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Dinosaurs on a Spaceship – Part Three
The robots escorted them to another spacecraft embedded within the ship, overgrown with foliage. Piano music emanated from somewhere inside the smaller craft. "Love what you've done to the place down here" the Doctor commented. A strained voice came from within, saying "Let him in, open the gate". A metal mesh slid open and the Doctor stepped through, only for it to close behind him, shutting the others out. "It's fine, it's fine" he told them reassuringly, before moving forwards.
"He's not interested in you" one of the robots taunted. "Were you programmed to be this annoying, or is it part of a limited offer?" the Corsair inquired with a raised eyebrow. Rory pointed a finger at them and warned "You need to learn some manners".
"No, you need to learn some manners"
"No, you do"
"No, you do, Mister Manners"
Whilst the robots and his companion bickered, the Doctor approached a man lying on some sort of operating table, hooked up to a life support system. "Fantasia in F minor for four hands" he murmured, recognising the music. "You know it" the old man rasped. "Know it? Say hello to hands three and four. Schubert kept tickling me to try to put me off. 'Franz the hands'; oh, that takes me back. Well, this is cosy" the Doctor rambled. The old man ignored him. "It's fate that you came" he muttered.
"Is it? I'm the Doctor" The old man smiled to himself and replied "Yes, I know. I'm Solomon" he introduced himself. Something scanned the Doctor quickly with a flash of purple light. "What's that?" he asked warily. "System malfunction, ignore it" Solomon told him unconcernedly. The Doctor came over to the other side of the table. "What happened to you?" he asked at last. "I was attacked" explained Solomon, "Three raptors. They cornered me. The robots rescued me but it was nearly too late" he admitted.
"Ah yes, the robots. They're… unusual" the Doctor commented, not sure what else to say. "I got them cheap from a concession on Alyria Seven. The robots did as best they could with my legs, but you can help me so much more" he smiled, and the Doctor realised "Oh! A 'doctor', doctor, I see. Let's have a look". He tentatively lifted the torn cloth from Solomon's leg and tried not to grimace. "They chewed through part of the bone in my legs" Solomon observed, as if it were an everyday occurrence. "Yes, very nasty" the Doctor agreed, thankful that he wasn't squeamish.
"But you can repair them" Solomon said confidently. "If you tell me how you came by so many dinosaurs" the Doctor countered, and Solomon stared icily at him for a moment before ordering the robots, "Injure the older one". The Doctor spun round in alarm. "What?"
Brian yelled in pain as one of the robots shot him in the left shoulder. "Dad! Dad! It's all right, Dad. It's okay" Rory rambled, hurrying to help him. Reacting on instinct, the Corsair pulled out a meson blaster – the pistol he'd been using just wasn't cutting it – and aimed it at the robots. "Either of you move and I will blow your heads off!" he snapped. "Corsair, don't! Stand down. You don't want to make this worse" the Doctor pointed out. The Corsair gave the robots filthy looks and holstered his gun.
The Doctor turned back to Solomon with a dangerous glint in his eyes. "I don't respond well to violence, Solomon" he said warningly, but it went unheeded. "And I don't like questions, Doctor. You boarded without my permission. Now, fix me, or the next bolt will be fatal" Solomon threatened. The Doctor set his jaw and moved to pick up some medical tools.
Rory glared at the robots. "I will take you apart cog by cog and melt you down when all this is over" he threatened them; the Corsair couldn't agree with him more. "Oh, I'm so scared" one robot said mockingly, and then he paused, "Actually, I might be. A little bit of oil just came out". Rory turned back to Brian, who was sitting on the floor holding his injured shoulder. "Now, stay still. It's just a burn, it's nothing serious" Rory told him, checking the wound and taking something out of his pocket. "What's that?" Brian asked curiously.
"You carry a trowel; I carry a med-pack. It's all about the pockets in our family" said Rory, holding up a small silver wrapped square. "This is an ice patch. It cools the skin" he explained, pressing it over the burn. "Never seen one of those" Brian commented. "I pick up cool stuff wherever we go. For some people it's cars and hardware, for me it is nursing supplies. Now, painkiller" he said, holding up a small syringe, "This won't hurt". He stuck Brian with it, and his dad yelled "Ow!"
Rory shrugged apologetically, "I lied. It won't hurt from now on, though. All right, you're done" he patted his dad's shoulder. "Thanks" Brian said gratefully, and Rory smiled. "It's all right. You get to see my awesome nursing skills in action for once" he pointed out, happy they were getting along, when his phone began ringing. "What's that?" asked one of the robots. They ignored it. "Your phone's ringing, in space" Brian said in amazement. Rory stood up and pulled out his mobile. "You get used to it. I have to take this" he told the robots, "The wife. Hello, missus".
/
"Where are you?" asked Amy, standing a little way away from the others. Riddell and Nefertiti were keeping look out and exchanging barbs at one another, Romana was trying to find something that might tell them what happened to the Silurians, and Flavia was keeping an eye on Melody, who had decided to amuse herself by picking the leaves off the vines all around her. "Still on board. Met some pterodactyls and some rusty robots I'm going to melt down" Rory told her. Amy decided not to comment on this and instead told him "Rory, this is a Silurian ship".
/
"How did you get on board, Doctor?" Solomon inquired as the Doctor worked on healing his legs. "Oh, I never talk about myself with a gun pointed at me. Let's talk about you. Your cosy little craft embedded in a vast old ship" he replied with forced casualness. "You're very observant" Solomon noted, and the Doctor smirked. "I'm a Sagittarius, probably" he said with a shrug. Solomon informed him "I'm transporting it to the Roxborne Peninsula".
The Doctor recognised the name. "A commerce colony. You're a trader" he realised. "I search out opportunities for profit across nine galaxies" Solomon answered, and the Doctor nodded. "Ah, the purple light. That's what it was. An IV system, identifying value. The database of everything across space and time allocated a market value. Argos for the universe. You were trying to find out how much I'm worth" he figured out, and Solomon looked over to the machine. "Would you like to know?" he asked.
After a few moments, the message 'No Identification Found' appeared on the screen. The Doctor smiled softly at that; he'd done a better job than he thought erasing himself from every record in the universe. "You don't exist" Solomon murmured in surprise, "it's never done that".
"That's me" the Doctor said lightly, "worthless. Unlike these creatures you have on board. Very valuable, given they're extinct", he did something to Solomon's injured leg and the man groaned in pain. "Done. Sit up, very slowly" he advised. Rory called to him from behind the metal gate. "Doctor? Amy" he said, holding up the mobile. "I need to take this" he said distractedly, taking the phone from Rory and pressing it to his ear. "Amy".
"This is an Ark built by the Silurians. They were looking for another planet" she told him straight away, and something in her voice alerted him that things were not quite right. "Where are they now?" he asked her, and she replied "None on board. I mean, thousands of stasis pods, all empty". The Doctor had his suspicions, but didn't voice them. Instead he merely said "I'll see you soon" and handed the phone back to Rory, telling him quietly to "Be ready".
Then he went back to Solomon, who was sitting on the edge of the table. "The pain in my legs is gone. I can move them. Thank you, Doctor" he said with gratitude, but the Doctor wasn't fooled by his politeness. "What did you do to the Silurians?" he inquired immediately. Solomon seemed to see no need to hide his crimes. "We ejected them. The robots woke them from cryo-sleep a handful at a time and jettisoned them from the airlocks. We must have left a trail of dust and bone" he commented in a chillingly unaffected voice.
The Doctor was now rather glad he'd been separated from Romana, if it meant she didn't have to hear this. "Because you wanted the dinosaurs" he figured out. Solomon continued, "Their ship crossed my path. I sent out a distress signal, they let me board, and when I saw the cargo things became more complex" he chuckled darkly.
"Piracy and then genocide"
"Very emotive words, Doctor"
"Oh, I'm a very emotive man"
"The lizards wouldn't negotiate. I made them a generous offer"
"The creatures on board this ship are not objects to be sold or traded"
"I feel like you're judging me". Whatever gave you that impression the Doctor thought blithely. "You said Roxborne Peninsula, so why are you heading to Earth?" he asked Solomon, "You're on the wrong course. Oh, you don't know how. Brilliant; you couldn't change the pre-programmed course without instructions. The ship defaulted, returned home. Oh dear. The Silurians outwitted you even after you'd massacred them, so now you're a prisoner on the ship you hijacked".
"Not now you're here. You going to help me go wherever I want to go, Doctor" Solomon informed him, letting the implied threat hang in the air. The Doctor was unfazed. "Little bit of news, Solomon. You're being targeted by missiles. Get off this ship while you still can" he advised as he went to leave. "You think I believe that?" Solomon scoffed, "You just want them for yourself. You won't profit from me, Doctor" he insisted. The Doctor replied "Don't ever judge me by your standards" as the gate opened, and he stepped out.
Straight away he looked at Rory and the Corsair. "Well don't just stand there, you two. Hey, he wants to see you!" he told the robots, and Rory called "Dad, up!" Brian scrambled to his feet and hurried after them. The triceratops had returned, standing with its tail to them in the corridor. "What are we doing?" asked Brian as they ran towards the dinosaur. "Just do exactly as I do!" the Doctor called back, running for some crates beside Tricey. Rory realised what he was planning and cried "Doctor, no!"
"Geronimo!" the Doctor yelled gleefully, vaulting onto the triceratops back. The Corsair laughed and joined him; Rory rolled his eyes and urged his dad on. "Come on, let's just go for it" he said resignedly. The moment they were all on board, the Doctor pointed down the corridor. "Go, Tricey. Run like the wind!"
The dinosaur didn't move, not even when the robots began to fire lasers at them. "After them!" one of the robots called out. The Doctor kicked Tricey's sides to no avail. "Quick, how do you start a Triceratops?" he asked urgently. The robots spotted them. "There they are" said one. "I know, I saw them before you" said the other. Suddenly Brian had an idea. "Hang on…Tricey, fetch!" he called, chucking his other golf ball in front of the triceratops. It bellowed and lumbered as fast as it could after the bouncing sphere.
As they careened through the ship, the Time Lords cheered and the robots began to bicker again behind them, losing their trail. "I'm riding a dinosaur on a spaceship" Brian said in amazement. "We know!" the Doctor cheered, having the time of his life. "I only came round to fix your light!" Brian told Rory, marvelling at the sheer ridiculousness of it all. They suddenly found themselves approaching a dead end. "Come on, Tricey… Where are the brakes?" the Doctor asked in alarm. "It's a dinosaur, not a car!" the Corsair reminded him.
Tricey skidded to a halt, and all four of them tumbled off. It picked up the golf ball and plodded back over to them as they lay on the floor, wincing and trying to catch the breath that had been knocked out of them. Tricey dropped the golf ball besides Rory's head and went over to the corner, curling up on the floor for a rest. "Good. That worked. Okay. Err, where are we now? Oooh, incoming message from Earth. Hello, Earth, how's things?" he waved at the screen.
Indira appeared on it. "Doctor, the ship's coming through the atmosphere. I have to start the missile programme" she informed them, much to the Doctor's alarm. "No. No, no, no, don't do that. Everything's completely under control here. Turning round any moment" he lied, "Need a bit of wriggle room on the timings". Indira shook her head. "I can't do that" she insisted. "You can. Of course you can. Tiny bit more time, Indira, please. This ship contains the most precious cargo" the Doctor pleaded.
"My only responsibility is the Earth's safety. I'm launching the missiles. Goodbye, Doctor" she said resolutely, before ending the transmission. "No, Indira. Hey! Come back! Please!" the Doctor called, pressing buttons on the side of the screen frantically. "It's no good, Doctor. She won't call back" said the Corsair.
/
Back in the laboratory, Riddell had discovered weapons in a cupboard. "Now, these are what we need" he grinned as he pulled out a rifle, "Dinosaur protection". Amy protested, but then he handed her a small black box filled with "Anaesthetic? These are stun guns" she realised, attaching the box to the rifle. "You're almost clever" she complimented Riddell, who grinned. "Enough to make a dinosaur take a nap. Even the Doctor couldn't object to that" he pointed out.
Melody looked up from where she was arranging leaves in a pattern on the floor. "I don't wanna nap! I'm not tired" she complained with a grumpy pout, thus proving that she really did need a nap. Amy chuckled and reassured her, "No, you don't have to have a nap sweetheart. We're um, just going to make the dinosaurs fall asleep if they try to come in here, so they don't hurt us" she explained vaguely. Melody blinked, and then said "Oh, okay", and went back to her leaf patterns. Amy breathed a sigh of relief.
"Tell me, Romana" Nefertiti began, "are you the Doctor's Queen?"
"Yes" Romana answered without thinking, only to add "I mean no, I mean...I'm his wife, not his Queen. I'm married…and with all due respect, your majesty, so are you" she reminded Nefertiti, who lifted her head haughtily. "The male equivalent of a sleeping potion" she drawled in an unconcerned voice. Riddell hoisted his own rifle and grinned at her, saying "You clearly need a man of action and excitement. One with a very large weapon"; he went to keep a look out for dinosaurs.
"So, human sleeping potion or walking innuendo. Take your pick" Amy joked. The screen Romana was working in front of flickered. "I can get visual and audio on the others, but we can't talk to them" she explained as an image appeared on screen. "That's very bad indeed. Completely unhelpful" the Doctor was saying. "Doesn't the ship have any defence systems installed?" asked Rory.
/
The Doctor beamed at him. "Good thinking, Rory!" he cheered, giving the other man a playful noogie. Rory winced and flattened his hair as the Doctor said clearly "Computer, show us weapons and defence systems". The words 'No Systems Available' appeared on the screen, and his face fell. "Oh, well, that was a waste of time, wasn't it? Getting my hopes up like that" he complained, swatting Rory on the cheek. "What ship doesn't have weapons?" the annoyed human inquired, and the Doctor sighed. "Ah, they're ancient species, Rory. Still full of hope".
"What about the control deck? You said we should go to the control deck next" Brian reminded them when the Doctor gave up and turned away from the computer. "It's too late. It won't make any difference" he said, defeated.
"We could at least try"
"It won't work, Rory. The missiles are locked on"
"So what, we're just giving up?"
"I don't know, I don't know" the Doctor admitted, shaking his head. Just then, Solomon and his robots teleported in, with the old man leaning heavily on a pair of metal crutches. "You were telling the truth, Doctor. Earth has launched missiles. This vessel is too clumsy to outrun them, but I have my own ship" he said. The Doctor's eyebrows rose. "You won't get your precious cargo on board, though. Just be you and your metal tantrum machines" he pointed out. "We do not have tantrums!" one of the robots snapped in annoyance.
"Shut up!" Solomon ordered impatiently, before turning back to the Doctor. "You're right, Doctor. I can't keep the dinosaurs and live myself. But I had the IV system scan the entire ship, and it found something even more valuable. Utterly unique. I don't know where you found it, or how you got it here, but I want it" he insisted. "I don't know what you're talking about" the Doctor replied. He assumed at first that Solomon was talking about the TARDIS, but then the trader revealed what he really meant. "Earth Queen Nefertiti of Egypt".
