Chapter 6: apocalypseArisen

The narrative shifted to the other troll girl again… no, wait, that was the one with the Virgo shirt, right? Then this was the other other girl, the one with the Aries shirt floating around in the frog ruins. Who was this spooky lady anyway?

Her name was Aradia Megido. She stood in a cave, far from her respiteblock so it was hard to examine her interests, but she strove to remember. She had a number of interests… or, she had had a number of them. In time she'd lost interest in most of them. She seemed to recollect once having a particular fondness for archaeology, though now she had trouble recalling this passion. Nonetheless, this passion had led her to find her present calling, which had come through the discovery of these mystic ruins upon which she presently stood, and which she'd recently desecrated out of boredom.

Guiding Aradia to this calling had been the voices of the dead, which she'd been able to hear since she'd been young. The voices had become louder now that The Great Undoing was approaching. This trend in escalation had begun after an accident involving a certain kind of role playing, which might have been another of her interests once upon a time. It didn't matter much anymore, though.

The aforementioned accident had resulted in the death of her lusus, which had prompted her to leave her home and take up these ruins as residence. On the instruction of her ancestors, she'd recovered mysterious technology from the ruins, and had convinced to adapt it into a game that would bring about the destruction of her civilization. And by convinced, she supposed she meant tricked.

Sollux had tentatively named the game SGRUB, which was a word that was not too terribly elegant. If it were marketed by a legitimate game company instead of rapidly patched together by a young hacker, it would ostensibly be given a better title. Sollux was presently mobilizing twelve friends to play it, including him and Aradia herself. He believed he'd lead the blue team, but that was where he was wrong.

Aradia's trolltag was apocalypseArisenand there was typically apr0n0unced h0ll0wness t0 her w0rds.

She tried to retrieve her computer, but it wasn't up to her to decide what she took out of her sylladex. It was up to the spirits because she had a ouija modus. Oh very good, it looked like the spirits were being cooperative, if a bit cryptic as usual, today. She retrieved the computer from her sylladex.

Aradia had found the baffling artifact of a computer some time ago on one of her digs. The creature on its facade was completely mystifying. It would have looked like Bing Crosby if there had been a Bing Crosby on Alternia (which there had been, for convenient reference, but Aradia didn't remember a lot about pop culture). She had taken to using this computer as her primary computing device on account of its bizarre novelty, as well as its convenient portability.

Oh, look who was bothering her. It was GA again. That girl was always bugging her. Bugging and fussing and meddling. What was her deal! Aradia guessed it was flattering that she wanted to talk to her so much though. Aradia was okay with it. She was okay with a lot of things.

grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began trolling apocalypseArisen [AA]

GA: Hi Again Aradia

AA: 0h n0000000

GA: So I Guess Tonight Is The Night You Blow Everything Up

AA: 0_0

GA: Is There Nothing I Can Do To Change Your Mind

AA: n0

AA: 0r yes

AA: yes theres n0thing

AA: and n0 y0u cant

AA: but y0u sh0uldnt pretend as if y0u believe this has anything t0 d0 with the state 0f my mind

AA: 0r the decisi0ns it will make 0r has already made

GA: Yeah I Guess Not

GA: I Thought Id Be Friendly Though

GA: And Remind You That You Do In Fact Have A Hand In All The Terrible Things That Are About To Happen

GA: Because Thats What Friends Are For

GA: And The Fact That What Ensues Will Be Terrible

GA: Is An Immutable Fact I Am Stating For The Record

GA: And The Fact That We Will Not Be On The Same Team Is Similarly Immutable

GA: It Does Not Mean That Teamwork Is What Isnt Taking Place Here

AA: s0rry i didnt f0ll0w that

GA: Ill Be Here To Help

GA: If You Need Me

AA: 0k

AA: thanks

Tick tock tick tock tick tock… god. Waiting for the apocalypse was so b00000ring. Aradia guessed she'd check on Sollux and see how the teams were coming along.

She then had a conversation we've already read, which began like this:

AA: did y0u set up the teams

And ended like this:

AA: im c0ming up

And then Aradia had gone up.

Aradia lifted Sollux's biclops lusus with her magical telekinetic powers and… oh, hold on. She had to deal with another one of these dolts. Hmm… she wondered what AG wanted. What was it with all these girls bugging her? Bugging and fussing and meddling.

arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling apocalypseArisen [AA]

AG: Araaaaaaaadiiiiiiiia!

AA: 0h b0y thats way t00 many of the same letter in a r0w twice

AG: I know!

AG: So we're a8out to get started right?

AG: Have you tricked Sollux yet?

AG: Do you have Mr. Two Eyes all 8efuddled and flustered in your we8 of lies?

AG: Or Mr. Four Eyes?

AG: Hmmmmmmmmm.

AG: I don't know. Which nickname do you think would 8e suita8ly derogatory in this case Aradia?

AA: h0w ab0ut

AA: eight eyes

AA: minus seven

AG: ::::P

AA: i didnt trick him

AA: its n0t like that

AG: Ok, whatever. The point is.

AG: Once you have pulled the finely woven silken mesh over his dum8 different colored eyes, you and I will start playing the game and 8e the 8lue team leaders.

AG: That's how this will work right?

AG: Wait do you mind if we are co-leaders? I forgot to ask! I just assumed it was ok with you.

AA: i d0nt care

AG: Great. That's the spirit!

AG: And when I 8ring you into the game, whatever the hell that means, then we can send each other stuff right? That is how this works right?

AA: yes

AG: Awesome!

AG: 8ecause I have a present for you. It's a surprise, and it's going to 8e great. From me to you.

AG: Just from me. From me alone and no8ody else.

AG: I can't wait to see the look on your face when you see.

AA: 0k well im sure it will be very th0ughtful

AG: Hey speaking of which, what will the name of our team 8e?

AA: uh

AA: the blue team

AG: No no no no no. I know that.

AG: I mean the name of OUR team. You and me. Just uuuuuuuus.

AG: ::::)

AA: i havent given it any th0ught

AA: n0r did i think such a thing was up f0r c0nsiderati0n

AA: but if y0u want t0 pretend we b0th have a separate team t0gether

AA: and name that team

AA: then kn0ck y0urself 0ut

AG: I just thought it would 8e really fitting.

AG: Kind of like a fresh start, you know?

AG: I don't know, what are our shared interests? I guess I never really thought a8out this! I guess I'm used to thinking of you as the enemy. There must 8e some overlap in profiles.

AG: Come oooooooon, let's 8rainstorm!

AA: 0_0

AG: Man, it'll 8e great. We'll 8e unstoppa8le. Surely you must admit it will 8e nice to re8ound from the Team Charge de8acle!

AA: i never think ab0ut that anym0re

AG: Oh maaaaaaaan, I'm so dum8! Here I am running my mouth and opening up old wounds, while at the very same time trying to make amends! What an idiot.

AA: its 0k

AG: Hey speaking of which, that loser isn't going to 8e on the 8lue team is he?

AA: which l0ser

AG: Your old team 8uddy!

AA: n0

AG: Oh thank fucking goodness! Talk a8out dead weight. You made the right choice, leader! I mean co-leader.

AA: i didnt exclude him f0r that reas0n

AA: 0r at all

AA: y0ure just n0t getting it

AA: y0u never listen

AG: Man, now I've got this huge 8eefgrub lodged in my nook just thinking a8out him.

AG: I'm going to go give him a hard time.

AG: Let me know when you're live! Later.

arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling apocalypseArisen [AA]

AA: d0nt d0 that its really childish

AA: uh w0w

The narrative attempted to shift to the mysterious spider girl and failed. She was way too mysterious to have the narrative be shifted to her yet. Seriously, what was up with those glasses? One side was see-through and the other pitch black. And what was up with that robo-arm? What was her deal?

"I guess it's flattering that you want to shift to me though," she said, smashing a bit of the glass in the fourth wall and looking through to Andrew Hussie (metaphorically of course). "I don't mind. It's cool." Okay, we'll learn all about her a bit later. In the meantime, let's check out what's going on with Aradia and Sollux.

twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling apocalypseArisen [AA]

TA: aradiia ii would liike two apologiize, ii flew off the handle there.

TA: iit wa2 liike the handle wa2 a bald guy goiing really fa2t, and ii wa2 hii2 twoupee.

TA: 2o iim 2orry, iit wa2 my fault.

AA: its 0k

TA: ii hope we are 2tiill friiend2.

AA: yes we are

TA: 2o anyway, ii thiink even though ii quiit a2 leader iim 2tiill goiing two play the game now.

TA: becau2e iit2 eiither that or get totally creamed by all the2e fuckiing 2pace boulder2.

TA: hey maybe we can make the be2t of the game anyway, even though ii guess we are goiing two lo2e.

AA: n0 im s0rry

AA: y0u cant s0llux

AA: n0t yet

TA: oh my god!

TA: youre goiing two giive me 2hiit agaiin?

TA: after ii crawled on my belly liike that all groveliing at you.

TA: liike 2ome low cla22 guy wiith... whatever color blood ii2 lower on the hiierarchy than miine.

TA: what2 wor2e than yellow?

TA: fuck thii2 confu2iing ca2te 2y2tem.

TA: anyway 2crew you, iim playiing thii2 game riight now.

AA: n0 y0ure n0t

AA: trust me

TA: waiit what2 thii2...

TA: are you heariing that 2pooky me22age from the grave?

TA: iit ii2 from my abiiliity two giive a 2hiit.

TA: whiich ju2t diied.

TA: thii2 ii2 where you laugh agaiin!

AA: c0me t0 the wind0w

TA: why.

AA: because im 0utside

TA: b2.

AA: take a l00k

TA: ii dont 2ee anythiing out there.

AA: c0me cl0ser y0ull see me

AA: i pr0mise

TA: god ii am ju2t bulge deep iin the fecal matter of a wiildly iincontiinent hoofbea2t but ok, iill iindulge you.

TA: here ii go!

Sollux stepped over the sleeping bees and the broken piece of the beehouse mainframe on the floor. Ok, he was looking out the lousy stupid goddamn window now. Lousy stupid goddamn physics.

Aradia snapped her fingers and Sollux instantly fell asleep. She couldn't have him start playing now. It wasn't time just yet.

Much later, when Sollux finally woke up, he'd discover that all of his teammates had connected to each other and entered The Medium, making him the last to enter. His long nap would not have been fruitless though, because it would have facilitated a series of important dreams that would prove essential in support of his teammates.

But here and now, the destruction of his hive would be imminent unless he could quickly establish a connection to the first player of the group and complete the chain.

Sollux finally awoke. The mind honey. Thpppptthhhhh. Some of it had gotten in his mouth. HE DID NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES EAT THE MIND HONEY! His eyes crackled with red and blue energy and he lifted back his head to produce a giant stream of two-colored lasers. The fire from the lasers burst through the roof, killing his biclops on the roof.