This chapter was initially written after the release of First Night/Last Night but still years before The Husbands of River Song. This series won't go past Series 8, so I feel pretty comfortable with keeping my own interpretation of Darillium here as opposed to the canon one. While I love the canon one, I think this version works better for this story.
I'd say enjoy, but this chapter is just fluffy angst so I'm sorry in advance.
River Song had just arrived home, bursting with excitement at being put second-in-command for the expedition to the Library. And that was only after Lux, who was funding it and so therefore had to be officially in charge. It wasn't as if she was going to let him actually boss her around. He'd be wrapped around her little finger in a few days without him even having a clue.
She smirked to herself as she made herself a cup of tea and sat down to celebrate with an Agatha Christie novel, the only one she had yet to read, which she was halfway through and almost afraid to continue. Because she knew that if she didn't go all the way to the end, then she would miss out on all of the potential greatness within the pages. But if she did, then it would just be over. Agatha Christie would be finished, and rereading, especially a mystery novel, was never quite the same.
However, she'd only been at it for twenty minutes when there was a knock at her door, so she put it down and – still dressed in her professor's clothes – answered the door.
The Doctor was standing on her doorstep.
Her Doctor, not the one in pinstripes she had run into a couple of times over the past couple of months and ended up going to a surprising second picnic at Asgard with. Well, she said surprising, in all reality she had practically ambushed him with a hamper and given the bemused man very little chance to argue. He had, somewhat reluctantly, eventually gone along with it and enjoyed himself. He was hard work young, though, so clearly unsure about her, and yet obviously intrigued but not wanting to show that he was. It worried her that perhaps she was approaching the day when he wouldn't recognise her, the day she had been dreading for years.
For even if he was young and didn't know her very well in the least, he was still curious, and interested, and always reluctantly drawn in by her, she could tell. And he watched her like she was the most baffling puzzle in the universe, which she rather liked. It was fun when he didn't know things.
But for him to not recognise her at all…the thought made her blood run cold, and her heart want to break.
Which was why seeing him like this, her Doctor, was simply the best present possible. He had promised to return in a few weeks, and it had been closer to two months, so she had been a little worried. But he was here, and everything bad melted away in an instant.
"What do you think?" The Doctor asked enthusiastically, doing a turn on the spot so that she could take in the new suit, and then raking a hand through his hair to make sure she spotted the nice haircut too. "I did promise."
"You clean up well for a twelve-year old," She replied, smirking at him, and laughed when his confidence faltered for a moment or two. "You look fantastic, sweetie."
He beamed at that and straightened his bowtie with pride. "Yeah, I do, don't I?" Then he stopped and took in her appearance properly. "Why do you look all…business-y?"
"I've been at the university," She said. The blazer and short pencil skirt were a look he wouldn't be accustomed to, she knew, and her hair was up in a messy bun. "Sorry that I don't look as good as you."
The smile he gave her made her feel like a giddy teenager. "Firstly, you look lovely, but secondly, you can get ready in the TARDIS, I have a dress for you and everything."
"And then?"
He offered her his arm, which she took after stepping out of and locking her front door. "Then, Darillium, as promised."
The Doctor was glad that she was allowing him to sit in on her getting ready for their big night. Their last night, which she could never know was their last until it was too late.
After promising to sit on the edge of the bathtub and face away from her until she was done, he was able to continue talking with her and not miss out on a single precious second.
"So, guess what I'm doing in a week's time?" River asked, her voice brimming with excitement, the kind of excitement people got in their voices when they talked about their passion.
Tentatively, he said, "What?"
"I'm going to the Library! Do you remember? I mentioned it to you back when Aliya was all new and shiny," River said, and he could hear the huge, enthusiastic grin and brightness in her eyes as she spoke. In complete opposition to her, the words made his mood slip a little, and his hearts weigh just a bit more. "Sweetie?"
It occurred to him that he had not answered her.
"Oh, uh, that's great, dear," he said automatically, lying through his teeth, "Very exciting."
"It's taken them a hundred years just to break the seals so that a team can get back in, can you imagine what we might find? It's one of the few things in the universe that travelling with you hasn't provided some kind of cheat or spoiler for." The last sentence was said with what he thought of as her 'wife voice', scolding him for ruining it for her.
"I thought that you enjoyed my cheats for history and archaeology?"
She laughed at that, and he heard fabric drop to the floor, and realised with a flash of warmth that she was undressing a mere few feet away from him. Later, he reminded himself, and kept his gaze straight and his back turned. "Yes, of course I do sweetie, especially because with you it's always more accurate because we were actually there at so many of the huge events."
"Not to mention you tend to use my TARDIS to go back and pick up artefacts while they are still new," He mentioned with a twitch of his lips. "So forgive me if I don't see the problem."
"No problem as such, sweetie, just the fact that having to investigate the way everyone else does is rather exciting," River replied, "Can you zip me up?"
The Doctor turned around and stood up, taking the small step he needed to be right behind her. Then his hands clasped the zipper and very slowly began to pull it up. He admitted to himself he was taking a liberty to enjoy the sight of her smooth skin disappearing beneath the shiny golden-green fabric. He knew that she must realise what he was doing, but instead of doing as she usually would and making a teasing innuendo about it, she kept quiet and let him continue. When he finished, he brushed her hair aside to wind his arms around her waist from behind and rest his chin on her right shoulder.
"I knew that dress would suit you," he said as they both stared at their reflections in the large bathroom mirror.
Now that he got to see her properly, he could only think of how inherently beautiful she was. The dress draped over all of her curves perfectly, hinting strongly but not exactly revealing. Her hair – dear lord her hair – was as alluring as ever, bouncy and curly and golden. Her grey-green eyes sparkled with life, love and anticipation, so much so that he had to smile and place a light kiss to the spot between her shoulder and neck.
"Shall we, Professor Song?"
Ten minutes later, River had wandered off and he couldn't imagine what had possibly happened until he rounded the corner and saw another TARDIS parked there, door slightly open as River's back disappeared inside. The memory flashed in his head and he remembered. The night with three Rivers in the TARDIS at once.
He supposed that meant it was his cue to go in and get his River back out. The idea of him now being the older Doctor, the one who only had one night left with River…that one hurt. His younger self had so much time left, so many adventures, the wedding, the honeymoon, the linear patch…
But it was time to buck up and be brave. So he marched into the younger TARDIS to see his younger self standing a few metres from his River.
"No, River, wrong TARDIS, I'm back around the back…younger version." The urge to smirk was just a little too strong, so he didn't bother fighting it.
Meanwhile, River was far too intrigued, her wide eyes darting between them. "Two of you…the mind races, does it not?" Her implications couldn't be clearer, she was obviously liking the idea quite a lot.
"Come on, we'll be late," he reminded her, and that distracted her, as a smile lit her face up.
"He's taking me to the Singing Towers of Darillium, he's been promising for ages. After all, if Aliya gets to spend so much time with that handsome Captain, I have to get something," River explained to the younger Doctor happily as she left the TARDIS.
The older Doctor saw his younger counterpart mouth the last part of the sentence questioningly at him, but he just shrugged in reply. What did it matter what Aliya was doing? That was quite possibly the least important thing in the universe, did he not realise that this was his last night with River? A second later he apparently did, as his expression dropped and the sadness visibly crashed over him.
"When we first met her in the Library, when she…"
"Died, yes." He forced himself to finish the sentence, to actually say it.
"She told us that the last time she saw us was at Darillium. Is that now?" The younger Doctor's voice suggested he was treading carefully, not wanting to upset either of them, and his older self smiled bravely, even it was very difficult to do so.
"Spoilers," he said, knowing just how ironic it sounded, "Good luck tonight."
"You too."
"Yeah." He made himself smile again before leaving quickly. He didn't want to waste any more time that he could have with River instead.
When the two of them finally arrived at Darillium, he had to take a moment to steady himself before following her out of the police box doors. But when he did, he had to pause next to her and marvel at the sight before them.
It really was perfect.
Darillium had three moons, which were only just visible since the sun was in the middle of setting. The rays of light made the dark green grass shine like ripples of deep sea water in a storm, and the yellow sky streaked with orange, pink, and pure white from the sun.
"Oh," River whispered as her eyes drank in the sight.
The light of the setting sun also reflected off of the towers themselves. There were two, both stretching high in the sky even from the distance that the Doctor and River were standing away. The hill their feet stood on was about a kilometre away from the grand plaza where the towers stood, tall and beautiful in their simplicity and incredible detail. In contrast to the warmer colours of the planet, the Singing Towers were a terrific pearly white, enhanced by woven patterns of silver spiralling up their lengths. They glowed in the dying sunlight, but were not yet singing.
The Doctor reached down to take River's hand in his own. "Shall we?" They walked along the large hill until they came to where it was about to start sloping downward. "Here, this is perfect," He declared.
"But we're still far away," River frowned in confusion, but he just laughed.
"Trust me, River, when they sing, you'll be able to hear it," He assured her, and so she sat down on the grass next to him.
"So how does the singing work?"
He grinned at her. "I'm glad you asked. What makes the towers so incredible is that their music comes from what's around them."
River's eyes took in the scenery around them again. "From this place?"
"Well, yes," he said, frowning for a moment, "But no, not really. The music comes from the people."
"The people?"
"The beings around them. The plants, the animals, yes…but the towers absorb the emotion," The Doctor turned from the sight to smile softly at her, "People come here to listen to the things they feel in their hearts be turned into the most beautiful, powerful, true music. Nothing in the universe can so perfectly capture something within us the way that these towers can."
"Will they sing about us?" River asked, almost breathing the words as she stared, awed, at the towers.
"You and me?" He said. His eyes drank her in while his hearts swelled with the love he knew he would never stop feeling, and his hand touched her face for a fleeting moment. "How could they pass that up? I can guarantee that tonight, because of us, the Towers are going to sing the greatest, the most powerful and most beautiful song they have ever sung."
At that she smiled at him, with that look in her eye which told him that she understood, like she always did. She knew that he wasn't good with words, not when it came to feelings. Feelings words were difficult for him, far more difficult than anything else in the universe. But she knew that, better than anyone else he had ever met, because she was River Song and she just understood.
She understood that what he had really just said was 'they are going to sing the most beautiful and powerful song they ever sung because no one has ever had feelings as great and powerful as the love I have for you'. And he loved her all the more for that.
His hand cupped the back of her neck as he pulled her in for a kiss. It started off slow, but rose in passion until they were clutching at each other, and he rolled so that she was beneath him. It might have gone further, if at that moment the Towers hadn't begun to sing.
They broke apart and froze, staring into each other's eyes as the song of the Towers filled their ears and hearts. Quickly they stopped and rolled so that they were both lying on their backs, River tucked underneath his arm, snuggled against his chest while his hand played with small strands of her hair.
Earlier they had spotted a few other people around, down much closer to the Towers, and the initial song must have been of their emotions. Because as lovely and fresh and energetic as the song was, it was not one that fit them. If the Doctor had to guess, it was the one of the young couple they had spied. The song was clearly of young, innocent love, and the magic of a first love.
If it had been any other time, with any other person, it would have made him reminisce about his own first love. But with River Song in his arms, he could do nothing but hold her tighter and wish that they could have had more time, that he hadn't been so stupid when he was younger. He had wasted so much time just being cross with her and scared of what she might mean.
He wished he could get those early days back to make better use of them.
River listened to the song of the young lovers, and thought about how it so well summed up how she had felt about the Doctor when she had been so much younger and just at the beginning of their story and her new life.
The enormity and complexity of her feelings for him, the potency and passion of it, it all just made her certain that their love was legendary, a love sang not just by towers but by people all over the universe. The back-to-front and timey wimey love affair between the most wonderful man in the universe, the hero of a thousand galaxies, the lonely god, the Doctor...and River Song, his wife, an archaeologist, sent to kill him only to fail in the most surprising way. Together their story was epic, and she hoped that when it inevitably came to an end it would not be forgotten or ignored, by anyone. Especially him.
She worried about him, and what he might be like after her death – which would have to happen someday. Unlike him, she had only the one life.
The song of the Towers had shifted, and she believed it belonged to the lone person she had seen before, a red headed woman who had seemed so sad from the glimpse River had gotten.
The song was heartbreaking. It spoke of such loneliness, then shifted to something almost frightening, with military-like metrics. Then hope, excitement, triumph. Those emotions made River smile, and when she looked over at the Doctor, he too seemed happy that the woman's story was looking up. Only then it changed, to a blur of confusion which rose in a crescendo until it peaked at a dissonant chord that made River flinch.
It made River shift, trying to spot the woman. When she did, it almost looked as though the woman was looking back at her, but in the growing darkness and across the distance it was rather impossible to tell. The woman turned and they watched as she walked away and out of sight. A nagging voice in the back of River's head said that the woman had looked familiar, but she couldn't place it.
And just then she could no longer think about it, because the Towers were singing again. And this time, they were singing about her.
The Doctor watched the change in River as she realised that the Towers were now singing out her emotions. Unlike the more narrative song which had just passed, the only emotions which currently filled River were clearly ones of pure, undiluted love for him.
The strength and power of the music brought tears to his eyes, and he pulled her closer, his River Song, whose love he did not deserve but was too selfish to ever give up.
And he knew that her emotions were huge, and countless, and almost infinite, which meant that the song was going to be very long. So, he gently placed his hand under her chin and tilted her head up towards him before kissing her with the utmost gentleness. Her hands snaked up to wrap around his neck, giving her leverage to return the kiss, put a bit more force into it, and also shift so that she was conveniently straddling him.
As she leaned over him, her hair spilled across his face and chest, tickling his skin. The song of her emotions, love and strength continued to sound through the air, only fuelling what was between them, the love and lust and want and need.
Not wanting to be outdone, he cupped her back to make sure he was holding her tightly to him before he turned them over, so that he was on top.
"River," he whispered into her skin, and both of them worked to rid each other of their clothes.
What followed was new and old, slow and fast, familiar and desperate. Murmurs of love were not expressed because this time they were not needed. The Towers were singing of both of them, of the love they had for each other and how it conflicted and complimented at the same time, how it burned with the force of ten erupting stars.
But what were murmured were names. Doctor, Doctor, Doctor, Doctor. River, River, River, River. And then she breathed out his name in a whisper that seemed deafening because it was his name and she knew it, could say it when no one else in the universe could. Nothing could compare to the sound of it falling from her lips, and his hearts nearly stopped because they were beating so fast and so hard for her.
For what he knew would be the last time, he let himself be lost in everything that was River Song. The feel of her hair and skin and lips. The taste of her on his tongue as he pressed his mouth to hers. The small brush of her mind when he reached out for it. The sound of her heavy breathing, the sound of her uttering his name softly.
The sound of the Towers singing their song. Singing out their love for the universe to hear.
Getting the dress back on had been a little difficult, especially because the Doctor wouldn't stop touching her, or finding excuses to delay, but eventually they got there. He was holding her between his legs now, her back against his chest. Like he had in the TARDIS bathroom, he rested his chin on her shoulder.
The Towers were still singing. It wasn't surprising, but it made River smile all the same. Everything she had known the Doctor felt for her was being confirmed over and over again by the melodies and harmonies being woven all around them. She could feel herself tearing up, which at any other time would have been incredibly embarrassing but here she couldn't bring herself to care.
Only, when she looked across at the Doctor, tears were rolling down his cheeks, his eyes full of a sadness she didn't understand.
"Sweetie, what is it, what's wrong?" She turned around enough to be able to look into his eyes and use her thumb to wipe the tears away, but they kept coming.
He shook his head quickly and sniffed. "Nothing. It's nothing." He pressed her knuckles to his lips, but as she glanced down, it was impossible to miss how his hand was shaking.
"Sweetie-" River's words were cut off by him pulling her in and kissing her abruptly, though she couldn't tell if it was because he really wanted to or whether he just didn't want her to talk. But she let herself enjoy the kiss, and decided to just wait until he broke it off. But when he did, before she spoke, he pulled her to his chest and held her there. Tightly. Too tightly. Like he was afraid that if he let go she would slip away and out of his fingers. "Honey, that hurts."
It was only a whisper but he quickly loosened his grip, though didn't let her get much further away. He continue to stroke her hair almost absently.
"I'm sorry, River." The Doctor sounded so forlorn that she felt lost. And it was then that she noticed how the song around them had changed. It was no longer about the joys of love, it was sad and mournful. It was the most heartbreaking thing she had ever heard.
And then she understood. So she let herself turn so that they were chest to chest, her in his lap, and she cupped his face in her hands.
"Hey," she soothed softly, almost like a mother to a child, "It's okay." The Time Lord just looked at her with watery eyes and shook his head almost imperceptibly. So she let herself become more firm. He needed a firm hand sometimes. "I know what this is. This is you being afraid that something is going to happen to me. But you need to remember that it is going to take an army of millions to keep me from you…but also that it's inevitable, my love. I don't have your longevity. But it's okay…"
"How can it be okay, if you're not going to be with me?" The Doctor said, with more vulnerability in his eyes than she had ever seen. "How can it be okay for the Doctor to go on without River Song?"
She smiled at him, her own eyes now a little starry with tears. "You always go on. But you'll never be without me, sweetie. I'll be in here-" She laid her hands over both of his hearts, "Always."
That made him smile just a little. Then, he pulled her closer and slowly kissed her forehead, then her nose…and finally her lips.
"River," he said quietly, against the skin of her neck as he held her tightly to him, "You are magnificent. Thank you. For everything."
She had guessed. River Song had guessed that he was already mourning her. Only River bloody Song could do that. And somehow she had made her own death sound a fraction less terrible. Because she was right. Part of her would always be in his head and hearts, making comments and innuendos and less than helpful suggestions. And he was glad of that.
But still, the Doctor held her fiercely against his chest, only to pull back to stare into her beautiful grey eyes which held so much brilliance, ferocity and love. So much River.
"River Song." His fingertip traced the side of her face, "I know I don't say it as much as I should, so I'm going to say it now. I am truly, deeply, utterly in love with you. Have been for a very long time, and will be for even longer, maybe even forever. And I just want you to know that. I've never let myself feel about anyone the way I let myself feel about you."
A strange little laugh escaped her, and the shine of love in her eyes set a blazing fire in his hearts. "I love you too. And I do know, sweetie. I've always known. I know how you say it without saying it. All those little things that would mean nothing to anyone else but mean everything to me. And you stare at me like I'm an impossible miracle."
"That's what you are," he said, smiling, "An impossible miracle. Always."
"Even in the beginning?" River grinned, and he nodded, matching her large smile with one of his. Then he bopped her on the nose.
"Especially in the beginning. You strode into my life and turned it into a whirlwind of confusion. But I couldn't help but fascinating. You were an enigma wrapped in spoilers wrapped in hair…and I liked it."
She laughed and was quick to kiss him again.
They were both reluctant to leave, but knew that they had to. So they climbed back up the hill and got back into the TARDIS, where she helped him fly the TARDIS back to her home, just as she always did. But he could feel her eyes on him, still slightly worried.
"Sweetie, you have to promise not to worry about me," she told him as they left the police box and walked back up to her porch.
He smiled at her, doing his best not to show that his hearts felt like they were being ripped out of his chest. "I always worry about you."
"But this is me we're talking about, dear." She smirked, "I can take care of myself. Don't you worry, you'll be stuck with me for years yet, I'll make sure of it."
Okay, that one hurt. A lot. First she tells him that her death is inevitable but that he will be able to get through it, then she half goes back on it by being so sure of herself that she doesn't believe death is just around the corner. Which he knew that it was.
Oh, River. His River Song.
But he smiled back at her as though he believed as much as she did. "Yeah." He laughed a little. "Definitely."
"Well then, goodnight." She grinned cheekily at him, her eyes sparkling in that way he loved so much.
"Goodnight," He made himself smile again, but had to intervene when she went to step inside. His hand clasped around her arm and pulled her back to him. "Wait." Rummaging in his jacket for possibly the most important object in the universe, he pulled out the old sonic screwdriver he had found in the TARDIS, the one which she had in the Library. "Take it. To the Library. For good luck."
She smiled, "Okay."
He bent down and kissed her, one last time, and let himself memorise every tiny detail. Finally, after at least a minute, maybe two, he forced himself to let go of her and step away. "Goodnight, River." He started to walk back down the path to where the TARDIS was outside the gate.
"Until the next time, then," she called out, her usual confident smirk on her face, and he nodded without thinking because really, what else could he do?
"Next time," he repeated, trying to sound convincing while the lump in his throat continued to grow.
River looked pleased, and with that, went inside the house.
It wasn't until the Doctor was back in the TARDIS and trying to read the scanner that he realised he was crying so much that the tears were obscuring his vision.
He gripped the console tightly and let himself bend over it, tears spilling onto the machine steadily. The sound of his sobs began to get louder, and it was pitiful, but he couldn't bring himself to care. The moment the ship had dematerialised and was in orbit of some inhabited planet on the other side of the universe, he allowed himself to drop onto the top step going up to the console platform.
There, he let his walls crumble and the waterfall of tears flow.
The Doctor's pain was so powerful that Aliya could feel it. It struck her without warning, making her drop the mug of hot chocolate she'd made and clutch the counter for support.
Oh, Doctor…
She hurried to Jack's office to tell him that if she was right, the Doctor would be back soon. It was difficult when she couldn't stop crying. River Song was dead. It was over.
"I'm sorry, I just can't stop thinking about her," she whispered, wiping at her eyes, "I didn't really get to say goodbye, because she couldn't know it was goodbye. And when the Doctor gets here, I'll need to be strong, for him, but I don't know that I can be. I can feel it, his grief, and then there's mine and it's too much."
Jack looked thoughtful. "Do you think if you got to say goodbye, the closure would help?"
"Well, I can't, so it doesn't matter."
He smiled and started undoing the clasp of his vortex manipulator. "See, I feel like a smart girl like you would be able to get this working without too much trouble-"
Aliya's eyes widened. "Jack, I - I don't know what to say. If this works-"
"Then you and the Doctor will be all the better for it, and that'll be good enough for me."
She hugged him tightly before taking the manipulator and hurrying out of the room. It was going to need some intensive work before it was going to be functional.
After several hours of tinkering, the mostly broken vortex manipulator was ready to go. The only problem was that the moment she realised, Aliya couldn't stop her hands from shaking uncontrollably. I came to terms with never seeing her again, but now she's just a button press away…
With a deep breath, she set the coordinates and slammed her hand down.
The room she appeared in was dim, but not so much that it hindered her sight. From her place in the shadows, she could see an unconscious figure in blue handcuffed to a railing. And more prominently, the curly-haired figure sitting on the grand chair and setting up wires.
"I know you're there, so you'd better come out now."
Aliya jumped a mile, but was quick to do as she was told. And there she was. River Song. When their eyes met, River's grey ones didn't look particularly surprised.
"I thought that it might be you."
"You know me too well," Aliya said with a shaky smile, but River did not return it. Instead, determination flashed in the archaeologist's eyes.
"I won't let you stop me. Or take my place," she said fiercely.
Feeling her eyes already gathering moisture, Aliya shook her head. "I'm not going to try, that's not why I'm here."
That took River by surprise, so much so that she halted in her work and let the large cables rest on her lap. "Then why are you here?"
"I couldn't say goodbye to you properly if you didn't know what was going to happen to you, it would have felt like lying," Aliya admitted, and sure enough, the tears were already welling up, "River, I don't know what I'm going to do without - what either of us will do without you."
"You'll go on," River said with a brave smile but not entirely dry eyes, "He always does, and you will too. You'll have each other."
"I'm a fairly substandard replacement for you."
"You're not. You're his best friend. And you'll never have to leave him like everyone else. You're exactly what he needs."
Her response was initially just a subdued head shake. "Any one of his special humans would do the trick. He picks them all so well, and they are always exactly what he needs."
"What he needs now, what he will need," River took a deep breath and stared at Aliya with an even gaze, "Is somebody that loves him. More than life itself."
Aliya felt her mouth go very dry. "That's you. He needs you, but he can't have you, and it's not fair!" She wiped at the tears running down her cheeks.
"No, he can't have me anymore, but luckily I was talking about someone else. Someone else who he needs, even if he after this he won't admit to it. Someone else who loves him just as much as I do and has sustained that love for longer than I will ever know." The knowing smile that she gave Aliya made her hearts skip a beat.
"I – I don't-"
"Sweetie, you don't have to pretend. It was as plain as day after Ventora, and a few times before."
Her words weren't much help, as the Time Lady quickly buried her face in her hands. "I'm sorry!" She apologised passionately. "I never meant to be in love with him, it was just always there and I didn't realise until it was far too late, and I-"
River reached out to take Aliya's hands in her own, drawing her closer. "I'd not want you to apologise for how you feel anymore than I would ever do the same. You supported us even though it can't have been easy-"
"It was the easiest thing in the world," Aliya said honestly. "I love you both more than I could ever say."
River smiled. "I know. That's him there, right behind you."
Like lightning, the head of short blonde hair turned to properly look at the man on the floor, with the unruly brown hair and the blue suit. She could only see a little of his face, but what she could make out matched her memory of the Doctor who had been with Donna on Midnight.
"It doesn't matter," she said suddenly, and brought her gaze back to the woman in the chair, "I'm here for you, not him. Because I know I should be worried about what this is going to do to him, and I am because he needs you. But I need you, the universe needs you, and it's not fair. You are the most brilliant, the most brave, the most amazing-" She took in a shuddering breath. "I don't want to say goodbye to you. I don't know how."
"Everybody dies. Even me. Even you. Even him, one day. I don't want him to accept that, ever. But the rest of us have to," River said slowly, and got a nod from her friend, "I've had a good life. A magnificent life. Because of the Doctor. Because of you. I have no regrets."
"But it won't be the same!" Aliya managed to get out through the tears. "You won't be there to do everything that we love so much. You won't be there to make the TARDIS feel the way it's supposed to feel. And…and…who's going to shoot his hats?" She said it so seriously, so desperately, only to freeze and lock eyes with River before laughing loudly with her, even though both women were also crying.
But eventually, River stopped to just stare at Aliya with a sad but somewhat hopeful expression. "Just promise me something easy."
"Anything."
"Promise me that you'll look after him. You'll make sure that he's okay. This is going to hurt him, and he won't be able to get through it alone," River said, some more tears gathering at the edges of her eyes, "You know that I love that man to the end of the universe, just as I know that he feels the same way about me. And I also know what he's like when he loses people."
"I'll help him, I promise," Aliya agreed, nodding furiously, "But he'll love you until the day he dies. And...so will I."
River smiled, and squeezed her hands. "Maybe that's true. When you say it like that, I don't doubt it. But he loves you too."
"Not in the same way."
"No." The archaeologist shook her head firmly. "He's in love with you too, Aliya."
"Don't say that," Aliya pleaded.
"He just doesn't know it yet. And believe me, this is going to set him back. But one day, when he can think about me without it hurting…he'll realise," River replied, and it stunned Aliya how sure she seemed. "You truly believe that the man with the two biggest hearts in the entire universe isn't capable of loving two people at the same time?"
Aliya couldn't answer, she just shook her head. "No," she said, in a tone that made it clear that the topic wasn't up for discussion. "You're wrong. He loves the entire universe so much, he loves all of his friends, all of his companions, and I suppose that in his own way, he loves me too. But it's not the same."
"But you love him," River said, smart enough to not argue, "And that's all I need. Because I know that he's safe with you, that he's in good hands. And you're strong, you'll be okay. You're both going to be fine. And my last act is making sure of that, and saving these people, and making sure that every last moment with both of you, with him, will still happen."
Aliya took another look at her and felt any kind of resolve she had crumble as she remembered so many of those moments they had had together and had to accept that there wouldn't be any more. She couldn't do it.
"River, I-" Words failed her and she hugged River tightly instead. The spacesuit made things a little difficult, but the comforting smell of River's hair filled Aliya's nose and for a moment it felt like everything was going to be okay. "Oh lord. I can't do this. I can't just let you die."
As they pulled away, River brushed her fingers across Aliya's cheek as she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "We both know you have to."
"It's not fair. You know that the Doctor's daughter is alive? She'll never get to meet you-"
"Oh, actually...spoilers."
Aliya felt her mouth drop open for a moment before she broke into a huge smile. "Wait, really? That's...incredible. I couldn't stand the idea of the two of you not getting to know each other."
"See? Everything is going to work out," River said after taking a deep, controlled breath and doing her best to smile through it. They both looked at the countdown next to them, which bore a number far too small for both of their likings.
And just like that, Aliya's silent tears renewed and she sniffed. "Please, I don't want you to - I don't -"
"And I don't want me to, but there's no other option."
"…you're a hero. I hope you realise that."
The word stopped River in the work she had resumed, and the human woman slowly looked up. "I don't know if I've ever been called that before."
"Well you are. River Song, you are a hero. And you're my hero," Aliya smiled through the thick sheen of tears on her face, "That's never going to change. I'll never stop telling people your story."
"Thank you," River managed to say, voice thick, clearly moved.
Aliya leaned down to press a kiss to her forehead. Just as she went to pull away, River cupped her face with both hands and kissed her softly on the lips, which should have been shocking but somehow felt entirely right. It was automatic to kiss her back - the last way she could try and convey to River how much she meant to her.
Maybe, all this time, I was a little in love with River Song after all.
"I'll miss you," River whispered against her lips, before leaning back and running a hand through Aliya's hair absently. "More than you know."
"Not as much as I'll miss you," Aliya said, "I love you."
River smiled, an odd touch of humour in her face that the other woman didn't understand. "I know."
"Goodbye," the Time Lady whispered, barely able to speak because her throat was so constricted.
"Goodbye, sweetie."
When Aliya disappeared in a flash of light, River allowed herself to cry, but only until she saw the young Doctor on the floor beginning to stir. Then, she steeled herself and prepared herself for the only goodbye she would get from him in her final minutes.
When Aliya materialised back in the Hub, the resolve she had been clutching onto for River's sake disappeared and she felt her legs give out on her as a fresh round of sobs started up.
A part of her registered strong, warm arms trying to lift her up, and she batted them away. There was only one person in the whole universe she wanted and she was dead, only one other person who could possibly make it better and he wasn't here and would need her support when the time came.
"It's going to be okay," Jenny's voice said to her, Jack's chiming in with something similar.
"No it's not, she's dead," Aliya cried, "She's dead and I need her and-"
Words became impossible after that. She was crying too hard and was only half aware of Jack picking her up and carrying her to his office, where Jenny kept a tight hold on her hand and Jack draped a blanket over them both.
Time Lords did not do well with death. They accepted it as a concept more easily than humans, but in their own lives, they were so long lived that being confronted with it was more rare and left them vulnerable.
It was at least half an hour before the tears dried up and Aliya was properly aware of her surroundings again.
"I'm sorry," she said to Jack and Jenny, who by that point were sitting across the room and looked relieved to hear her speak.
"Don't be," Jack told her, "It's exactly what I did after everything with Ianto and Stephen."
"I'm so tired. Jenny, can you please get me my sleeping pills?"
It wasn't until late the next morning that Aliya jerked from her sleep upon sensing the Doctor back in the rear of her mind. Immediately she leapt to her feet and found Jenny and Jack at the coffee machine.
"He's coming, I have to go," she said at top speed, and quickly kissed both of them, Jenny on the forehead and Jack on the cheek, "Thank you for everything. Hope that he's okay."
With that, she took the invisible lift up to the Roald Dahl Pass, where sure enough she could hear the unmistakeable sound of the TARDIS brakes. Her hearts beating fast, she followed the noise and ended up in an alley, where the blue box stood tall.
But not, she realised with sadness, proud. It looked…old. The paint was faded and some of the wood chipped. A few scorch marks tainted the exterior as well.
"I'm sorry," Aliya told the ship briefly, touching the wooden panels for a moment before pushing open the door and going inside. She steeled herself, doing her best to prepare for the magnitude of his grief. She was as ready to see him utterly broken as she ever would be - if only because she knew the feeling all too well.
Which was why her hearts entirely stopped when she saw him up on the console platform with a manic grin on his face.
"Aliya!" He said, sounding pleased. "Great, perfect timing."
"For what?" She asked, terrified of the answer.
"For my plan. Because we can do it, me and you, together, how does that sound?" He practically danced around the console, flicking switches, pressing buttons.
Hesitantly, but oddly hopeful, she answered, "That sounds good. What are we doing?"
He came to a halt in front of her, eyes glinting with something that made her ever so slightly nervous as he grinned. "We're going to save River."
There was a long silence as Aliya tried to process the thought and failed. Taking her silence as agreement, he laughed manically and went back to flying the TARDIS and making preparations. "Fantastic! Because it's not going to be easy, almost impossible, but you and me, we can do it, because we're both brilliant!"
"No," she said, her voice trembling.
He rolled his eyes. "Well, alright, just me then, but seriously, we've got to work on your self-esteem after this."
Slowly, then desperately fast, she shook her head. "I meant no."
"No what?" Even in his confusion, with exaggerated hand gestures which should have comforted her, there was something in his eyes which scared her just a little.
"No, we can't save River."
Eight different emotions at least raced across his face at that. Confusion. Denial. Betrayal. Anger. Madness. Indifference. Fury. Determination.
"What's that supposed to mean?" He demanded, eyeing her across the few metres they were standing apart.
"It means no." She whispered the words, and just as he approached her, she pulled several levers and slammed her hand on the button she needed before he got to her. A large force field appeared around them.
He spun around, taking it in for a moment before glaring at her. "What the hell are you doing?"
"Stopping you." It was barely possible for her to get the words out.
His face twisted with anger. "Stopping me? From what?"
"Making a mistake." She wanted to turn away, away from those eyes which she barely recognised.
"A mistake?" Rising several levels, his voice made her wince. "You're calling rescuing River a mistake?"
Drawing bravery from the talk she had had with River, Aliya brought herself up to her full height and lifted her chin, meeting his eyes, as much as she didn't want to.
"Her death is fixed! We can't change it, the paradox would be too big. Rescuing anyone from death is huge, and almost always a mistake. And River Song? She is so far from an ordinary person…she has too much impact, the universe wouldn't be able to take a change like her!"
"The universe is a better place with her in it!" He bellowed, only for her to nod.
"Of course it is…but not after her time." She pleaded with her eyes, trying to get him to understand, to not look at her with the disgust he was right now.
"I've changed things before!"
"And things have never ended well! You can't just forget every rule we were raised with! You'd be crossing your own timeline, changing a future that has already been written and seen, changing a fixed point, releasing an impact personality back into the universe!"
"I will do that and more if it means I can have her back," he growled dangerously, "And I will do it without you if I have to." He tilted his head back to speak to the ship. "Switch off containment cell." Confidently, he waited. When the cell around them didn't so much as flicker, Aliya let out a breath she had been holding, just as he backed her up against the wall of it. "Why won't she listen to me?!"
"Because she's trying to stop you as well!" Aliya shouted back. "Because we can't let you do it!"
His lips curled bitterly. "You called yourself her friend! Were you ever really that if you are going to stand around and let her die?"
"How dare you, you stupid, arrogant man!" She shouted, shoving him away from her. "Why do you think I put the cell around both of us?"
That made him stop. Suddenly a flicker of confusion and curiosity burned in the eyes which still held a madness in them. "Why?" He asked, sounding distracted, unsure.
A sob tore through her body as she gazed up at him. "Because I don't trust myself any more than you!" His eyes flicked up suddenly, eyeing her this time with something different. "How else can I be sure one of us doesn't do something horrific? Do you think I don't want to save her? Do you think I don't want to join you in your mad, impossible rescue mission and come out victorious, River Song alive?"
"You do?" The Doctor's voice was quiet, almost like a child's.
She gave him a tight, sad smile. "Of course I do. I loved her too, you know. So much."
Slowly, he began to beam. "Then let's do it," he said excitedly. "We'll have her back. Everything will be as it should be. You. Me. River. Together."
His hand reached out to take hers and it took every ounce of her Time Lord instinct for her to resist the temptation and yank it out of his reach.
"We can't."
His expression dropped, but this time not to one of anger or fury. This time it was hurt, betrayal, and defeat, and each one cut into her like a knife hacking away at her hearts.
"Why?" He asked again, sounding so broken, so achingly sad.
"Because it's wrong," she whispered, her shoulders sinking, "And you know that it is."
That was the moment that the Doctor gave up. Aliya saw the hope leave his eyes in one devastating second, and in one more, he was clutching her like a lifeline, much too hard.
"I can't do this," he said, his voice cracking as he buried his face into her shoulder, "I just can't."
"I know," she murmured in Gallifreyan, "I know."
"Make it go away, make it stop." Slowly, they sank to the floor of the TARDIS in the centre of the containment cell. "Five years and I can't make it stop."
That surprised her, but at the same time only made the whole thing so much worse. "It's been five years for you since she died?"
"I thought it would get better. She said it would get better but it doesn't, it gets worse, with every passing second it gets worse!" He sobbed, letting her rock him in her arms, his tears soaking through her shirt.
The two Time Lords sat there and cried until no more tears came, until they were both so exhausted that sleep took them over and they gently fell down on the glass floor, not to wake for many hours.
