Someone started shouting.
Joel's eyes snapped open and he looked around.
Ellie was gone.
Joel ran toward the source of the shouting. It came from the locked restroom door. What the hell? Where is Ellie? He glanced through the glass doors leading outside and saw Ellie standing in the early morning light. Joel relaxed slightly as the shouting continued. Thank God.
Joel looked at the restroom door as Matthew shouted again. He reached for the door but thought better of it.
Ellie turned toward Joel as he exited the library. "Hey," she said.
Joel stood next to her. He noticed that she was holding one of the comics he'd found the previous night.
Joel looked back at the library. "Is that a normal occurrence?" he attempted to ask casually.
"We all have nightmares," Ellie replied.
"You were about to have a nightmare last night," Joel said carefully. "What was it about?"
Ellie didn't answer for a minute. She looked down. "Marlene. Her… dying."
Joel took a deep breath. "Ellie…"
"Can we talk about this, Joel?" Ellie pleaded. She turned to him and Joel saw sadness but not anger. "I mean, she was my friend. She knew my mom."
Joel closed his eyes for a moment, thinking. "Okay," he said, preparing himself.
Ellie took a deep breath of her own.
Joel opened his eyes. "What do you want to know?"
"Why did she die?" Ellie asked. She sat on a nearby bench. "How… how did she die? What happened after I fell off that bus?"
Joel couldn't meet Ellie's eyes. "After you almost drowned, the Fireflies found us. I got knocked out and woke up in a hospital bed," he explained as he sat down on the bench.
Ellie shrunk away from him.
Joel didn't pursue her. He continued. "You weren't there. I asked to see you and Marlene said that I couldn't because…"
"Because?" Ellie pressed, scratching her bite.
"They were prepping you for surgery," Joel said, intertwining his fingers. "Marlene knew it would kill you. They tried to march me out and… I killed them. I found you, I got you out, and I killed them."
Ellie stood as tears started to fall from her face.
Joel knew that Ellie believed the truth he was telling her. He remained on the bench.
Ellie turned to him after wiping away a tear. "I was knocked out," she said as she clamped her hand around her bite. "I wouldn't have felt anything."
"That's not the point," Joel said softly.
Ellie stood and began to pace. "Yeah, I know. You did it because I deserved better," she said bitterly.
Joel opened his mouth to reply.
Ellie raised her voice, cutting him off. "You told me that there were others like me. Was that a lie?"
"Not an intentional one," Joel said firmly. "I found a tape recording. It mentioned past cases. It could mean that there were others with some form of immunity."
"If I was so special, why didn't you let me finish what I started?" Ellie asked angrily.
"Ellie, none of the past cases had survived," Joel said. He stood. "And even if they did have some form of immunity, it's obvious that nobody survived the surgery. Why should you die for nothing?"
"It may not have been for…" Ellie lowered her voice and took a deep breath. Her hands continued to shake. "Look, I don't have the energy to fight right now."
"Kiddo, I don't want to fight either," Joel said calmly.
Ellie turned and walked back to the library. She stopped, grasping the doorknob. "When you… when Marlene died, was it quick?"
"I didn't make her suffer," Joel answered.
Ellie nodded and opened the door to the library.
They stood frozen in place for a few seconds before Joel walked forward and stopped next to Ellie. "I know it may not mean much," he said cautiously. "But… Marlene believed she was doing the right thing. Even though it killed her to go through with it, she believed she was doing what was best for the world. And for you."
Ellie turned around as a single tear fell down her face. "Thank you for telling me the truth," she whispered.
Ellie walked inside.
…
Matthew pulled on his shirt and his backpack. He walked out of the restroom as Ellie brushed past him. He saw her wipe her eyes as she quickly moved back into the library and up the stairs to the second floor.
Matthew went to follow her when he was swung around. The young man reacted quickly, grabbing the hand and pushing it away before freezing when he realized it was Joel.
They stood silently for a moment.
"Sorry, sir," Matthew apologized. "Reflex."
"You'd better watch that," Joel growled as he moved past Matthew into the library.
Matthew followed, lowering his voice. "Is Ellie okay?" he asked.
"You're just going to ask her anyway," Joel said, grabbing his backpack from the ground. "Why bother asking me?"
"If you want me to leave this alone," Matthew said. "I will."
"I don't think it's any of your business," Joel grunted as he slung the backpack around his shoulder. "But if you think you can talk to her, be my guest."
Matthew looked away for a moment. "In my experience, sometimes it's best to take the time to confront the feelings rather than letting them build up."
Joel checked his gun before shoving it in his belt. "It's best just to move on."
Matthew nodded and started walking in Ellie's direction. He stopped and turned to Joel. "No offence," he said carefully to the older man. "But 'moving on' sounds like an excuse to avoid your demons."
"Sometimes, avoiding the demons keeps you alive," Joel argued.
"Maybe," Matthew admitted. "But they kill you on the inside."
Matthew grabbed his crossbow and found Ellie in the historical section of the library. She had a guarded expression.
Matthew placed a hand on the bookcase.
"I don't want to talk about it," Ellie said as she closed the book she was holding and dropped it on the floor.
Matthew traced his fingertips along the books next to him. "You usually don't. But this is different. I've never seen you out of control."
"I'm not out of control," Ellie snapped. "And I don't want to talk about it."
Matthew just stared at her, allowing Ellie to let her anger and emotion bubble up and boil over.
Ellie only held his gaze for a few seconds before placing her hand on another book. "The truth hurts."
"But at least it's the truth," Matthew replied. "Would you rather have a lie?"
"This is different," Ellie said. She tightened her grip on the book. "I knew a lie was being told. I just… ignored it, I guess. I don't think you'd understand."
Matthew bent down, picked up Ellie's fallen book, and placed it on the shelf. "Maybe not. Being by myself for so long has had some advantages. Nobody to tell lies or truth to."
Ellie started to speak louder and her voice became frantic. "I mean, a lie I get, but you'd think that if the lies had to do with the 'cure for humanity', someone would think, 'Hey, maybe the whole truth would be nice. We should tell this person that we're going to kill her'!"
Ellie started to talk faster and began throwing more and more books to the ground.
Matthew remained silent and still.
Ellie turned around and started grabbing books from the other shelf. "Or maybe, 'Hey she's worked really hard to fucking matter in this world. Maybe we should give her a choice and see what she thinks before I drag her ass away'!"
Matthew still didn't offer any words.
Ellie turned around and started looking at the books on the other shelf, speaking even faster. "I mean, I could have fixed everything! But it took one act of saving someone's life and then all of a sudden, I'm knocked out!"
Matthew looked down for a moment before returning his gaze to Ellie.
Ellie threw three books to the ground. She was practically shouting now. "I saved someone's life and all control was taken away from me! Maybe if I had just gone on instead of jumping on that fucking bus to save Joel's life, I would have been able to make my own choices!"
Ellie threw five books to the ground at once. She finally stopped and turned around, breathing hard. Tears were forming in her eyes.
Matthew took a step forward.
Ellie collapsed to the ground. "I…" She lowered her voice and looked up at Matthew. "I didn't mean that. I swear to God, I didn't mean that."
Matthew knelt and grabbed her by the shoulders. "Ellie," he said gently.
Ellie took a deep breath and wiped the tears from her face.
Matthew tightened his grip on her shoulders. "Ellie, you matter. You matter to Joel. And you matter to me. Don't ever think that you are alone."
Ellie suddenly hugged him.
Matthew returned the hug and didn't let go.
They stayed there for a few seconds before Ellie released Matthew and started to pick up the books.
Matthew joined her.
As they finished, Matthew spoke again. "I know this is none of my business, but I'm glad that you didn't die that day."
Ellie smiled sadly but made no reply.
…
They both stood and walked toward the stairs.
Ellie wiped her face again.
Matthew stopped before descending to the ground floor. "Are you good?" he asked quietly.
"Yeah," Ellie said, rubbing her face one more time. "I'm good now. Thanks for letting have my… moment."
"No problem."
They descended the stairs in silence. Ellie and Matthew started to gather up any supplies that they had left out the night before.
Ellie sat down on the wooden table with the chess board on it. "You know, Matthew?" she said, taking a small drink of water. "You're probably one of the best friends I've ever had."
"Well, I guess I'd have competition from other people who actually live in a civilized society," Matthew said slyly.
Ellie chuckled. "I didn't have any friends in the 'civilized society'."
"If you're done," Joel interrupted, moving out from behind a nearby bookshelf. "We should go soon. It's getting lighter."
Ellie looked down. He heard everything. She glanced at Matthew.
"I'll be outside," Matthew said gently. He exited the library.
Ellie ran her hands through her ponytail before looking at Joel. "What you heard… I didn't mean it. I don't want you…"
Joel reached forward and gently grabbed the young woman's hand.
Ellie didn't pull away.
Joel squeezed for a moment. "I know, kiddo."
Ellie took a breath of relief and let go. "We should get going," she agreed, grabbing her guitar.
Joel turned away as he grabbed his own guitar. He turned as he felt an extra weight added to his backpack.
"Let's go," Ellie said, zipping up Joel's backpack.
"Ellie, what are you doing?" Joel asked. He looked around and saw the case for the chess board was no longer on the table. Joel shook his head. "Ellie, no."
"Would you please try, Joel?" Ellie asked. "For me?"
Joel sighed and thought for a moment before speaking. "You have to practice guitar more."
Ellie glanced at the Joel's guitar case and pulled on her black sleeve to cover the bite. "Alright, fine. But you have to play chess."
…
Matthew looked up from his map as Ellie and Joel exited the library.
Matthew smiled. They look happy. Good.
Ellie stopped halfway to Matthew. "Shit. I forgot my backpack. I'll be back in a sec."
Joel continued toward Matthew as the young man folded up the map. Both knew full well that Ellie hadn't 'forgotten' anything.
Matthew offered Joel the map.
The older man grabbed the map and shoved it into his backpack. "You know where we're going?"
Matthew shrugged. "Not exactly. You said we wanted to follow the Mississippi river north, then find a crossing. I don't know which one though. But it's got to be pretty far north. I know for sure that a few of them are bombed out."
Joel looked into the distance. "Not bad, kid. We're crossing into the Quad Cities."
"That's not exactly my idea of staying out of cities and towns," Matthew said uncomfortably.
"That's the only crossing that I know is left," Joel replied, checking his pistol again. "The military bombed as many as the bridges as possible, trying to stop the infection from spreading. They only kept a few so they could travel between the zones. As it is, with all the uncharted territory and Infected, it could take some time."
"It is what it is, I guess," Matthew said with a sigh. "Let's just try to avoid the Michigan QZ. It was falling apart when I left."
"What zone isn't falling apart?" Joel grunted.
"Your zone in Wyoming looked like it was doing pretty well," Matthew said. He noticed the chess case in Joel's backpack as the older man zipped everything up. "You want to play again tonight?"
"Nothing's changed, kid," Joel said firmly.
"Ellie bribed you," Matthew said with a chuckle.
"She'll practice her guitar more if I play chess with you," Joel confirmed.
"So, this is more about gaining her trust than it is about developing trust in me," Matthew guessed.
"You can trust me to choose her life and safety over yours," Joel said, folding his arms. "Every time."
"I wouldn't have it any other way," Matthew said simply. He looked into the distance for a moment. "Don't tell her I said that. She hates it."
"Okay, now we can go," Ellie said, rejoining them with a book tucked under her arm. She walked ahead, then stopped and turned to Joel. "Which way are we going?"
Joel pointed the way and Ellie continued.
"Don't go too far," Matthew warned.
"Whatever."
"Something tells me she always had the attitude," Matthew said.
"Yeah," Joel confirmed quietly.
Matthew turned forward, satisfied by the straight answer. It's a start I guess.
"Kid," Joel started.
Matthew stopped and turned.
Joel looked him in the eye. "I know what you did during our game last night. Don't ever let me win like that again."
