Heart thumping so hard that he couldn't get his breath properly, Michael walked back into Sun Hill. Bryce, as the most senior of the three, dealt with administration at the front desk, while he walked up to CID, and using the key that he hadn't touched for over a year, let himself into Meadows' office.
Meadows smiled sleepily as he lay in bed, half conscious and half lost in the remains of his last dream. Him and Mickey had been walking together, somewhere, not touching or even looking at each other but totally aware of each other's presence. He'd been able to feel the stubble on Mickey's face, the muscles of his legs and chest moving under bare hands. The younger man walking next to him had been beautiful, unharmed and laughing.
Slowly, he realised that it was a dream and he made a deliberate effort to forget it as he drove to Sun Hill. He managed it until he reached the station and saw a strange car parked in the CID bays. Strange but almost familiar - rusty but bright paintwork, angled across two spaces -the sort of thing that he used to salvage off the scrap heap. And he used to park like that all the time; I remember him and Danny having a row over it, because he always ended up nicking Danny's spot as well.
He walked hesitatingly over to the car, recalling one wet day when he'd come running over to Mickey's car, trying to catch him before he left and tell him of the changes in the case he'd just been working on. The rain had been pounding; it had made sense for Meadows to get in and sit beside by him, and the water had obscured the windows so much that no-one could see in. Mickey had got his orders for the case; they'd spent the rest of the deluge kissing.
There was women's makeup laying over the dashboard in the car. He laughed out loud, making a joke of his assumptions and vague hopes as he walked into the station; stopped instantly as he became aware of the tension in the building.
'What's happening?'
Gina Gold gave him a blank look. 'No idea, guv. Something in CID but no more than that. Got everyone on edge.'
''Kay.' He nodded and went upstairs, passing a glamorous blonde woman that he didn't know. She moved with such assurance that he guessed she'd been speaking with Okaro; certainly, he envied the man who had given her the diamond engagement ring that she was flaunting.
Randy old fool, she's spoken for and you were dreaming about Mickey this morning. Leave it alone. He walked through the empty general office and over to his own. The door was slightly ajar, as if Manson or Okaro - the only ones that had keys - had been in there looking for something.
He nudged the door open and went in. Mickey Webb was leaning casually against his desk.
'Hiya, guv.' His accent rhymed it with 'love'.
'Mickey?' He shut the door and went over to Mickey, seeing that he was wearing a suit and tie, that the marks of pain and fear were still present on his face. In 14 months, he should have changed more than that. I know I have.
'Michael, guv. Not Mickey anymore.'
'It's…it's good to see you again. Missed you.'
'Yeah, well, guv…Things happen.' He didn't look up from scuffing his feet against the carpet.
'Don't have to call me 'guv'. Whatever's going on, you never have to do that. Not you.' There's a lot of things you could call me, most of which I'd deserve, but I never want you to grovel to me like that.
'Jack.' Michael said his name cautiously, glancing up at Meadows so that the older man could see the haunted look in his eyes.
'That sounds better.' Meadows couldn't help himself; he took two steps to stand by his former partner and put his arms around Mickey's shoulders as if none of the recent past had happened.
Michael sighed, so hard that his breath ruffled the DCI's hair. Don't Jack, please not this again…Liz'll kill me. 'Jack,' hating himself, he heard the affection in his voice, 'this is about work.'
'Oh.' Maybe I should have guessed; he wouldn't have come back for anything minor like seeing me again, would he? Regretfully, Meadows stepped back from the embrace and sat down behind his desk. 'You going to sit down?'
'Nah. This is fine here. Right, Jack, listen…if Bryce finds me here talking to you before he's given me permission, then he's going to kill me. Gonna have to be quick.'
Nothing changes. Meadows shifted uncomfortably, trying to get that thought out of his mind. 'Who's Bryce? Why aren't you allowed to talk to me? What is going on, Mickey?'
'I'm at the NCS now. A DS. Maybe you know that.' The quizzical look he gave the DCI showed that he remembered the message Meadows had once left him.
'Yes, I know.' I was proud of you, Blue Eyes. Am proud of you.
Michael didn't question how he'd known. 'Bryce is my DCI. Liz Garrett is my partner, also a DS.' Can't say I didn't tell him. 'We're investigating an allegation about corruption at Sun Hill. Bryce didn't want me speaking to you in case I tipped you off.'
No. Meadows almost shouted his denial. 'Not again, Mick. Not again.'
'I told Bryce it wasn't you. Wouldn't be. He's already mad at me about that; for God's sake, don't tell him I've been here.'
You trust me enough for that, still. 'Why'd you come to tell me, then?' All you know, I'd take this straight to Manson or Okaro, and then you'd be screwed.
Michael gave him a disbelieving stare. 'Because I couldn't not tell you, Jack. After everything you've done for me…getting me the job at MIT an' all…Owed it to ya. Even now.'
'Thanks.' That meant as much to Meadows as hearing him say 'I love you' after their first night. 'But you didn't…'
'Whatever.' He managed a grin, suddenly looking much younger. 'Anyway, have you had any indication of anything going on here? Off the record, like. I gotta know, for Bryce.'
'Mick…what with the fire and Ken dying and all that, I wouldn't have noticed a diamond smuggling ring…If I could help, I would. Promise.'
'I know you would, Jack. Could you, I dunno, tell me anything else? Who's here at the moment, that sort of thing.'
I know what're you're asking, you're not that subtle. 'There's only a few here that know what happened. Me, Sam, Phil…not many of us left and we won't say anything. Nor will Smithy.'
'Not Debbie McAllister?'
Both men were aware of the implications of that inquiry, why Mickey had asked about her rather than anyone else. 'She left, a long while back. You remember when I was ill and you came to see me? She didn't like you being around, and when she found out I was with you before, she took exception. Walked out.'
'Sorry.' So all that time I was blaming her and I could have gone back to you anytime, before I ever met Liz, and now it's all too late.
'No.' Meadows smiled sadly. 'It wasn't your fault.'
Michael tossed his head back, a habit he'd picked up to get his long hair out of his eyes and hadn't stopped doing. 'Anyway, this is everything I know, Jack. Everything they've told me…'
Aware that he'd just sacrificed his position at the NCS and sure that it was right, he gave Meadows all the information he had. I wasn't going to, I know better than that, but I can't be here with him and not tell him…no job's worth doing that to him.
