Tauriel POV

I struggled to carry on for many more days, eagerly yet anticipating the guards' return from the exterior of the palace.

I hadn't been eating with regularity, and my stomach belched in hunger but I ignored the nagging. In my consciousness, I knew it wasn't healthy. I knew it wasn't good for my child. But I was desperate. More desperate in finding out what happened to my prince over that of the precious life within me.

It was a habit, really. As a guard I had always put other people's lives before mine, and again in this case. I mean it is true, other kind people returned this favor, but few have survived to this day.

I paced my chambers hysterically, wolfing down some crusty bread, responding to my bodily requests.

The healer's stern voice rang in my head from my last appointment. "You must take it easy, for you will fatigue quickly otherwise, and possible traumatized your child. Since you are a guard. I recommend reducing the amount of training, as any injury to your core area could endanger and risk the life both you and your child too."

That was a key point I was struggling over whether to listen to or ignore.

The healers also informed me that I ought to keep my mind off of stressful thoughts, and to be happy and light on my actions.

Well there was no way possible for me to meet this suggestion, especially with my heart so full, of worry.

Legolas had nearly been missing for almost 3 months, I haven't spoken to Helena since I've been pregnant, and I have no idea how she is or wherever she is located

My belly was beginning to bulge outward, and I traced the curve along my stomach in attempt to show affection to the little one inside me.

If only this child's father was here.

A minor flashback visualized in my head. I recalled that Legolas and I did have a children's conversation at one time.

Flashback

I am unsure of how the topic was brought into discussion, but I do vividly remember what the discussion itself.

It was after he had proposed send I had surrendered my purity to his.

I was resting in Legolas's chambers, on his bed, in his arms.

"Do you think I would be a good mother?" I whispered

He paused for a bit, rather stunned with my inquiry.

I waited for him to continue; the atmosphere in between us became awkward and terse

"Better than any other." He said.

"Why?" I countered, feeling self-accusing, "I grew up without parents, I'm accustomed to loneliness and dejection."

"Those exact reasons you indicated, will allow you to understand your child. You will know how to prepare your child, and how to protect him or her from what everyone fears most." He says warmly. "And in turn, he or she shall be the luckiest of them all."

"I fear I would be too focused on my own grief from past losses though. I'm do emotionally instable. Even bought I am not impregnatd, I worry about myself... I don't feel ready." I say.

He hushes me, "I disagree. Your strength is staggering Tauriel. And if that happens along the way, both you and our child would have me too."

I smiled to myself as he continued, "Besides. I want you to be ready when we plan on having children; and I most certainly wish not to rush you."

I smiled a bit, "You already sound like a wonderful father Legolas. It is evident that Thranduil raised you well."

He smiled and held me in silence a while longer. His grip was gentle, and firm, with an overprotective edge.

He spoke again, "You know I want to have a daughter just like you though... One day, perhaps."

I looked at him, curiosity in my eyes.

"I want to look into her eyes and feel my heart shatter, because she reminds me so much of her beautiful, strong, and loving mother." He whispered gently in my ear, leaving a trail of kisses from my temple down my neck.

I felt my face flush, in a odd and warm sadness, a question popped in my head, "What if we end up having a son then?"

"We give him to my father and let him take care of it." He jokes with a smile.

I let out a little laugh and grin too."Such high expectations of me."

He smiled upon seeing my expression, "No, I will be beatified regardless, when you are impregnated Tauriel. And if we have a son one day, I will educate and train him, to be gentle, strong, fair, and kind. The essential qualities I value in myself when I converse with others."

End flashback

I sensed my general mood relax slightly, feeling grateful that I remembered most of the words he said as well as his tone of voice

Anyway, I haven't trained the guards in a while, and haven't found a replacement yet usually. If everything was close to the norm, Legolas would substitute for me whenever.

And with my condition it's not like my body will be ready to continue the position anytime soon

As I paced in my room with minimal thought processes, my thoughts shifted back towards the days that I was still acquaintances with him. I repeatedly prayed that the outdoor search party would return with good news. And if they didn't, they wouldn't return. Those are the kings harsh orders as he was going to desperate measures as well.

I did this for a good two days, just walking in circles around my room and aspiring to think positively.

After what seemed like decades, the door knocked and I rushed to answer it faster than the speed of galloping horses.

"Well?" I demanded immediately as I opened my door, looking down at the servant who hung her head. "I told you to disturb only if you had news of the prince. Is that what you are here for?"

"Yes, my lady." She replied and I Ignored the formality of her speech, instead focusing on her emotions.

There were tears in her eyes. Fresh tears like the morning dew. Her nose was stuffy red, and it wasn't hard to conclude that she was upset. She was either upset or elated to tears, and by her appearance, I think she was not cheerful at all.

So I tried to cut my anxious and commanding tone, and instead speak elegantly. "What's wrong?" I offer her an awkward embrace and a few pats on the back.

She sniffle, "Miss, Prince Legolas's was found, deep towards the ends of the woods. He he's he-." The servant sobbed aloud.

"Calm down." I say gently, wanting her to tell me do badly I would've pinned her down if it hadn't been for my pregnancy. I look her in the eye coolly she hold her shoulders upright, "What about Legolas?"

"He's he's he's dead!" She sobbed deeply, and my grip instinctly loosened. "They found his corpse rotting in the woods." She choked on her own words.

If I had anything in my hand at the time I would've dropped it. In fact I held on to my bed post immediately, struggling to keep calm. I squeezed my bed post so tightly I could feel my knuckles turning white.

"How do they know for sure if his body is rotting and that the corpse is Legolas's" I questioned after thinking a few seconds.

"Because there are remnants of his robes, his boots, and his hair. The exact robes that he has worn since the night of the banquet." The servant shook her head, buried in her own tears.

My heart sank. I knew he wouldn't have duplicate of his clothes. But for a while. I stared blankly at the servant, unable to process what I had just heard. The servant, unable to bear my silence either, left my chambers in melancholy, and I heard her sniffles as she walked slowly down the depressing hall.

Silence... That was what everything felt like.

I brought my hand over to my left arm and pinched my flesh hard, over and over. I closed my eyes shut tightly, muttering slowly.

"Wake up Tauriel. Wake up from this nightmare Tauriel." I continued pinching until I felt my skin turning soft, with my nail marks shaped deep into the my arm. Tears formed into my eyes and I started physically shaking so uncontrollably that I slid down against the wooden frames of my bed and buried my head into my hands.

The tears started as initially sniffles, which quickly escalated into tears, followed by heartbroken sobs.

"There's no way he's dead. No way there has to be something. He wouldn't die. He's always lived. Theres always an exception." I repeated before commanding myself to wake up. "WAKE UP Tauriel!" I sobbed aloud, choking up on my own name

Nothing. I was still myself in the same location at the same time.

I thought of him, how much he spoiled me, how much he meant to me.

How he would match my competitiveness in everything, and love me unconditionally.

He was the reason I have been alive all these years. And now he's gone, yet why do I have another reason to live? Why must I continue to hurt while I have the responsibility to raise his child

Have we really had our last kiss? Our last embrace. Our last spar?

I don't know what I'd do... How would I recover. How would I raise a child without a father. How will I fight the suicidal urge to join you in death, join my family and loved ones.

No Legolas couldn't be gone. He couldn't be. I refused to believe it. Yet a condescending dread overflowed my body and I knew that the servant was right.

I wouldn't believe it. I couldn't. Right now I needed something that gave me hope. I needed the benefit of the doubt to question the evidence.

I sat up, wiped my tears and made my way towards the throne room, with my weapons

I was headed straight for the king. And I wasn't leaving until he told me this was a sick joke and that I was dreaming vividly.

LINEBREAK

When I reached Thranduil's office, since he wasn't in the throne room, I prepared to raise my temper and voice, temporarily burying away the tears.

However, like always, I changed my plan upon entering the office.

Thranduil, for once, was a mess. His crown was thrown on the floor and broken, as I could tell he had stomped on it in anger. His hair was tangled in just the slightest bit, and his sword was buried in his desk table. It was not hard to tell that he threw a rage upon the discovery.

The worst part was that there was a little cot sitting next to his desk. The furniture piece that Thranduil paced about. The cot had a white cloth covering some composite shape underneath.

I gathered the courage and spoke, in a half choke, half shocked manner, "Is it really true?"

Thranduil looked at me finally. Glistening pearls swirled in his eyes.

"My lord, tell me it's not true." I walked forth, tears streaming down my face, I couldn't hide them anymore.

He didn't respond

"Thranduil please." I pleaded. "Say something. Tell my I'm dreaming, tell me I'm dead, tell me anything except what the servant told me. I beg you!" I began sobbing. As the words streamed out of my mouth and an invisible arrow sliced my heart and soul into painful memories and pieces.

"I-I can't." He said, his voice softer and more pained than the norm, "it's all true."

He lifted the cover of the white cot in uneasiness and melancholy, and my mouth dropped instantaneously at the sight of the gore

Read and review.

Sorry I've been struggling to write this chapter out ,a tell with all my school work and whatsoever, hope you enjoy this chapter

To those of you who are shocked, all I can say is to keep calm, and don't worry, must gets better,

This chapter is also dedicated to the idea that this week is suicide prevention week and that people emphasize love and self importance. I feel that those themes play a larger role in this chapter as well.

As the Author, I would love to spoil the story, but I can't! Please leave a comment describing what you think will happen.