Birdie asks me.

One thing that always goes fast are my candles. I melt the wax into old glass jars. Because they are a hot item, heh… hot item, I can also sell them for more. But… like I said… it's fun at first, then it gets really old. I'm literally selling crap to people. This is my purpose…

I try to look at people like Dominic who are fine with doing nothing. He's selling his body to the women for supplies. Which I am not judging, I mean, I used to do it myself. The difference is he's happy. He's living his best life with all the leather lassos he could want. I am miserable. The highlight of my day is seeing Madsen and Shiva. Maybe it's because we're cut off from the world in his room, I don't know. "Shiva, do you need to poop." Yep. This is my life.


Over the course of the next month, I continue to grow more depressed about things. I even stop doing my trash business. Some days I don't get out of bed. I'm basically how Negan was a few months ago. I can't be bothered with most things, which really concerns Madsen. He makes me promise that I'll do more than lay around today. Fine. I tug out Madsen's sketchbook and look through his drawings. There, that's something. Actually, it gives me an idea, and about the only motivation for a long time to get out of bed.


I know it's stupid, but while everyone was sleeping, I snuck out of Sanctuary. It took me six hours of walking, but I made it. I stand in the driveway of Madsen's trailer, staring back at it with a pang of sadness in my heart. This is more that I've felt in this moment than the last two months. Unfortunately, I won't have long here before I need to start back to Sanctuary, so I don't waste any more time staring at the trailer.

The familiar scent of his home has long passed. Now it's mostly this warm wood smell. No one has been in here since the last time I was which makes me feel really good because that means that it's not a place that can be easily found. I go over to my mini fridge that Madsen got me next to his. It has all my toys in it because he said his fridge was for food. At Mama's, I used our fridge to keep my toys.

Why do you keep putting this stuff in here, RM?

Because no one touches my things that way.

Yes! My eyeball toy is still in here. I remember the day Madsen got it for me. Though as quick as the memory and the excitement comes on, it leaves because there's no time for toys anymore. I put it back in the fridge and shut the door. Not a lot of people knew this about Madsen, but he was what they called a prepper. Most of his preps were guns and ammunition, but he still has ample food storage that he explained would be good for twenty five years. I check on it to find it's all still there and none of the jars have been damaged. There's plenty of crumbs and Cheetos in here, too.

I take a pack of seeds and go outside to plant them, then label them so I'll know what I planted here. There. That's real nice. I don't even know what food this is, but in a few months it will be grown. This is so stupid. What am I even doing? I sigh and push myself up from the dirt as I go into the laundry room to get cleaned up. It's a lot bigger than I remember. I guess because the two of us and Shiva in that room gets a little crowded sometimes. I touch my fingers to the handwritten note on the clothes warmer. The one that Madsen wrote the message on for me to stay out of.

My eyes roam the rest of the trailer once I get into the living room. As bad as I want to go into his room, I just can't. It would be too overwhelming at this point. Instead, I curl up in Madsen's chair and start to cry. I'm… useless. There's no purpose for me any longer. It's always 'we've got a hold on this' or 'you're in the way'. It sucks, especially because they were my inventions, and no one fucking appreciates me! I whine, curling up into a smaller ball. I feel guilty for swearing and I don't even know why but it makes me cry harder.

"Baby," Madsen says, touching my side.

I open my eyes to see him kneeling in front of the chair. I'm embarrassed he's seen me like this. Worried he's pissed. Scared he'll never trust me again. "How did you know I was here?"

"I see it in your eyes. Ever since Negan took back the Saviors. You're so desperate to find your place, but confused as to why you can't."

Of course, there's no hiding from him. He knows me so well. "I don't have a purpose anymore." I wipe my tears. "I'm done with school. All the skills I've used to better Sanctuary like biodiesel, wind energy, and water filtration I've taught others how to do it. I scoop Shiva's poop. That's about as useful as I am these days."

"You won't find your place in this life feeling sorry for yourself, RM."

That's the second time someone has said that to me. Am I being unreasonable?

"Ask yourself what it is you want. Why did you come back here?" He picks me up before taking his place on his chair.

My eyes fall closed as I enjoy this nostalgia leaning back on his warm chest when he holds me close. "I miss the way things were before the undead came. In this life, I can't seem to find a rhythm. Everyone fell into their place, I didn't."

"I believe you did find your place, RM, you just don't have it anymore. I'm getting older. I won't be around forever, and you know that. I want something stable for you as well as a way that ensures your survival. I can't give you that. In fact, I've never been able to give you that. Nor can Negan. Because you are the only one who can. It's just as you said from the beginning. You don't need a man. You never have."

I hate when Madsen talks like he's going to die tomorrow, but he is right. Nothing is promised. And I don't need a man. At least, not in the sense to be happy. There is no denying that I couldn't have made it in this life without Negan or Madsen. But now it's time that I take care of me. Some of my happiest times were leading the Saviors. Yeah, I'm stubborn and can do it my way if I lead, but it's more than that. It's purpose. "I think I know what I need to do," I tell him. In fact, I don't think. I know what I need to do. "Am I in trouble for leaving Sanctuary?"

"Profusely," he grins.

Not really sure what that means but it sounds like another word for big time. Well, if he wasn't looking at me with those mischievous I'm going to take you right here eyes. I'm gonna get it alright.


This is something that I've been putting off a week or so now. I just don't want to hurt Negan. Every time I walk up to his room to talk to him, I chicken out. Okay, RM, you've got this. "Sir dumps a lot, can we talk?"

"I'm in a pretty good as fuck mood so I'm going to let that dumb ass name you just called me slide. Have a seat."

Of course he's in a good mood. A good mood that I'm about to ruin. I don't know if that's better or worse than him being in a bad one. Well, here goes nothing. I plop down on his couch, feeling more awkward than when I asked to be a wife. Though, to be fair, I was pretty messed up at the time so it wasn't all that awkward. "So, uh," I fidget, tugging some on my beauties. "I was thinking and uh…" Just get it over with. "Negan," I start, my eyes moving up to his, "I'm leaving Sanctuary. We're going to make it on my own."

He stares back at me, completely silent.

This is going about as well as I expected, which is a complete fail. My cheeks start to redden because this is what I didn't want. "I mean, I don't know who all is coming with me. It could just be me and Madsen, but I have to do this for myself. I've never felt more important than when I lead the Saviors. And, yeah, I'm going to make my share of mistakes because I don't have a million years of experience like you, and I'm going to have to start from scratch, but it's something that I can call my own. For me. And it's not goodbye. It's just not here at Sanctuary." I wait desperately for him to say anything. At all. "Please speak."

"Well?"

My eyes shift side to side. "Well what?"

"I don't even get a sad goodbye eye contactless hand job?"

I sigh relieved because he's joking with me. "You almost gave me a brain stroke, dingus! I thought I broke you."

"I can't decide if I'm going to miss the random shit that comes out of your mouth or not."

I'm not even going to get started with all the random stuff that comes out of his. "Truthfully, I don't know if we'll even make it on our own."

Negan folds his arms. "I want you to know that if you leave, there is no coming back, RM."

Oh no. I think I've messed up. "Seriously!?"

"Nah," he chuckles, relaxing his arms again. "You can always come back. Madsen has to sleep outside though."

I roll my eyes.

"So. How long have you been harboring this secret?"

"A week or so. My stomach is all knotted up."

"Serves you right, dummy. I'm kinda surprised you stuck around as long as you did, frankly. Figured you, the fritos fuck, and Madsen the all fucking mighty would have been gone a long time ago. But I'm glad you stayed. Sanctuary wouldn't have survived without you. And a million years? Fuck you for calling me old. Madsen is old. I ain't old. I'm just seasoned, bitch."

My heart is so full listening to those words, and I laugh when he uses the seasoned thing. "Don't be taking my words just because I'm not around, bitch."

"You just always gotta have the last word, don't you, bitch?"

"Yeah. I do, bitch." For a second, I really do think I get the last word because he's quiet.

"It sucks to lose you. I mean, maybe we didn't do a good job of showing our gratitude as a community, but we stand here today because of you. All the advancements you've given us. The trade you've established between communities. You saved a lot more lives than you know, and you've given me peace. Which is something I've been searching for since the day I left Lucille at the hospital. I'm sorry for a lot of the things I've said or done to hurt you. Especially the names I've called you. You've grown into an amazing woman, and it'd be selfish to expect you to stay here. I just hope you know that this will always be your home, RM."

He didn't even swear once...

"I didn't say all that to make you cry, which I'm still adjusting to seeing those tears. Knock it off. I don't want one of my last memories of you to be in tears."

"I'm not dying, bitch!" I wipe the corners of my eyes. "Okay, so, I'm a little scared. I only led the Saviors a few months, and we already had everything we needed. Food. Shelter. Amenities. I'm going into something completely different, but I know that if I don't try, I am going to regret this for the rest of my life."

"You know," he starts, "I didn't ask to be a leader. Dwight was when I met this group. I just naturally fell into the position. Just like you did. Just like you will and you'll be ten times the community we are because you won't be blinded by greed like I was. You've learned from all the horrible mistakes I've made."

Ugh, he's saying such nice things. It's breaking me down so much, yet building me up at the same time. This isn't just my life on the line here. Whoever decides to come with me to start over, it will be theirs too, and I'd never forgive myself if I put the people I love in danger. "Your mistakes weren't all bad."

"That's what you take from all that?" He shakes his head at me. "Get the fuck out."

I start to laugh because I love his sense of humor. "I didn't really ever figure I'd be a leader. But when I saw people in a panic because there was no food, it did something to me inside. Then you took back the Saviors and I've been so desperately trying to find my place. Everything that has happened up to this point has been to help me be a stronger woman and to show me that this is what I need for myself. To be happy. I just wish that being happy didn't also come with the sorrow of being apart from my best friend. I won't get to see you every day."

"I know, RM. But it's also no different than if life never stopped. Not all friends get to see each other every day. It just makes the days you get to see each other even better- okay, I'm going to stop talking about all this sappy shit."

I appreciate the fact that he even tried. Negan sure has come a long way since I met him.

"I need to grab a tit or something. Why don't you let me shake those dice a bit?"

Or not. "I was just thinking how far you've come and then you go and say some dumb crap like that."

"Dumb crap? Come to think of it, what's wrong? I haven't heard you swear in a while."

I shrug. "I dunno. One day I just kinda stopped. I said the F word the other day and felt kind of bad about it."

"How come you don't feel guilty calling me a bitch?"

"Because, bitch is a term of my endearment for you. Not a swear word."

"You romantic fuck," he smiles. "Damn, you really have come a long way, RM. It's been incredible to actually witness it."

Come to think of it, he has witnessed every moment of it. He's seen me at such a low in my life and he's watched me rebuild myself several times over. I am definitely going to miss this man.

"You're taking that tiger, right?"

"Yes," I laugh.

He visibly shudders at the thought. "You're not leaving this second are you?"

"No. I have a lot of preparations to make and I still need to talk to everyone."

"You haven't even told everyone yet?"

"I wanted to talk to you first. It's called courtesy."

"Don't tell me about courtesy, bitch. Anyway, good luck trying to convince people to leave. They get soft and set in their ways."

I know this, and I am prepared to leave with no one more than Madsen and Shiva. But I have to try. I have to.

"Seriously, RM. If it doesn't work out, come back. Your place is always here."

It means a lot to me, but I also know how crappy I felt these last couple of months in Sanctuary. Floating along, trying so desperately to fit in. My place isn't here. "Thank you, dumpy." I know I can't hug him right now or I'm going to lose it, so I'll save that for another time when I'm stronger.

"Maybe when I'm old and wrinkled like Madsen, I'll give up the Saviors and come stay with you," he smirks.

I shake my head at him because he would try and get one more jab in at Madsen. Negan is going to be so bored without us.

"I'm going to be really fucking bored without you two."

I bust out laughing. "Maybe you'll get some work done around here," I tease.

"That reminds me. Send in a few of my wives."

"Like you can satisfy a few women." I roll my eyes. This fool.


Despite feeling better about telling Negan and Negan being accepting of my decision, I still feel this uncertainty. "I need a sign that I'm making the right choice." I don't know who I'm talking to. Maybe hoping someone will give me that assurance I'm looking for. Anyone. Anything. Please.

A trash squirrel brushes against my beauties.

I gasp when I get a good look at it. It's the trash squirrel from my childhood. No tail, matted fur, one eye. I knew he was a survivor! "You cute Cheeto, I can't believe you made it all the way here!" I pick him up, setting him on my lap. Heh. He's always so friendly.

It hisses as Dominic walks past me.

Well, ok, he was always friendly to me, at least.

Dominic puts his hands up, backing off. "Goddamn. Only pussy that ever turned me down."

Gross. If he ain't Negan's half brother, I don't know who is. Anyway, this is the sign I wanted. Maybe it's silly to gauge my future on a trash squirrel, but if this isn't a sign, I don't know what is. "Let's go home," I tell my friend, setting him back down onto the concrete. "Dominic," I call, running to catch up with him. "Will you call everyone to the meeting room? Like all the family?"

"What do you mean?"

I forget. The pretty ones are always so dumb. "Madsen, Cheeto, Birdie, Robin, Specs, Gummie, Simon, and Mister Rogers. And I guess Jessica…"

"Can I come?"

"...yes."

"Cool. Okay. I'll get everyone. Where are we meeting?"

"In the meeting room." I should probably just do it myself.


The more people that gather, the more nervous I get. A lot of them have uprooted their lives for me once before so I don't expect them to do it a second time. Rather than beat around the, uh, whatever the saying is, I just say it as soon as Dominic takes his seat. "I'm leaving Sanctuary." Yeah, that raises a lot more questions than answers. "I want to start a community of my own. I've tried to make it work here, but I can't be under rules that I don't completely believe it. Sanctuary has been good to us, don't get me wrong. The reason I called you all here is because you are the ones I want to come with me. We'd be starting over. No electricity. No running water. No fuel. But it will be ours. We'd have a say in the way we want to live our lives. You can leave at any time and come back here to resume your lives. Negan won't penalize you. This is just something I want to do for myself. I had purpose leading the Saviors. Now I feel empty. It's going to be hard, and we're going to fail several times before we make it right. You don't have to choose now, but I am leaving at the end of the week. By car ride, it's not that far away from Sanctuary, and I plan to trade with the other communities." I always thought that it was Madsen who couldn't live under another alpha males rules, but it's actually me that can't. All along I've held true to myself. I do what I want. My way. I always have because of having to take care of myself for so long. It's also something that's really helped me stay sober. Drugs aren't the boss of me. I boss me. I narrow my eyes at my own thoughts. That didn't come out right. Meh, whatever. "I won't be mad if you choose staying at Sanctuary over coming with Madsen, Shiva, and me. You have lives here now. Families. Jobs. Stability. I just wanted you all to know that I care enough for you to give you that option. Uh. That's really all I have." I mostly get blank stares back. Then I see the guilt in Cheeto's face as he turns towards Madsen.

Madsen can sense it too. "I don't want you coming with us because you think you owe me. That part of our life with the shop and the drugs and guns is over. This is our life now. RM is giving you an option. Something that I know a lot of you who were under me never had because it was always my way or the highway. I believe in RM. I support her decision to leave and start a community one hundred percent."

"RM, can I bring a few girls?" Dominic asks.

I laugh, and in all honesty, I think Dominic was just biding his time here. He had his fun with the girls but it's not in his nature to be lazy like he has been his time at Sanctuary.

"Yes, you can bring girls," I tell him. "You all can bring whoever you want with you. I just wanted to personally extend this invitation to everyone here because it's all the people that I love." And Jessica. Okay, fine, I sorta care about her. Ugh, even right now I can see how proud of me she is. She's always so damn nice.

I don't expect Mister Rogers to come because there's really not much for him at this new community. Simon has it good at Sanctuary because of how high he ranks under Negan. And Cheeto has a family to worry about now with Birdie and Robin. I'm actually most worried about Cheeto. He looks very lost right now in this decision to do what's best. And I know that my friend is very tired.

"RM," Robin babbles, reaching chubby fingers out at me.

I gasp. How does that baby know my name? Does he have mind powers? He does look like the alien from my movie with that big bald head. Oh my god. Mind power baby. The others seem excited because that is apparently his first. I'm disappointed because he doesn't have Cheeto's accent.

Cheeto looks at Birdie as she smiles back at him. "We're goin'," he assures me.

It chokes me up because I know he'll be such a good asset to us. "Thank you, Cheeto."

"RM," Specs stammers. "I know that I haven't been a good friend to you for a while now. If it'd be ok, Gummie and I would like to come with you."

I am in disbelief that so many people would give up their comfortable lives here to follow me into the unknown. It just means that I cannot fail them. I have to make them an even better place to live than Sanctuary and a short time to do it in. "Of course you both can come."

"Where exactly are we going though," Simon asks.

Yes! Another one. Poor Negan, he's going to be stuck with idiots. "For now, back to Madsen's trailer. Then we can assess everything. The only people who have touched that trailer since the outbreak has been myself and Madsen, so security wise it makes sense. Cheeto can bring his camper, and we can always build on. Fence the area off. Grow crops, and eventually build a greenhouse. Our main issue is going to be water, but as long as we can find it, I can filter it." I'm especially excited to be able to work with Gummie. She's really smart so she'll have some good input on my inventions to make them more efficient. With Dominic able to make alcohol, we can trade that with the other communities for now. "I don't want to rush into this either. If we're not ready by the end of the week, we can always wait. I feel like there's one chance at this opportunity, and I'm not wasting it."

Cheeto actually chuckles to himself a bit which surprises everyone. "So she's finally all grown up now," he smirks. "Goddamn, thought I ain't ever was gonna see the day."

I think that there are aspects of myself that are still childish, but for the most part, I am grown. I've worked hard to become that person too. "I don't want to single anyone out here by saying this, but it sounds like everyone is on board?" My eyes scan the room to see the head nods. Even Mister Rogers wants to come. Oh my. I can show him all my videotapes. Okay, don't get ahead of yourself, RM, and screw this up. Breathe. "See Negan to spend the rest of your points. Think big picture, not for the greater good of our community. This might be the last time you'll get to see such incredible items like he has in the supply room so spend your points on yourself. I do plan to be as self sustaining as possible without having to leave our community but I know that's going to take some time."

"But like you said, it'll be ours," Dominic smirks.

I'm excited for our group especially considering how full of doubt I was when I started thinking about leaving. We're going to make not just a place to live but a place that is still standing that we can pass onto Robin and his family. "Let me know if you have any questions, or if you change your mind."

Madsen waits until the room clears before he speaks. "Are you bringing the tiger?"

I laugh because Negan said the same thing. Poor Shiva. "Shiva is family."

"I think our definitions differ a bit." He decides to defy Negan one last time by lighting a smoke. "I'm very proud of you, RM. I know that this wasn't easy for you to come to this decision."

"That just means I'm making the right one." And I'm sure about that. No more turning back.


Today is the last morning I will ever spend in Sanctuary. It's definitely surreal now if it wasn't before. Hmm, that's strange. Madsen is still asleep. He never sleeps later than I do. "Madie, wake up." He's not facing me either which is also strange. "Madie?" I shrug him some on his shirt but he's not responding. "Madie," I panic with another shake. "Wake up!" Oh no. Not today of all days. I sigh relieved when he starts to move. "You scared me-"

Negan wraps his arms around me and pulls me to him with a chuckle. "I just wanted to make your last morning memorable."

"Get off of me! Get your chest hair off me," I squirm.

"Bitch, I have a shirt on."

"I can still hear it! Gross!"

"Too fucking bad."

I just give up because it's pointless to struggle. "I hate this."

"I know," he smiles proud.

Madsen shakes his head as he takes a sip from his coffee. "Am I interrupting?"

"How could you sell me out like this," I demand.

"Do you really think I would allow another man into our bed, RM?"

Hmm, he has a good point.

"Alright, fun's over. Dad's mad." Negan gets up, helping me too.

"Ew. Don't call him dad!" That's worse than Negan's chest hair.

Negan rolls his eyes. "Go shower, stinky. I want to talk to Madsen."

I touch the tips of my index fingers together several times. "Sure. Talk. Can I watch?" That gets me reprimanded from both. I do give them their space after I get Shiva from her cage, but try to listen on the other side of the door. I don't hear much which sucks, but at least I know they're not fighting because I don't hear any furniture breaking. Negan probably wants to give his friend speech and how Madsen better take care of me and yada blah blah blah. "Come on, Shiva. Let's go outside and pee."

Hmm. I don't recognize some of these people in the cafeteria once I'm down here. It actually turns out to be some of the ladies from Community. They ask if they can go with us to help start mine, which of course I agree. They are good assets, and Dominic will be happy. That's pretty cool that news spread.

I cock my head some once I get outside. Shiva whines at the man standing outside the gates. This is a nice surprise. "Hi," I smile at PM. "Go do your stuff, dingus," I tell Shiva before bringing my eyes back to his. "What are you doing here?"

"I travel between Hilltop and Alexandria as you know. The word is that you'll be starting a community of your own not far from here. I'd like to come along and help you get established if that would be alright."

Hot damn! "RPM," I shout.

"Something like that," he chuckles.

With his help and everyone else, we are going to be unstoppable. PM can even show us the safest routes to travel. "We're going to be leaving here shortly. You can go have a seat in the camper over there if you want," I point at the metal eyesore. Saying that actually makes me panic a bit. There's so much I need to do before we leave. I'll just have to take it one thing at a time because if I rush then I'm going to forget something.

I enjoy my shower as much as I can. I don't know the next time I'm going to get one of these that doesn't involve me jumping into a cold lake, and I even take the time to make sure my hair is real nice. While this is my last day at Sanctuary, this will be my first day as a real leader, and I have to be fresh. I was also responsible by spending my points on things for the community. Medicines. Soaps. Toothpastes. Food. Flashlights. And other little odds and ends to make our lives a little easier.

Once I'm satisfied with my hair, I collect all the things I used to shower to take them back to the room as Shiva follows. Madsen has one box that we're putting last minute things in. I just call it the 'we're done and tired so it's going in here' box. I look Madsen over suspiciously. "Were you nice to Negan?"

"I'm always nice to Negan," he grins devilishly.

"Mmhmm. Sure. And I'm not the fanciest person in Sanctuary." Those two are ridiculous. Though my playfulness starts to fade as I take in the empty room. Just the bare furniture remains. "Did you pack my eyeball? I brought it back with me and I don't want to forget it."

"Yes, would you like to go through your boxes?"

I shake my head no. It'll just make me sad. At least if I forget something, it'll give me an excuse to come back even sooner.

"RM," Dominic starts, only poking his head into the room. "We got that thing's cage built in Charlie's camper."

"Her name is Shiva, dingus." I giggle when she brushes against me because she always knocks me over. I better get her in the cage. Madsen is tucked in the corner of the room as far away as he can get. Dominic won't even come in the room. Maybe they had bad experiences with other Shivas. I feel bad for her. This is the second time that she'll have to change homes in such a short time. "Don't worry, you'll like this home," I assure her as we start down the steps. "Wait, I can't go that fast," I shout after her. I'm out of breath by the time I catch her outside. I need to work on my stamina because this is ridiculous. "Now are you sure you don't have to pee before we leave?" Hmm. She seems guilty, but you can't make Shiva do anything she doesn't want to do, so in the cage she goes.

"So, you ended up with her," PM comments. "I wondered what happened to her."

"I know that I'll never be able to give her the things that Zeke did, but I try my best."

"You don't keep her on a leash. He did. So I think you're doing just fine."

Hmm. I didn't think about that. She's never given me a reason to think that she'd need one, but she is a wild animal to her core. I know that's not what PM is meaning, but it's a good point. I do need to respect the danger that she can pose. I mean, especially if Madsen cowers. "We'll be home soon," I tell her. There's a lot of space in this camper so I know everyone will be comfortable on the ride there since we are bringing back quite the group. And even if they aren't, it's still only a few minutes away.

I step outside the camper to see everyone starting to gather. Part of me thought a few would back out, but everyone seems to be here. There are three women from Sanctuary that Dominic is bringing, along with four women and two children from Community. I worry that between them and all the stuff they have packed that we won't have enough room, but it's not as bad as I thought. It's just going to be a tight squeeze. "Hi," I stammer like an idiot when I see Mister Rogers with a lady and her child.

"I'm looking forward to good things, RM."

I can barely contain my excitement right now. If he changes his sweater once we get home, I'm going to lose my mind. The next up is Simon, but he says that he's going to ride in the back of Cheeto's truck. That's probably a good idea. It is getting full in there. I smile at Birdie and Robin.

"I don't want you to think that Charlie didn't want to come, RM."

"I know," I shrug. "He's got the two of you now. Truthfully, I didn't expect him to, but I know he feels guilty like he's betraying Madsen."

"He told me last night that you've been with them since you were quite little. I can assure you, he did this for you. Not Madsen." She touches a hand to my shoulder before stepping up into my camper.

I search through the crowd to find Cheeto talking to Madsen. It really makes me feel good that Cheeto and I still have that bond. I came into Madsen's family so many years ago and they didn't have to accept me, but they did. I'm not exactly the easiest person to live with.

Jessica breaks my gaze when she steps in front of me. "I know that there's always been this tension between us because of Madsen, and I'm sorry about that RM. There's been a lot of times where I've been overly friendly with him and that's not right. I just don't want to go into this new chapter with us at odds. I still remember that day you came into the grocery store for the first time. You had all those coupons from the little machine and you told me you had won. Madsen looked like he was in way over his head," she laughs. "I gave you the pricing stickers from the gun and you were so impressed."

I won. What do I get?

Well, I have these special stickers.

Whoa. What's this do?

Yeah, I remember that day, alright. Though my recollection went a little differently. That was the day I was so pissed at Madsen because he smiled at her for giving me the stickers.

Those are my pretty teeth, not hers!

Don't be jealous.

I'm mad at you! You like her more better than me.

That's not true. This is ridiculous.

Your face is ridiculous, bitch!

Oh yeah. I got in big trouble for that remark. "I liked you until he smiled at you." Dang, that was harsh.

"Well, it wasn't but a very few times that he did, RM. For what it's worth, which might not be much to you, but I'm proud of you. Not because you overcame all this adversity, but because you survived. I know you're going to be a wonderful leader."

Ugh! Why is she so nice?! "Get in the camper before I change my mind about you."

"Alright," she chuckles.

The last but not least to get on is Gummie and Specs. Gummie gets on without Specs. "RM." He sighs heavily.

"You're not going to apologize again, are you? I told you, it's okay. You have Gummie. I know what it's like to want to spend all your time with one person."

"Well, I got you something." He hands me the small package wrapped in newspaper. "It's a picture frame."

I roll my eyes. "Why'd you wrap if it if you were going to tell me about it?"

"Because you're supposed to wrap gifts."

He makes no sense. Once it's unwrapped, I turn the framed picture over so I can see it. "It's Negan," I comment surprised. And it's a recent one of him, too. "How did you get this?"

"There's a lady in Sanctuary who takes pictures for points. She has this old camera that spits out pictures. I spent some of my points on this and the rest of my points on a picture for the future. Once we get our community built, she's going to take a picture of all of us. That way you can have it forever."

That lady knows what a treasure she has. The amount of points even for one picture she wants is absurd, but she can charge that much because the ability to take photos anymore is pretty much nonexistent. It also means a lot to me because I know that Specs doesn't like Negan. "I can't believe you did this for me."

"Well, I know you're going to miss your brute."

I pull him into a real hug, which he's still awkward and in disbelief about. "Thank you, Specs." I let go because I think I'm about to break him.

Red-faced, he runs into the camper.

Heh, I embarrassed him. Damn, this gift is so cool. I'm putting it in the truck for safekeeping.

"RM, be careful," Madsen reprimands when I zip under the ramp him and Dominic are carrying.

"I'm always careful-" I run right into the open passenger door on Cheeto's truck. "Ow!" What is that doing open? Now I look like an idiot! Ugh! This time, I carefully put my picture away. That gift means a lot to me because now I'll always have Negan with me. And the best part is I can see him without hearing his dumb mouth. It's a gift within a gift.

I decide to do a once over to make sure that I'm not forgetting anything. Heh. I'm going to miss the old girl with her rusty death steps and weird musty smell. It's done a lot for me, and it's one of the few times that I can say it was a home. I learned how to be a woman here, and for that, I'm grateful. "Bye, Sanctuary," I smile, letting the heavy metal doors close behind me.

My eyes follow Madsen as he pushes his motorcycle up the ramp and into the back of Cheeto's truck. Especially his forearms as they tense pushing it up the ramp. That's a nice image, but gets ruined when people show up. I'm surprised to see Rick Grimes here. He avoids Madsen which is probably for the best.

"RM."

Oh. He wants me? "Yes?"

"I wanted to reach out to you before you left. Eugene told me that you pointed out a few flaws with our bread mill. We have some as a parting gift as well as a few other things to get your community started."

"No, that's alright." Okay, that bread smells good. "Well, you can leave the bread. Put it in the camper."

He gives the signal to his men. "Carl is here. There are some things he'd like to discuss with you. We look forward to having another community to work close with. Did Jesus make it?"

"Yes, he's already in the camper." Whoa. "Hi, kid." For the record, Carl isn't just taller than me now. He's grown even more since the last time I've seen him.

"I'm the one that made the things for your community. I'd like for you to take them. For the kindness you showed me that day in Negan's room."

He made them? Carl is a great crafter so I know whatever he made will help us. "Thank you, that's real cool of you." It's probably what I should have said from the start but I'm being very selective about the help we're given. I don't want all these free handouts and then people say that we didn't work our rears off to get our community going. Carl isn't the only one who shows up. "Ugh. I could smell you from upstairs." I hold my nose at Daryl.

"Shut it. You leavin' Sanctuary for real?"

"Yep. That's what all this commotion is for."

"Reckon you're gonna need to eat." Daryl is a nomad, he always has been, but it's nice of him to offer to help with my community. Shiva has to eat, and he's a good hunter.

"Fine. Yeah," I try to act like I'm the one doing him a favor.

He gives me a scoff before loading his motorcycle in the back of Cheeto's truck alongside Madsen's.

"Nope," Dominic says at Daryl. "No fucking way."

We haven't even made it there and these two are already fighting.

Thankfully, Daryl doesn't have much to say and climbs up into the bed of the truck so he can ride there.

It's a sight to see considering this was much of my original group other than Merle being gone.

"RM," Negan calls away from the group.

I wonder why he's keeping his distance? Hmm. Maybe he and Madsen really did get into it. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing is wrong. Maybe I just wanted to talk to you without everyone else sticking their nose in shit." Negan tries to offer us a bunch of amenities to help us, but we want to do this on our own. However, I'm not so proud that I refuse biodiesel. That will go a long way for our vehicles and the generator at Madsen's. "I'm going to put an outpost between the two of us. That way you can be assured that help is never far away. If some of your members would like to take turns overseeing things, I'd be willing to offer additional supplies."

Dang, that's really kind of Negan. "I think Simon would be really good for that job."

"Well, look at you, rumpy. Already delegating work," he smirks. "Anyway, all that aside, the real reason I'm here is because I have something for you." He reaches into his pocket and hands me a coin.

Oh my gosh, I completely forgot that it's been one year today! And how perfect being my last day at Sanctuary. "He's so cute," I shrill, staring back at the skeleton in his suit. "I did it," I smile up at him. "I actually did it!"

"I know you did. I'm really proud of you, RM."

This is the perfect way to wrap up my time at Sanctuary. It just helps me strive even harder to achieve my goal as a leader to my group.

"I'm going to miss the fucking shit out of you, rumpy."

"I know, I'll miss you too, dumpy." I hug Negan tight. "Are you hurt that I'm leaving?"

"Nah," he laughs. "We would not work out together. It's a miracle I don't want to strangle you right now."

Today is a good day for me and Negan, despite it being bittersweet. "Who's gonna take care of your ass without me?"

"We found this cop in the woods the other day. I asked her to be my wife, but she said no. She's a real bitch, wound real fucking tight like the braid in her hair, but I think if I keep asking her, she'll change her mind."

"Yeah, with charisma like that." I roll my eyes. I notice her sitting on a bedroll over by the gates reading a book. She looks like the kind of woman that wouldn't put up with Negan's crap. Like just the thought of Negan wastes her time. "Are you going to come see me once we get things up and running?"

"Of course. I'll come see you at the end of next week. And it's not goodbye. Remember, you told me that."

"Yeah," I smile. "You have Gli- glitter on your ear, by the way."

"Fuck! Seriously?" He smacks and swats his ear. "I'm still pulling it from my pubes."

"I really don't want the mental image of you digging through a fuzz forest."

"Fuck you, bitch."

"Alright, I'm leaving for real this time," I laugh.

He yanks me against him. "Don't think you were getting out of this without some type of affection."

"Lucky me." I squeeze him back. I'm going to miss him so much.

"Alright, get the fuck gone."

I know it's usually Negan who holds on the longest, but today it's me. He'll never know just how much he means to me. I am the person I am today because of him. Thank you, my friend.

"Oh, RM," Specs says, coming out of the camper. "I have Chonsey." Specs sets him at my feet.

I let go of Negan, clearing my throat. "Come on, Chonsey. Let's go home."

He scampers up my leg.

On second thought. "Uh, Specs, you better take him. Cheeto gets real nervous about him." I pass Chonsey back.

It'll be a little crowded in the truck with Cheeto, Dominic, Madsen, and myself, but it's okay. I climb in and take my seat next to Dominic.

Cheeto leans over some as he starts the truck. "Ash that shit and let's fuckin go, Mad," he calls out the rolled down window.

Madsen squeezes in the passenger seat, shutting the door.

It's a good thing I'm small. "Bye," I smile at Negan, my eyes real sweaty by now.

"I'll see you at the end of the week." Negan lets go of the truck and takes a step back.

My fingers grip Madsen's tighter as we pull out the front gates. The lump in my throat becomes a little harder to swallow. It's strange how you can feel sorrow yet excited at the same time. Despite it being bittersweet, I know that I'm making the right choice. I can do things the way I want them, with my rules. Never did I think that I'd be in charge of leading a group of people, but it shows just how far that I've come. I smile down at my one year sobriety coin, knowing I will never go back to that same girl I was several years ago. Sure, I'll have my struggles, but this feeling right here is better than anything heroin ever did for me. I have Madsen on my right side and Shiva on my left. Along with an entire group of people that I care for to back me up.

I watch Sanctuary fade in the side mirror. A fallen branch bumps the mirror, shifting it forward so the focus becomes Madsen instead.

When Madsen fixes the mirror, Sanctuary is gone.

"I love you," I tell him.

His lips settle against my temple. "I love you very much, RM."

"Oh," I perk up. "Can I pick the music!?"

"No," they all three shout in unison.


A/N Thank you for all the support over the last few years. Leave me a review and let me know if there are things you'd like to see in the next fic? What would you call RM's group? Reminder to check out my facebook for details on Divine Disaster which is the book I'm publishing on how Madsen found RM. (Link in my profile)

Someone requested chapter 16 in Madsen's point of view so that might be something that I work on in the future and post if anyone is interested.

The Charlottesville references and girl that RM sees on the bedroll is the OC Alice from my Negan fic Stigmatic. I thought that would be a neat tie in for those of you that have read that story, and, if not, you have a 350k complete story to check out. No, these stories aren't related at all. It's just a fun nod towards Stigmatic.

I have received a ton of wonderful fanart of RM and Madsen over the last few years and I can't thank everyone enough for that. Thank you to all the guest reviewers, which I can't reply to :( If you're still hanging on after all these years, thank you for reading. Or if you're a new reader, thank you! Stay fancy and keep it real as RM would say. Bye, you cute Cheetos! - 217