Chapter 54: Tatooine: Bridging Connections
~Carth~
I looked at Phoenix as she entered the Hawk. She looked as if she was tired and worn out. I frowned at her attire and my heart sank. She was wearing Dark Jedi robes, had she truly fallen as Bastila worried about. I needed to talk to her and so I grasped her hands wanting to get her attention and she cringed. I let go of her hands and I saw the reddish burns on her hands. "Phoenix….your hands….that looks painful."
She turned a shade of embarrassed, a red that looked as red as the burns on her hands. "I'd rather not talk about it, Carth."
"My little Raven, we really do need to talk."
"Talk about what? The fact that I slaughtered the Sand People and for a moment I enjoyed it. Yes, Carth. I enjoyed it and the more I killed the more I wanted to do it. They were brutal monsters. They deserved it. I am a monster, Carth. There is darkness within me. I wish….I wish I never felt the Force."
I tried to think what I could say to her, I had to say something. Yet, I was no Jedi. Even Bastila seemed to think maybe I could save Phoenix from herself. "At least you acknowledge that you have darkness within you. I doubt….well I doubt the Sith would even think twice about what they have done. They wouldn't blink an eye. Look at what Malak did to Taris, Phoenix. Do you think he had any remorse about it?"
She looked thoughtful as she pondered my words. She then stated, "How can you know or even presume what Malak's thoughts are? They are dark and black as his former master."
"You're right, Phoenix. I can't fathom Malak's actions or if he has or had any remorse. But you do, Phoenix. This makes you more of a Jedi than Malak or even Revan was."
She was quiet for a moment and then she said softly. "I am afraid I am not much of a Jedi, Carth. I have issues with the Order and their teachings. But…." She said, "you're right….I do have remorse. Does that make me better than the Sith?"
"My Raven, my sweet confused little bird. You are so much better than Malak or his Sith minions. You're my beautiful raven haired angel."
She laughed. "Angel. Hardly, I am not one of those winged creatures from the moons of Lego. But nice try, I doubt they have black hair either."
I grabbed Phoenix's hands and rubbed them. "Let's get some kolto salve on those hands of yours and...well.."
I passionately kissed Phoenix on her mouth and she gasped. She looked at me as if it had been a lifetime since we had kissed. She said softly, "Thanks, Republic. Thanks for reminding me who I am. I...well I feel like I've forgotten who I am and I was slowly drifting away from who I was and becoming someone I didn't like."
"I know….you were scaring me Phoenix. You were scaring Mission as well."
Phoenix paled. "Sithspit….Mission's brother. I…" She paused. "I think he came back to Anchorhead. I am not sure. I'll worry about him and Mission if we don't find him."
"Yea Mission bolted off earlier. She's probably looking for him and then there's the fact that Zaalbar, Juhani, Canderous, and T3 went off to free some wookiee slaves. They left us a note telling us they went off to help the wookiees here."
Phoenix sighed. "Wonderful. I could have probably have helped out but no, I was selfish….I..."
I frowned. "You are hardly selfish, Phoenix. You were trying to help Bastila and Mission out. Besides, Juhani is a very capable Jedi. She wanted to do this. If you try and take too much on your shoulders...well….I think you already have in many respects."
"You're probably right, Republic." She then sighed. "Come on let's go get out of this ship. I am itchy."
"No offense, Phoenix but you look half dead. You need to rest."
She rolled her eyes. "Damn it! I am fine. I am a Jedi, maybe not the best one in the galaxy, but…."
She took a deep breath and I watched as the weariness faded from her and she looked refreshed. Yet, it didn't really fool me. She needed rest, pure rest, not some Jedi technique to take away the weariness from her body.
"That's fake….Phoenix. You still need to rest. You're not fooling me."
She smiled and snuggled against my chest. "Well you want to force me into a bed, Republic….now's your chance."
My jaw dropped. "Damn, you're the most persistent woman I've ever known and...that's not what I meant."
She grinned. "Well then stop trying to get me into a bunk."
"Stop twisting my words into something else."
Phoenix chuckled. "Mmm….maybe I will rest...if...you rest with me."
"Damn! You're too damn manipulative for your own damn good, Phoenix."
She laughed and I shook my head, this was the Phoenix I remembered, the teasing and playful woman that I remembered on Taris. I knew it was wrong of me but I really wanted Phoenix the smuggler with the roguish brash attitude rather than Phoenix the Jedi. What had happened to that woman? At times she seemed so distant and removed; I latched onto this side of Phoenix, the part that wasn't a Jedi on a mission to find Star Maps and confront Malak.
Something about her scared me. Some fate was in store for her that I couldn't explain. I wasn't a Jedi, yet I couldn't help but feel that the Jedi were throwing her to the wolves. There was something that even Bastila wasn't telling her. I couldn't figure out what that was but I'd have to talk to her about it. Sadly, now really wasn't the time because I had just grasped her back from some inner demon that seemed to want her very soul.
"Fine...we'll look for Mission and her brother. But I want you to rest and if that means….well...we'll find some place private, my little manipulative Raven."
She nodded and she said softly. "I feel warm and safe with you, Carth. It's like the galaxy at large can go to kriffing hell for all I care...at least...well for a few moments in my life."
~Phoenix~
My relationship with Bastila was over, I wanted nothing more to do with her. She pulled me into dangerous paths. I just couldn't risk it. Although, yea I had feelings for her. I knew that the safest course of action was to end it and to purse my relationship with Carth. I still felt….I needed to tell him what happened with me and Bastila, but….I couldn't. I just couldn't find the guts to tell the truth. Plus it was over between Bastila and I. We both knew that and even Bastila agreed with me. She could probably still lead me into a relationship though, damn Force Bond. I didn't want it anymore. There had to be a way to sever it...like getting Revan out of my body.
There is no way to sever that bond or the connection between us either, Phoenix.
Frack, Revan you pick the most inopportune times to haunt me. Go away.
Our relationship doesn't work like that and you know it.
Relationship! What the hell, we don't have a relationship, Revan! Frack, you're a dead Sith Lord possessing my body. Why would I even think of you in that way?
Revan laughed. What is it with you thinking that relationships are like that?
No wonder Carth worried about me, with this fracking Sith Lord possessing me, he could probably tell that I was erratic as hell. I tried to tune Revan out. Yet, no matter how much I wanted to be rid of Revan, Revan was right. The Jedi needed Revan's spirit to help find the Star Maps. I always knew that. Yet….I wanted so badly to be rid of her and her influence. If I tried to expel her...well the Order wouldn't be able to stop Malak….frack...I am fracking screwed.
Ahh now you understand why you can't get rid of me. You're a pawn, a tool of the Jedi Order. The Jedi do not normally take really old padawans. You are only a padawan because of me. I suppose it can't be helped, Phoenix. Perhaps you can get rid of me after….well after you find the Star Forge.
Why can't you tell me where the Star Forge is now, Revan? Why do I have to hunt these damn maps?
Because...I don't have that knowledge, Phoenix. My apprentice...attacked me! I am...well... damn it...I didn't lie to you earlier that I didn't know who I was. Yet….you've helped me, Phoenix. You've helped bridge connections I did not have. Perhaps eventually I will know the location of the Star Forge. But….at this moment...I don't know. The Star Forge might as well be in the watery core of Naboo for all I know.
I snorted. Your honesty has not been the most convincing, Revan. You lied about being a man. You taunted me earlier about what you do and do not know. You've poked and harassed me and you're telling me you don't know where the Star Forge is!
I don't. I swear to you….
Swear! Is there anything that you can swear that I honestly can believe?! I am not even sure if you're even telling me the truth now. You've been illusive and utterly deceptive to me. Are you trying to tell me you don't know? I find that really hard to believe.
I swear on the Force! I am not lying to you. I swear by my own father and mother. Frack….I can't even remember who the kriffing hell they are! They are….Onderonian and nobility that is close to the royal family. But I swear….I don't know anything else! If I can't even remember who my father and mother are. Then it's obvious I can't remember where the Star Forge is. If I did know, don't you think I'd tell you?! Being connected to you is….unpleasant. My memory isn't what it was….everything is...well out of order and fragmented. I know some things but not others. I think this is your fault, Phoenix!
I snorted. My fault! I beg your pardon. How the frack is this my fault!? You apparently know more than what you're saying, so go away because I don't believe you! Period!
The Sith Lord grumbled and growled at me and then her voice faded away.
I cringed and moaned in pain as Carth applied salve to my hands.
"Sorry…."
I smiled as he administered treatment to my hands. Sithspit. Why did I even pursue Bastila in the first place? Carth loved me. He cared for me, tended to me. I was like the damn kath hound, in a fable I had read as a child, that saw another kath hound with a bone in its mouth then dropped the bone into a pond. Carth was well….I wanted to latch onto him, he felt like a light in the darkness that threatened to overwhelm me.
"There's a Force power that causes your hands to be….burned like this?"
"Force lighting, Carth. It's fueled by….anger, hate….and I never really gave much thought about how I could do it. It just sort of came naturally to me. Well….I was so carried away….what scares me Carth….I didn't even feel my hands burn nor did I notice the pain….till now."
He shook his head. "You do realize, that you're fragile, Phoenix?"
"Frack, Carth I am not a glass doll."
"Glass no...but you still can be hurt and you can still break."
He gently rubbed the salve into my hands and then gently massaged my hands. The redness was slowly fading away. He then lightly kissed my fingers.
I smiled. I missed being close to Carth like this and yea, Carth was right. I could be hurt and be damaged. I bent and flexed my hands and fingers. The kolto salve had done its job.
I sighed. "Carth….why are you doing this?"
"Phoenix…I never thought it was possible I could love another woman like I did my wife. I worry about you, care about you. Let me….well let me care for you. Let me watch over you and if you will….let me….let me protect you."
"Protect me? Protect me from what?"
"From yourself."
"But...how? I am a Jedi."
Carth sighed. "All that power….Phoenix….and I am scared for you."
"Scared?"
"Yes. I worry that….well look what happened to the Sand People. Well I don't know how to protect you...but you have to let me try."
I sighed. "Alright, Carth….although I think….well..." I paused, not sure how to respond to Carth's request. He smiled. "No words, Phoenix….just let me try."
I shook my head and said nothing else regarding his desire to protect me. "Well let's go see if we can find Mission and her brother."
We walked to the egress of the Hawk when HK approached us. Supplication: Master, my potential is wasted on this ship. Please let me come with you. I can kill something for you.
Carth made a face. Okay, so it was obvious that Carth disliked the droid. Frankly, I was under the impression that no one else liked the droid, except perhaps Canderous. I mused lightly, no it was better to leave him behind considering, Carth's reaction. Yet, it was obvious that HK needed something to do. "No, HK. But you can protect….Bastila. She's under threat from Malak."
Carth's eyes went wide. "Really Phoenix...I don't think Bastila needs HK to protect her. In fact I think she wouldn't like that."
HK responded. Statement: The whiny simpering Republic meatbag is correct. The prissy Jedi meatbag does not need my protection. In fact she said to me that she is meditating and requested not to be disturbed.
Carth interjected, "Whiny….now listen here…."
I put a hand on Carth's shoulder. "Republic….please let me handle this."
I turned to HK. "Then go into standby mode. Wait a minute that reminds me I need to work repairs on you. You can use that time in standby to run a diagnostic.
Resignation: Very well, master. I will go into standby mode and run a diagnostic."
The assassin droid wandered off back into the ship and Carth shook his head. "I hate that droid. Seriously, Phoenix we should dismantle the damn thing and sell him off as spare parts."
"Carth….he saved my life. I would have been dead or in Malak or Admiral Karath's clutches if HK hadn't arrived when he did."
Carth sighed. "Fine….since he calls you his master, you're responsible for the damn thing. But if that droid even considers hurting any member of this ship. I'll space it out the airlock."
"Carth, HK can't do anything without my orders."
"That's what worries me…."
My face screwed up in anger. "Seriously Carth. I am not a loose cannon. If HK even considered harming anyone. I'd space him out the airlock before you."
Carth cringed. "I am sorry, Phoenix."
"Damn straight you should be, Republic….I thought…."
I paused and licked my lips in thought, although maybe I was a loose cannon considering the fact that I had slaughtered the Sand People in cold blood. Maybe Carth had a reason to be worried.
"You….might be right…." I sighed. "Look if it makes you feel better, I'll come up with something to try and curb HK's destructive and murderous impulses. I know droids….and I know programming. I think I can come up with some sort of protocol pacifist package. I'll install it as an inactive upgrade into HK's chassis. I'll give it a vocal activation and deactivation code. You can come up with the code yourself and if….HK or if I act out of line. You can speak the code and HK will become harmless."
"I...I appreciate the thought, Phoenix but….well...I shouldn't doubt you. You're a good woman, Phoenix. Your heart has always been in the right place."
I sighed. "I try, Carth. I am not perfect. There are better Jedi than I and worse than me. Please don't put me on a pedestal. I am human and a very flawed one at that. I try to do what is right. Maybe I stray a bit but I do honestly try."
"That's all I hope for, Phoenix and that's all I expect."
~Mission~
"I don't believe this, you're hitting me up for credits!"
"Come on sis….I need those credits to hit the swoop track and you look like you're doing well, financially, I mean."
I shook my head. "Griff you're a horrible racer. I've seen you with the Hidden Beks. Gadon never trusted you to even complete a run during the swoop races."
I was getting angry at my brother. "Besides….you hit me up for credits! You don't even say, I am so glad my sis survived Taris. Plus there's what Lena said about you, is it true….is it true you left me on Taris?"
"I am happy you survived Taris, Mish, believe me. Plus who are you going to believe, Sis. There's the truth and then there's the truth…."
"So it is true, you did abandoned me on Taris!"
"Look Sis, you didn't need me. Yea, you were young but I taught you everything you knew. You could look after yourself."
"I could look after myself! I don't believe…. No, Lena was right about you, you are a core slime. Don't talk to me."
I turned away from my brother and stormed off but my exit from the office was delayed when Nix and Carth entered. My eyes lit up seeing my friends. "Nix…."
She seemed quite solemn and her shoulders seemed heavy. She was dressed all in black Dark Jedi robes. She looked a bit haunted in her features, but when she saw me she offered me a good natured smile. "I see you found your brother."
I snorted. "Yea, the core slime abandoned me on Taris, Nix. Can you believe it?"
She sighed. "I kind of figured….well..." She bit her lip. "I didn't want to speak ill of your brother and all but your brother doesn't seem like he's well….a reliable individual."
I was about to nod when Griff came over and interjected, "I just want to thank you for rescuing me from the Sand People. I wish I could reward you but I don't have a single credit to my name."
Nix looked at Griff with a hard glare. "Fine thanks you give me after you skipped out on your own flesh and blood and indirectly you led to the death of Bastian Shan."
Griff looked at Nix and gulped as he saw the lightsaber hanging from her belt and the Dark Jedi robes she wore. "Err...look….I didn't intend to have the Sand People attack us. As for Mission, I'll tell you as I told her, Mission is perfectly capable of taking care of herself."
Nix snorted. "If Carth and I hadn't come across your sister….she would have died on Taris. You disgust me, Griff Vao."
Nix dug into her pouch and began to dig out credits and said to my brother, "It's apparent that you don't give a damn for your sister and I sense you are only latching onto her for a pay day. You think that because I am a Jedi I must be rolling in credits."
Griff looked a bit perplexed but his eyes looked greedily at Nix's credit pouch. "I care deeply about my little sister...do you think you can bribe me? I haven't even asked you for credits!"
Nix laughed. "Oh please! You care so much for her you left her to rot on Taris. You haven't asked me for credits….yet. But let me head you off on that. Here, here's five hundred credits take it and leave Tatooine. Mission no longer needs your influence in her life."
Carth frowned. "Now wait a minute, what the hell are you doing Phoenix? Why are you trying to separate Mission from her brother?"
Nix glared at Carth. "Be quiet, Republic this is my affair not yours."
Carth glowered back at Nix. "I won't….Phoenix…..stop this at once!"
"I told you to be quiet, Republic. This is between me and Griff. I know what I am doing, have some faith in me. You trusted me back on Taris, trust me now!"
Carth muttered, "All right Phoenix, but that doesn't mean I have to like this."
I scowled at my brother. If he really did care for me he'd refuse the credits. If he did take the credits, then it proved he really hadn't changed at all.
He sighed. "I can't….I love my little sister….but…."
He looked at Nix, his eyes glinted at the credits that she held in her hand. He licked his lips hungrily. Come on Griff, stop being so predictably pathetic.
"If you make it eight hundred credits…"
"Geeze Griff...I see how it is with you; all you can think about is a quick mark and the quest for a quick cred chip."
"I am sorry Sis….but I really do need credits and eight hundred credits...well…."
Nix pressed eight hundred credits into Griff's hand. "Well….now that we agreed to that, you should leave."
He shook his head as if he suddenly woke up out of a spice induced trance. I glared at him angrily. How could my own flesh and blood be so stupid? He had sold me out and I looked a bit angrily at Nix, how could she do this?
"No, Jedi I can't leave my sister. Please don't ask me to leave my sister, I just found her again….and I really did fear she was dead on Taris. I can't leave her. Please don't make me leave her."
Nix folded her arms up and looked at Grff with a sad look on her face. "So you'd take my credits but refuse to leave. So you do care about your sister after all but….your actions prove that all you'd do is abandon her again or worse."
My gaze at Nix softened and she laid a hand on my shoulder and squeezed it. "I am sorry, Mish….but it's time you see how your brother is and…."
She sighed heavily and she turned to Griff. "Look it's really for the best that you do leave, Griff because it's apparent that when push comes to shove you'll abandon her again for the same reasons you abandoned her on Taris. I trapped you Griff and sadly you fell for it. You could have turned your back on my offer and it would have proven that you had changed, but you haven't. The next time what will you do for credits? What will you do to settle your debts? Your sister is older now and an attractive young twi'lek. So….would you sell your sister off as a pleasure slave? You don't even know me, except that I am a Jedi and a friend of your sister's but who is to say the next time you'll sell your sister off to a hutt or even to a gamorrean? Your love for your sister is eclipsed by your desire to get rich and to settle your debts."
Griff looked ashamed. "Mish, your Jedi friend is right….I am no good for you. She's correct, she has trapped me. I am sorry….Mission. Really I am. Maybe one of these days I'll be able to take care of you properly. Until then….you're better off with your Jedi friend."
He sighed and then gave me a hug. He offered Nix back her credits but Nix shook her head. "Keep the credits, Griff. A reminder of the lesson I've given you about how greed can blind you, even to your family. Use the credits to try to become worthy of your sister. If you can't then I predict it will be a long time before you will see each other again."
Griff gave me one more hug. "Good bye Mission. I am glad you're not dead."
I gave one more agonized glance at my brother. He was glad I wasn't dead, but Nix had tricked him into showing his true nature. Her "trick" or "lesson" to Griff hurt. It was painful, painful to realize that my brother couldn't take care of me let alone take care of himself.
He left the swoop track office and I shook my head at Nix. "I can't believe my brother did that. I know you meant well, but it hurts that Griff is blinded by his desire to get rich rather than the love of his family. At least you gave him a chance to start over, although those credits are probably a waste. He'll probably use them in another get rich quick scheme."
Nix nodded. "Probably, but it is my hope that my lesson at least taught him something."
Carth looked at Nix. "Damn it, Phoenix that was a rather cruel way to teach Mission's brother a lesson. Plus a little warning would have been nice."
Nix's voice lowered into a somber timbre."Sorry, Republic. However, life is cruel and not all lessons learned in life are pleasant. As for giving you a warning, this was something I couldn't do as I often think fast on my feet and this was one of those moments were I couldn't tell you a thing till I sprung that stratagem on Griff. I know you hate that, Carth, but this wasn't unlike how I was back on Taris with Brejik. Sadly, this worked though because Griff learned a hard lesson about his own nature. He loves Mission, but...his desire to get rich overpowers him. Maybe one of these days he won't be like that but I am not holding my breath. Plus Mission is better off with us as it is."
I sighed, regrettably Nix was right, Griff was a pathetic low life. He loved me but he just couldn't seem to get past his own inadequacies.
Nix smiled softly. "Well we're here at the swoop track office….how about you and me run a few rec runs to...well...help us clear our heads."
I grinned at Nix. "You're on!
My grin then faded. "Nix...what is it about you wearing Dark Jedi robes anyway?"
"I knew that question was going to come up."
Carth said quietly. "I didn't want to pry either but since Mission asked, why are you wearing those robes? It makes me feel a bit uncomfortable around you."
Nix paused and let out a deep breath and then said, "I don't particularly feel worthy of wearing the robes of a Jedi. I...well….I have failed the Order. I acted out of anger and touched the Dark Side."
Carth shook his head. "Listen here….Phoenix. I know you feel like you've failed, but I don't think you have. You're still acting very much like a Jedi. Yea, maybe you're a bit unorthodox in the way you act….but..."
Nix shook her head. "Look, when I feel worthy to once again wear the robes of a proper Jedi, I will wear them. Until then, I will wear these robes."
Carth frowned. "When will that be, Phoenix? You're being very hard on yourself. I don't know what Bastila would say, but I think she'd say you're setting yourself up for a fall acting like this."
I nodded. "I agree with Carth, Nix. Stop being stubborn like a bantha and stop beating yourself up. So you made a mistake, I was able to forgive Griff. Look Nix, it's time you forgive yourself."
"Damn it...you two...I see I can't win. Fine...I won't wear Dark Jedi robes but…frankly I am not worthy of any of those robes. Dark or otherwise. Do you still wish to do rec runs with me Mish or not?"
I smiled and said,"Of course, Nix. I just wanted to let you know….that well...I worry about you."
Nix grumbled something under her breath and moved off to one of the counters to pay for some rec runs.
I looked at Carth. "Is she….alright, Carth?"
Carth sighed. "I don't know, Mission. I just don't know. It's like she's torn up inside, conflicted. She wants to do what's right for all of us. She wants to follow the mission the Jedi gave to her but...she seems as though if we weren't here for her...well….maybe the Jedi Council was right to allow us to come with her."
"You think she'd fall without us being here?"
Carth nodded. "I am afraid so, Mission. She needs us….I wonder what she was like….before well before she met any of us."
"She traveled on her own, Carth. At least that's what she told me. I think she's always been a loner, Carth. She's not used to being around others. I think that's why she gets testy around all of us."
Carth looked thoughtful. "That's a good point and with her ability to use the Force now….." He paused, "Well I won't let her hurt herself, that's all there is to it. If I have to keep her from falling to the Dark Side I will."
Nix returned with a grin on her face. "It's all set Mish….let's go run some rec runs on a swoop bike."
I smiled at Carth. "I better not keep the swoop bike waiting, Carth. And don't worry about Nix and me…."
A/N And this is the next chapter I have. I tried to add more to it about Mission's suspicions but….it just didn't feel right to me. It's obvious that Mission has knowledge about Phoenix and all but she's going to keep it to herself at the moment. I also had a Bastila POV but it didn't feel right either. So I've got small chapters with various points of views but that's what I have so far….
One quick note. I did a few corrections on my last chapter. Not much, but I slightly changed the sentence structure regarding Akume. It felt repetitive at best and I tried to tighten it up some.
