Bella POV

I hear sounds…no…not sounds…a voice…coming from so far away. I am underwater, floating in an abyss, a black hole that that has no beginning, no end…just infinite space. I try to reach for the words…they were almost…soothing, soft as they were in their cadence. I want away from the darkness. I want to cocoon myself in the warm phrases that are being spoken to me.

I feel like I'm being sucked up into a tornado and dropped right into Oz. I become aware of a few things at the same time; citrus, the smell was everywhere...tickling…a cool, wet cloth on my brow and warmth… I feel a soft touch and warm breath. The words were becoming decipherable.

"Bella. Bella, sweetie."

My eyes blink open and I am met with a twin pair of robin egg blue eyes staring back at me.

"Mom?" My mouth is dry and cottony tasting with almost a metallic flavor on my tongue.

Her body visibly relaxes and a warm smile breaks out over her face.

"Yes, Bella. It's Mom. You had us worried. You've been very ill."

"Ill?" I parrot her in confusion as I look around me. I'm not where I expect to be. "Where am I?"

The room is dimly lit by a bedside lamp but I can see I am in my room in Forks…only it's different. Walls that were sage green are now yellow. My ugly, old, dark wooden dresser has magically turned into an off white, very girly one.

The picture of Edward and I on the lamp table has been replaced by a picture of Renee, Charlie and me; together at Disney Land, only we never went there all together. There's another one of me posing with Jasper, Rose, Angela and Ben except I don't look like me, not really. My hair is shorter, my smile different. Where are Edward, Alice and Emmett? Shouldn't they be in the picture as well?

This is wrong. So wrong.

Renee is dead.

I am not supposed to be here.

Where ever here is.

"Where's Edward?" I ask, panicking. I try to sit up but Renee stops me and eases me back down until my head is once more resting against a fluffy pillow covered in lavender sheets. At least that hasn't changed.

"Edward?" Her face scrunches in confusion.

"Edward Cullen."

"Bella, why would he be here? The Cullens just moved to Forks last week. You barely know the boy."

No. That can't be right.

"He's my boyfriend."

"Oh, dear." She looks at me like she doesn't know what to say or think. "Sweetie, Edward isn't your boyfriend. You don't have a boyfriend. Don't worry," she attempts a shaky smile. "From what I understand Edward is a very good looking boy. You just probably have a little bit of a crush on him. Dr. Gerandy said there might be some confusion when you woke up because of the high fever."

"What? No! Edward is my boyfriend." I grab her sleeve. I need something to hold on to. "Why won't you believe me?"

"Oh, Bella." She shakes her head at me and her face takes on a sympathetic look.

No. I'm going to be sick. Part of me want this so badly; to have Renee alive and living this life and it hurts. This can't be real.

"Phil, what happened to Phil? Is he dead? Did Charlie kill him?"

"Who's Phil and why on earth would your dad want to kill him?"

"He…he was…you married him and he…"

"Married to this Phil person?" she chuckles, wiping the damp cloth along my forehead again. "Honey, I think you need to get some more rest. Your dad and I have been happily married for the past seventeen years. I think you just had a very bad dream."

No, I want to scream. You're dead and Phil killed you and almost killed me. Edward is my boyfriend.

But I don't say any of those things.

"That's probably it," I say; my voice despondent as she hands me a glass of water and some medicine.

"Sounds like some dream though."

"You could say that. A lot of it was a nightmare. You were…" I cut myself off with a shake of my head. How can I not remember anything of this life? It's so insane. Am I insane?

"I was what?"

I shake my head again. My head pounds.

"Nothing."

"I'm going to call your dad to tell him your fever broke." She stands up and walks towards the door. "You get some more sleep. I'm sure you'll feel more like yourself when you wake up again."

Myself? Who is that? Do I know anymore?

"Mom?"

"Yes, Bella?"

"I love you."

"Oh Bella, I love you too and I will always protect you. Don't forget, you can't linger here too long, everyone's waiting for you to wake up."

But I am up, aren't I?

I love you

I will always protect you.

Everyone's waiting for you to wake up.

Wake up.

Everyone's waiting for you to wake up.

These words follow me back into the abyss.

I float again wavering in between consciousness and unconsciousness; semi-aware of the weightless feeling of my body.

The smell isn't so pleasing the next time I become aware. There's no sweet scent of citrus only the pungent odor of disinfectant, rubbing alcohol and bandages. There are machine like sucking sounds and a high pitched beeping that makes my head hurt.

I groan and blink rapidly but the light is too bright.

Where am I?

"C'mon Bells. Everyone's waiting for you to wake up."

Charlie?

I move my head towards the voice and feel rough calloused hands over my cold ones. My fingers twitch and the hand tightens its hold.

"Too bright," I manage through my sore dry throat. The cottony, metallic taste is still there.

I don't feel right, like I can't move. My brain is fuzzy.

"Hang on, I'll dim the lights."

I can hear Charlie's heavy feet shuffling across the floor and the light isn't as bright as it was before.

I blink rapidly again and this time it's much easier for me to creak my eyes open. They immediately try to moisten and I can barely see anything through the wet blur.

"Hospital?" I question, noticing the machines around me for the first time and the tubes stuck in my nose. Did the fever get worse? Is that why I'm here?

"Yeah." Charlie scrubs his jaw.

He looks terrible. His eyes are sunken and dark under the rims and he almost has a full growth of beard on his face.

I frown and then notice the tubes that snake up my scar ridden arms and the wires connecting me to the machines. There is a slight bump under the front of my blue and white hospital gown and I'm terrified to see what it is.

"Where's Mom?"

"Renee?" His voice breaks like the question upsets him.

"She was here…when I woke up before."

Charlie turns away but not before I see the tears fall down his cheeks into his beard.

Understanding dawns.

Maybe, it had been a dream.

"She...wasn't here, was she?"

"No…no kiddo, she wasn't."

I have to ask. I have to know.

"Edward?" Please be real, please.

This makes him smile a bit. "The kid hasn't left the hospital since you've been brought in. In fact, he's going to have my hide now that you're up and he wasn't here to see it. I sent him to go get something to eat."

Relief floods me and tears prick my eyes.

"Maybe we should lie," I whisper trying to crack a grin but my lips warble.

I've only been up a few moments and already I'm so tired.

"Maybe we should get Dr. Cullen in here instead. I want him to take a look at you now that you're up."

In a very un-Charlie-like display of affection, he leans over and gently presses his lips to my forehead.

"Don't ever scare me like that again," he says before walking out into the hall.

Left to my own devices, I look under my gown and see an ugly looking tube going into my chest. Oh, gross. There's a catheter too. Jeez, how embarrassing.

Lying back down, I can see a bit of my reflection in the small screen television perched on a crane near my bed. I look awful...horrible. My face is a puffy rainbow of purples, blues, yellow and greens and my head is partially bandaged with white gauze and surgical tape.

I shove the TV away.

It hits a silver mylar balloon sending it flying across the room. It's a giant happy face that has the phrase "Get Well Soon!" on it. There are other balloons as well and the more I look, I can see get well cards all over every available surface space and even a few small stuffed animals. There are no flowers anywhere and I know immediately I am in ICU again.

Carlisle and a middle aged blonde haired nurse enter the room.

"You gave us quite a scare, young lady." His tone is admonishing but the relief in his eyes and his bright smile tell me he is happy. Tired but happy. "How do you feel?"

How do I feel? I take some time to think about this.

"I guess I expected to be in more pain."

"That's the morphine drip." He points to an IV bag filled with clear liquid. "You'll probably feel foggy too so don't panic. It's completely normal."

"What about weird dreams? Are those normal?"

"Morphine has many different side effects, strange dreams can be one. Appropriately enough, morphine is named after Morpheus, the Greek God of dreams."

Interesting.

The nurse gets to work checking my blood pressure while Carlisle checks my eyes with a light and nods before sticking it back in the front pocket of his lab coat. He tells the nurse, she can go after updating my chart. When she leaves, he sits on the edge of my bed.

"Do you remember what brought you here, Bella?"

His words have a cautious edge.

He doesn't want to ask me but he has to, I realize.

"I do," I say as my body automatically stiffens. "I remember everything."

"That's excellent. I mean, I know you would rather forget but neurologically speaking, it's a very good sign."

He's nervous, I think, trying to be clinical and fatherly all at once and for some reason it makes me smile.

"Dr...I mean, Carlisle," I correct myself at his look when I begin to use his professional moniker. "It's okay."

He's open when it comes to the injuries I obtained. My jaunt running through the woods and falling cost me a broken ankle and a collapsed lung. He tells me I've been in a medically induced coma because of a severe head injury and of course, there was the stab wound in my thigh from the Swiss Army knife and a multitude of contusions and abrasions that cover most of me.

By all accounts, I think I should be dead...maybe I had been for a time. I can't say for sure and when I ask Carlisle, he reluctantly admits there was a very short period in the ambulance when my heart had stopped.

"The F.B.I. is anxiously waiting to speak to you but before I give them clearance, is there anyone you would like to see first?"

He smiles. He already knows.

"Edward. I want to see Edward."

I know it's very vain of me but I wish I had a toothbrush or even a hairbrush...something. I have to make do with finger combing my hair, avoiding the bandage and swishing water around my mouth.

There's a shadow lingering in the doorway. I turn to look and my heart stutters when I see him. He looks so lost, like a small boy; hands fisted in his pockets and hair, an unruly mass of bronze. He just stares, wide eyed and scared like he's afraid I am going to disappear.

Silently, I hold my hand out to him and he needs no futher invitation. In two long strides, he crosses the room, grabs my hand and presses it to his scratchy unshaven cheek. His eyes well, making them look like liquid emerald pools.

"Bella." His voice is low and raspy and the way he says my name, desperate longing, speaks volumes.

He sits on the edge of the bed and I can tell he is afraid to touch me, to hurt me.

"Hold me, please."

His whole body shakes on a broken sob but he is smiling. As he carefully wraps one arm around me, I use what little strength I have to burrow myself into him, inhaling him in.

He breaks.

I soothe.

"I'm here. I didn't leave you."

He sobs harder. I must have hit a nerve. I know I did.

"I'm supposed to be the strong one," he says on the egde of a loud sniffle.

"You are," I assure him. "You're my rock. My Edward."

He pulls back and wipes his nose on his sleeve. "I think your rock eroded to a pebble because I'm not doing such a good job."

"But you do...you have...everyday. I don't think I would have made it without you. You helped me become strong again."

"I was so worried. The thought that-" He looks away, clenching his eyes shut and biting his bottom lip.

"I know."

He turns back to me, his face taut and his eyes filled with determination. "I'm going to help you get through this Bella. I mean it. Whatever you need, I'll do it. If you want me to camp at out the foot of your bed, I'm sure Charlie might bitch some but I'll work around that."

I think he's only half teasing on that one.

"I just need you to love me."

"Sweetheart, you don't even have to ask."

I study his face and the shock of white hair that wasn't there before. I just barely remember it before I passed out on that wet stretch of road.

"There is something I do want to ask."

"Anything. You name it."

"What happened to your hair?"

His ears pinken. Oh, I've missed that so much.

"Acute stress reaction or so I'm told." He sighs heavily. "There was a point you were missing when we thought you were...dead." He stumbles over the word, swallows and continues. "The cabin where they figured you were being kept was burnt to the ground and we thought you might have still been inside. I...well, I lost it."

The horror of it is evident on his face and I smoothe out the worry lines on his forehead with my fingers.

"I think it looks dashing," I tell him becasue I don't want to dwell on the bad things, at least not right now. There will be time enough for that later and I am getting tired again.

"Dashing, huh?" He wriggles his eyebrows.

"Very."

Someone clears their throat from the doorway and Edward and I both startle. It's Carlisle and he looks a bit sheepish for intruding.

"Bella, I hate to interrupt but I want to take you for some tests now before you speak with the F.B.I."

I'm subjected to a battery of tests whose acronyms I barely understand and by the time I am finished, my eyes are drooping and I am exhausted. Since I woke up, I've had no time to just be; make sense of it all and deep down I am not sure if there is much sense to be made.

When I am wheeled back into my room, I am greeted by a man and a woman, both similarly dressed in what I supposed is standard government issue wear; white shirts, black suit jackets, black pants and ugly shoes.

Their expressions match as well; somber and professional. They don't wince at my bandages, my scars or my rainbow colored, swollen face. They've done this before.

"Not too much time," Carlisle warns them. "Miss Swan needs her rest."

It's weird to hear him call me Miss Swan but I suppose it's for the agents' sakes.

My fingers grip the starchy white sheets and I dart my eyes between the two agents. "Can I...I mean would it be possible to have someone with me?"

They look at eachother in what I imagine is silent communication before the woman turns to me and nods.

"Would you like me to get your Dad?" Carlisle asks.

I shake my head. I love my Dad but he's not the one I want with me right now. Maybe it's selfish of me, maybe it's that crazy dream that fuels the desire to make sure he is still real, still a part of my world but I need Edward.