A/N: Hi! So this is mainly to let you guys know, I have not and I will not abandon this story. Life is a challenge for everyone. And I am still trying to figure mine out, so that got in the way of writing, still does. I am doing my best to overcome it all, I dearly hope you can be patient with me, and enjoy this chapter despite its brevity and the long time it has take me to will it into existence at all. I just could not let a whole year pass without updating at all. That seemed far too morbid somehow. I love you guys. I love this story. And I am 100% dedicated to seeing it through, together with you guys if you are willing to stick around. Don't give up on me.
Love, M
Getting Away
Chapter 44: Love Alone
What if the person you love most in this world cannot give you that which you need ... most?
That is not how this whole thing had started ...
... but with Cooper gone one week later, leaving Blaine all the materials about their mother behind, feeling like there is nothing he can do for his little brother right now, and with Blaine asking the day after, eyes still cried red and swollen, "Burt? Can I have a room of my own? Please!" ... Kurt spends whole days in bed, numb and crying. Confused. Helpless. 'What have I done wrong?'
Carole keeps checking in on him, keeps cuddling up with him on his bed, but with Blaine locking himself away Kurt suddenly feels more helpless and nauseous than he has since that very first night Blaine had disappeared without a single trace.
They see each other at school, obviously. And at dinner time. But even then Kurt does not really get to see his Blaine at all, just that, to Kurt, horrendous behaviour Blaine turns on to keep the adults in his life satisfied.
Kurt is beyond terrified, and one afternoon cannot take it anymore. Eyes and cheeks still wet with tears he storms out of his room ... and into Blaine's. Throwing the door open without knocking, finding a startled Blaine rushing to stand up and hide it from Kurt's eyes, whatever it is that is currently displayed on Blaine's computer screen. Carole had offered Blaine her old laptop the day after he had asked Burt to move into a separate room, saying she was about to replace it with a newer model anyway very soon. Blaine had had his suspicions, but he had known there and then arguing with Carole would be pointless, so he had said "Thank you," baked Carole's favourite cookies for her the next day and gone on with his life. A different life, as it had turned out quickly, with such a thing as truly private internet access, not that Kurt had tried to control him there before in any way, they had just always, it seemes to Blaine now, always shared it all.
Kurt tries to peek past Blaine's form at whatever it is he is trying to play down.
Blaine quickly catches on, "Kurt, please don't."
"Am I loosing you?" Kurt does not sound angry, just ... just lost, and Blaine can hear it too.
Still it is a shock when after days and days of absence mental and physical, Kurt finds himself wrapped in his boyfriends arms, grip on Kurt's back firm and reassuring, and Kurt finds himself sacking into the embrace ... bawling his eyes out at the very first touch. "Am I loosing you?" Kurt chokes out again, voice wet with tears.
"You are not losing me. You will never lose me, Kurt. I love you," Blaine answers voice serious, and only then does he feel Kurt's arms come up and close around him. "I am sorry I scared you. I needed some time."
"I know."
"I still need time," Blaine hesitantly adds then in a barely audible whisper.
"I know. ... I know. Just don't ...," Kurt takes a breath that has Blaine feels all of the boy's body shudder in his arms, "Just don't leave me."
"I'm not leaving. I promise, I am doing all I can to get to you. ... to get to me, to us. I want you in my life, and your family and mine, I mean ... Cooper. I don't want to break anyone's heart. Least of all yours."
They keep standing there, both boys eyes closed, grasps on each other firm, heads resting against each other, until they hear Finn calling them for dinner downstairs.
It is the first time they are holding hands all through dinner again under the table in what feels like an eternity.
