Amu
A bead of sweat slid down my brow as I flew up the staircase, transformed as Amulet Diamond. Ikuto leapt gracefully atop the stair rails, eyes focused on the final door as we approached, soaring towards the door; there was no time to think, we had reached the door, and there was little choice but to burst through it in the hopes that our friends had not yet gone—
It was dark. That was the first thing I noticed. Tonight was supposed to be a full moon, but thick, dark clouds hid it from view, cloaking it in a fine darkness. I had expected an attack, for something to come flying right at me, but it was silent. As my eyes adjusted, I saw, to my utter shock, that every body, from the frail, minuscule figures of the fae, to the gargantuan trolls, from the big, slender werewolves to the white-faced vampires, all lay motionless, prostate on the ground. I rushed to the side of Utau, who lay closest to me, and gasped in relief as her strong pulse beat beneath my fingers. Her eyes danced beneath her lids, as if dreaming.
Ikuto stood over Tadase, whose right side was soaked with blood, and let out a sigh, his face relaxing a fraction. "Well, they're not dead, not yet at least."
"The demon." I jumped to my feet and turned, eyes scanning the strange scene around me.
There she lay, her twisted and alien humanoid form hunched over the ground, quite still. Her deformed head stayed bowed, even as we approached her. For the first time, it was not fear that I felt for the Demon of Hearts any longer. It was pity. I grieved for this girl, who could only have been around my age, and had only ever asked to spend the rest of her life beside the one she loved.
As we drew nearer to her, I felt a low thrum on my chest and looked down to see my Lock glittering with light. Ikuto lifted his Key, which also glowed, and we joined hands. A strong wave of sleepiness slid over my head, a yawn escaped my throat, and suddenly I found myself on my knees on the ground. The rest of the world seemed to fall away, till I was moving in a black tunnel, reaching my hand out to the shell of a dead girl, unsure why I was doing so. Soft, comforting whispers from the darkness promised me it was right, and yet...
Then my hand touched her. She felt just like a normal human being, I thought dizzily. I was vaguely aware of Ikuto drooping beside me before I blacked out, lost in the twilight of dreams.
Tadase
For a moment, I had no idea where or who I was. I was only aware that I was standing outside of Amu's house, staring at my twelve-year-old self burst out of the door with tears streaming down his cheeks.
"Kiseki, where am I?" I asked my guardian character. But he was nowhere to be seen.
I realized then I must be in some sort of memory. The scene was entirely familiar. It was four years ago, and I was in love with Amu Hinamori. This was the day I had found out Ikuto was crashing at Amu's place, and had run away crying. The memory was old and sad, but it wasn't one that I felt much pain over anymore.
Either way, the experience was so vivid, it felt as I had truly been placed inside the memory itself. Something about this particular memory made me feel uneasy, even as I watched myself run and began to chase myself. Something wasn't quite right...
It was dark as I ran after myself, sprinting as I fled into the darkness, quickly overtaking myself before I reached the street and desperately grabbing my shoulder. My other self froze.
Suddenly I was aware of everything that happened and everything I felt, intermingling with other memories that surged up in front of my eyes. Watching Amu as she smiled up at Ikuto, forgetting everything else and ignoring the defeat I already felt in my heart... forced to sit there in silence as Ikuto took my spot with ease, held her hand, kissed her lips, kept the spot in her heart where I had always wanted to be...
It was then that the earth fell away beneath my feet, and I was falling, falling, falling, into the darkness, where it was suffocating. I couldn't see, couldn't breathe, and evil laughter echoed in the pitch black. I was dreaming. But it was not a dream that ended with me waking. I knew I was dying. This nightmare, this horror was literally killing me from the inside, somehow poisoned, yet these memories were still in their original form, pure, untouched. It was the emotions, the unrequited love and its constant torment, that rotted away within me.
I panicked. "Hey!" I shouted, trying to escape, to claw my way out of this black pit, yet still I fell. Nothing made any sense any more, why was I falling. Why had I arrived here, at this memory? Where was Kiseki? Why had I followed myself, why was I here, what was going on, why didn't I understand…? Who was I?
A voice of anguish, a voice I dimly recognized as my own, moaned in pain. "She doesn't love me back… I can't stop loving her… I can't, it's impossible… What's wrong with me, why can't I stop?"
But that's not right, I thought vaguely. Why would I want her to stop loving Amu? Maybe Amu didn't love me the way I had always wanted her to, but that didn't mean I didn't love her unconditionally, and it certainly didn't mean I could love her in a platonic way.
"You can't yourself to stop loving someone," I said hoarsely, my voice echoing in the darkness. "Love isn't a conscious decision. But that doesn't mean I can't try. I tried my absolute best to let her go. Life has to go on. It wasn't the end of the world then, and it's not the end now. It hurt, so much, and it was dark and sad and it sure felt tragic, like my sun had sunk and I'd be stuck in the dark; but in the end, I just had to tough it out to see the sun rise again."
The voice stopped, and for the barest moment, so did the pain.
And suddenly I saw Nadeshiko, Nadeshiko Fujisaki, smiling at me, inches away and yet miles apart. She gave a giggle that echoed, her contagious smile infecting me.
Then I saw Nagihiko, Ikuto, Utau, Kukai, Yaya, Rima, Kairi, Amu.
Amu had been the girl I had fallen so deeply in love with, who I had loved for so long. She could never be mine. But that was okay, wasn't it? Because I had finally moved on.
Maybe it didn't always turn out that way, and maybe I'd still be in love with her if it wasn't for the fact I'd found someone else. But I'd done my best to try, hadn't I? It was time for me to let go.
"Hello, Tadase."
Kiseki, my guardian character in his kingly robes and snobbish attitude. I grinned, and I reached out and took Nadeshiko's hand.
Utau
I blinked, looking around in confusion. "Where am I?" I wondered aloud. "Iru? Eru?" Nothing. "Where is everybody?"
I stood in front of the Easter Corporation headquarters, as if waiting on the steps for something to arrive. But how had I gotten here? Hadn't I been at the top of some warehouse seconds ago?
The door opened from the skyscraper behind me, and I watched in astonishment as my fourteen-year-old self walked out with a fierce look on her face, standing next to Yukari-chan. We both carried large boxes.
"What the hell is going on here?" I muttered to myself. It seemed as if I'd been dumped in an old memory. It was from when I'd still been a puppet to Easter. It was also the night that Yukari-chan and I had almost flown in a helicopter to L.A. To broadcast my "Black Diamond" song to the whole world via radio waves and the internet.
Well, obviously they couldn't see me, as they were headed right towards me and were looking right through me, so that 'ripping-apart-the-space-time-continuum-if-you-make-contact-with-your-old-self' didn't apply here. But what was the point of being here, in the first place? Whatever it was, something felt off, weird, even a little ominous. Even Iru, Eru, and the X-Dia didn't notice me, although X-Dia looked around in confusion when she drifted past me.
"Hm." As my younger self passed with her glum look, I reached out and touched her, just to see if she was real, and gasped.
Immediately I was delved into darkness, surrounded by the emotions and the sadness, every memory that was connected to the darkness of this part in my life story.
The loneliness I had felt, how I had not had a single friend for so long, seemed to slap me right in the face. I had done my best, always working the hardest, trying to be the winner, the top, but I was so alone, so uncared for. The dim look of my mother's eyes, the unmerciful nature of everyone at Easter, the emptiness in Ikuto's face whenever he saw me... I had spent so many years, rejected, alone, never truly being what everyone wanted me to be. I was not my father for my mother. I was not freedom for Ikuto. I was not perfect enough for Easter. And I was not good enough even for myself.
Still I pushed on, hoping that I would finally have everything I want if I won, if I was the top, the leader, the queen. I had become an international idol, people everywhere loved me, and still nothing was enough to be perfect. No matter how much I tried, I couldn't. Now, I no longer knew who I even was; my memories began to fade, my very identity stripping away, pain disintegrating everything...
I fell through the darkness, blinded by the visions. A voice I dimly recognized as my own wailed, "I'm not good enough, why am I never good enough?"
"That's wrong," I murmured, and the pain stopped. "That's wrong," I said a little louder, and the voice stopped.
Yes, this was it. This was the seed that had rotted away inside me. And now it was time to cleanse myself. "That's wrong!" I called out. "Yeah, I'm not always going to be the best in what I do! So maybe I can't be what everyone wants me to be! I'm still me. No matter what, I will always be me, and no one in the world is like me. If people don't think I'm good enough for them, then they're wrong. I don't need to strive to be 'good enough' for someone else. I wasn't put here on this earth just to be of use to someone else. This is the only me they'll get, and I am perfect the way I am."
And then I saw Kukai, then Ikuto, my brother, who smiled down at me. Next to him appeared Tadase, then Amu, Rima and Yaya and Kairi, Nagihiko and Nadeshiko. All stood smiling. I smiled back.
"Utau-chan!" Iru and Eru popped into existence.
"Hello again, you two." I laughed aloud, and suddenly it didn't seem dark at all. This was it, I told myself.
Then I reached out and took Kukai's hand.
Rima
The sound of vicious shouts reached my ears before I even opened my eyes.
I stood in my room, except it was from when I was younger, with different posters and different clutter in their rightful places, before Amu and Nagihiko the clean freaks had broken in and ruined it and I'd fixed it again.
Except this time, my twelve-year-old self huddled in a ball under the worn covers of my bed, shoulders shaking.
"Am I in the past?" I murmured, trying to add up the situation and coming up with nothing. I'd just been on the rooftop of some old warehouse, and now I was... inside an old memory? And now KusuKusu was gone?
It seemed as if I really were here. From the particularly angry shouts, I knew it had to have been fairly close to the end of my parent's marriage. Certainly it was after I'd transferred schools to Seiyo Academy; there was my guardian cape lying on the back of a chair. Yes, lying on my desk was a picture with Amu, Yaya and I, taken early in the spring. This was just before my parents had agreed to get a divorce. It was probably even their last fight before the papers were drawn up. Well, this certainly wasn't a happy memory.
The volume increased, and the sound of breaking glass and loud thumps reached my ears. I started, and my little self flinched. In pity I reached out a hand without thinking, to comfort myself (that sounds weird), do something at least.
The second I touched her, she stiffened, and a gaping pit opened beneath my feet. I fell, gasping in surprise and fear, tumbling through the dark.
I could feel everything, see everything; every happy and unhappy memory before my eyes, the story of my life thrown into relief. I remembered my old saying: 'nothing lasts forever'. And that's what I had believed. My mama and papa had once loved each other, but now they hated each other fighting every day and finally splitting up. I had once had friends, before they stopped respecting me and being true and started pitying me and treated me as if I were a delicate flower, not as a true person. I had once been happy, but that had disappeared in the blink of an eye. And now I was falling into nothingness, pain surging through my limbs and erasing everything, and soon I would be gone, maybe forever...
"It never lasts," My younger voice echoed tonelessly into the darkness. "Happiness never lasts."
It doesn't, does it, I thought. Nothing really ever lasts forever. Maybe it does for a long time, maybe for a short time. Sometimes happiness lasts for years, but it never stays forever. Life always messes things up for you.
But that's life, isn't it? I thought, bewildered. Of course happiness can't last forever. That's what makes it so precious, right? You have to treasure it, don't you? Work at it so you can truly be happy?
"Happiness takes some work," I said aloud. "You can't let yourself get down if something bad happens. It's hard, but how could happiness not be worth working for? It's there, it's free, it feels good, and it's certainly not detrimental to your health… why not?"
And suddenly Nagihiko appeared before me. He smiled at me as he always did, and I found I didn't feel the pain anymore.
Then Amu, my best friend, and Yaya, and Nadeshiko, Tadase, Utau, Kukai, Kairi, Ikuto. They all had wide beams across their faces, as if I had done something and now they were so proud of me.
"Idiots," I muttered fondly. "I totally knew what I was doing the whole time."
"Rimaaaa!" KusuKusu appeared and made a funny face. I laughed, and then reached out and took Nagihiko's hand.
Nagihiko
I couldn't explain how I got here or even what I was doing here. Rhythm and Temari were gone, and it made no sense how I'd gotten here of all places from the abandoned warehouse's rooftop. All I knew was that I was staring at my eleven-year old self, dressed as Nadeshiko, standing in the Seiyo Academy elementary library with three other Guardians.
From the bright light and the clean breeze that brought the scent of flowers through the window, I recognized the time as late spring. In fact, from the surprised and saddened looks on all the young Guardians faces and the absence of Amu, I guessed it was the day I had told my friends that I was leaving to study dance in Europe. It wasn't a happy memory by any means, but it was one I still remembered clearly. Apparently it was clear enough for me to step into it, as vivid as if I were actually there.
I stepped forward, unsure whether or not they could see me. "Hello?"
No answer; they continued to talk in hushed, worried whispers as if I wasn't standing here. Tadase asked my younger self if I had told Amu, and my face grew pale and my eyes grew conflicted. I followed myself to the window, where I stood behind myself.
Outside the window, just as I'd remembered, was Amu, who noticed my younger self and waved, smiling brightly. My younger self's shoulders seemed smaller than ever before, and he gave a sad little wave before turning away.
"How strange," I murmured as my younger self brushed past me. His shoulder touched my chest, and I gasped, stumbling back as a wave of emotion and memory surged through my body. I grabbed at the chair behind me, but suddenly it wasn't there, and I fell, before everything was swallowed up in the blink of an eye by darkness.
I tumbled through empty space, bewildered by the sense of shame and conflict now raging madly inside my head. A strange acidic burn seeped painfully into my skin. Suddenly I was remembering everything, the many days I had fooled those closest to me. It had hurt so much, as badly as this acid touch felt now, to lie to those I cared for, who believed I was innocent when I was anything but that. It had hurt to lie to Amu most of all, she who had been my best friend and who had trusted me with her deepest emotions, and who I couldn't even trust to tell her who I really was.
My young voice echoed through the darkness, ringing in my ears and blocking out everything else. "I lied to everyone," My voice moaned in anguish. "I'm a liar..."
The accusing word pulsed in my ears to the beat of my slowing heart, or maybe to the rasping breaths from my raw throat. Liar. Liar. Liar. Liar.
I'm dying, I thought distantly, as the word pierced again and again in my heart. I'm dying a bad man...
"I'm sorry," I breathed, a final hiss. "I'm so sorry..."
It seemed the pain receded for a moment, and my stinging eyes widened. "I'm sorry," I said louder. "But what's done is done." With each word, the darkness seemed to recede just a little. "I know I shouldn't have done it in the first time. The best I can do is earn back their trust and forgive myself."
Huge, chocolate brown eyes blinked at me, and I started as Rima appeared, standing over me and rolling her eyes at me fondly. Then Amu, Tadase, Kukai, then Yaya and Utau, Ikuto, Kairi.
"Silly, now what are you doing down there?" Temari and Rhythm popped into existence. Temari giggled and Rhythm laughed.
"Jump, dude!" Rhythm told me.
I grinned, then took Rima's hand and leapt.
Kukai
"This is kinda strange," I mumbled, rubbing my head in confusion as I stared around me.
There wasn't really a good explanation for why I was standing in the middle of a soccer field, watching a younger version of myself play in a primary school soccer game. It was kind of freaky, I'l tell you that, seeing as I could've sworn I'd just been knocked out by a particularly nasty troll that took a particular dislike to me because I'd kicked it in in a spot where the sun didn't particularly shine. After that, I'd kind of blacked out, and suddenly I'd found myself here. I hadn't been to this old field for years.
"Pass! PASS! I'm OPEN!" My younger self had escaped from the cloud of defensive players surrounding him (er, me?) and was waving his hands wildly as he sprinted down the field, free for just a fraction of second. Across the field another boy spun, dodged, and kicked the ball neatly across the field. My younger self (I?) caught the ball and turned, sprinting down the field and sent it flying, up over the heads of the other players and my old team, aimed right at the left top corner of the goal—
The soccer ball dipped just by a fraction, and the goalie caught it. The buzzer went of, and the game had ended, with us just a point behind from a tie.
"I think I remember this," I said in surprise. I mean, I'd had a lot of soccer games in my time, so it's not like I remembered every single game I'd played, but this one seemed a tiny bit familiar. I thought this was the one where I'd missed that one shot and I'd felt pretty bad, since it meant that we wouldn't be undefeated for the fifth year running, which my team was really hoping for. Anyways, I'd felt guilty, but then what was the point of letting it bring me down? My team certainly wasn't that broken up over it, so there was no point in crying over spilt milk, right? I'd just shrugged it off and moved on. In fact, I was surprised I still remembered it.
Lost in thought, I hadn't exactly realized what was going on around me, which meant that when my younger self sprinted right into me, I lost my balance and fell.
And then kept falling. "WHOA!" I waved my arms wildly as I tumbled through the darkness like a mad chicken or something, the world dissolving around me into darkness.
Adrenaline surged through my veins as I fell. A strange, acidic pain began to sting, pressing like damp air into my skin and clinging to my flesh. "ARRGHHH!" I slapped at my arms; it felt like a swarm of bugs was eating away at every inch of me. For another countless time since the demon had come to Osaka, I felt afraid.
"I lost," My younger voice shouted. "I lost."
"OOOOWWW!" I yelled.
"I lost!"
'I heard you the first time!" I called furiously. "Do you want me to feel sorry for you?"
A pause, then the sensation of what felt almost like confusion. I swatted at the air around me. The pain seemed to recede for just a moment.
"Yeah, you lost," I shouted. "I lost. I let my friends down. But you're not always going to win, okay?! Just accept that sometimes you can't win. There are time when you're defeated. But you can't let loss bring you down." I closed my eyes, sighing as the pain faded away entirely. Bright light burned through my eyelids. "Learn from your mistakes, don't let them become your chains."
And then I saw Utau, laughing at me like I was hilarious. Next to her stood Tadase, smiling innocently in that sparkly way of his. Yaya gave a childish giggle. Nagihiko grinned, Amu and Nadeshiko sparkle-attacked me, Rima rolled her eyes and muttered impatiently, Kairi pushed up his glasses and chuckled, and Ikuto crossed his arms, smirking like the pervert he was.
"Kukai!" Daichi appeared next to me, winking cheekily and kicking a miniature soccer ball aloft.
"Where were you?" I asked him, ruffling his hair fondly.
"You kid." Utau snorted.
"Heh." I laughed as she held out her hand, then took it and pulled her down with me.
Yaya
You know, you'd think that being chained up on a rooftop with a broken thumb surrounded by a bunch of supernatural beings you didn't know existed would be the most jarring thing ever. Apparently passing out and waking up sitting in a chair in a room filled to the brim with cheering people was more surprising.
"WHOA!" I fell out of the metal chair I'd been sitting in, totally shocked. I was sitting in a room filled with tons of people, all staring up proudly the stage, where I saw a younger version of Amu, Tada, Rima and Nagi all standing along with the rest of their class, except now they all were really young.
"Pepe, it's their graduation ceremony!" I said aloud, then blinked in surprise. "Pepe?"
She was gone.
I shivered. "Scary," I muttered to myself. "Where'd she go?" I looked next to me.
And then flipped out. "AHHH!"
It's very scary to see that you're sitting next to your ten-year-old self, let me just tell you that! I mean, I was totes cute and all that, but it's still pretty freaky, especially if you already have no idea how you got where you were!
This dream, or whatever it was I was experiencing, wasn't really a sad memory, but it wasn't totally happy either. Today was the day that all my older friends had graduated, leaving me behind to become junior high students. I mean, it was exciting and and all, but everything was changing. Everyone was leaving. I remember thinking that I really didn't like change, because it was so scary. I'd be running the Guardians as the oldest, and therefore I had to be more mature. But that wasn't my character at all...
"Fuuu..." I lifted a tentative hand, then poked at my self, curious.
"Oh my gosh!" I squealed as everything dissolved, including the ground underneath my feet, and I fell.
"WAAAHHHHH!" I waved my limbs wildly, kicking and crying out. Adrenaline flooded through my veins as I zoomed through the black hole. Pain shot through my limbs, and I bit my lip from yelling, even as I tumbled through the darkness without rhyme or reason.
It was getting harder and harder to think. All my saddest and most regretful memories were zooming in front of my eyes like a film reel on fast-forward. All the regret I'd felt for the change in my life, all the wishes that my friends wouldn't leave me behind and I wouldn't be alone for so long, that people would stop expecting me to grow up and be mature filled me with a pain deeper than the agony that soaked into my skin.
"I don't want to change," My voice cried suddenly, echoing through the walls of dark that blocked out everything. "I'm scared to change!"
"I don't want to change, either!" I yelled, bewildered. "But I have to change if I want to live my life!"
Suddenly I stopped whirling, frozen suddenly in this pit. I held back the bile in my throat from both the vertigo and this rot that was still inside my heart. "You—you have to change," I said weakly. "Changing isn't something you can just avoid for your whole life, because if you never change, then you lose any new chance to be happy." I insisted, growing stubborn. "Sometimes things happen that aren't fair, and sometimes things happen that make you sad and empty and broken inside. That's not a good change at all. But if you want to be happy again, you can't go back to the time before when you were happy. You have to make a new change that will lead to a new happiness."
The pain began to fade, and I breathed in slowly and deeply, smiling at all the memories. "I used to be hate change. I was brokenhearted when Kukai and Nadeshiko left, because I loved him, and I'd known her forever. But then Rima and Kairi came, and Nagihiko came back..." I trailed off. "And even after Amu and the others left, I made new friends and kept up with my old friends. Why should I stay in the past and regret every change that I don't like when I can look to the future and make new changes that lead to me being happy? WHOA!"
The darkness dissolved, and I was completely enveloped in white light. I let out a violent string of curse words I'd never thought would ever come from my mouth and tumbled backwards, before realizing I could stand again. When I stumbled to my feet, there stood Kairi, smiling down at me and shaking his head in exasperation. Amu came up beside him, then Kukai, Tadase, Rima, Nagi, Utau and Nadeshiko and Ikuto. Kukai ruffled my hair, Tadase grinned in a sparkly way, Rima grumbled and rolled her eyes, Nagi and Nade gave calm smiles, and Utau muttered 'little kid' under her breath.
"Hey, Sugar High," Ikuto smirked, throwing his arm around Amu.
"What do you mean, Sugar High?!"
"A true baby is a baby no matter what life throws at her, ~dechu." Pepe settled atop my head. "You are a true baby."
"Yaaaay!" I laughed and, completely ignoring Kairi's outstretched hand, flung myself forward and knocked over them all.
Kairi
I turned in a slow circle, staring at my surroundings in confusion. After I had passed out, I had woken up here, in the darkness of night in an outer hallway at Seiyo Academy. I was positive I had been on a rooftop only moments ago, yet here I stood, where the light from stars filtered into the hallway.
"Musashi?" I murmured. But he was gone, and his egg was nowhere to be found. This only contributed to the uneasy sensation that something about this occurrence was ominous.
Soft footsteps came from behind me, and I turned, then froze in shock. A younger version of myself, perhaps when I was nine years of age, tiptoed past me with a wary and nervous look on his face. In his hand he held a bag, within which I realized were Black Diamond CDs.
So this was like a memory, I realized. It had been this day that I had been caught by my friends as a spy for Easter. It was certainly not a happy memory, but why I was here of all places, without Musashi, was suspicious.
"I don't think I can do this anymore," My self said tersely to Musashi, who didn't seem to notice me.
There were footsteps once more, and I knew already what would happen, a pit of guilt forming in my stomach as Amu, Tadase, Rima and Yaya all appeared behind me, calling out.
"Oh—Iinchou! You're here! We were just saying..."
The Black Diamond CDs dropped to the ground and spilled out of the bag. "Huh? What's this?" A younger Amu stared at the CDs, along with Tadase and Yaya.
"... Was it you?"
I turned to my younger self, watching his reaction, grimly nudging a CD with my toe.
And then the ground swallowed me up, pulling me into stinging darkness.
The memories of betrayal whirled in front of my eyes, reminding me of everything that I'd sad and done. My friends had trusted me, and I betrayed them, willing to pretend that I cared, but really, I was ready to hurt them, to turn on them on a moment's notice, ready to be their enemy.
"Traitor." My younger voice pierced my ears, striking shame into my heart. "I'm a traitor. I betrayed other people, I did bad things, and I let people who trusted me and cared for me get hurt because of my own selfishness. I'm a monster."
"No," I pleaded. "I'm not, I hurt them, I know, but I'm sorry, I'm so sorry…" I closed my eyes, shuddering violently. "I live with this every damn day of my life. I betrayed the people who cared the most about me, and I live with that guilt and that remorse every single day of my life. And I know afte what I've done, I might never be forgiven… but I need to fogive myself. I'm human. I make mistakes, just like everyone else. But I can't keep tearing myself down. What good does that do to anyone? If what I've done has taken someone's happiness away, then taking away my own happiness won't do a damn thing to give their happiness back."
I blinked. For a moment, I thought I'd seen a flash of caramel hair and a red sparkle. Then Yaya appeared in front of me, giggling and smiling at me in her young, childish way I loved so much. Then Amu, Tadase, Rima, and Utau, Nagihiko, Kukai, Ikuto and Nadeshiko. Each smiled at me, and I remembered just how thankful I was that I had the luck to have friends willing to forgive me for what I'd done.
"A samurai must choose an honest path." Musashi popped in front of my face.
I smiled. "... Yes."
And I let Yaya glomp me.
Nadeshiko
The moment I came to consciousness, I fell to my knees and cried.
Perhaps it was simply another nightmare, and perhaps I'd been trapped within my own mind, confronting the deepest, darkest things in my heart. It didn't matter. Here I stood, in my old room in the old orphanage I had once called home, and it was burning.
As I knew from reliving this night after night, the walls seeped with flames and poured stifling heat and dangerous fumes into the air. I choked, falling to my knees and crawling desperately to the door, clawing my way through it, collapsing in the hallway. Fear shot through my bones—fire had caught to my shirt, and I stifled it quickly by rolling, biting my lip from the pain. God, this was real, real enough, and I could die...
I let out a sob and dashed further down the hall, covering my ears and shuddering from the evil cackles of Lady ringing through the roar of the flames.
Suddenly I rammed into a door, and gasped as it nudged open. It was as if I had not gone anywhere; I was right in front of Hisashi's room, which was only next door to mine.
This was the only way to get out of here. Lifting a trembling hand, I pushed the door open further and stepped inside. And there was my sixteen-year-old self, lamenting her pain to the lifeless form of the boy she loved. My eyes widened in shock—never, not once in every nightmare had I seen myself in my younger form standing where I had always been. I moved slowly as if in a dream, tears still sliding down my face, and touched just the fingertips of my left hand to my self's cheek.
The flames roared up in a blazing inferno, surging white-yellow and orange around me. I fell backwards, screaming as I huddled in a ball, shaking as the heat slapped at me.
The flames died, and the ground seemed to dissolve from beneath me, and I was falling, screaming as I plunged into a black hole dark enough to leave me completely blind. My flesh seemed ablaze—it felt as if I were on fire, the agony was so horrible. Yet this pain that I felt was nothing compared to the torture of the memories that swirled inside of my head, accompanied by the torment of a broken heart, of a lost self, of infinite fear that hounded me night and day.
"I couldn't save Hisashi," My voice sobbed, ripping at the very sanity within my mind. "I let him die. This is my fault …"
"It's not my fault." My voice shook. "I'm so, so sorry... But it's not my fault …" I curled up in a ball, shuddering and whimpering as flames licked at my skin. "I can't think, ''if I'd said something', or 'if I'd done something', then he'd still be here, he'd still be alive... Life just happens. Life can be horrible and unfair and painful." The pain was beginning to fade; I gulped in air, slowly uncurling from my ball. My mind was beginning to clear. "But one decision, one event isn't the sole reason for different event; there are always other reasons, not just my own. We can't always control what happens in our lives and in the lives of others. I can't blame myself for his death. I have to accept that it honestly, truly isn't my fault that he's gone."
There was a flash of blinding light, and I gasped, feeling as light as a feather, as if every demon at my heels had been banished, every festering thought cleansed from my mind. Before me appeared Nagihiko, Tadase, Amu and Rima, Utau and Yaya, Kukai, Ikuto, Kairi. Broad smiles split their faces; I felt my heart leap at the sight of them, the people who I cared so much for.
"You did it, Nade!" Azumi floated in front of my face, giggling happily and hugging my cheek. "You finally let go!"
"I did it," I said tremulously, and turned to my friends. "I did it."
And with that, they stepped forward and embraced me.
Ikuto
The first thing I knew what that I couldn't control myself.
It was immediately apparent that I had no jurisdiction over my own body. It was as if I had been trapped inside my own head, screaming and yelling, unable to do anything but move as if I were a marionette.
I was perfectly aware of everything. I could see everything clearly, still see the vivid white stars in the sky above me. But I no longer stood upon the rooftop to a warehouse. Now, I was inside a memory.
I came to realize this the second I knew I couldn't control my body. I had only felt this when I had been controlled by Easter with my X-energy infected violin. It had been dark and terrifying, forced to stand and play hour after hour nonstop, fighting the people I loved, yet there had been nothing I could do. All that was possible was the use of my little strength to fight the mournful voice that sneered at me, tried to force me to give in entirely and submit my will to them. It had been without a doubt the most physically taxing thing I had undergone.
I slipped my grip on my mind for a moment, and then I lost everything, falling into darkness as the evil whispers took over, and I floated within the constraints of my own mind, trapped as my skin iced over and stung with biting cold. There was no escape from Easter, and there was no escape from the torture of my own mind.
"No one can save me," My voice, monotone and empty, rang out through the lifeless dark. "I have to do this alone..."
"But I'm not alone," I said quietly, even as I began to drift away. "I was never alone to begin with. There was always someone there for me. There will always be someone there wanting to help, no matter if it's a complete stranger or someone who I've known my whole lifetime. Just because I want to do something alone doesn't mean I need to do it that way." I smiled at the thought of Amu, of Utau and Tadase and all my friends, both younger and older than I. "Maybe I don't feel like anyone should shoulder my burdens but me." My expression brightened as the darkness around me dissipated. "But there's nothing wrong with help."
Amu appeared then, and Utau and Tadase, Kukai, Kairi, Nadeshiko, Rima, Nagihiko, Yaya. Each were smiling at me in their little kiddie way. I grinned. "Sometimes... I guess you just can't stand on your own."
"That's right~nya!" Yoru peeked down at me from atop my head, licking my forehead with his rough pink tongue. I laughed and ruffled his hair.
"Cross my heart and hope to die," Amu started, putting her hands on her hips. I swore her eyes said 'great-it's-kitty-cosplay-boy'.
I laughed. "Stick a needle in my eye."
And I pulled her in for a kiss.
Amu
I opened my eyes and sat up. I was in my room, evening light filtering in from the balcony. The sound of shouting on the TV downstairs and dinner talk reached my ears. But, something was a little off...I got to my feet, crossing my arms and shivering. It was unnaturally cold, not like it usually was. "Ran? Miki? Su? Dia? Where are you guys?"
My four guardian characters were nowhere to be seen. In fact... it was as if they had never existed in the first place. There were no photos of 'Nadeshiko' and Yaya and I, not of Rima and Utau, or Kukai and Tadase, or of Kairi or Ikuto. My little chara-box had disappeared, along with so many of my old things and relics from the past four years. Old posters I had long discarded hung fresh on my walls, and lying on the back of my chair was my old schoolbag from elementary school.
I turned and looked at myself in the mirror. Still sixteen, no longer transformed and in the clothes I had worn when I was kidnapped. The Humpty Lock was still in its usual position resting over my heart.
Footsteps pounding up the staircase made me freeze in surprise, and my door opened. I couldn't move for shock: there in front of me stood my younger self, in all her eleven-year-old glory. She didn't wear the Humpty Lock. From the open door, I could hear Saeki Nobuko rambling of more of her spiritual mumbo-jumbo. I caught the words 'guardian angel' in there.
"I'm in a memory?" I said aloud, recognizing the similarities between this and O Shinge's memories. It was the same sort of thing; I was really here, inside a memory like I had been dropped in a magic box that replayed that memory over and over again.
My younger self plopped down on the bed, looking anxious and frightened before she flipped out.
"Aaargh!" She wailed. "That was close! What was that?! I seriously don't like the occult..." She moaned, huddling in a tiny ball. "Now I'm too scared to take a bath... if I see monsters or something scary in there..."
"I remember this," I murmured. It was the memory of the night before I'd gotten my guardian characters.
My younger self let out a muffled scream of frustration into her pillow. "I'm sick and tired of being my outer character!" Then she went still and pulled herself upright, breathing hard.
In a strange sense of sympathy, I crossed over her, wanting to say something, but she couldn't see or hear me. "I know," I whispered, and sat down beside myself, her shoulder brushing my arm.
And suddenly the bed next to me disappeared, and I was falling through darkness. I screamed, flailing my arms about me, the scene above me disappearing. Loud, echoing shouts rang through the darkness as feelings raged violently through my bones, buffeting me back and forth in stunned confusion. An acidic pain began to seep through my body, through my bones and into my heart.
My outer character had a life of its own..." My younger voice rang out through the darkness. "I want to feel cute and be who I really am... but I can't now, because that's not my true character..."
That's right, I thought. I had felt so lonely before my guardian characters. I'd eaten lunch alone, walked to and from school and all my classes alone, I didn't have any friends... I had been 'too cool' and popular for any other girl to feel like she could get close to me. What was the point of being distant and 'cool and spicy' if I was isolated to the point that no one even knew the real me? I'd wanted to be a cuter and more honest girl, but...
"That's not my character," My younger self cried aloud, as if she had heard my thoughts. "That's not who I really am... I'm not good enough..."
I frowned. "That's wrong," I said quietly. The pain began to recede, and I said louder, in a stronger voice, "That's wrong!
"I know I wasn't always perfect when I was younger," I went on. "I know that my outer character wasn't who I really was inside. And yeah, I was scared. But so what? Just because you're imperfect doesn't mean you can't still shine!" The strength returned to my limbs, and the darkness began to recede. "I tried my best to become the person I always wanted to be!" I shouted. "I believed in myself, I believe in my own inner sparkle and guess what? I am radiant!"
With an explosion, the darkness was gone, swallowed up with light. Ikuto stood in front of me, grinning in his usual perverted way. There was Tadase, Utau, Rima, Nagihiko, there was Kukai and Yaya and Kairi and Nadeshiko, all smiling at me.
Four eggs, one red, one blue, one green, and one yellow sparkled into existence, and with a crack and a shout of "Amu!" Ran, Miki, Su and Dia appeared in front of me.
"You did it, Amu!" Ran cried.
Miki laughed. "You cleansed yourself!"
"Myself?" I said in wonder.
"That's right, ~desu," Su twirled happily.
Dia nodded, smiling proudly at me. "It was a kind of dream state. You were facing a dark part in your heart, conjured up by the Dream Thief. You wouldn't have made it out, but you fought back and cleansed yourself!"
I sweat-dropped. "So you're saying I would've died if I kept dreaming?"
"Yep!" The four giggled.
I turned back to my friends, who were looking at me with expectance. "Then I guess it's time to wake up."
And I took Ikuto's hand.
All
"Character transformation... Radiant Dream!"
The light-world in which the ten glowed so bright we were blinded by the sudden appearance of colour and the pure shine of an untainted dream. When the light had died, we found ourselves back again, floating a foot above the ground like ghosts. Euphoria radiated from every inch of our beings; each of us were literally aglow, our forms nothing but light that glittered, and yet though our features were so indistinguishable, we seemed to know without a doubt who each of us were.
The moon had slipped from its veil of clouds to reveal itself in all its fantastic glory, loosing its glow on the world of night below. We were back on the rooftop, where the rest of the bodies lay motionless and the effervescent glow of the spirits dimmed and frozen. It was exactly as it was when we had left.
All of this happened in less than a minute. There was no need for words; not a single sound escaped our lips. It seemed as if we were aware of everything each of us felt, understood, knew, as one.
It was not a second later that the presence of darkness rose and swelled from behind us. A quick turn, and each of our ten figures leapt out of the way as the place we had all been floating a fraction of a second ago erupted with violent X-energy, leaving the sweet scent of rot and sadness singing the air in its place.
Immediately we lifted our hands as we flew to the side, shooting sparkling iridescent energy straight at her, catching her in a bright spectrum and enveloping her in a shield of our dream power. She shrieked, throwing back her head and flinging her limbs wide. Cracks in the white 'armour', black shining through, then it shattered, and she rose up into the air.
O Shinge beat her long wings, pitch-black feathers that glimmered like ink. She touched the ground soundlessly. Her transformation was, in comparison to the form we had always seen her in, was astounding; no longer was she the hunched, inhuman figure with the spider like limbs and the skull-like head. Now her body was aglow, purely dark energy as our radiance was light. Her figure was no longer humanoid, but that exactly of a young woman, slender and shapely, beautiful and terrible as her long hair, tendrils of dark smoke that whipped around her.
"I will get my revenge," She hissed, and raised her arms. In an act of horror and wonder, the black clouds of energy seemed to rise, as if an endless misty ocean, from the city around us, a suffocating mass of darkness that dimmed even the radiance of our shared transformation.
It seemed to whisper things, lamenting loss and pain, the agony of hundreds upon thousands reaching their plight up to us, broken souls crying out in anguish. Silent tears slid down unseen faces. It was an agony that could not be witnessed by the eye of any one human, no single mortal, lest one go insane. But together, shielded by the light of the ten of this final prophecy, we who would finish this once and for all...
"You are hurt." As one, we rose, meeting the furious eyes of the demon, defiant to her attack. "We will not give up on our dreams. But we will not hurt you."
From our number of ten, one stepped away, breaking his light away from the whole of our shining forms. He drifted forward.
"I know you are in pain. I understand." Tadase's voice echoed above, ringing through the thick darkness. "I have fallen in love before. I know that sometimes, you love someone so much, and there's nothing you can do to be together with them. But the sun will set in the west and rise in the east. You have to try and be brave enough to see that sun rise again."
Another of our number stepped away. Utau's figure joined Tadase's, taking his hand. "I know what it means when everyone expects you to be the best, to be better than anyone else, and you can't. People seem to forget that you're still someone underneath what you accomplish, that you're only a person."
Rima stepped forward, her long hair swinging golden with energy. She took Tadase's other hand. "I know you think happiness never lasts. You're right. Nothing really ever lasts forever. Maybe it does for a long time, maybe for a short time, but it never stays forever. Life always messes things up for you. But that's life, isn't it? That's what makes everything so precious."
Another took Rima's hand. Nagihiko. "You didn't lead a happy life, in the end. I know you regret it every moment you stand here. But what's done is done. It is time to let go of the past, because you can't change what you've done."
O Shinge was frozen, staring down at us. Her hands shook with the effort of her raised Hell, but she was utterly transfixed by the words we spoke. "I cannot let go."
"Yes, it is time." Kukai took Utau's hand. "Sometimes you can't win. There are time when you're defeated. But you can't let loss bring you down. Learn from your mistakes, don't let them become your chains."
"I know that change can be scary." Yaya took Kukai's hand. "Sometimes things happen that aren't fair, and sometimes things happen that make you sad and empty and broken inside. That's not a good change at all. But if you want to be happy again, you can't go back to the time before when you were happy. You have to make a new change that will lead to a new happiness."
O Shinge's face contorted. "Happiness... I... can't.. .feel... don't deserve…"
"You need to forgive yourself." Kairi's hand grasped Yaya's. "You can't blame yourself forever for what you did. Yes, what you've done is wrong. But nothing good comes out of tearing yourself down. Hurting yourself is purposeless—somewhere out there, there is a person who forgives you; don't you owe it to that person to forgive yourself?"
"You're worthy of happiness." Nadeshiko took Nagihiko's hand. "Life happens. Things happen that cause other things to happen. You can't cause something bad to happen all by yourself. Don't blame yourself anymore."
Now Ikuto stepped forward, taking her hand. "Don't think that you're alone. Just because you want to do something alone doesn't mean you need to do it that way. Maybe you don't feel like anyone should shoulder my burdens but you. No one should bear others' troubles, right? But sometimes you honestly can't stand alone."
And Amu stepped forward now, taking Ikuto's hand and looking up at the demon with the rest of us. "Even if you're imperfect, you can still shine!" The strength returned to my limbs, and the darkness began to recede. "Believe in yourself, believe in your own inner sparkle! You are radiant!"
With those words, tears had begun to pour down the demon's face. Slowly, she lowered her hands, bowing her head.
Together, we lifted our linked hands, displaying them before her. "When all is gone, Hope is all we have left, even in the hardest times. It is what keeps us strong, what keeps dreams from shattering and heals hearts." We closed our eyes as within our hearts, the pure essence of dreams began to sparkle bright as day.
"We will give you hope."
Then light. Light brighter than that of which we had ever seen, cascading in the flow of our beings, cleansing a heart that had never truly healed, a wound that ran deeper than we could possibly fathom, a hundred years' worth of pain gone in the gentle arms of dreams. It seemed a fountain of euphoria had erupted from within us, a light that had always been there, waiting to be found.
Slowly the light began to die, fading in the gentle purity of night, and still we stood glowing, the living image of dreams, still transformed in our base form.
In front of us stood the tiny figure of a girl, just barely older than seventeen, too young to have felt so much pain. She was timelessly beautiful, as if she could have been older than time itself yet had aged not a single moment. Her eyes were filled with infinite sadness, but she stood straight and tall, skin shimmering as if she were not fully here with us.
"Thank you." Her voice was but a whispering echo, soft and sweet. A single tear dripped from her deep brown eyes, sliding down her cheek and falling, glittering to the ground. She turned her face to the sky, smiling up at the moon that peeked its head from the clouds.
There was a rush of wind, an ancient breeze that recalled lost streams and newly blooming violets, the cotton scent of springtime rising up even in the depths of early winter. Then she was gone, dissolved into the glow of moonlight.
