Ch. 54

Aurelie awoke with a start, and she immediately regretted sitting upright. The pain in her head caused her to wince and shrink back into the pillows that lay beneath her.

As she lay on the soft sheets, she noticed that she was in her room, and the familiarity of her own bed brought a source of comfort to her.

Helene noticed that she had awakened, and she immediately rushed to her bedside.

"My Dear, thank heavens you are awake!" she said with relief.

Aurelie once again attempted to sit up, only this time, she did so slowly and carefully. She propped herself up against the pillows and groaned from her increasing headache. She reached a hand up to her temples to feel the bandage that encircled her head and she could feel the sting of her cheek, as well.

"What happened?" she asked, uncertain as to what day it was, or even how she had arrived in her bed.

She could see the light streaming through the windows, and noticing the time on the clock, she had determined that it was mid-afternoon.

"You fell and hit your head. You were unconscious for a little while, but the Doctor says that your wound will heal and you might have a concussion, so you are to rest for a few days. Had Mr. Levering not been nearby, who knows how serious your condition would have been," she explained.

"Mr. Levering?" Aurelie asked in confusion. Of all people, why did he have to be the one to help her? She knew that it would only make matters worse.

"Yes, and he has been waiting in the setting room all afternoon for your recovery. Shall I send him in?" Helene asked.

"No; I am not ready."

It was bad enough that she felt dizzy and nauseous at the same time, nevermind the pain in her head. She did not have the coherent thoughts nor the stable emotional condition to face Mr. Levering at that very moment.

"Very well, then. I will fetch more medicine for the pain. Try not to worry about anything, and just rest."

Aurelie found that nearly impossible to do, for once her thoughts had returned to her, she could not help but to worry.

Three days had passed, and while Aurelie still suffered from a dull headache and extreme fatigue, she had managed to get herself out of bed and make herself useful. She was feeling the overwhelming suffocation of confinement to her room, and she had reassured Helene on multiple occasions that she was well enough to leave her living quarters.

After she had removed the blood-soaked bandage from her head, she gazed at her reflection in the looking glass to notice the four small stitches above her right eyebrow and the irritated scrape on her right cheek. Blood matted the hair on the side of her head just above her ear, which she was careful to wash away with a bowl of warm water and a washcloth.

After she had washed her clothes and changed into a fresh gown, she found Mr. Levering in the setting room, his hand poised above the lit fireplace as he stared into it in thought.

When he heard her enter the room, he immediately looked up and smiled with relief.

"Finally, I am able to see you!" he exclaimed, walking over to her. "You have had me so worried!"

Aurelie frowned when thinking that he must have been the one to carry her back to her home, and she was relieved not to have been awake during that time.

She could not help but to look away when he reached up and gently stroked her good cheek.

"How are you feeling?"

"I am better," she nearly mumbled.

He could not ignore her shyness from him, and the way she nearly pulled away from his touch, and his brows furrowed in concern.

"Is something the matter? Are you in pain?"

"No," she replied. "It is just..."

The guilt consumed her, and she left his side and walked over to the window. The blue-grey light outside illuminated the color of her eyes as she searched for the words to say.

"I have not been entirely honest with you..." she began.

She exhaled a large sigh when she thought of how horrible she was to be breaking his heart. He did not deserve such rejection, in the least.

"You are aware that I have loved a man, but I must inform you that my feelings for him remain. I do not think that they will disappear, and it is unfair of me to make any promises to you."

Mr. Levering's smile faded into a frown, and he was desperate to reassure her otherwise.

"But you will learn to love me, in time. I am sure of it!"

Even through his own optimism, he could feel the sinking feeling of despair in the pit of his stomach by the look on her face, and he knew that he would not be able to persuade her.

"How can you be? It is unjust for me to be with you when my heart belongs to another...I cannot marry you," she replied sadly.

"I see," he said, unable to think of something better to say.

His chest felt as if it was being crushed by the heaviest weight, but still he did not wish to admit defeat.

"Does he return your sentiments?"

Perhaps it would have been best for him not to ask, for he was not certain that he could bear the answer. Was he to watch her have her happily-ever-after with a man who had been absent from her life during the past nearly two years, while he had been there for her? Was he to bear the idea of her being robbed from him with ease? Certainly even he could not endure it without mourning the loss!

"I do not know," she admitted. "But I must find out. I must go to him..."

Mr. Levering inhaled sharply as the next thought came to mind.

"And if he should not return your affections, would you have me, then?"

Aurelie turned to him to see the pained expression on his face, and the sight created a small tear in her heart that ached tremendously.

"Mr. Levering, as horrible as I am for leading you on-"

"Do not speak of yourself that way!"

"It is true! I blame myself for giving you false hope! But I could not reject you, only to come crawling back if he should refuse me; I could not do that to you! You are a kind and generous man-"

"Please, Ms. Daniels, do not make this more difficult..."

Aurelie bit her lip and frowned, attempting to phrase her decision in the least-painful way possible, though she could not see how.

"Perhaps in the future, my heart will have changed. But the fact remains that, right now, I am not ready. I cannot give you my hand in marriage with this knowledge."

Mr. Levering nodded curtly in defeat, and he was quick to dismiss himself so that he would not have to endure her presence any longer. But before he had closed the door behind himself entirely, he told her,

"He is a very lucky man to have your loyal affections."

"Again, you are intent on pursuing the impossible? Surely I would have thought that you had some sense knocked into you after your fall!" Helene chided.

Aurelie ignored her berating tone and continued to search her room for any belongings that she would stuff into a cloth sack to take with her.

"I must know how he is. I cannot bear the suspense any longer!"

"And what if he is married? Did you ever think of that, before you threw away the opportunity for a better life with Mr. Levering?"

Aurelie grabbed her comb, with a few of its teeth missing, and shoved it among the scant articles of clothing that she had already packed.

She doubted that Erik had married, for if Helene had known of who he was and the affliction that he had, she would have had no inclination to ask of such a scenario.

But Aurelie tried to prepare herself for the outcome that, perhaps, he had moved on. She was never entirely certain as to whether or not he had genuine feelings for her, at all, in the first place.

Should he still mourn Christine, or even if he had embraced his solitude and had no desire to be involved romantically, she would have to accept the reality of it.

"If there is even a small chance that he loves me, then all of this will be worthwhile."

Helene shook her head in disapproval.

"I do not understand you! You had an opportunity with Mr. Levering to-"

Aurelie raised a hand to stop her.

"Helene, if there was a chance that you could be with your husband again, no matter how small it was, would you not take it? Would you not give everything you had for it?"

Helene thought deeply about the answer, and she sighed, losing the desire to argue any longer.

It was true; if she could ever be with Mr. Johnson again, she would not hesitate to do it. How could she blame this young woman for seizing the opportunity before her? Was she to condemn her younger friend to a prison-like marriage, to suffocate her love for this man by committing vows to another?

The more that she thought about it, the more that she decided not to criticize Aurelie's decision. Still, she could not help but to fear for the sadness that would befall her if she should meet rejection.

"How long of a journey shall it be?" she asked out of curiosity. She worried about her injury, for though it had been nearly a week since her fall, she knew that Aurelie still suffered from occasional headaches and nausea.

"Nearly twelve hours, but I can manage," Aurelie replied. She tied a knot in the cloth sack to keep the contents from spilling out. "I am feeling much better."

Besides, the excitement that arose from the thought of seeing Erik once again was more than enough to suffice for the pain that she felt in her head. A headache would certainly not detain her.

"I would offer to accompany you, but you know that I cannot leave the shop unattended for so long..."

Helene felt torn about letting her friend go. She not only feared for her health, but she worried that perhaps she would never see her again. What if this was to be their parting, and she would not return? She could only hope that Aurelie would find happiness, but the idea of losing her friend saddened her.

"I understand. I will be quite alright," Aurelie reassured her.

She noticed the sadness in Helene's eyes, and she pulled her into an embrace.

"If I do not return, then I will certainly write to you often, and visit when I have the chance," she said.

When she pulled away, Helene gave a warm smile and touched Aurelie's cheek affectionately.

Helene walked with Aurelie in search of the stagecoach and even waited with her until she had departed. She gave her the rest of her salary and even a bit extra-what little that she had in excess-as a gift.

She watched as the stagecoach followed the setting sun and put distance between she and her friend. Despite her own selfish desire that she would have Aurelie's companionship once again, she hoped that a favorable outcome would prevent her from returning to her.

"I do hope that you find what you are looking for," she whispered to the wind.