Author's Note:
Adam: Well, he was an idiot. Understandably though, which is what makes it hard.
Chapter 53.
I lingered in the bathroom, even though all I wanted to do was rush out there after her and stop her leaving. I closed the lid on the toilet and sat on it with my head in my hands for a long time.
I'd screwed up. Best intentions gone wrong. I shouldn't have done what I did. She was right, leaving her when she was most vulnerable and going after the one that did that to her, it was the worst kind of betrayal. I should've been at her side when she woke.
And now I'd broken what we had.
I sat there a time, wanting to give Starfire the time she needed to dress and leave without having to deal with me begging her not to leave, not to mention fighting back my own sorrow and guilt.
So, I guess my surprise is understandable when I finally ventured from the bathroom to see her, dressed in a small purple sundress and kneeling in the middle of the bed, stuffing food into her mouth and half a dozen empty trays around her.
She froze as she saw me, her cheeks full of food, her hand halfway to her mouth and her other reaching for more.
"Ahh… hi?"
She swallowed heavily. Coughed, chewed some more, then swallowed again. "Food. I was hungry." She looked down at the trays on the bed, fussed around and then brightened as she lifted her quarry. "I saved you a plate."
"Um… thanks?"
She held it out to me, smiling endearingly. "It is mostly untasted."
I took the plate, only because it was an automatic movement, absently glancing at its contents. Eggs, cooked tomatoes, sausages, toast, a traditional English breakfast with the bacon suspiciously missing. I lifted an eyebrow.
"Sorry," she apologised, stuffed another piece of bacon in her mouth, chewing frantically. "I did not think you would mind."
"Slow down. You'll give yourself—"
She squeaked a hiccup.
"—hiccups…"
She reached for more toast with one hand and picked up an empty tray beside her with the other, moving it aside so there was space on the bed, which she then gestured with her toastless hand, muttering something with sounded like, "Sit."
"Umm… are you sure? Weren't you just—"
She gulped down her food. "Sit. Eat. Talk later."
I did as I was told, even though I was confused as fuck. Balancing my plate on my knees I ate, watching her the whole time.
Alfred came in, followed by Beast Boy and Cyborg, both of them wielding more trays of food, and Sarah, who set about clearing away the empty trays.
"Man, look at her go," Cyborg breathed.
"She'd win a food eating contest any day," Beast Boy said, pushing the trays he was carrying into the fray.
"Nine stomachs might have something to do with it," Cyborg said.
"Do you think you'll consume more?" Alfred asked.
Starfire's mouth was too full to reply, but she gave Alfred two thumbs up and shook her head.
"Very good," Alfred said, then looked at me. "Master Dick?"
"Um… coffee?"
Starfire nodded, pointed at me, then herself, then tilted back her head so that her mouthful of food wouldn't escape as she tried to speak. Not that it helped, whatever she said came out garbled.
Alfred raised his eyebrow. "Zorkaberry juice?"
Starfire nodded.
"I believe we have some left," Alfred said and gave a small bow. "I shall return."
"Um… yeah… so shall we," Beast Boy said. "Sorry, but… watching her eat is kind of… making me sick."
"Weak ass stomach," Cyborg commented, his arm around Sarah as they followed Beast Boy. "Can't ever compete with a pregnant woman's appetite."
"Rae's at work," Beast Boy called. "She'll be along as soon as she gets off."
Starfire's cheeks were so full and she kept shovelling food into her mouth. I watched her tilt her head back and squirt mustard into her already overstuffed mouth. I swear I heard her growl at one point. I slowly ate what she'd saved for me, it would be rude not to eat especially since she went to all that trouble to keep herself off that one plate, but when she started eyeing off what was left on my plate, I handed it over without a word and watched her devour it.
Finally, she sat back on her haunches with a contented sigh and put aside my licked clean plate, just as Alfred returned with my coffee and a jug of zorkaberry juice for Starfire, placing each drink on our corresponding sides of the bed. He brusquely cleared away the empty plates and trays and left without another word.
"Ahhh… I feel so much better," Starfire murmured and flopped backward on the bed to lick her fingers clean.
Really, her digestive system is super fast, there wasn't even a massive bulge from all the food she'd just inhaled. She rumbled a purr and put her hands on her belly, breathing out another contented sigh.
I was unsure of what to do, sitting awkwardly there beside her.
She sighed again, only this one was filled with exasperation and I felt myself yanked back onto the bed. "I wish to share something with you," she said and picked up my hand, planting it on her stomach, just below her navel.
"Huh?" I asked.
She closed her eyes, pressed my hand flat and moved it around. "There," she said finally, when it was parallel to her pubic bone.
"What?"
"Just wait."
So I did. We lay there unmoving for ages before I spoke again. "Star—"
"Shh," she scolded, her eyes still closed.
Finally, there was this tiny little bump against my palm, no more than a little tap, but Starfire's eyes flashed open and she smiled at me. "Did you feel that?"
I was astounded. "No," I said, a grin forming on my face.
Starfire was positively beaming and she nodded. "Yes."
I switched hands, propping myself up on my elbow, while spreading my other hand on her belly, desperate to feel the movement again. Starfire giggled, her fingers resting on top of mine. "No way! It's too early. You're only thirteen weeks… fourteen? It's way too early."
"For a human baby, yes, perhaps, but this baby is part Tamaranian. They will be strong."
"Wow," I breathed, watching her belly. "Wow… Wait… if we can feel that now, what's it going to be like when you're bigger?"
"I am equipped for it, do not fret."
I leant forward eagerly, my eyes on my hand as I waited for another movement. "Will the baby do it again?"
"We shall have to be patient."
We dipped into silence again, waiting earnestly for the next movement. When it finally came, that little tap against my palm, I laughed and bent down to kiss her at the point where the tap came from. "Oh, my little eilace. I love you so much."
"Dick—"
"I thought we'd lost it," I said, not looking at her. "Cyborg said he was sorry and… it was like my heart had been ripped out. The world was spinning and I couldn't get a grip. I had to make it right, I felt I owed it to our child to take down the bastard who took them from us. I thought… when you woke… I don't know… maybe it would help if you knew I'd gotten him. Made him pay."
"Oh, Dick," Starfire breathed and touched my cheek briefly.
"I lost control, I really did. He hurt my family. I lost control and I had to get it back any way I could. But, our eilace isn't gone but now I'm losing you because I was stupid and reckless and lost my head." I stroked her belly with my fingertips, hoping for another bump. "I don't want to lose you."
"I understand."
My eyes flash to her face. "You do?"
She looked upset, lost that serene look she'd had a moment ago. "I do. X'hal knows if it had been you, I would have walked right in there and tore the clorbag's heart from his chest and fed it to him. I just… I wish you had waited. Or taken backup. Or..." A tear dripped down her cheek, fell onto the bed. "Dick, I feel like I failed you."
I was aghast. "Star—"
"I knew your defences were deteriorating. Especially after the Psions and then Tim. I knew they were weak. Any little push would have sent you spinning. I hoped that I could be a shield for you, but I should have done what Bruce asked and gone away. Safe and protected then none of this would have happened." More tears and her voice cracked. "I was so scared, Dick. I thought I had lost you. And when they brought you back and you were covered in blood and barely breathing…" she shuddered. "I thought I was going to watch you die."
"I'm so sorry. I never meant for any of this to happen."
She pushed a hand to her chest. "I should have protected your heart better. I am where you are most vulnerable, especially right now. I should have gone when you asked."
"I'm the dumbass, Star. Not you. You did everything right. It's not your fault."
She snorted and shook her head and said, "Then, kiss me, you dumbass."
I gaped at her for a moment, then moved up her body to fuse our mouths together in a desperate and fierce sort of kiss. She wrapped her arms around me and held me close as I kissed my way down her cheek to hug her.
There are times when simply holding her is so much better than kissing her. Feeling her pressed against me, breathing in her scent, seeing her pulse beating in her neck. Stroking my fingers along her skin, I get to stare into her eyes, lose myself in them, without going cross eyed.
A kiss is all about passion. About showing your partner your desire and affection. A hug invokes comfort, healing and love, it's about being there for the other person, sharing and caring.
I tilted, flopped sideways, drawing her across onto her side too so I could get one arm around her completely at least. I was lying on my broken wrist, which was better than her lying on hers. We shifted our legs until they entwined, our chests squashed together. My girl gave a little muffled sort of sob and hugged me tighter. I splayed my fingers on her back, one between her shoulder blades, the other beneath her and my fingers against the small of her back.
"It's okay," I whispered, both to myself and my girl as I kissed her nose, her cheeks, her eyelids. "It's okay."
She moved one hand from my back until it rested over my heart, tapping her finger in time with its beat.
"Star?"
"Hmm?"
I kissed her forehead, left my lips there. "Do you forgive me?"
"For being the dumbass, yes."
I smiled against her skin. "Nice differentiation. I'll have to earn my 'fool' title back."
She giggled. "Yes. That will be an enjoyable venture."
"Do you…" I swallowed, but I made myself finish. "Do you still need time?"
Her fingers drew little circles on my chest and she shifted her legs so her thigh was resting on my hip. "I meant exactly what I said, Dick. I do not feel like I come first."
"You do."
"It does not seem that way. Your actions, they speak with more volume than your words. You were most stupid, you should have taken back up. You should have hit him with everything the Justice League and the Titans have to offer. But you chose a vendetta."
I dropped my eyes from her, downtrodden. Having her tell me off was worse than anything Blockbuster had dished out.
"However…"
I snapped my eyes back to her.
"I also think… I needed food. I feel much more rational now."
"Really?"
"I did not intend to leave you," she said meekly. "Just yell. You have been through so much, I did not wish to compound it. But I allowed my emotions to get the better of me. My apologies."
I smiled. "It's okay."
"I was going to come back in… but then, Alfred had food ready… I had to eat."
I laughed nervously. "I'll remember that next time I do something incredibly stupid. Provide food."
She gave me a pained look. "Please. I do not wish for there to be the 'next time'."
"You and I both know I can't refrain from doing stupid things," I murmured. "It's hardwired into me."
Upset, Starfire lifted her head. "Then, I want your assurance you will never go into a situation like that again without backup."
I nodded. "You have that."
"And, you are not to activate the Night Phoenix again. I want you to get rid of that program."
"No."
She blinked at me.
"It's necessary, Starfire. It is. There are clauses and safeguards in there which are essential. Which reminds me, what was with that Koriand'r protocol?"
"Safeguard against stupidity. Gretchen can duplicate herself, you cannot."
"Would've been nice to know it was there."
"Would have been nice if you never activated Night Phoenix," Starfire said, matching my tone.
I ran a hand through my hair. "Look… I'll modify it. I'll remove the time delay and alert everyone that it has been activated at the time it's activated. I promise that if I ever feel the need to activate that again, I'll make sure I've exhausted every avenue first and take backup. I'll not do a suicide mission again."
She narrowed her eyes. "Do you do the swearing?"
"Undoubtedly. I swear."
Satisfied, she closed her eyes and rested it back on the bed. "Good."
"Are we okay?"
She nodded. "We will be. Also, Dick… I am most proud of you."
I drew back. "Huh?" That was unexpected.
She opened her eyes and smiled. "The unmarried wife and potential mother in me was appalled to discover you had left. But now… there is… a sense of pride too, that you chose to avenge us. You were willing to sacrifice everything. That you managed to survive and remain true to who you are… is incredible. On Tamaran, we would sing praises to your name."
"Oh. Glorka pipes included?"
"Yes, of course."
"You're proud of me? Really?"
She nodded and lifted her finger to show me a small space between her index and thumb. "Just a little. Even a Tamaranian warrior would have asked his closest friends to protect his back."
I chuckled. "Sorry."
"Plus, you will have more scars," she said with a smug smile.
I laughed at that. "You and your scar fetish."
"They show your will is strong and you are not afraid of danger. They can be most sexy."
"Glad you think so. Do I get sex now?" I asked, feeling cheeky.
She squinted at me.
"No? What about a head job?" I lifted up my elbow. "Look, I have a scar—"
She grabbed a pillow and clobbered my head. I smiled, my hand preventing her barrage of pillow hits and bent my head back down to I could find her lips.
It was nice making out with her and not having it lead anywhere. We hadn't just kissed for a very long time. No expectations for sex, just cuddles and kisses and being close. Strokes with the tongue, fingertip trails. Messy bed hair. A grope or two… well, boobs. What else can I say?
Whispered declarations, a few tears and lots of touching.
Eventually we did have to stop. Thirst, swollen and sore lips being the least of our worries. The hallway beyond the bedroom door was beginning to become rowdy. I found my shirt, pulled that on, struggling with my cast so much that Starfire had to help me. Then I propped some pillows up against the headboard, dragged my girl up so I could sit against the pillows and she could lie on my chest.
Raising my voice, I called, "Okay, you can come in now."
Beast Boy was first, practically bouncing into the room to tackle Starfire. Thankfully, he did it in kitten mode, I was not looking forward to being squashed beneath the green changeling and Starfire. Beast Boy purred loudly as he rubbed his face all over Starfire.
I battered him off her lap. "What'd I tell you about your head on her boobs?"
He shifted back to normal, crouching on the bed. "Sorry, forgot," he said sheepishly.
"How come he gets to put his head on her chest and only gets shoved, where as I get things thrown at me for looking?"
I raised an eyebrow at Wally, then pointed a finger at him. "Pervert. Single. Best friend. Mr Porntastic who as a thing for my ass." Then pointed a finger at Beast Boy. "Brother. Married to a demon that will kill him if he does it on purpose. Need I explain more?"
"Yeah, well, I got date!" Wally said as though that gave him permission to perv.
"Yeah? With who, your hand?" Cyborg asked as he sat on the edge of the bed.
"Jinx," Wally said proudly. "She agreed to go out with me."
"Um. I call liar," Sarah said, shaking her head as she sat down near Starfire and reached for Starfire's hand. "Jinx said she'd meet you for coffee, not a date."
"It'll be a date," Wally protested. "I'll win her over."
"Dude, you love sex too much," I said. "You'll cheat on her again and this time your bad luck will last a lot longer."
"Pshh. Ye of little faith."
"Faith has nothing to do with it."
"What about Claire?" Sarah asked with a stern look.
Wally shrugged. "She'll always be the one that got away."
"Again, liar," Sarah said with a smug smile. "She's just as much of a player as you. You got burned, that's why you're going back to Jinx. She's safe."
I laughed while Wally scowled at Sarah.
"So," Cyborg said. "How come we were out of the loop about the baby? Ya'll had to lie about it to us? B, Sarah and I have been on eggshells for weeks over that, you could've told us."
I grinned sheepishly as they all looked at us expectantly. They'd obviously been waiting days to talk to us about this. "Sorry. We… wanted to work it out for ourselves first."
"You should've told us," Sarah scolded.
"We were beginning to inform people," Starfire mentioned. "But we wanted to tell you all as a group. It just…"
"Didn't work out that way?" Beast Boy asked.
"Things got in the way," I said.
"Still, ya'll made us think you'd lost it."
"Better that than forcing Starfire into it if she didn't want it," I said.
"True," Cyborg conceded while Wally frowned, not in the loop. "But we're gonna have a party to celebrate the two pregnancies soon."
I nodded. "Yes, of course. We'll all invade the Tower for it."
Cyborg grinned at me. "Awesome."
"And manshowers," Wally said.
"Manshower?" Beast Boy asked.
I rolled my eyes. "Don't encourage him," I said. "He just wants an excuse to get drunk."
"Ahh. We need an excuse now?" Beast Boy asked.
"Yes," Raven said as she walked into the room carrying Silkie, who began to wriggle furiously when he saw us. "Because we're pregnant. No alcohol."
"Aww what?" Beast Boy complained.
She arched an eyebrow at Beast Boy. "My feet hurt. Do you really want to start with me?"
Beast Boy cringed. "Scary sort of bitchy," he mumbled.
"Learn how to rub her feet then," I suggested.
"Dude, I'll give her demon sex, you rub her feet."
A black claw rose out of the bed behind Beast Boy and squished him. Raven sat on the bed beside her husband, "You're never going to learn, are you?" she asked as she kissed his cheek and released the squirming Silkie.
"Would you have me any other way?" Beast Boy asked, grinning at his wife.
"Heya buddy!" I exclaimed, reaching around Starfire to snatch him first. "Who's the hero of the hour?"
"Hero?" Starfire asked as Silkie wiggled and mewed at me happily.
"Saved my life, he did," I said. "Went all mutant Silkie and ate Blockbuster."
"Ate Blockbuster?" Starfire asked, startled.
"Yup. Didn't they tell you?"
She turned to stare at Cyborg and Beast Boy. "No."
"Oh, Star, it was amazing," Beast Boy said and proceeded to regale Starfire with Silkie's transformation and explosion and how funny it was to see Blockbuster shit his pants after Silkie exploded and they were all there and then how Silkie coughed up Blockbuster's boot. He said it all so quickly it was almost like a single word. I don't know how she understood, but she sat there and listened, her eyes getting rounder before she regarded Silkie.
"Wow."
"That's my little buddy," I said. "Good boy."
Silkie grinned widely, wiggled his legs, slobbered all over my hand then went to give his momma wet Silkie kisses.
"I think he missed you," Beast Boy said.
"How're you feeling?" Raven asked Starfire, ever the doctor.
"Wonderful," Starfire replied.
We talked for a while, inconsequential things while Raven checked Starfire out, then had a look at my injuries too. Little conversations, how Sarah's students were, what Cyborg was doing at the lab, listening to Beast Boy rave about his latest part in the series he was in.
Beast Boy asked the question they all seemed to be skirting around. "So… um… what are you going to do now? I mean… your apartment… we went and looked…"
"Nothing left?" I asked, already resigned that I'd lost everything.
"Sorry dude. All your stuff…"
Starfire sighed and snuggled closer to me.
"Things can be replaced, people can't," I said. "Most of it was insured."
"Most?"
"Bit hard to get insurance for a secret wall with a teleporter in it."
"You're welcome to stay with us," Raven offered.
"Or back at the Tower, your room's still yours," Cyborg added.
"Can't stay with me," Wally said. "Strictly bachelor pad only."
"We… really haven't had a chance to think about that," I said. "I mean… we… there's… there's a lot to think and talk about now, we… need… um… I don't even know if I belong in Bludhaven anymore."
Starfire lifted off me. "What?"
"It was my dream, Star. Not ours. You chose to follow and while that's okay, now… it's all gone… our apartment, the Nightwatch, it's going to take a while to rebuild, we have to consider if we even want to do that. If we're rebuilding anyway, this would be a perfect time decide what we want to do as a family."
She stared at me. "You are just giving up?"
"Weren't you just complaining that…" I hesitated, glancing at the others. Starfire didn't miss my glance and she frowned. "No. I'm not giving up. There's just a lot to think about, that's all."
"Dude, don't have a hernia," Beast Boy said. "We were just asking. You're usually the man with the plan."
"Well… for once, I have no idea. I really don't."
"We shall be staying here for a while," Starfire said, still staring at me. "Until we are mended and have decided what to do. That way Alfred can do the fussing."
"Great," I said sarcastically. "Alfred fussing."
"How's the Art of War going?" Wally teased.
"Brilliant. So thrilling," I said, rolling my eyes.
"Art of War?" Starfire asked.
"Alfred's version of telling me I'm an idiot involves studying. In Chinese. English, I like, the book's great. Chinese? Not so much."
"Oh."
"I prefer Raven's version any day."
Raven lifted her eyebrow at me.
"Have you forgiven me yet?" I asked, giving her puppy dog eyes.
"You just want your wounds accelerated," she told me. "And those eyes don't work on me."
"Tell me about it," Beast Boy muttered.
"Foot rubs, whenever you want them."
She narrowed her eyes at me. "You can't tempt me."
Cyborg snorted. "Hell has no fury like a woman scorned."
Raven's eyes turned to Cyborg. "Since I can put you in hell," she began.
"Luv ya, baby doll," Cyborg chirped.
Raven sighed, closed her eyes. "Sorry. Hormones."
Cyborg put his hand on Beast Boy's shoulder. "You have my sympathies."
Beast Boy gave him a woeful look. "Totally worth it in the end, dude," he said as he turned his head and smiled at Raven. "I know she loves me." Raven gave him her special smile back and placed her hand on his knee. "See? Totally worth it."
"Well, man," Cyborg said after we'd exhausted all topics of conversation and Starfire was almost asleep against my chest. "Sarah and I should be heading home."
Sarah nodded. "I need to start on my school work for tomorrow."
"Thanks for dropping by," I said, shaking Cyborg's hand and getting a kiss from Sarah.
"Both of you, get well soon," Sarah said as they waved goodbye and left.
"Yeah, I should be off too, need to work on my moves for Jinx."
"Try saying you're sorry for being a dumbass," I said.
"That'd admit guilt," Wally said.
"Exactly."
He scoffed at me, stopped, then considered. "I'll think about it," he mumbled as he kissed Starfire and flashed out the door.
"Yeah, we should head home too," Raven said, giving Beast Boy a look.
He all but bounced out of bed. "Things to do!" he quipped and waggled his eyebrows at me.
"Oh, and Dick?" Raven asked.
"Yes?"
She smacked me upside the head. "Idiot. Now, let's see about those gunshots."
