"Young man, I've been watching you and I must say you are dragging our proud country's name through the mud with your senseless behavior. And this talk about Korea, you boys represent Japan!"
Izaya rolled his eyes.
"Old man, you're missing the entire point of the North Kore/South Korea thing."
"Who do you think you're calling 'old man'!"
And in his righteous indignation Shingen actually rapped on Izaya's head with his knuckles. Shizuo frowned.
"Hey, don't go hitting him-"
"Shizuo-kun, I'd expect this cross dressing business from Izaya-kun but not from you. People will believe that everyone in Japan acts like this."
Shizuo blushed and busied himself staring at the floor.
"Aren't you forgetting kabuki? We have a tradition of men dressing up as girls in our country."
It was not easy to look offended when one was wearing a gas mask that covered one's entire face but Shingen still managed to pull it off brilliantly.
"That you can compare your dissolute ways with the time honored tradition of kabuki is very telling, young man. And what were you doing just now?"
"I was sitting on Shizu-chan if you must know."
"And why would you do such a thing?"
"Because it's fun. See?"
And without further ado Izaya once more made of Shizuo a human sofa. Shizuo was not sure if he wanted to protest or to ask Izaya to keep at it. He was still torn when Kasuka, of all people, appeared.
"Hello, brother. I am glad things are going so well with you and Orihara-san."
"Kasuka! What are you doing here?"
"It's everyone's favorite little brother, Heiwajima junior! Hi there."
Izaya waved at Kasuka from over his shoulder, having decided that Shizuo was a wonderful seat all around.
"Dr. Phil asked me to see how you two were doing in person."
"What do you think of nii-chan in drag?"
Shizuo prepared a speech of sorts.
"It's because of the tuna, you see, Izaya wanted the tuna and I had to put on these clothes to win the prize- it was tuna, the prize- and then I juggled this really gay fire engine- it was real gay- and won."
Kasuka nodded, matter of factly, as if the explanation made perfect sense.
"Orihara-san would have been sad otherwise."
"More like bitchy."
"And you just wanted Orihara-san to be happy. Which is why you're also letting him sit on you."
"That's because he just goes and does whatever he wants! Flea!"
Shizuo was not even a bit convincing. Izaya rolled his eyes in his most indifferent manner.
"Great, if I'm a flea then I'm very light and can sit here just fine."
"Orihara-san is a beautiful trap."
"Only you could perhaps compete with La Kanra,"
Shizuo of course had a fit at this.
"Don't you go putting weird ideas into my baby brother's mind! And stop moving!"
Izaya had not meant to move but it was instinctive after all. Still, he managed to get up elegantly without a hint of awkwardness. Which was more than could be said for Shizuo who now stood blushing and unsure of what to say. Shingen came to the rescue, unexpectedly.
"The problem with young people nowadays is that they have no respect. Show some respect for your elders!"
Izaya yawned.
"I'm done with this, it's been a very long day and I need to get some beauty sleep. La Kanra is leaving the premises. But La Kanra is too tired to walk on those crazy shoes so you'll be carrying her."
"Me? Why do I have to carry you?"
"Because I say so. I am La Kanra! And La Kanra has spoken."
"You're getting too much into this 'La' thing. And only creepy people use the third person!"
"I changed my mind, I'll walk."
"What! Are you saying I'm not good enough to carry you?"
"I am too cool for you to touch, Shizu-chan. Oh, I know! Let's hit a casino! You're invited, Kasuka-san."
"Thank you."
"Yeah, better '-san' my baby brother. Or else!"
"But Orihara-san, you had no problems sitting on nii-chan. That was more than just touching him."
"That is completely different."
"And nii-chan, you really want to carry Orihara-san, don't you?"
"Yeah, I mean, no!"
"Less talk, onwards to the gambling halls!"
Shingen began a lecture but Izaya was already out the door, the Heiwajima siblings on his wake, leaving him to preach to an empty room.
