Chapter 42
Cool waves splashed up against the side of the ship. The afternoon sun loomed large above the expanse of the sea. The water reflected the light, shimmering calmly and beautifully. The soft scent of salt water rose up from the sea, subtle but not forgotten. It was quiet. And in that moment, Alex felt it was perfect.
He had taken off from Tolbi, put Felix in his own quarters underneath, and was now drifting quietly in the south of the Great Western Sea. There was not a piece of land as far as the eye could see. It was so different from anything Alex had ever felt or seen.
His whole life there had been that drive, that sense of purpose that kept him always on the move. From Imil to Prox and from Prox to everywhere else in Weyard, he had always been moving. And now his whole world had stopped and once again, he was very much alone.
But it felt good. This release from pressure is something he had always seeked. He sighed as he looked out at the sea and smiled.
To be honest, he had had his doubts about this entire decision and process. He had seen it as a kind of go-between for life and death. And he still felt very much the same now, there was no way he would spend the rest of his life adrift. He was much too alive for that.
As for Felix, the young earth adept was only a week away from waking up from his deadly coma. Alex wasn't sure how the young man would react but would treat it as anything he would these days. He would take it as it comes.
Alex squinted up at the sun as he leaned on the rail of the ship. This whole situation was nothing like the purgatory he had expected it to be. He was very much alive and the perfectness was very much real.
Yet, the predicament continually came up in his mind. He could not now go back to the mainland, he had done too much to damage Weyard to do that now. He could not stay adrift in this ship for the rest of his life either. The imminent decision of how he would spend the rest of his days came to his mind again.
As he looked down at the water, he remembered Mia again. He could not and would not ever forget her. She had been the only thing in his life that had ever mattered. And he knew now that she was in a better place. He smiled as he remembered the better, more playful times they had shared at Mercury Lighthouse. She had been such a great friend…his only true friend.
His thoughts then turned to Isaac. Although he had spent the last five years in contempt with the other young earth adept, he knew now what a noble person Isaac really was. He had always known that if the day came when they battled, no matter how strong Alex was, Isaac would have turned out victorious. His determination and understanding were his greatest strengths, two things Alex had never truly had. Alex had been determined at one point, yes, but there was a great difference between the obsession he had felt and the noble determination he desired. Isaac had been a better man than him, and Alex acknowledged that now.
And as the warm sun beat down on the back of his neck, it came to him. He had known it all along but the conclusion was there now. His life had already been written for him. The last page had been turned, and there was no way that he could go back now to rewrite any of it. The reputation he had left behind, the way others would think of him, none of that could be changed now. But all that mattered, and what came to him in that moment was the greatest of epiphanies. He was now at peace with himself. His life had been lived, and he was at peace with how it had passed. And now there was one last step to take, one last hurdle he had to go over. And he no longer feared it.
He no longer feared death.
It was a unique moment. He knew that he had always had the power to choose when and where. But he had always feared the decision, or rather the outcome of the decision. But this was only natural.
He understood now that what he had done with the first half of his life was irreversible, no matter how hard he tried in the second half to change it. He could drift on the sea forever, remembering the past and the mistakes he made. Or he can pass on to another life, and start again.
He looked out at the sea. Perfection had been something he had always seeked from himself, whether that be through physical or mental training. But this was a different kind of perfection. This was the perfection of feeling at peace with yourself without any fears. And it felt great.
Alex turned west and nodded, smiling. He even knew how he would end it all, it felt as if he had always known. The curiosity he felt about the Gaia Falls, the true edge of Weyard, had intrigued him many times during his life. Sailing off the falls would be his last, and bravest act.
Smiling, Alex left the deck of the ship and went inside. He had not forgotten Felix, of course. And he knew that there had been a reason he had taken the young man. And after the revelation, Alex now knew that Felix would have to live the same fate as Alex. They were too similar, and they had come too far together to be seperated now. Now Alex could truly give Felix a new life, one better than the one he had lived.
Going back out to the deck, Alex grabbed the ship's wheel and turned it until the ship faced due west. Even now, he could see the falls in the distance. He had been close to them all along, as if they had drawn him there.
The Gaia Falls roared louder as the ship came closer. The water around the ship began to lose its shimmering calmness, and became white froth. Alex only stood at the helm, smiling. He was not scared in the least.
The roar grew louder still as the ship began to move faster, taken by the current, the falls beckoning. Alex looked straight up as the sun shone brighter than ever.
He was there now. This was the end. Without fear and without regret.
Talking to no one but himself, unable to hear himself over the roar of the falls, Alex let out a silent, "Thank you."
Ahead of him, the water was disappearing into black. Alex put his hands into the air, and took a deep breath.
And then he fell…
